The Sound of Your Heart

by Laura Ward

  Unconditional love. I had that with Ben. And I screwed it up.

  But I didn’t say that. I kept my tone light as I clucked my tongue. “That’s why I have you weirdos.”

  I was still sharing jokes with Darren, Lex, and Taren an hour later when a song the band had played ended and Jed grabbed the microphone.

  “We’re gonna take a quick breather, but first I want to thank you all for coming out to the show and supporting such a great cause.” Jed looked out over the crowd. “This event is the brainchild of Julie Prescott. Come on up and say a few words, Jules,” he said when he finally spotted me in the back of the room.

  I shook my head, but when Jed began to wave for me to come forward, the crowd started chanting my name.

  “Go on,” Darren encouraged, giving me a push with his hand. “You’ve never been afraid of attention before.”

  “I’m not afraid.” I playfully stuck my tongue out at him and when I started to weave my way through the crowd, people started cheering again. Jed took my hand when I reached the stage and helped me up. He handed me the microphone and I stared back at the crowd, feeling right at home.

  “Is everyone having a good time?” I asked.

  The response was deafening.

  I laughed. “Good! As Jed said, thanks for coming tonight. All of the proceeds from ticket and merchandise sales will go directly to the Excess Love project. If you’d like to get involved with the Good Buddies program or if you’d like to make a donation, come see me after the show. We hope to plan more events like this in the future so thanks for your excitement and support.”

  I handed the mic back to Jed while cheering erupted again.

  “I have a surprise for you,” Jed taunted the crowd once they finally quieted down. “We just finished an amazing tour and College Park is our last stop.”

  More cheers and whistles in response.

  Jed grinned. “This town is very special to me for many reasons, but since this is where I discovered our opening act, it seems only fair they take the stage to unveil their new song.”

  Opening Act? Holy shit. Ben was here?

  Jed raised his hand to quiet the crowd down. My knees were weak, and my heart was smashing itself against the inside of my chest like a caged animal trying to find safety.

  “That’s right, your very own Honor Bound is here to play their new single, ‘Sound of Your Heart’ that they finished recording in the studio earlier this week. You’re hearing it first before it’s even on the radio,” Jed shouted.

  The crowd went berserk.

  My legs were already moving to get down off the stage when Jed grabbed my hand and pulled me to his side as he moved to the back of the stage.

  And then, there he was, walking up the stairs next to Leo as Honor Bound took the instruments that Excess Wreckage had been playing.

  Oh God. It hurt to look at him—his beautiful mouth that I loved to kiss, the arms that had made me feel so safe, and the quiet confidence that he commanded so easily. Someone must have sucked all of the air out of the room because I could barely catch my breath. All the feelings that I’d walled up behind good intentions and new goals were soon clamoring for attention in my chest like huge splinters in my heart. Because Ben was here, and my heart hadn’t forgotten how much it loved him, it had only been hiding it for the last month.

  I was vaguely aware when Jed let go of me and walked over to hand his guitar to Ben while Nate took up his position with the bass.

  After slinging the guitar strap over his shoulder, Ben reached out carefully to find the microphone stand. He pulled it close and someone hollered, “Where’s your bass, Ben?”

  His smile was slow and reserved. “I know this isn’t my usual spot up here but bear with me. I wanted to make sure the girl I wrote this song for knew I was singing it for her. As Jed said, this song is called ‘Sound of Your Heart’.”

  Ben took a step back and strummed the first few notes of the riff before Leo started in on the drums.

  I was petrified. I wanted to run because if this was going to be one of those soul-shattering, I-took-a-Louisville-slugger-to-both-headlights revenge songs, I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t stand here and listen to Ben tell me how much he hated me. But I also couldn’t seem to get my feet to move because as soon as I got the courage to take a step, he sang the first few words.

  Everything that I’ve been searching for,

  is buried in the heat of your kiss.

  If I dig deep enough I know for sure,

  I’ll taste the truth of it on your lips.

  His voice was smooth and deep like some kind of expensive alcohol that you sip until you’re drunk on it.

  The color of your eyes is a mystery,

  can’t see the smile that sets you apart,

  Your face is a beauty I can’t describe,

  but I know the sound of your heart.

  These words. Was he building me up only to tear me down into tiny pieces? We hadn’t spoken in months. We were over. Right? Why was he singing this?

  I wrapped my arms across my chest like I could keep myself in one piece if I tried hard enough.

  Oh God. What if this song was about someone else? Anything could have happened in four weeks. He could have met any number of girls on tour. Maybe she was somewhere in the crowd. I looked around the room, searching, but every face that was turned toward the stage looked like it was drunk on love.

  I’ve waited for years to feel your love,

  I want it twisted inside my soul.

  Don’t take it away, I need it to breathe,

  Without you I’ve lost all control.

  The color of your eyes is a mystery,

  can’t see the smile that sets you apart,

  Your face is a beauty I can’t describe,

  but I know the sound of your heart.

  The words called to me and I wanted to run straight into Ben’s arms and tell him I knew the sound of his heart too. I risked a look up from the spot where my hands were now twisting together in worry and I met Nate’s gaze. It was as if he was expecting me to ask if the song was for me because his expression was hard, almost like a warning, reminding me of my promise.

  He would tell Ben about Phil. Ben wouldn’t just be mad at me for breaking up with him. He’d hate me for being what everyone told him I was.

  Besides, no matter how much it felt like he was speaking to me, I hadn’t talked to him in weeks. He might be singing to another girl.

  The dawn has brought me hope again,

  the air smells like you and the sun.

  I need the missing piece of me back,

  the sound of your heart is all I want.

  This was too much. I had to get off the stage before I completely embarrassed myself. I moved to the stairs slowly, making sure I didn’t draw any attention, but I didn’t have to worry. The crowd couldn’t take their eyes off Ben.

  I could totally understand.

  Soon, I was off the stage and lost in the crowd before anyone noticed I’d even moved.

  The color of your eyes is a mystery,

  can’t see the smile that sets you apart,

  Your face is a beauty I can’t describe,

  but I know the sound of your heart.

  Ben’s words echoed through the room as the band played the last few chords of music. I was already down the hall where we had shared a kiss all those months ago.

  I hated myself for being a coward, but I could feel the storm of anguish threatening to break free and I needed privacy, a moment to collect myself until Honor Bound was gone. The shirts were all sold, the show was going well, no one needed me right now.

  I continued to make my way down the dark hallway and pushed the back door that led to the alley where my car was parked. With the fence surrounding the private lot, there wouldn’t be any fans hanging out here to witness my breakdown.

  The door had almost closed when it swung open again, banging against the brick wall behind it.

  Startled, I turned around as
a hand wrapped around my throat and pushed me up against the now closed door.

  “Hey, Jules,” Phil slurred, the liquor thick on his breath. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Ben

  My fingers strummed the last few notes and the crowd exploded into cheers and applause. God, I hoped Jules had listened to the words. If she did, she would know they were for her. “Sound of Your Heart” was my love song to her. She had to see that.

  “You see her?” I stepped backward, handing Nate the guitar.

  Nate took the instrument and with a hand on his shoulder, I followed him off the stage.

  “She was here. Now she’s not. Typical,” he spat.

  My stomach dropped. “She left? During the song?”

  Why the hell would she leave? Did she hate it? Had she moved on? With everything inside me, I didn’t believe that she would be with someone else. No matter what everyone said, I just couldn’t accept that.

  “Sounded stellar, man.” Leo clapped me on the shoulder.

  I turned my head in his direction. “Leo, do you see Julie anywhere?” I had to know where we stood. I wasn’t leaving without talking to her.

  “You looking for Julie Prescott? The organizer?” A nasally sounding male voice asked from my right side. “She went out the back door a few minutes ago.”

  “Leo?” I pulled my cane from my back pocket, unfolding it. I only needed to be pointed in the right direction.

  “I’ve got it.” Nate grumbled, leading me down the hallway.

  I pulled back. “Let Leo show me. You hate Julie.”

  Nate placed his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t hate her, but I also don’t trust her. I’m not leaving you to figure out by yourself that she’s not the person you thought she was.” A creaky door opened, followed by a blast of cool air. “Two steps down.”

  Cane exploring the way, I started down the steps.

  “Stop—” The unmistakable sound of Julie’s voice, followed by her muffled speech stopped me in my tracks.

  “What the FUCK?” Nate roared from behind, his feet landing hard next to me, most likely from jumping the steps.

  Grunts followed, and Julie cried out.

  “What’s going on?” I yelled, reaching out for her and touching nothing but empty air. “Nate? Jules?”

  “It’s Phil,” Nate growled. “I have him here against the wall. Julie’s shirt is ripped off and her skirt is lifted. She’s crying,” he explained for my benefit. “Did he do that to you, Jules? Are you hurt?” Nate asked.

  My body went rigid with rage. Phil? That motherfucker had better not have laid a finger on her.

  “He attacked me when I came outside for some air.” Julie’s voice cracked, and she sniffled. “Stupid cocksucker.”

  For a moment, I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do more—kill Phil or comfort Julie.

  I took a deep breath and let sanity take root. My girl first. Always, my girl.

  “Hold him, Nate.” I walked toward the sound of Julie’s stuttered breaths and gently reached out until I found her. “Where are you hurt?” I asked, holding her arms.

  “Ben,” she sobbed. “I’m...My neck hurts, my chest and…I’m a little sore where he tried to rip off my”—she whimpered—"panties. But...I think I’m okay.”

  My lips pressed to her forehead, lingering for a few seconds. I released her and turned toward where I could hear Nate muttering curses at Phil. “He’s all mine.”

  The sound of Phil hitting the ground gave me the directional information I needed. I dropped my cane with a clatter and bent until I found a body. My hand clutched at the neckline of a shirt and I twisted it tightly in my fist. Phil struggled against my grip and tried to fight me off, but I lifted him up high enough so I could punch him in the face.

  He grunted when my fist made contact with his jaw. He stumbled away, but I could hear the sound of his feet shuffling on the concrete as he regained his balance.

  “You got lucky on that one,” he taunted, his words reeking of alcohol. “You might not need to see to sing, but you can’t fight blind. Beating your ass is gonna be even easier than getting into Juleasy’s pants.”

  The scrape of his foot on the ground was the only warning I needed to duck away from the punch I knew he was throwing. I brought my arm up to block him again and threw my fist into his ribs. From the sound of his breath leaving in a pained gasp, I knew he was doubled over.

  He made a furious noise and scrabbled across the ground, but I planted my feet and when he crashed into me, I flipped him onto his back to the ground. I had him pinned underneath me, raining punches to his face, my knuckles leaving a mark for every moment of fear he had caused Julie.

  “You fucking dirtbag,” I growled at him.

  He tried to block me, but he was clumsy, and I was determined to make him pay for every insult he’d ever thrown her way.

  “That’s enough!” Jed’s voice rang out behind me, his arms wrapping around my chest as he pulled me back. “You want to get arrested?”

  I struggled against his grip, not caring if I was arrested as long as Julie was safe. Avenged.

  “Ben didn’t start it,” Nate explained. “We came out here looking for Julie and found this douche attacking her. We need to call the police.” Nate grunted as I heard more scuffling. I hoped he was securing Phil.

  “Julie?” Jed repeated.

  “I wasn’t attacking her. She asked for it,” Phil spat. “Julie Prescott likes it dirty. Everyone knows that.”

  “Shut your fucking mouth,” I snapped, yanking on the arms that held me, wanting to smash my fist through Phil’s teeth to silence him for good.

  “Julie?” Jed asked again. He let go of me, and his voice turned panicked. “Jesus Christ, Julie. Are you all right?”

  “I’m okay.” Her voice was muffled. She gave a self-conscious half-laugh that was partly muffled. “Careful. You’re going to hug the breath right out of me, Jed.”

  Jed was hugging Jules? Planning this huge fundraiser would have forced them to get to know each other, but close enough to hug seemed odd.

  “Somebody get her a shirt!” Jed ordered. “Now!”

  I ripped my button-down off and held it out for someone to take. It disappeared from my fingers and I wanted nothing more than to get Julie in my arms, to see for myself that she was unhurt.

  “Jules?” I asked, frustrated that I didn’t know where she was, that I didn’t know how she felt, that I couldn’t see with my own eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “I’ll survive,” she answered, her voice wavering. “It’s not the first time he’s...” She paused. “I’ll survive,” she repeated.

  “Wait. Not the first time?” Nate asked in surprise. “Phil’s done this before?”

  A long pause surrounded us, my heart pounding so hard, I was sure the others would drown in my disgust.

  “Sort of,” Julie said, her voice small and shaky. “He tried to touch me the night of the Pike party. I kneed him in his junk and ran away, but the pictures people took afterward told a different story.”

  What. The. Fuck?

  She’d been running from an attacker and everyone assumed she had sex with him? I was so furious I wanted to rip Phil into tiny pieces.

  “ARGH!” A garbled sound of pain came from the ground.

  “I’ll break every bone in your body if you touch her again,” Jed roared.

  Nate stepped closer to me as he addressed Julie. “We talked that night. Why didn’t you tell me? You could have—”

  Wait. They talked that night? What the hell was going on?

  “I could have what, Nate?” Julie interrupted, exasperated. “I tried to tell you it wasn’t what you thought, but you wouldn’t listen. You believed the gossip about me before you even got to know me. You assumed I would cheat on your brother and nothing I could have said would have changed that.” Julie had regained some of her strength, speaking firmly and confidently. “Not that I can blame you I guess. You weren’t the
only one who believed the rumors. Everyone did.”

  Following her voice, I closed the distance between us. “I didn’t.” I found her hand, pulling her into my chest. “I didn’t believe what they said. Not for a second.” I reached up so that my thumbs caressed the sides of her face, wiping away the tears that straggled down her cheeks.

  “You heard the rumors?” she asked, her voice rising in panic. “You knew?”

  “I only knew what everyone was saying couldn’t possibly be true.” I cupped her face gently, my thumbs tracing the outline of her lips. “I wish you would have told me yourself. Why wouldn’t you talk to me? Why didn’t you even give me a chance to believe in you?”

  She sniffled. Her fingers trailed up my chest and pressed against my skin like she didn’t ever want to let go. “Because I said it all along. I’m no good for you, bass boy. What would you have done if I told you? I wanted you to follow your dream and to enjoy your tour. Deep down I was terrified that if you chose me, in the end you would regret it. Just like Nikki did.” She nuzzled against my hand, so I tucked her in closer.

  “But it’s my life and my choices. I get to decide what I want my future to be and who I want to spend it with. I love music, but I love you too. I will always choose you.” She breathed in deeply like she was breathing in my words. “I love you,” I repeated. “And I need you because you are my heart.”

  Her fists clenched harder in my undershirt.

  “You’re my music, Jules. Without you, the rest of my dreams don’t matter.” I leaned down until my lips touched the side of her face before making a slow, gentle path to the edge of her mouth.

  She turned her face so that our lips met fully and gave me a chaste, yet heartfelt kiss back. “I’m sorry, Ben. I should have talked to you. I should have trusted you. I...I...I love you too.”

  Even though I’d known how she had felt, it was good to hear it. My lips found hers again and I kissed her hard and deep. She held tight, unwilling to let go. That was fine because there was no way on earth I was leaving her side. Not now that I had her back.

  “Julie?” Jed asked, a hint of amusement in his tone. She pulled away sharply as if she suddenly realized we had an audience. “I’m assuming Ben’s the ex-boyfriend?”