Fallen Elements

by Heather McVea

  Looking down the street, there was no sign of Leah. “Shit.” Ryan muttered as she began walking back to her apartment.

  A dull ache had settled in Ryan’s stomach by the time she reached her front door. It was a longing she was unfamiliar with, and it made her feel restless. She could hear laughter from the party through the door, but couldn’t bring herself to rejoin the festivities.

  It would be so easy to explain away her relationship with Leah as a simple attraction. Ryan wished she could sum her feelings up in terms of lust. The truth was she had been undone by the woman, and immersed in the heaviness of desire, Ryan felt pieces of herself missing. They had left with Leah.

  Chapter 9

  Ryan completed her weekly project summary email to Donnie, clicked send, and leaned back in her chair. Over the past few weeks she had settled into her office, and had even found time to get her degrees framed and hung on the wall.

  Last week she had ordered a framed print by her favorite artist Raoul Dufy. It had been delivered that morning, and was leaning against the wall of her office until Ryan decided where to hang it.

  She had first seen Dufy’s work in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York when she was fifteen. Ryan had realized over the years, that though a fan of Impressionism, she had more of an affinity for Fauvist painters. Their bold colors and visible brush strokes had resonated with Ryan, and she smiled as she looked at The Harvest print. The pastoral setting with its bold oranges, blues, and yellows reminded her of autumn colors in upstate New York.

  The smile left her as she wondered if Leah liked Dufy. Rolling her eyes, Ryan stood up and stretched. Leah had been a distraction for the better part of the day, and had impeded Ryan’s sleep the night before. Their exchange during and after Ryan’s birthday party had left Ryan more confused about her feelings than ever.

  Shaking her head, Ryan walked down the hall toward the break room. She was resolved to eat her lunch while looking at new car reviews online, and to not give Leah another thought until she was prepared to do something about the situation.

  Returning to her desk with her ham and cheese sandwich, Utz potato chips, and Sprite in hand, Ryan navigated to the Consumer Reports website, and began scrolling through the mid-size car reviews. After only five minutes her interest waned, so she wiped the potato chip grease off her hands, and reached into her bag to retrieve the diary. She had to admit she was curious how the Sebille women fared, and if they were able to keep their home.

  ***

  20 March 1628

  Our home was full this evening as three men from the court met to discuss the situation with the Sebille family. I had not imagined it warranted this level of attention, but clearly Isaac has failed – I suspect intentionally – to provide me with the entirety of the story.

  I was familiar with two of the men. Goodman Payne and Goodman Middleton. The third man, who I have never seen before, had an intensity about him matched only by the piercing blue of his eyes. Isaac introduced the man to me as Samuel Tynan. His skin was as pale as snow, and his touch, as he took my hand in his, was cold as ice.

  “Goody Allerton, your husband has spoken of you so often at court I feel as if we have already met.” The man’s voice seemed almost musical, and I am ashamed to admit it, but I blushed under the intensity of his gaze.

  Isaac would tell me later that Goodman Tynan had recently arrived in town along with his wife, Hester, and her widowed sister Coleen Mabyn. Goodman Tynan had bought the Potter Estate, and had made his fortune by trading in ceramics, furs, and iron, along with cotton, woolen and silk fabrics prior to leaving Europe.

  He has applied for citizenship in the colony, and Isaac said he would be a freeman within the year as his references and breeding are impeccable. I look forward to seeing for myself as just today we received an invitation to attend a gathering at the Tynan home for the town First Comers and their families.

  I do hope my stomach does not impede my ability to attend, for I have been practically housebound this past month and venturing out into the town can only serve to lift my spirits!

  ***

  26 March 1628

  Oh, what a glorious evening! I would dare say my weeks in confinement had left me an easily impressed guest, but I cannot imagine anyone not so thoroughly enjoying themselves as I did tonight at the Tynan gathering.

  I had known the Potter Estate was one of the larger houses in town, but I did not know that Goodman Tynan had the house completely reappointed. Though still modest, maple and mahogany wood runs throughout the home, and the furnishings are indicative of the family’s ties to the fur trade as nearly each chair and sofa were covered in pristine animal hides.

  The food was no less magnificent! I was so pleased my stomach had settled, for I could never have forgiven myself if I had not so completely indulged in the fare offered tonight. We were given the finest duck I have ever tasted, along with a succulent swine. In spite of the season, our hosts managed to lay out a lavish spread that included an assortment of chestnuts, walnuts, and hazelnuts.

  As if our belly cheer were not enough, we indulged in sweet puddings from boiled corn mixed with sugar and cinnamon, then fried in butter. It was glorious!

  Our hosts were no less indulgent. Though the house was full of guests, they managed to make their way to each and every one of their guests, and I felt so utterly welcomed by them.

  Goody Tynan is a remarkably handsome woman with skin like porcelain and eyes the same piercing blue as her husband’s. They make a most attractive couple. My attention, though, could hardly be pulled away from Goody Mabyn, and my cheeks redden as I remember the forward way she took my hand in her cool one, her blue eyes seemingly lit up as she smiled upon me.

  It is not enough to say she is handsome, Coleen (she insisted on more than one occasion that I refer to her by her Christian name) is the most striking and beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her hair is a shiny spill of brown auburn waves, and looks to be as smooth as silk. Her skin, like her sister’s, is flawless and alabaster in its tone.

  Coleen is remarkable, and as well traveled as any man. Her deceased husband had been business partners with Goodman Tynan, and both she and her sister Hester have been afforded many opportunities to endeavor with their husbands on countless excursions to parts of this world I can scarcely imagine.

  Coleen spoke of her travels to Spain, France, and even into the northern parts of the African continent. I found myself breathless as she conveyed the beauty of the sun drenched savannahs of Africa, and the mountain peaks of France.

  I was touched by her attention, and found her most endearing as she repeatedly inquired about my child. Her interest was genuine as she asked after my health, and the health of the baby. I assured her Goody Sebille was taking care with my pregnancy.

  At the mentioning of Margery, I was certain a look of recognition crossed Coleen’s face, but when I asked whether she was familiar with the Sebille family she assured me that given her family’s recent arrival in town, she had barely received any visitors.

  I do hope to be friends with Coleen. She is a most fascinating woman, and I am sure she – and her family – will be a welcome addition to our fine community.

  ***

  Ryan walked up to the Boston Street Starbucks. She had just bought a new Honda Civic, and could have driven it to meet Jenny, but she had thought the half mile walk would do her good. Halfway there, and feeling on edge about the conversation that laid ahead, Ryan felt as if she were on a death march.

  Given Jenny’s recent performance at her birthday party, Ryan had decided to call the whole thing off. This was causing her some distress, but not nearly as much as seeing what Jenny’s hurtful words had done to Leah.

  “First, I am so sorry.” Jenny stood as Ryan approached the table she occupied near the far corner of the shop. In spite of the chill in the air outside, the Starbucks’ air conditioner was running, and the store was unusually cold, prompting Ryan to leave her pea coat on.

  Ryan accepted J
enny’s hug, and then the two women sat. “What’s this?” Ryan looked down at the white and green cup in front of her.

  “Earl Grey, one sugar.” Jenny smiled.

  Ryan nodded but didn’t reach for the cup. “Look, I think we -”

  Jenny held up her hand. “Ryan, please let me start. I have had a few days to think about this, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for how I behaved.”

  Ryan could see from the intensity in the woman’s blue eyes that she meant what she was saying, or at least believed she did.

  “I won’t insult you by reminding you I was drunk.” Jenny looked down at her coffee as she chewed nervously on the inside of her lower lip. “I will say that seeing you with Leah, and knowing you had spent the entire day with her - it - it just made me jealous. I realized how much you mean to me.”

  Ryan listened as Jenny stammered through her explanation. She understood what Jenny was trying to say. She even understood what Jenny was feeling, but understanding didn’t remove the hurt and hesitancy from Ryan’s heart.

  Clearing her throat, Ryan forced herself to make eye contact with Jenny. The brown haired woman sat across from her, her blue eyes bright with anticipation. Ryan had never been good at breakups. They had always left her feeling as if critical time had been wasted, and she would find herself focusing more on the lessons learned than the person left.

  “I don’t want to see you anymore.” Ryan was surprised by the directness of her words and tone.

  Jenny’s eyes widened. “Just like that?”

  Ryan cringed at Jenny’s accusatory tone. “Yes.” Several more curt comments ran through Ryan’s head, but they would only delay the inevitable. She had always known Jenny had an edge to her. It was born of many things Ryan admired about the woman, but tempered with the woman’s sense of entitlement. Her behavior with Leah only brought Jenny’s less admirable qualities into focus for Ryan.

  “You know me, Ryan. I won’t beg.” Jenny leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table.

  Ryan nodded. “I know.”

  Jenny leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Is it that easy for you?”

  Ryan shook her head. “No. I just don’t see the point of making a scene.”

  Jenny scoffed. “You were all too willing to make a scene on Leah’s behalf.”

  Heat shot to Ryan’s face, and she took a deep breath before speaking. “We can just stop. There doesn’t have to be bloodshed.”

  Jenny stared at Ryan, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “You’ve already started up with her.”

  Ryan frowned. She and Jenny had always kept things casual, and Jenny’s accusatory tone took Ryan by surprise. “No.”

  “Please don’t lie to me.” Jenny said calmly. “We’ve always been good at keeping each other honest.”

  Ryan sighed, her shoulders drooping. “I am telling you the truth. You behaved like a spoiled child the other night, and that comes from somewhere. It’s part of who you are.”

  “We all have less than gracious aspects of ourselves. I can think of several things about you that aren’t very attractive.”

  Ryan stood up, leaving the tea untouched. “I won’t do this with you. There were a lot of great things about you and me, and some not so great. Those are weighted heavier for me.”

  “Then go.” Jenny waved her hand toward Ryan. “Have your fling. Do whatever you will with a woman literally old enough to be your mother.”

  Ryan quickly sat back down. Jenny leaned back, Ryan’s sudden movement catching her off guard. “Why should any of that matter?” The indignation of her anger was coursing through Ryan. “You behaved like a spiteful bitch, and if you want to convince yourself that I’m ending it because of some love affair with Leah, then go for it.” Ryan struggled to speak past the tightness in her throat, and to keep her tone hushed to avoid public scrutiny.

  “And I will tell you the same.” Jenny hissed. “If you want to convince yourself that you’re ending us because of some drunken slip of the tongue, then you go for it.” Jenny stood, and pulled her brown leather Tory Burch purse from the back of the chair along with her ivory J. Crew puffer style jacket.

  Without another word, Jenny left, and Ryan sat hunched over in her chair.

  ***

  “I can’t manage to comfort you over this one, friend.” Nicole handed Ryan a can of Natty Boh, and sat down next to the despondent woman on the sofa.

  Ryan had walked back to her house, Jenny’s words still ringing in her ears and stinging at her heart. “I don’t need you to comfort me.” Ryan was feeling unreasonably irritated with the world, and she was having difficulty tempering herself.

  Nicole took a drink of her beer, and shook her head. “Don’t get pissy with me. I never liked her, and I certainly won’t pretend to be unhappy over you breaking up with her.”

  Ryan sat her beer down on the end table next to the sofa, and rubbed her face with both hands. “I know. I know.”

  “Then if I’m right - what’s the problem?” A confused Nicole asked.

  “The problem is Jenny wasn’t altogether wrong.” Ryan picked up her beer and took a long drink.

  Nicole frowned. “About what?”

  Ryan looked incredulously at her friend. “Really? Are you making me say it?”

  Nicole’s brow arched. “Oh. Oh - I see.”

  Ryan emptied the beer, and wondered if they had any of the liquor from the party left. “Exactly. And so did Jenny.”

  Nicole shifted so she was facing Ryan. “So what if she got that right. I can think of twenty other reasons you should have - and would have - broken up with her.”

  “But now it’s out there.” Ryan pointed to an imagined point in the distance. “Just hanging around.”

  Nicole chuckled. “Not really. It’s not like Jenny is going to run off and tell Leah that you’re madly in love with her.”

  “Whoa. I never said I was in love with her.” Ryan tensed. “I like her, and I think she’s attractive, but don’t go crazy with the love thing.”

  “Fair enough.” Nicole pursed her lips. “So -”

  Ryan rolled her eyes. “So?”

  “Are you going to ask her out?” Nicole smirked.

  Ryan waited for the answer to pop into her head. On the surface there didn’t seem to be a reason not to ask Leah out. Wasn’t the point of dating to see if you were compatible? Below the surface, though, there seemed to be innumerable reasons Leah and she wouldn’t work.

  “Maybe.” Ryan slouched, feeling like a petulant child.

  Nicole sighed. “Myers, why do you have to make things so difficult? This is as tested and true as anything out there. Girl meets girl. Girl likes girl. Girl asks girl out.”

  Ryan stood, and took her empty beer can into the kitchen. “You left the part out about the one girl having a history with the other girl’s family.”

  Nicole appeared in the entrance to the kitchen. “Doesn’t matter. Water under the bridge, and nothing to do with the here and now.”

  Ryan leaned against the kitchen counter. “Easy for you to say.”

  “Look, if this is the deal breaker, then just ask her about it.” Nicole insisted.

  Ryan looked down at the brown linoleum floor. Her struggles with her family had long since rid her of any delusions of a happily ever after. She had learned most things in life - at least in her life - didn’t have clear starts and finishes.

  “I kissed her.” Ryan muttered.

  Nicole exhaled. “You’re on your own with that one.” The woman returned to the living room.

  Ryan heard Nicole flipping through channels in the living room, but wasn’t ready to be social again. She didn’t think of herself as a fatalist, but she knew there were no cures for the inevitable uncertainties of life. With Leah though, Ryan had to face the fact she wanted and hoped.

  Chapter 10

  The county seat of Howard County, Ellicott City was about thirteen miles west of Baltimore. The town was divided into a downtown historic area and the larg
er unincorporated section. Ryan drove her Honda along Main Street, and past a variety of assorted shops, antique centers, and restaurants that lined the historic district’s main road.

  The town had been founded in the late seventeen hundreds as a mill town adjacent to the Patapsco River. During the eighteen thirties, the expansion of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad through Ellicott City provided the region with its first railway stop outside of the city of Baltimore.

  Now the city was known for its picturesque hills and wooded scenery, and as the home of the now closed Enchanted Forest theme park. The fairy tale themed amusement park had gained notoriety as a set piece in director John Waters’ film Cry-Baby.

  Ryan had waited until nine in the morning before leaving her apartment. She was nervous about seeing Leah for the first time since the party, and had taken her time getting dressed and out the door. It was the last week of April, and the weather continued to be unseasonably cold for the area. A fine mist fell as Ryan crossed a set of railroad tracks, and continued along Main Street.

  It was early enough that Ryan was able to find street parking less than a block from Leah’s store. The buildings that lined the two lane street were no more than three stories tall, with slat board siding indicative of most of the structures’ ages.

  A wooden sign hung from a black iron rod jutting out from the side of Leah’s shop. The words Portable Magic A Book Shop were raised in red lettering against the dark maple wood of the sign. Ryan smiled at the pun as she ascended the wooden steps to the shop’s front door.

  A small brass bell hung on the backside of the wood and glass door leading into the book shop, and emitted a light, metallic jingle when Ryan opened the door. Crossing the threshold of the shop, the smell of old paper and leather wafted over Ryan. She couldn’t remember the last time she was in an actual bookstore, as opposed to one of the textbook stores on campus. The shop clearly specialized in rare and old books, as was evident by the bookcases full of thick, leather and canvas bound books.