Revenant

by Catrina Burgess

  Gage gave me a smile. His fingers came up and gently stroked my cheek, my neck. I sighed with pleasure as he touched me. Then he leaned in and his lips were on mine. I felt the heat of his body as he pulled me closer. I’d never felt so safe, so loved.

  I knew in that moment that I would always be his. Forever.

  * * *

  With a start, I woke, my heart pounding in my chest. The room was awash in candlelight. Dean must have lit candles after he put me to bed. I gazed around the room and tried to shake off the image of the dark threat in my dream and the even more appalling sense of warmth and joy that had been somehow tied to Gage.

  I sat up and raised a shaking hand to my temple. Did I really just dream of Gage? Of us dancing and kissing, and—most disturbing of all—I liked it? I could still feel the warmth of his lips on mine. No, that wasn’t a dream—it was a nightmare. With fierce movements, I swiped the back of my hand across my lips. Feeling sick to my stomach, I rubbed my palm across my sweating face, trying to clear my thoughts.

  I got up and walked over to the shattered mirror. My image was scattered, a distorted reflection off each broken piece. And that’s how I felt. Somehow broken. Not quite myself.

  There’s something wrong with me.

  The dream kept flashing in my head. Why did I dream of Gage? He was someone I despised, a monster to be feared and hated. Suddenly a conversation I’d had with Sonja came back to me. Sonja said none of the girls could resist Gage. She’d told me I would find myself falling for his charm eventually. I rubbed my hand across my lips again, trying to wipe away the warm, lingering feeling of his kiss.

  I looked in the mirror, feeling dazed, and then my legs buckled. I barely caught myself on the edge of the dresser. What is wrong with me?

  When I’d made zombies before, I’d felt exhausted, but this was more than exhaustion. I felt weak and oddly cold. I pushed myself off the dresser and made my way out of the room and down the hallway. With each step, I felt more sick and shaky. I used the wall to steady myself as I went.

  I got as far as the living room when a voice called out from the corner, “You’re up.”

  Dean sat in the dark in one of the old chairs. Three candles resting on the surface of the piano cast strange shadows across the room, and I couldn’t quite make out his face.

  “Were you making more zombies for Gage?” he asked.

  “I…I was.” I struggled to force the words out, knowing he would despise me because of them.

  He shot out of the chair. “I would rather die than be a part of this.”

  My legs felt so shaky, I found myself holding on to the side of the piano for support. “You need to leave now while you still have time.”

  “How can you do this?” he demanded, ignoring me. “How many people will die because of the zombies you raised? How many deaths have you already caused?”

  I flinched at his words. How can I make him understand? “Do you know why I sought out the Death Arts, Dean? I watched Macaven murder my family before my very eyes. I saw my father’s throat get slashed. I watched a bullet tear through my mother. They killed my brother and ripped his spirit from his body. Was I just supposed to walk away? Their murderers came after me and I thought they were going to kill me, too.” Anger filled my voice. “I had to avenge my family. I had to find a way to protect myself. I know you think the things I did are unforgivable, and maybe they are, but I can’t take back what’s happened.”

  His face registered shock. He never knew about my family. I’d never told him why I’d sought out the death dealers.

  “Do you see now why I did what I did?” If only he could see, could understand the reasons behind my actions.

  At my words, the look of shock was replaced by one of disapproval. “All right, now I understand why you learned the Death Arts. And I know what you went through back at the asylum. But now, here, you have a choice. You don’t have to do whatever Gage asks. You don’t have to raise zombies for him.”

  I wanted Dean to hate me, to just leave already—to disappear like everyone else I’d ever loved. I stood looking at him, swallowing the words I wanted to say in my defense.

  “Am I just supposed to tell you everything is okay? That what you did doesn’t matter?” Sadness filled his eyes. “I know you had your reasons, but, Colina…the things you’ve done…”

  When I didn’t say anything, he went on. “I care for you, I do, but I’m trying to come to terms with all of this.” His eyes were staring directly into mine. “You have to understand—I feel betrayed. Everyone knew the truth but me. I feel crushed that you felt the need to lie to me after all we’ve been through. You saved me—you brought me back from being trapped deep inside myself. I know if it weren't for you I’d still be back at the asylum; I’d still be a human vegetable. I owe you my life. I gave you my heart.” He turned away from me, but not before I could see the hurt that filled his eyes.

  “But your actions brought down hell on earth for my people. We’ve always had an uneasy relationship with the outside world. I know people feared death dealers, but it was only because they didn’t understand us. I always hoped that one day things would change and the world would accept us, but now there’s no hope of that ever happening.” He spun back toward me. He was angry now. “They are hunting our kind. They feel justified in killing us because they think we’re monsters.”

  “I’m the monster,” I whispered.

  His anger was instantly replaced with a look of pity. He started to reach out for me, but then steeled himself and spoke calmly. “You’re not a monster. But we shouldn’t be here. You should never have agreed to raise zombies for Gage.”

  “And if I said no, he would have killed you. He would have killed Wendy.”

  “You should’ve let him,” Dean said softly.

  “I wasn’t going to stand by and watch you die!” I cried out.

  “Instead you do whatever Gage asks, no matter the consequences.” He did reach out and grab me this time. His hands came down on either side of my shoulders, and he gave me a hard shake. “No one’s life is worth doing what that madman wants. You can’t keep going along with his plans.”

  I pulled away from him, but we stood staring at each other for a long moment.

  I could not stand to see him look at me with such disdain. I closed my eyes and a tear slid down my cheek. I wanted him to turn away from me, and now he finally would.

  I felt him wipe away the tear and opened my eyes to see his face close to mine. Those blue eyes stared at me, and then he surprised me when he leaned in and brushed his lips gently against mine. I wanted to feel Dean’s lips crushing against me. I wanted to wipe away the awful image still floating in my mind of Gage kissing me. I pulled Dean closer.

  Did he still care for me? Did I want him to? When I hesitated in kissing him back, he suddenly stopped, dropping his arms and backing away. “Promise me you won’t do what Gage wants anymore.”

  I knew I couldn’t make that promise. And as soon as I told him, he would go.

  I tried to say the words that would make him leave, but suddenly I couldn’t seem to speak.

  Dean’s expression changed to one of concern. “Colina, what’s wrong?”

  I tried to answer him, but I couldn’t move—not my lips, not my arms, not my legs. And worse, I couldn’t catch my breath. My chest felt so heavy. I tried to breathe, but each breath was a struggle. My vision became spotty. Time slipped away as I floated in and out of consciousness.

  I heard yelling and other noises—sounds of bodies moving, people talking close by. I looked up into Dean’s eyes. He was gazing down at me. I realized I was laying flat on the floor with no memory of falling. Then I felt Dean’s lips on mine. It took a long moment for my fogged brain to realize what was happening. Dean wasn’t kissing me—he was blowing breath into me.

  His hands pushed down hard on my chest and excruciating pain shot through me. I wanted to cry out, but no sound escaped my mouth. I could feel my ribs cracking as the awful pressure s
eemed to crush all the way through me. I knew on some level that Dean was trying to save me, but the pain was so intense that if I could have spoken, I would have begged him to stop.

  Dean yelled, “Colina, don’t leave me!” His mouth crashed down on mine, and his hands pressed down hard against my chest again.

  And then there was nothing but silence, which dragged on until I heard a voice—Sonja’s voice—whisper in the dark, “Dean, stop. You can’t save her. Look at her. The color of her face, her lips are blue… Stop it, Dean. Colina’s gone. She’s dead.”

  I felt myself slowly drift away.

  * * *

  “I wasn’t planning for all this to happen so soon. All my timetables had to move up. You understand.” It was Gage.

  I couldn’t open my eyes—I was completely paralyzed. I could feel my heart faintly beating in my chest and I was barely inhaling; my breathing was so shallow that my chest no longer rose and fell.

  Gage’s voice came again, “You must understand. This is necessary.”

  Is he talking to me? I could feel wind blowing against my face. Are we outside? What I thought might be damp grass pressed against my back.

  “Not to worry, this is not the first time I’ve worked this spell. Years ago I spent a lot of time with a shaman. He was kind enough to show me the ways of his people…before I killed him.”

  Cold fingers trailed down my bare arm. “I could have done the spell without having you here at all, but this sort of magic has much more power if the subject is present.”

  He moved away and I heard the sound of a striking match. The smell of some sort of incense burning filled the air, drifting around me and making my throat burn. I wanted to cough or even swallow, but my body wasn’t taking orders.

  “Not to worry, it’s all part of the reawakening. I gave you a little something to make you more pliable, a little more subject to suggestion, and, of course, to keep you from running away while I work.” I could feel Gage’s hands on me again. They moved along my neck. “Soon—very soon, my love—you’ll take your place by my side.”

  Confusion and fear swirled through me as I lay completely helpless. His lips brushed against mine and then every sensation around me began to fade away. Gage’s rich voice surged around me, and I felt more than heard the power of his spell wrap me in its dark embrace.

  I call upon the elements

  By all the names of the demon princes, the legion

  Fulfill this ardent servant’s request:

  May the heart I seek beat in time with mine,

  Her mind hold only thoughts of me,

  Her will be slave to my desires,

  Make her bound to me as if in deepest love,

  Her soul oppressed by mine for all eternity.

  I lost track of his words, of the world, as consciousness slipped away.

  * * *

  “Wake up, Colina. You must wake up.” I immediately recognized my mother’s voice.

  I tried to open my eyes, but couldn’t. Then something softly touched each of my eyelids and I blinked, able to see again.

  My mother’s face was only inches from mine. I lay on my back, my mother floating above me. She had the distinctive looks of a dark Scot, with alabaster skin and raven black hair that served to make her bright green eyes almost glow in contrast. Her children had inherited the dark hair and pale complexion, but none of us had received the beautiful green eyes. Instead, my father’s hazel eyes stared at me out of the mirror every morning—strong eyes, but not the stunning, attractive force hers granted.

  I sighed at the sight of her ghost. My mother—a woman whose strength I had always counted on. My mother, killed by Macaven’s men. She floated in front of me, a pale shadow of the woman she had been in life.

  “You were always the strongest of us,” she whispered, trailing her fingers over my lips.

  “Mama!” I cried out. I could finally speak.

  “I never knew a child so full of life. When you were little, you always wanted to be outside playing in the sun. You laughed so much as a little girl. You were so full of kindness and sweetness, so full of love.”

  “Mama, I’m scared.”

  “Hush, child, there’s nothing to be scared of.”

  I could feel tears sliding from the corners of my eyes. “I miss you.”

  “You need to remember there’s light inside you—such a strong light that burns so bright. Almost as bright as the sun. You must find that light inside you and bring it forth. Focus on it. It’s inside you, deep within you. You need to find it and let it fuel you, let it give you strength.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing inward. I could only see a small flame of anger burning bright within the darkness. One small flame that seemed so far away.

  “You must find the light, Colina. You must not forget who you are.” Her voice rose up and I opened my eyes again, watching her ghostly form lift away from me. A gray, shimmering light surrounded her, slowly dimming.

  “Mama, don’t go. Don’t leave me again,” I whimpered. I was so very afraid. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to die alone in this dark place.

  “Find the light,” my mother said. As the words left her mouth, the glow around her disappeared and she left me in darkness.

  Chapter 14

  I opened my eyes and looked up into Gage’s face.

  I was laying in a bed. He stood over me, dressed, as usual, in a dark suit, but today he had on an orange-and-red-striped tie.

  “How are you feeling, my love? Your temperature was so high. You had us worried.” He sat down on the edge of the bed next to me.

  “I’m okay,” I said, lifting myself into a sitting position. I felt so weak, so drained. “I had the most awful nightmare.”

  “Your temperature was so high I’m not surprised you had wicked dreams.” His fingers brushed across my forehead. “The healer said you could have some tea, and maybe later, if you’re feeling better, a little soup.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “We have to get your strength back.”

  There was a noise in the corner of the room. I looked over and saw Mildred standing there. She looked uncomfortable.

  Gage followed my glance. “Mildred came to make sure you’re okay.” He gestured to Mildred. “Come and say hello. See for yourself that she’s all right.”

  Mildred walked over to the side of the bed. She wore a brown dress covered in delicate lace. The collar of it covered her neck, and a full skirt went all the way to the floor. For a moment she looked down at me with the oddest look on her face, but then it disappeared and she gave me a wide smile. “I’m so happy you’re better, child. You had us all worried.” She looked over at Gage cautiously.

  “See, Mildred, everything is fine.” Gage gave a laugh before addressing me. “She put up quite a fuss until I finally allowed her to come see you.” His eyes narrowed and he scolded her. “Now that you’ve seen her, you can go about your business, old woman.”

  I wonder what she’s done to annoy him? He’s talking so sharply to her.

  He gave Mildred another hard look. “Mildred, do you mind asking them to bring in some tea on your way out?”

  Mildred gazed off into the distance silently for a long moment. After a few awkward beats, she looked back at us and said, “Of course. I’ll do it right now.” She gave me a good-bye wave and headed out of the room.

  “Such a lovely woman,” Gage said as he watched her leave. “She was quite worried about you.”

  “We became close when we were in the asylum together.” I watched her leave, and for the briefest moment I felt a terrible sense of dread. But then I looked up at Gage, and when I gazed into his eyes, a feeling of happiness spread through me.

  Gage leaned in and kissed me. When he pulled away, I felt breathless.

  “Now you must rest. You need to be strong. It’s only two days away,” he said.

  He’s so handsome. I love that bit of white in his hair. It makes him look so distinguished. “‘It’? What’s happening in two days?
”

  He laughed. “The fever must have done a number on you. You honestly don’t remember?”

  “No…” I said hesitantly, unwilling to disappoint him.

  “Our nuptials, darling.” He leaned in and kissed me again, and when he broke away, he whispered, “I can’t wait to make you my bride.”

  It was my turn to laugh. “I can’t believe I forgot.” I was going to marry Gage, the man I loved. I had waited so long for this day.

  “Now rest. Company is here, but I’ve told them you aren’t well enough yet to join the festivities.”

  “Is everything going as well as you’d hoped?” I asked. He’s so powerful, so strong, so smart…

  He patted my arm. “It is, darling. Just a little while ‘til the witching hour and the start of the epic party I have planned.” He got up off the bed. “I’m just sorry you’re going to miss it.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t be there.” I gave him a smile. “Make sure you have fun.”

  “I will.” He grinned. “It should be a party that will not soon be forgotten.” He turned, starting to walk away before stopping to look over his shoulder at me. “I’ll come and check on you when the party’s over.”

  I looked at him standing there—so handsome, so fearless—and my heart felt like it was bursting with joy. “I love you,” I whispered.

  “I love you, too,” he answered, his lips splitting in a wide smile.

  The room felt cold and empty after he left.

  * * *

  I opened my eyes and sat up in bed. I didn’t know what time it was. After Gage left, one of his nameless servants brought me tea, and later a bowl of soup. Like all of them, she moved quietly, efficiently, and without any expression of character, almost as if a ghost had passed through the room. I did feel a bit better after I ate, but I was still so incredibly bone-tired. I’d slept, but I kept waking up as nightmares plagued my dreams. In this last one, I’d been somewhere closed in, unable to move or speak. The fear I’d felt was so overwhelming. My heart was still pounding in my chest, even after I opened my eyes.