And I’m the opposite of him. I don’t want to feel more.
I wasn’t always like this.
When I was little, I was carefree and open. I had plenty of friends and I enjoyed being with people. But when my father’s drinking got worse, and his hand turned violent, my trust for the human race went out the window. I was a teenager by the time my mom left him, and I was already permanently scarred.
The thing is, being with Colton makes me want again. Want to be open, want to be vulnerable, want to take chances. I’m terrified, but my desire is overwhelming that terror.
But I know I can’t rush this, or I’ll end up screwing everything up again. I need to take my time, and hopefully Colton will be as patient as he’s always been, and put up with my stall tactics.
I lean in and kiss him gently on the cheek. “Colt, I need to slow things down for tonight.”
His jaw relaxes. “Okay. You want to sleep in the guest room?”
I nod. “Yes.”
He ushers me toward the edge of the pool, and we climb out of the water in silence. He hands me a towel to dry off, and I put on my clothes and wake up Karma, who uses the bush as a final bathroom run before trotting inside after us. I refresh both food and water bowls next. After checking in on River, who doesn’t appear to have any plans to come down off the bookshelf until she’s sure we’re asleep, Colton leads me down the hall and walks me into the guest room like he’s dropping me off after a date. He’s still shirtless, and I have to hold myself completely still to keep from reaching out to touch his chest.
“I had a good time with you tonight,” he says, leaning his shoulder against the door jam. “Thanks for coming over.”
I fidget with my hands in front of me, until he takes them into his and laces our fingers together.
“Skylar.” He drops his head so our eyes meet. “We’ll go as slow as you want and need. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
I lean forward so I can peck him on the lips. “I never let a man this close to me, Colton.”
His inhale is ragged as he rests his forehead against mine. “I can’t tell you how much it means that you’re willing to try this with me. I can be your safe place, Sky. If you’ll let me.”
He gives me one last kiss to remember before softly shutting Karma and me in the guest room. I lean my head against the closed door and listen as his footsteps get further and further away. I drag myself off the door and bring my overnight bag into the bathroom. I brush my teeth and change into my favorite sleep shirt and boy shorts.
And then I climb into bed. Alone. Well, not completely alone. I take the Wild bear from Colton out of my bag and set it on the pillow next to me, and Karma settles at my feet contentedly. She immediately drifts off, but I lie awake for quite a while, scared to fall asleep and have a nightmare where I wake Colton up with my screams. I don’t usually scream, a thought that comforts me. I kick, and punch, but as long as nobody’s in the bed with me, they won’t get hurt.
I force my thoughts away from my issues and go back to thinking about Colton. The way his eyes turned to hot coals of desire when he touched me…no man has ever wanted me like that. But Colton and I are so much more than just sex. We always were. I knew that from the first night we spent getting to know each other ten years ago. I honestly feel like I gave a part of my heart to him that night, and I did it willingly. Maybe one of these days, I’ll have the courage to actually figure out what that means, and what Colton Wild and Skylar Rosewood can be together.
* * *
When I wake up the next morning, relieved and thrilled that I slept straight through the night, the sunshine is streaming in through the windows. Karma is nipping at my blanket, making it clear she wants to go out. I can hear Colton talking to someone, cajoling them about something. Not sure if he’s on the phone or if somebody’s actually in the house, I go into the bathroom. I brush my teeth and pull my hair up into a messy bun, and add some eyeliner and lipstick. I throw on a tank top and a pair of jeans, and then head for the kitchen, with Karma close at my heels.
Colton, in Cougars sweats and a green t-shirt, is at the stove, and I smell eggs and bacon. “Good morning.” He smiles at me so warmly any apprehension I feel over staying the night disappears.
“Hi. What you’re making smells amazing. I love bacon.”
“I know. You told me on the phone it’s one of your five basic food groups. A girl after my own heart.”
I walk around the granite island and he meets me halfway. His arms go around my waist and his lips brush my ear. “How did you sleep?”
My hands grip his shoulders. “Really well. It’s so quiet here.”
I feel his head nod against my hair. “When I moved out here from the city, I loved that all I could hear was the ocean and the birds.”
Karma yips at my feet, and I pull back from Colton. “I have to take her out.” I glance around the room. “Were you talking to someone earlier?”
He grins. “River. She won’t come down off her safe spot and I thought she might want to eat.”
My heart melts. “That’s sweet. I’ll check the litter box. She probably snuck down in the night when we were sleeping and weren’t around to startle her.”
Karma loves Colton’s backyard. She cheerfully marks her territory by peeing on the line of bushes at the edge of the property, and then she races after the birds, barking happily. I take a seat at the table where we ate dinner last night so I can keep an eye on her. When Colton brings out two plates filled with food, I start to jump up and help him.
“Stay where you are,” he says. “Everything’s all ready.”
Once he’s seated next to me, I ask him to watch Karma so I can check on River. “I’m starved,” I assure him over my shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”
I stop into my room to take the gift I have for Colton out of my bag, and then I return to the living room.
River gives me a harsh eye when I approach her. “Hey, honey.” I reach up to pat her, and she arches her back for more. “I miss you. You want to come down and hang out?” No answer, but she begins to purr the longer I pat her. “I know new people and places can be scary. You and I are a lot alike that way. But you’re safe here. I promise. You can come off the shelf, River. It’ll be okay.”
I give her a last pat and then go check the litter box. Sure enough, it’s been used, and the food in her bowl is gone. I clean the litter box and refresh her food.
“River’s eaten some, and used the box,” I tell Colton when I return to the back patio and sit down at the table. I place his gift on the ground next to my chair. “I think she’ll come out of her suspicious shell eventually.”
The blue of his eyes softens.
“Don’t start,” I warn him with a point of my fork. “River and I are not the same.”
“Uh-huh.” He unsuccessfully hides his grin and gestures to my full plate. “Eat up. I’ve got a big day planned for us.”
I pick up a piece of bacon. “I’m looking forward to it,” I say, and my stomach fills with butterflies of anticipation.
Unable to wait any longer, I grab his oversized gift off the ground and awkwardly hand it to him. “For you.”
He raises his eyebrows.
“Remember, I told you I had something for you. It’s not a big deal.” I start rambling. “I saw it when I was out shopping, and meant to give it to you before now. But when you told me how today is your father’s birthday, I realized maybe today is the perfect day for you to have it.”
Colton opens the bag and sifts through the tissue paper. When he lifts out the tapestry with Boulder written on it amid a mountain scene, his breath stops.
“I saw it at this gift shop,” I say quickly. “It reminded me of you, of course, but it also made me think of you and your family, how that was your last vacation with your dad.” Colton’s eyes flash to mine, and I keep talking. “I thought maybe you could hang it up in your house, and it would make you think of him. Like the shot glasses, but something that’s out all the
time.”
He’s silent for so long I’m certain I’ve upset him, and I’m about to apologize, when he leans over and kisses me on the cheek. “I really needed this today.” His voice is heavy. “And you gave me the perfect gift. Thank you.”
Our eyes catch and hold, and his shine with unshed tears. I feel that emotion I’ve been trying to deny move through my chest and up into my throat. I want to reach out and hold onto Colton and never let go. He’s a good man in a world that, for me, has always been completely unsafe. He’s not just a safe bet; he’s the right bet.
* * *
After I check in with my mom, only to find out that nothing has changed, Colton and I spend the day outdoors. He takes me on a hike in the Santa Monica Mountains, and we get all sweaty trekking up the steep hills. We talk about his upcoming season, and I tell him more about my job, and how my boss is forcing me to take all of next week off. We fill each other in on the gaps we didn’t cover during our phone calls, from dumb drunken nights in college to what it was like the moment he found out he was drafted. How his mom cried, and how he knew his dad must have been looking down on him to orchestrate something as amazing as him and Dylan being drafted by the same team.
His phone beeps with multiple texts, and he has to stop partway through our hike to take a call from his mother. He walks a few feet away, and I trail back to give him privacy.
“Sorry about that,” he says as he hangs up and we resume our walk. “My mom always calls on my dad’s birthday. I never want to miss being there for her.”
“Of course.” I gesture to his phone. “Are all those texts from her, too?”
“No. Those are from my cousins, and Jenson. They’re always there for me on this day.”
“That’s wonderful to have such support.” It reminds me of my mom and brothers. “I feel so blessed to have my family on my side as well.”
“Dylan’s going to be bugging me about where I am.” Colton shakes his head. “I’m trying to keep our time together on the down low, so he doesn’t ask too many questions.”
“He doesn’t know we’re spending the weekend together?”
“He knows I’m seeing you, yes. But he doesn’t fully understand our connection yet.”
Yet. He says it as if Dylan will understand it soon. Maybe he assumes Dylan will spend time with the two of us in the near future? I’m not sure what he means, and I’m afraid to push too much.
Colton leans over and unexpectedly kisses my head. “Don’t overthink what I just said, Sky. I mean only good things about us, and especially about you.”
I feel my face break into a genuine smile as I look up at him. “You’re a charmer, Colton Wild.”
Our hands are locked together by the time we stop to take in the view, and I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life. Colton unzips the backpack he brought along, revealing sandwiches and two bottled waters.
“You’re amazing,” I say genuinely as I let my legs dangle over the rock. We’re a good fifty feet back from the drop-off, and my feet hit the soft dirt. “I don’t think ahead like you do.”
Colton hands me a sandwich. “You seem to think ahead regarding your career. You have the whole thing mapped out the way you want things to go.”
“I guess I do. I remember telling you my plans that night in Colorado.” I touch his chest. “Whenever I see mountains, I remember that night with you.”
His cheeks flush. “I wanted you to remember. That’s why I gave you the silly stone as a token. I know it wasn’t really from the mountain, but I was...” He fiddles with the label on his water bottle. “I don’t know. I just wanted you to know somebody was always looking out for you. You probably lost the thing the second you left Colorado. I definitely could have come up with a better gift.”
I’m about to protest and tell him the truth, that I still have the stone and that I’ve used it for exactly what he wanted me to use it for, when the water bottle tips in my hand. Water trickles down my shirt and onto my jeans. “Whoops.”
Colton’s eyes immediately go to the little river of liquid traveling inside my shirt between my breasts. I swallow as he lowers his head and licks the water off my burning-hot skin. His tongue is wet and probing, and when he’s clearly done catching all the water, he doesn’t stop. Using his hand to pull my top lower, he shifts his mouth until it’s nipping at the soft skin of my breast. His gaze flicks up to mine as he lowers the strap of my tank top and bra in one quick motion, and then his lips engulf my nipple, which is a peak of desire already. He uses one hand to gently press me back against the flat rock, and his other hand coasts inside the hem of my tank top and rests over my quivering stomach.
“You’re shaking, Sky.” His voice feels far away to my ears, and I squeeze my thighs together at the sensation of his teeth lightly grazing my tightened nipple. “Why are you shaking?”
“Colton.” My breath is coming in little gasps. “Because you turn me on so fucking much. I want you in—”
I cut off but his head jerks up and his eyes, liquid with heat, fix on mine. “You want me where, Sky? Tell me where you want me.”
I’ve never told a guy I want him anywhere at all, because I never have. “I want you inside of me,” I say with raw honesty.
He’s up and off the rock so fast I get dizzy.
“Wh—what are you doing?” I ask him.
He pulls my bra strap and tank top back over my shoulder, and makes sure I’m fully covered up. “As much as I want to do this with you here, it’s far too public.” Just as he says the words, a dog barks, and I can hear a couple laughing and talking. “They’ll be around the bend in a couple of minutes. Let’s go back to my house.”
“So we can—”
“Do whatever we want, as much as we want, however we want,” he promises in a needy whisper into my ear. “Are you ready? Don’t think, Sky. Just say yes.”
I grip his hand in mine tightly. “Yes.”
* * *
Colton drives so fast that I’m shocked we don’t get pulled over on the ride back. His hands grip the wheel, his focus clear. His jaw is tight and he doesn’t look over at me once, not until we’re through the locked gate and are parked in his driveway. Then he gets out of the car and meets me on the other side before I’ve even opened my door. He gets the door for me and takes my hand as I exit.
His grip is firm as he runs his thumb along the back of my hand and leads me to the front door. As soon as we’re inside the house, his mouth is hard on mine. My head falls against the door as he licks, nips, and kisses my lips. His tongue enters my mouth and explores every inch of me.
Colton kisses like he lives—with no fear and no restraint. And I let him take me there with him. I release my normal self-control and allow all the sensations that I always feel around him to engulf me. I moan his name and grip at his shirt as I pull him as close as possible.
“I’ve wanted this with you for so damn long,” he says in a hoarse tone. “So long, Skylar. You have no idea.”
He cups my face with both hands. I feel like he’s pouring his soul into the kiss, and I let out a cry as I press my body into his hardness. I’m desperate to feel him against the part of me that needs him the most, and Colton knows what I want, like he always has. He shifts so he’s directly against my core, and then he lifts me up by the waist and I wrap my legs around him.
He’s already moving down the hall, never taking his mouth off of mine. Never stopping our kiss, even as he stumbles against the corner and makes the turn up the set of stairs into his bedroom. His hand is under my ass, making sure I don’t fall, but as we reach the bed, he sets me on my feet and pulls out the elastic in my ponytail. He buries his hand in my hair and holds me to him as he continues to devour my mouth.
“I want you so much, Sky,” he murmurs. “However much of you you’ll share with me.”
“I’ll share all of me,” I promise him.
I slip my hands underneath his shirt and run my palms over his ribs and chest. God, he’s muscular. His skin is li
ke an inferno, and he groans into my mouth as I touch him. He reaches behind his head and separates his lips from mine only so he can pull his shirt over his head and toss it to the floor. Then his mouth is back, but he shifts to my neck, and my collarbone, while he pulls my bra straps and tank top down off my shoulders. I reach for the snap on his jeans, and once I’ve released it, I undo the zipper and slip my hand inside his boxers.
Colton’s head drops to my neck as I put my hands on his erection and lightly squeeze. “Holy hell, Sky.” I keep stroking him, and his breath comes out in a hiss. “You’re going to wreck me and we haven’t even gotten started.” He lifts my tank top up and over my head and unhooks my bra with one quick movement.
When he urges me back onto the bed, I grab at his shoulders so he comes with me. Within seconds the rest of our clothes are off. Once Colton’s boxer briefs leave his body, I finally get a look at what I’d been touching moments ago. I saw him naked ten years ago, and while it was dark and we were fumbling and young, I knew he was beautiful. Seeing him now, as a man, the reality actually takes my breath away. Colton’s gorgeous. He’s in incredible shape, and as he climbs over me, I realize how big he truly is. And I freeze.
“Colton…”
His gaze is locked on mine. Like he can read my panic, he brushes his lips against my cheek. “I’ll never hurt you, Sky.”
I force myself to let out my breath. “I know. I’m just wired this way. I hate feeling out of control.”
“You aren’t wired that way. The man you’re supposed to be able to trust the most betrayed you, and in the worst way.” His eyes are filled with compassion. “But I’m not anything like him.”
“Of course you aren’t.” I try to push past the awkwardness, and give a nervous giggle. “See, this is why I don’t date much. Most guys would have already walked out with the way I’m behaving in the bedroom.”
Colton’s eyes turn so intense they’re nearly black. “I’m not most guys, Sky. I never will be.” He brushes a stray hair off my forehead. “We can stop now if you need to.”
Colton Page 13
