The Doctor Calling

by Meredith Appleyard

  ‘Better go,’ Meghan said. ‘He’s slow to the boil, but wow, when he boils! And never get between a farmer and his stock.’ She winked at Laura and the women embraced. Meghan and Sean drove away and Laura looked longingly to where Jake stood, but then she trudged to her car and drove to the church hall.

  The first person Jake recognised when he walked into the crowded hall was Milt Burns, and his mournful visage was bobbing through the crowd towards him.

  ‘Accept my condolences, son,’ the old doctor said. ‘He was a fine man, your father.’

  Their gazes clashed. Jake nodded. ‘He was, and thank you,’ he said, and Milt Burns tipped his head in acknowledgement before heading towards the door.

  Jess beckoned him to where she was standing beside a trestle table strewn with the remains of the afternoon tea. With a pang he realised she looked wrung out. Hard enough she’d buried her father, then Darren had shown up. Plus Jake had left her to manage the masses.

  ‘Where’re Mikey and Sam?’

  ‘Darren took them home.’ Jess folded her arms.

  ‘Really. And you’re okay with that?’

  ‘Yes, I am. They were hot and tired, and he’s their father. And where the hell have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you. It would have been nice if you’d been around to share some of the load.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  He’d been at the graveside, staring at the mound of earth where his father lay, trying to get his head around the promise he’d made him. He still hadn’t. And his mind kept playing tricks on him, whispering that no-one else knew what he’d promised a dying man, a dead man. He could ride off into the sunset and no-one would ever know. Except him, and his father, wherever he was. Jake almost couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with himself.

  ‘Earth to Jake,’ Jess snapped. ‘Do you reckon you could take your head out of your backside long enough to mingle? These people were good enough to spare the time to see Dad off, so the least you can do is help me thank them.’

  ‘All right, you’ve made your point.’ He turned towards two elderly ladies standing in the corner gawking at him. ‘I’ll go mingle, press the flesh.’

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ she said and caught hold of his arm as he moved off. ‘Laura went home. She said she’d got a touch too much sun at the cemetery and didn’t feel well. She looked upset.’ Jess’s eyes glistened, she dabbed at them with a tissue. ‘She was very fond of Dad. And you’ve been such an arse.’ She dropped his arm and strode off.

  Jake swore under his breath. The thing that pissed him off the most was that his sister was 100 per cent right.

  The main street was next to deserted when Laura drove home from Neill’s send-off. Heat rippled off the bitumen and litter swirled in the gutters. Christmas decorations put up by the local district council flapped and flashed from the straggly bushes and the Stobie poles. When she passed Neill’s place and saw Jake’s bike crouched in the carport, it was as if someone had struck her.

  She parked the car in the shed, rested her forehead on the steering wheel and closed her eyes. He was going; she’d foolishly let herself fall in love with him. The moment of truth was here and it hurt way more than she’d prepared for. She’d let herself indulge in a pity-fest today, tomorrow she’d get on with it again. She’d picked herself up and moved on after far worse.

  When the heat inside the car became unbearable Laura climbed out. Even with the shade-cloth canopy, the tomato bushes were limp, the leaves on the zucchini plants wilting. She dropped her handbag onto one of the cane chairs, kicked off her shoes and turned on the hose. Water gushed out hot enough to scald. When it had cooled to lukewarm she let it wash over her bare feet and legs before giving the vegetable garden another good soaking. Silence echoed loudly from the house next door.

  Laura was unpegging washing hung out before the funeral when the gate rattled, followed by the crunch of footsteps on gravel. She forced herself not to look up, kept methodically folding tea towels and pillowcases.

  The stacked basket was whisked out of her hands the second she picked it up.

  ‘Let me carry that for you,’ he said, and she flicked him a quick sideways glance. He’d changed into jeans and t-shirt. Her heart leaped at the sight of him.

  ‘Thanks, but I can manage.’

  ‘I know you can.’

  She held the back door for him and he put the basket on the washing machine and followed her into the kitchen.

  ‘I missed you at the hall. Jess said you weren’t feeling well.’

  She shrugged. ‘The heat, and I haven’t been sleeping that well.’

  ‘I don’t think any of us have.’

  She folded her arms, leaned against the sink. ‘Was there something you wanted?’

  ‘Why so fractious, Laura?’

  ‘Why so fractious? You can ask me that? You kissed me. We made love. We shared something. I sat with you after your father had died.’ She paused, her heart in a vice, the burn of tears in her throat. ‘Then, you took me to lunch and you thanked me. And since then you’ve all but ignored me.’

  ‘I never made any promises, Laura.’

  ‘No, you didn’t.’

  She went to the fridge, took out a bottle of water, offered him one. He shook his head. She cracked the screw top, gulped down several mouthfuls, her back to him.

  ‘You’re leaving, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  That one affirming syllable sucked the breath right out of her.

  ‘Laura,’ he said but she wouldn’t look at him until he gave her no choice. He gripped her arms and turned her around to face him.

  ‘Laura, I have a life, a job that I walked out on to come here and look after Dad. I need to go back and sort it all out. I called in a lot of favours so I could leave when I did.’

  ‘When?’

  She wanted to pummel his chest with her fists, demand that he not leave her, that her heart was too freshly healed to be broken again.

  ‘The weekend.’

  ‘Why wait until then?’ she said and shrugged out of his grip.

  His expression hardened. ‘Don’t do this, Laura.’

  She threw her hands into the air, the tears creeping closer.

  ‘I know I’m not being fair. I always knew you’d go. You never made a secret of the fact. I just hadn’t expected to like you so much. I didn’t think I was ready to fall in love again.’

  His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, he closed his eyes. Laura held her breath. When he opened his eyes they bored into her with searing intensity.

  ‘Tell me how it feels to be in love, Laura.’

  Her expression softened. She let her gaze glide over him from head to toe, and back up again before she answered.

  ‘I think about you all the time. When I’m not with you I can’t wait until I’m with you again. I miss you if you just go into another room. I want to touch you all the time. I want you to touch me. It feels scary, but somehow wonderful.’ She sniffed the tears back. ‘But you can’t, or won’t, stay or love me back, and that hurts like hell.’

  He turned away and she watched him withdraw.

  ‘I never meant to hurt you,’ he said, and Laura braced herself for the slap of the screen door as it closed behind him.

  At least she knew now, at least she could get on with getting over him. All the while he stayed she’d let her foolish heart hope. But she would be okay, she would push on. With grim determination Laura set out the ingredients to bake fruit mince pies to take to the staff at the health centre and hospital. Keep busy, keep focussed, was her mantra from days gone by. And it worked, for that afternoon at least. Exhausted, Laura fell into bed at midnight, six dozen pies cooling on racks on the kitchen table.

  The moment the bedroom light was switched off, her mind switched on. She lay staring, dry-eyed, into the dark, reliving every minute since Jake had burst into her life. At two a.m. she relented and took a sleeping pill and fell into a fitful slumber, only to be woken with a start several hours later.<
br />
  A bike roared to life.

  Grey light was edging around the blind, the first hint of the day ahead, and in the carport next door, Jake was getting ready to leave. Laura sat up in the bed, eyes wide, heart pounding. He wasn’t waiting for the weekend after all. She squeezed her eyes shut, listened as the motor revved, then held her breath until the guttural growl of the motorbike was absorbed by what was left of the night.

  Jake stopped by the farm to say goodbye to Jess, Sam and Mikey. He’d half expected Darren’s ute to be parked by the house, but it wasn’t.

  ‘Change of plans?’ Jess asked, yawning as she put on the kettle.

  ‘Something like that,’ he said, peeling off his leather jacket and draping it over a kitchen chair.

  ‘It’s barely six, the boys are still in bed.’

  ‘I’ve got a long ride ahead of me. The roads will be packed with Christmas traffic.’

  ‘I can’t understand why you won’t stay for Christmas. It’s only days away.’

  He didn’t answer her. Jake had put any real thinking on hold until he could put some distance between himself and this place. While he was here nothing was clear, the past and the present mixed up in a murky concoction.

  She made him toast and coffee and leaned against the sink, both hands wrapped around her mug, watching him while he ate.

  ‘Did you say goodbye to Laura?’

  He stopped chewing. ‘After a fashion,’ he said and took a sip of the coffee. The toast felt as if it’d got stuck halfway down his throat.

  ‘Jake, you really are an arse.’

  ‘So you said.’

  ‘What do I do about Dad’s will? And God knows how I’ll manage the farm, the stock and everything else on my own. I can’t believe you’re just riding off and leaving me in this mess, with Dad not even cold in his grave.’

  ‘I’ll keep in touch, and I’ll come back and help you sort it all out, I promise, I’m just not sure when.’

  He drained his coffee mug, stood up and took the crockery to the sink, couldn’t meet his sister’s eye.

  ‘What’s happening with Darren?’

  ‘He’s coming back for Christmas Day. Sam and Mikey are that excited. And we’re talking. He’s got a job up north, starts in the new year. And then he’ll start sending money.’

  ‘Maybe he can see to the sheep.’

  ‘He’ll only be here for the day, Jake.’

  ‘What about Bob Tomlinson next door?’

  ‘I’ll ask him,’ Jess said after a moment’s hesitation.

  ‘Tell him we’ll pay, you let me know how much and I’ll transfer it into your account.’

  ‘What happens when you run out of money to buy your way out of your responsibilities, Jake?’ Jess’s cheeks flushed the moment the words were out of her mouth.

  He glared at her. ‘I’ll pretend you didn’t say that.’ He hated it when she was right. ‘We’ve both been under a lot of pressure lately.’

  He went to the boys’ bedroom to say goodbye. Mikey sat up in bed, yawning, rubbing sleepy eyes. ‘When are you coming back, Uncle Jake? Will you be back in time for my birthday in February? I’ll be seven.’

  ‘Dunno, mate,’ Jake said. ‘I’ll do my best.’

  Jake tried to ignore Jess standing in the bedroom doorway, arms folded. Sam sat on the edge of the bed and gave him a solemn hug.

  ‘I gotta get on the road,’ he said, kissed both his nephews. They scrambled out of bed and looked on in awe as he pulled on his leather jacket. They followed him out to the bike. Before he slipped on the helmet he embraced his sister.

  ‘Jess, I have to do this. Please try to understand. Ring me or email me anytime.’

  ‘I love you,’ she said, ‘believe it or not. Keep safe.’

  Jake’s gut twisted when he glanced in the rear-view mirror to see Jess and the boys standing forlornly in the driveway, just as the sun crested the horizon. Three days before Christmas, their father had left them, they were about to have the first Christmas without their Poppa, and Jake was leaving them as well. There was no doubt about it, he really was a bastard.

  As the kilometres grew between him and Potters Junction, the relief he’d imagined he’d feel eluded him completely. He felt empty. As he rode the long stretch between Tailem Bend and Bordertown, he finally admitted to himself that again he was turning his back on all the people who loved him – Jess, Sam, Mikey and Laura. But that hadn’t stopped any of them loving him.

  For fuck’s sake, what was the matter with him? He’d been so focussed on getting away that he couldn’t see what he was leaving behind. He’d done the same damned thing twenty years ago. Had he learned nothing in all that time?

  Alice arrived on Christmas morning, looking fresh and stylish, and laden with food and wine. She took one look at Laura and said, ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘My neighbour died.’

  ‘Yes, but you knew that was going to happen. He was terminally ill when you met him. What else has happened? You look as if you haven’t slept for a week.’

  ‘I fell in love with his son.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘He didn’t fall in love with me. He’s gone: back to his job, to his life.’ She pressed her fingertips to her lips to hold back a sob. She’d cried buckets in the three days since Jake’s departure.

  Alice opened her arms and gathered Laura close. ‘Oh, Laura. And your poor heart had only just healed after losing Brett.’

  ‘I know,’ Laura said against her sister’s shoulder, enveloped in a cloud of White Linen, her sister’s favourite perfume.

  ‘Will you be all right?’ Alice asked, holding Laura at arm’s length to study her face.

  ‘Of course I will. And anyway, it’s for the best,’ she said, sure her nose was growing as she formed the words. ‘He wasn’t the easiest man to know, and between the two of us there was a huge pile of baggage.’ But I would have done my damnedest to make it work.

  Alice snorted. ‘Tell me one person in their late thirties who doesn’t have any baggage?’

  ‘Speaking of baggage, grab your overnight bag and I’ll show you what I’ve done with the spare room.’

  Alice picked up her Louis Vuitton overnight and followed her sister to the front of the house.

  ‘Laura! This is gorgeous!’ Alice said when she stepped over the threshold of the refurbished bedroom. ‘The floor looks fabulous. You clever thing.’ Alice sat down on the edge of the bed, bounced up and down a couple of times and smoothed her hand across the broderie anglaise doona cover. ‘This sets it all off perfectly.’

  Laura quickly averted her eyes, swamped by a wave of fierce longing. She couldn’t look at the old brass bed without thinking of Jake.

  ‘Tea or coffee?’ Laura said when they went back to the kitchen. She started unpacking the food Alice had brought.

  ‘Too early for bubbly?’ Alice lovingly held up a chilled bottle of sparkling wine.

  ‘Just a tad. It’s not even midday.’

  ‘But it’s Christmas.’

  ‘Oh, all right, you win. But only pour me half a glass. I’m on call. Milt promised to cover new year if I did Christmas. All his kids are home.’

  ‘That man ought to be bloody grateful you came along when you did,’ Alice said.

  Her sister was right, and unfortunately Alice didn’t know the half of it.

  They piled prawns and salad onto a platter, plonked the bubbly into a bucket of ice and sat on the cane chairs outside in the shade. They wiled away the warm afternoon chatting or just sitting in companionable silence.

  ‘It’s a pity you can’t stay longer than a night,’ Laura said.

  ‘I promised friends I’d babysit their dog. He’s a sweet old thing. They leave tomorrow to visit interstate rellies. They’re back in a week.’

  ‘Why didn’t you bring him with you?’

  Alice nearly choked on her wine. ‘A Golden Retriever? In my car? All that hair and slobber? Not bloody likely.’

  ‘So he’s not that sweet an old thing?
’

  ‘He’s fine, just not in my car. And don’t worry, we’ll party when you come down for the new year.’

  Alice went inside and came back with a basket of assorted sweets and chocolates. ‘Eat up,’ she said, putting the basket on Laura’s lap. ‘Don’t think I haven’t noticed how little you’ve eaten. I’ll be leaving all the leftover food with you. It was expensive. Don’t waste it. You can’t afford to lose any weight.’

  On Boxing Day, Laura received a phone call out of the blue. Now that Neill was gone and Jake had left, she hadn’t expected to hear from Jess.

  ‘We’re having a BBQ tonight, would you like to come? It won’t be anything fancy, just a few chops and snags. Darren and his mum are here. And I thought you might be lonely.’

  ‘Thanks, Jess, that would be lovely. Shall I bring a salad? I have a load of homemade mince pies going begging, too.’

  ‘Perfect. We’ll see you about five.’

  The invitation was touching, but Laura wondered if it was wise to spend more time with Jake’s family. Jess reminded her of Jake, and of what she’d lost.

  But Jake’s sister or not, Jess had also become a friend. A friend to be admired and respected. After all, look at everything she had lost, Laura told herself in silent rebuke.

  At lunchtime she helped Alice pack up and load her car. Laura gave her a pot of herbs from the garden and a box of Dorrie’s ephemera she thought Alice might like to go through.

  Alice gave her sister a peck on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you New Year’s Eve, then. Come as early as you can. We’ve been invited to a heap of things. We’ll party! Let’s bring the new year in in style.’ Alice pulled the car door shut, started the motor and with a whir the window went down. ‘And Laura, next year will be heaps better than this one’s been. I guarantee it.’

  ‘I seem to remember you said the same thing last year, and the year before,’ Laura said.

  ‘Third time lucky!’

  Laura walked to the gate and watched until Alice’s car had disappeared from sight. She glanced at the empty house next door and was enveloped with sorrow and loneliness.