The Quality of Love

by Rosie Harris

  ‘We’ve been through the details all before and I don’t want to talk about it again,’ Lloyd said huffily. ‘Duw anwyl, how the devil do you think I will feel when I have to sit here watching you turn sheets to middle because we can’t afford new ones and patching and darning my socks over and over again.’

  ‘As long as we have enough to eat and some coal to put on the fire to keep us warm and enable us to cook then we shouldn’t grumble, I suppose,’ Lorna said philosophically. ‘Think of those who have a young family to feed; how do you explain to kiddies that are crying with hunger that there’s nothing in the cupboard for them?’

  As far as Lloyd was concerned the fact that he was the one undergoing the indignity of being subjected to the Means Test was the last straw. He kept repeating that he was too young to be on the scrap heap, that he was fit and willing to work, and that he had years of valuable experience.

  ‘I’d sooner throw myself in front of a train than have to face this,’ he declared angrily as he polished his shoes and smartened himself up ready for the interview.

  ‘There’s no need for you to do either,’ Sarah told him, ignoring her mother’s warning look. ‘I’ve got a job application form here for you to fill in. Do that and I’m sure you’ll get work of some sort, even if it is not quite the sort of job you want.’

  Lloyd took the piece of paper from her, his face lighting up with relief; then he scowled darkly as soon as he saw the heading. Morgan Builders.

  ‘Have you been bleating about me being out of work to that fellow you brought here for tea?’ he asked belligerently. ‘I don’t want anyone making a job for me because they feel sorry for me, let me tell you. I’m not a charity case.’

  ‘Believe me, no one is going to give you a job at Morgan’s unless there is a vacancy and you have the right qualifications or experience to fill it,’ she told him crisply.

  ‘So even if I fill in the answers to all these damn questions it still won’t mean that I’ve got a job?’

  ‘Not unless there is a vacancy for a man with your talents,’ she agreed.

  He studied the form more closely. ‘Probably a complete waste of time filling it in,’ he said morosely.

  ‘If you don’t try you’ll never know,’ Sarah told him as she turned and walked away. ‘If you’re right and nothing comes of it, then at least you’ll be able to tell me what a complete waste of time it was,’ she added as she reached the door.

  ‘I’m not at all sure you’ve done the right thing,’ her mother whispered worriedly as she followed Sarah into the kitchen. ‘I saw the look on his face when he read through that form.’

  ‘It’s too late to worry about it now and it is up to him whether he fills it in or not,’ Sarah replied.

  The next morning the completed form was alongside her plate on the breakfast table. She said nothing but slipped it inside her handbag to take in to work with her.

  ‘I thought he might not respond,’ Owen said as he took it from her.

  ‘He swallowed his pride when it was a case of either this or the Means Test. I’m sure that deep down he is very grateful but he’s a proud man and in some ways the fact that you have held out a helping hand is a bit like charity in his eyes.’

  ‘Yes.’ Owen sighed and shook his head. ‘I suppose it does seem like that; I know I would hate to be in his position. Anyway,’ he gave her a warm smile, ‘I’ll see what I can do and I’ll be sure to make it quite clear when he comes for his interview that I’m employing him on his abilities, not because I know him.’

  ‘Oh dear,’ Sarah looked discomfited, ‘I haven’t told him that it will be you interviewing him.’

  Owen frowned. ‘No, I suppose that might be embarrassing for him. I’ll explain the situation to Mr Morgan – in confidence of course,’ he added hastily, ‘and ask him if he will sit in on the interview with me. That might make it easier for your father.’

  It was two days before Lloyd received a letter in the post asking him to come for an interview.

  ‘He’s as nervous as a schoolboy going after his first job,’ Lorna told Sarah. He’s been fussing around all day over what to wear and polishing his shoes and telling me which shirt and tie he wants to wear and to see that they’re well pressed.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure it will all work out all right,’ Sarah reassured her.

  ‘I do hope so. It says in the letter that he has to ask for Mr Morgan himself so I suppose that’s a good omen. I think he was loathe to be interviewed by Owen, much as he likes him.’

  ‘Owen will be there, I’m afraid. He’s only asking Mr Morgan to sit in on the interview because I explained Dad might think he was being offered charity if he was given a job by Owen.’

  Lloyd never told them what transpired at the interview and Sarah thought it best not to ask Owen. The great thing was that her dad was offered a job as an assistant in the stores.

  He regarded it as something of a come-down after his previous position and the responsibilities that had entailed, but he took it nevertheless.

  ‘It’s better than nothing and preferable to having to be means tested,’ he told them both when he announced that he would be starting work the following Monday morning,

  Sarah was relieved that he was back at work because she knew her mother had been desperately worried about him. Even so, she felt slightly apprehensive because it meant that they were working for the same company so they were bound to come into contact with each other from time to time and she was afraid that he might feel uncomfortable because of her senior status. The other was that she hoped he would not create a fuss about the fact that those men who worked at Morgan’s were not allowed to belong to a union.

  When she spoke to her mother about it Lorna said that as long as Sarah wasn’t embarrassed about them both being at Morgan’s then she didn’t see why he should be.

  With regard to the other matter she decided the best thing would be for Sarah to have a quiet word with him and warn him that it would be best if he kept his political opinions to himself.

  Sarah picked her moment carefully. She’d been afraid he might flare up, tell her it was none of her business. Either that or lecture her on how he realised that it was essential for working men to form a united body in order to have the strength to confront the bosses. To her surprise he did none of these things.

  ‘You’ve no need to feel any concern about me doing anything like that,’ he told her. ‘The unions did damn all for me when I was given the sack. Not one of the men I’d worked alongside for countless years spoke up in my defence or was even willing to say anything on my behalf when I asked them to do so. From now on I look out for myself. The only battle I shall be fighting is the one for my own survival.’

  When later in the week she asked him how he liked working at Morgan’s, Lloyd looked at her thoughtfully. ‘If this is a roundabout way of asking if I get on with that Owen Phillips then the answer is that I think he does a good job. He’s a hard taskmaster and expects the men to do their job well but he’s fair in his dealings. I like the way he handles things and the way he speaks to the men. I’m very grateful to him for giving me the chance to work again.’

  Her friendship with Owen had remained unbroken, though slightly strained, and she was anxious for things to return to what they had been.

  ‘Maybe then it’s safe for me to bring him to tea next Sunday,’ Sarah probed in a light, teasing voice.

  Her father nodded. ‘Maybe that’s not such a bad idea,’ he said approvingly. ‘It’s reassuring to know you have such a staunch friend.’

  With her father once again in work her mother was no longer stressed and their problems seemed to be over. Sarah knew that it had been a struggle for her mother to make ends meet and so she’d dipped into her own savings, pleased to be able to help after all they’d done for her.

  Sarah felt that her life was improving in every respect. Owen was now taking her out at least twice a week and enjoying his visits to her home again for tea on Sunday afternoons, af
ter they’d been for a walk in the park, or had been listening to the band.

  On these occasions they never mentioned Morgan’s or discussed anything that went on there and Sarah was relieved to find that her father and Owen were always extremely affable towards each other.

  ‘He’s such a nice chap, it’s a pleasure having him here,’ her mother frequently said after Owen had gone home and her father usually nodded in silent agreement.

  Her own friendship with Owen had now developed into a regular pattern and Sarah felt happy and comfortable in his company. He certainly had a more mature outlook and led a much quieter, more predictable life than either Gwyn or Stefan had done.

  There were no wild excesses, no parties or jazz sessions that went on until the early hours of the morning. She’d done all those things and now, she realised, she was content to accept this new pace.

  Although she enjoyed her work, from time to time she hoped that one day she would have a home and even children of her own. She knew there was no one else in Owen’s life and she often wondered if he felt the same way.

  Their friendship was as close and enjoyable as ever but Sarah hungered for more than the occasional cuddle and the sweet, but rather chaste, kisses.

  She sometimes wondered if perhaps telling Owen so much about her background had been a mistake and was the reason why he was so restrained. Was her slightly sordid past deterring him from taking their relationship any further, she wondered?

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Sarah was almost as surprised as her parents were when, on the first Sunday of the new year, Owen joined them for afternoon tea and asked her father in a very formal way if he would give his permission for them to be married.

  She’d wanted to invite Owen for Christmas dinner but her mother had been against it.

  ‘We’re having a very quiet Christmas this year, cariad. There are outstanding bills still to be cleared so I am only buying a chicken big enough for the three of us, and I’m not bothering with all the usual trimmings.’

  ‘Surely there will be enough on it for one more, and you always cook so many vegetables that there are always leftovers that we have to use up next day,’ Sarah said in surprise.

  ‘Not this year I won’t be; I’ve made only a very small Christmas pudding and a few mince pies to have later on in the day. I’m not making a Christmas cake. Waste of money when you are struggling to make ends meet.’

  ‘You’re not though, are you?’ Lloyd argued. ‘It’s true I’m not able to give you quite as much money as I did before but it’s not all that much less.’

  ‘I know all about that, Lloyd, and I’m not grumbling,’ Lorna assured him.

  ‘I’m giving you more money each week as well,’ Sarah pointed out, ‘so you shouldn’t be any worse off than you were before Dad lost his original job.’

  ‘Give it time and things will be straight again, cariad,’ Lorna told her. ‘While your dad was out of work I had to put off paying for some of the things we needed and now I have to clear off all those back debts. I want to start the year with a clean slate and squandering money on unnecessary luxuries isn’t going to help me to do that, now is it?’

  ‘I still don’t see why we can’t ask Owen to join us on Christmas Day,’ Lloyd said in a perplexed voice. ‘He’s been damn good to us getting me fixed up at Morgan’s and he’s never said a word to make me feel uncomfortable about it.’

  ‘Why should he? He’s done well getting a conscientious worker with all your experience for less than what he’s worth.’

  ‘Oh, so this is what it’s all about, is it?’ Lloyd said angrily. ‘You don’t think I’m being paid enough and you’re holding it against him.’

  ‘No, I don’t think that at all,’ Lorna insisted.

  ‘Then why not invite him to come and share Christmas with us? Poor devil, he’ll be all on his own in that bedsitter; not much of a holiday for him, now is it?’

  ‘His landlady will probably give him a dinner; she feeds him all the rest of the year,’ Lorna answered tartly.

  ‘That’s not the point,’ Lloyd protested. ‘I’m damn sure that Owen would sooner sit down and share the scraps on our table than stay in his lodgings even if he has half a turkey all to himself there.’

  Lorna had refused to give way so their Christmas had been quiet and there had been a strained atmosphere between the three of them.

  What worried Sarah was why her mother was being so parsimonious. Normally she was one of the most generous people imaginable and furthermore she usually enjoyed cooking and putting on a good spread.

  Sarah kept wondering what debts there were outstanding that still had to be paid off. Although they’d needed to be careful about what they spent when her dad had been out of work they’d been a long way from being on the bread line. She’d had two pay rises since she’d been working for Morgan’s and each time that had happened she’d increased the amount she gave to her mother each week.

  When she mentioned the matter to her father when they were on their own she discovered that he was as mystified as she was.

  ‘I know you’ve pulled your weight, cariad,’ he agreed. ‘As you say, your mam’s had almost as much housekeeping money as she ever had so I can’t understand why she’s so worried or why she has got behind with payments and isn’t able to manage.’

  ‘Have you tried asking her about the bills she still hasn’t paid? If we knew exactly how much money was involved, then perhaps between us we could do something about clearing them off and set her mind at rest.’

  ‘I did ask her, cariad, but she avoided the issue; she simply wouldn’t talk about it. I don’t know what’s going on. The only thing I can think of is that she’s borrowed from a tally man and, knowing what I think about them, she doesn’t want to tell me.’

  ‘Either that or she’s saving up for something that needs replacing in the home.’

  ‘Maybe, but for the life of me I can’t think what that can be. Whenever we need anything of that sort she usually talks about it and even asks me what I think.’

  Although she was delighted by Owen’s surprise proposal, Sarah felt rather concerned when he started talking about an Easter wedding. Even a quiet wedding cost money so if her mother was worried now about debts what was she going to be like when it came to paying out for that? Offering to pay for everything herself was one solution, but would her mother agree to such an arrangement?

  To her surprise her mother seemed to be delighted by the idea of a wedding and suddenly much happier than she’d been for weeks.

  Lloyd was a little more restrained, but as he shook hands with Owen he said he would be more than pleased to have him as a son-in-law.

  For several Sundays after that they seemed to talk of nothing else. Easter that year would not be until mid-April so they had plenty of time for all the planning. Even so, Sarah wondered if her mother realised all that was entailed. In addition to the cost of all their new clothes and everything else, once she was married and had a home of her own she would no longer be handing over money each week like she did now.

  ‘Unless you move in here with us,’ her father suggested when she mentioned the matter to him.

  ‘I don’t think that would work, Dad,’ she told him doubtfully.

  ‘It wouldn’t bother me,’ he told her. ‘You and your mam get on well enough. I’ve always said that it’s impossible for two women to share the same kitchen, but it’s not quite the same in your case as you’ve managed to do so all your life.’

  ‘What about Owen, though? We’ve no idea what he would think about such an arrangement.’

  ‘There’s only one way to find out,’ her father told her, ‘and that’s to ask him. It’s something that you and Owen will have to talk about anyway because if you are not coming to live here then you’ll have to start looking for a place right away or it won’t be ready for you to move into at Easter.’

  When Sarah brought up the subject and said that they could live with her parents Owen looked doubtful.
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  ‘Do you think it is a feasible idea?’ he asked doubtfully. ‘It will mean that the three of us will be working together as well as living together.’

  ‘We’d have the front parlour as our own living room and a bedroom and only have to share the kitchen so we needn’t see all that much of them if we don’t want to,’ Sarah said thoughtfully. ‘I wouldn’t go along with the idea if it meant us all being in together.’

  ‘No, I agree with that, but I still think that we would be better off if we moved right away into a place that really was our own. That way we’d feel free to do exactly as we liked,’ Owen insisted.

  In many ways Sarah agreed with him and once again she turned to her father to discuss it with him.

  ‘If only we knew what debts it is your mam’s talking about,’ he said worriedly. ‘There’s something on her mind. She doesn’t look at all well these days. In fact, there are times when she looks quite drawn and she’s certainly very touchy and short-tempered and that’s not like your mam. Something is worrying her, there’s no doubt about that.’

  The truth came out quite by accident. It was in the middle of March, on a cold wet blustery day and Sarah had such a heavy cold that around midday she decided she would take the rest of the day off.

  When she reached home she found her mother getting dressed ready to go out.

  ‘You don’t want to go out in this terrible weather,’ she told her. ‘What is it you need? I’ll pop out and get it before I take my coat off.’

  ‘No, I need to go myself,’ her mother told her. ‘Anyway, what are you doing home at this time of day?’

  ‘My cold is making it difficult to concentrate on what I’m doing so I thought I’d be better off coming home.’

  ‘I can’t stop to make you a hot drink so make one for yourself then fill a hot water bottle and get to bed,’ her mother told her.

  ‘You really shouldn’t go out in this weather, Mam. It’s blowing a gale, you’ll get soaked through,’ Sarah warned her.