Rouge

by Isabella Modra

  Eventually, Liz became less vulnerable to the pain of Leo’s death. Joshua helped her wherever he could – except in the kitchen – and after a while she grew curious of why he spent so much time in his lab. After he confessed, she was more than willing to help find the answer and together they decided to go deeper.

  This was when Liz remembered the drug.

  “I think it’s called something like… Feucotetanus,” Liz called to Joshua in the bathroom as she sat in his make-shift lab running through an internet search. “But there’s nothing here.”

  “First time Google has ever failed, huh?” Joshua smiled as he entered the room, wiping his hands on his black suit pants. Joshua always dressed in suit pants and clean shirts, even at home. Liz had only ever seen him wear casual clothing when he and Leo left on their expeditions. Even then, it was closed shoes, neat camouflage colors and lots of protection.

  Throwing her fist down on the keyboard, Liz sighed. “Why can’t I find it?”

  “Hey, relax. It’s going to be okay.” Joshua approached her and squatted, laying a hand on her bare knee. He gazed up into her worn face. It had aged phenomenally since Leo’s death. “Guess what? I found a place for us to move to.”

  Liz’s face brightened. “Really? Where?”

  “Cuba.”

  “Cuba? You’re not serious?” Her frown hardened instantly. “Why Cuba?”

  “Because it’s secluded and beautiful and it’s where the stone came from.”

  “I just…” Liz heaved and put her hand against her forehead. “Christ, I’m hot.”

  Joshua snatched a thermometer from the top shelf of his desk and stuck it against her head.

  “What’s the reading?”

  He waited a moment and then shook his head. “42 degrees. How is your heart rate?”

  “Racing,” she said. “Why does my temperature rise like that?”

  “You probably have this Feucotetanus still in your system. What we really want to know is where this drug has come from so suddenly, and how no one in the internet universe knows about it – except a homeless man with obviously no internet access, who just so happens to have it on hand.”

  “Mark,” she said and clicked her fingers. “Mark knows what it is, he told me himself the night that-”

  “Mark, the guy who keeps calling here like… three times a day?”

  “He’s from the hospital.” Liz crossed the room to the door and flew into the kitchen.

  “I know who he is,” he muttered and followed her. “Won’t he ask questions about where you are?”

  “So what?”

  “Well, we’re supposed to be hiding out. You don’t want to have to explain why you ran away, do you?”

  Liz grabbed Joshua’s home phone. “I owe it to Mark to let him know I’m okay. Getting you to call the hospital wasn’t very professional. And anyway, he’s the one who knows what the drug is. The hospital obviously has it in their system.”

  “Liz, do you want to move to Cuba with me?”

  She waved him away. “We’ll talk about it in a minute. Mark? Hey, it’s Liz.” She turned away from Joshua and walked into the living room. “I know, I’m so sorry to put you through that I just needed time…”

  Joshua tuned himself out of the conversation to save from the pain of hearing her talk about the fire. Not only that, but he never liked Mark. Liz always talked about him as a smooth-talking man who knew exactly how to treat women. Joshua knew him as a man-whore. He would have liked to ask the guy for tips, if he wasn’t so intimidated. Why couldn’t Liz ever talk about him the way she talked about Mark?

  Joshua picked up a glass from the sink and poured himself a cold drink of water. Thoughts of the volcanic substance – which he hadn’t managed to track down anywhere in any of his textbooks, and so assumed it hadn’t been discovered yet – blocked out sounds of Liz and Mark in deep conversation. He knew their only option was to leave New York and go to Cuba. It would be painful to move to the shack where he and Leo had spent the last few weeks before his death, but getting Liz out of the city and into some fresh, tropical air would be good for her. There, he had supplies for testing and boundless materials of the stone, which they would be able to study in the peace and quiet of their shack. It was perfect. All he had to do was convince Liz to go with him.

  Joshua made his way back into the office where he sat himself down at the computer and checked his emails. There was a message from his old college professor, who had never heard of Feucotetanus. Where had this homeless man found the drug that killed him? All of this was too crazy to be real. Especially Liz’s immunity to flames.

  They had never tested her boundaries. Even the sight of flames reminded Liz of the fire and watching Leo burn in it, so Joshua didn’t get to fulfill his desire to put a candle to her skin and see what happened. Sometimes he even wondered if her story was true. He had no proof, anyway, that Liz had survived the fire. What if she was already outside when the fire started? What if she was just lucky? He pretended to believe her just to make Liz happy, but a part of him needed to see it with his own eyes.

  “Mark is going to email the files,” she said from the doorway. The phone was still in her hands.

  “Great. How is he?”

  “He’s… alright. Wasn’t too happy that I quit, but he was still sympathetic.” She started massaging her neck as she moved to the desk. “What have you found?”

  “Oh, nothing.” Joshua closed the application and smiled as best he could. “I think I might go to bed.”

  “Okay. I’ll stay up a bit longer and wait for the email.” As Joshua left, Liz gripped his arm and squeezed it gently. “Night.”

  “Goodnight,” he replied and ignored the rapid beating of his heart as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. He undressed in a daze and climbed under the sheets. There, he lay awake for what felt like hours as his thoughts shouted at each other in protest and wouldn’t quiet long enough for him to fall sleep.

  He was finally nodding off when he heard the door to his bedroom creak open and the shadow of Liz in his doorway fell upon the bed.

  “Joshua.” Her voice wavered. “I have something to tell you.”

  He sat up fast, switching on his bedside lamp and thanking God he kept his pajamas on instead of sleeping in his underwear. It was just getting hot enough to do so.

  “What’s up?”

  Liz came and sat on the edge of his bed, wringing her hands and biting her lip. Worried she may have found something shocking in the information Mark had sent, Joshua opened his mouth to ask when she blurted out four words that knocked him speechless.

  “I’ve missed a period.”

  Joshua’s mouth snapped shut. Now that he hadn’t been expecting.

  “I’m two weeks late,” she said. “And I know that the stress of the fire might have changed my cycle, but I have this feeling that… I mean Leo and I were…”

  Joshua forced a smile, something he’d become rather good at lately. “You’re probably just… I dunno, stressed out. It’s nothing Liz.”

  She blinked hurriedly. “What do you mean, nothing? Joshua, I’m late. I’ve been getting major heat flushes and yesterday morning I threw up.”

  “You threw up? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You were out, I forgot. But… after talking to Mark I got to thinking. Leo and I… we didn’t use protection that night.”

  Joshua felt sick. This was all happening way too fast and way too soon. Thoughts of the drug and of moving to Cuba were suddenly way out of his mind. What occupied it now was the anxious expression on Liz’s face. She was lost, again, and he had to be there for her.

  So he did something that he never felt comfortable with, but longed to do all the same. He reached forward and cupped her face between his large hands.

  “It’s going to be okay, Lizzie. We’ll take a test tomorrow and find out if it’s true. If it’s not, then great. Problem solved. But if you are pregnant with Leo’s baby, then there’ll still be a part of him in our
lives. It will be a blessing.”

  Liz’s eyes welled with tears. “You’re right. Thank you Joshua,” she smiled. It was a wide smile that sparkled, one he hadn’t seen in what felt like a lifetime. “But I… I want to take it now. I can’t sleep worrying about it.”

  “I don’t have a-”

  “I do.” She pulled from in her pocket a little white stick.

  Joshua’s heart began to thud. “Okay. Use my bathroom.”

  Liz nodded, pursing her lips together as she ran into the ensuite. Moments later, after he sat there listening awkwardly and tapping his fingers on his knees, she returned with the stick.

  “Is it dripping?” he asked, holding out his hands and pushing her away.

  Liz laughed loudly. It was like chiming bells. “Relax, it’s not dripping. It takes thirty seconds to set.”

  She sat beside him again and suddenly her face fell.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I always imagined that in this moment… I’d be sitting here with Leo waiting for the results.”

  Joshua tried not to look at the stick as she spoke, unsure of what he wanted. He hadn’t had nearly enough time to figure that out.

  “Whatever happens,” he whispered. “You know I’ll be here for you.”

  Liz sniffed, twirling the stick between her fingers. Her thin features shivered beside him on the bed and he burned with the desire to tuck her red curls behind her ears, to hold her. But she still belonged to Leo. And a part of him knew she always would.

  “And…” he continued with a thick lump in his throat, “I think that Cuba will be the perfect place to raise a baby, away from all the crazy city people and in the fresh air. I actually preferred it when-”

  “Joshua.”

  He turned back to Liz and looked past the immaculate grin on her face to the frightening white stick and the little pink plus sign on the screen. A plus.

  “I’m pregnant,” she breathed.

  three

  Hurling herself over the toilet bowl, Liz opened her mouth and began the morning ritual: vomiting. Despite the fact that they were miles from any sort of civilization, she still felt as though she were on display for the world to see every time her breakfast decided to take the return journey.

  “Liz?”

  Joshua was calling her from his bedroom down the hall. The shack creaked whenever anyone took a step on the wooden floors, so she could hear him coming toward her.

  “I’m fine, okay!” She swung the door shut and wiped her mouth.

  Joshua knocked. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, alright? Leave me alone!”

  “Hey, I know pregnancy gives you mood swings or whatever, but I’m just trying to help!” He stomped back into the kitchen area, muttering to himself.

  After moving, their days had been a lot like this. Liz hated being pregnant, especially in this dodgy shack, half an hour away from any kind of general store or medical center. Joshua insisted it was best for her, and there were times where she appreciated the beauty of the mountains, but often she craved the comfort of her apartment. Actually, she just wanted Leo.

  Liz hauled herself to her feet and peered in the mirror. The dye she’d used to get rid of her fiery red hair was already fading. Now it looked like someone had dumped a bucket of tomato sauce on her head and mixed black ink in it with a brush. She hated it. Liz groaned, wondering if the off feeling in her stomach was more sickness or just the baby rolling over.

  “You really are a woman’s nightmare, aren’t you?” she whispered to her swollen belly. She lifted up her shirt and traced her fingers over the lump, across the little holes that Joshua’s needle had made.

  Sighing, Liz slumped down the hallway and into the kitchen. Joshua was outside on the porch. She made herself a cup of tea and went outside to join him.

  The shack had a view of the clearing of trees, and just through them, the white sandy beach on a small alcove of water. Joshua had made a hammock on the porch that Liz sat in everyday and watched the sun set over the trees and thought of Leo. She often wondered what her life would be like if everything was back to normal and they were having a baby just like any other couple. Not in some foreign country with her dead husband’s best friend as company.

  But Joshua wasn’t all bad. He was better help than Liz could’ve asked for, always checking up on her and making her tea and ‘trying’ to cook. It was just that, lately, things about Joshua had started to change. Ever since they took the experimenting further, Joshua’s sweet and innocent nature had suddenly turned… well, not so sweet. And every so often, Liz could sense this poisonous cool about him, as though he were a very thin stick of ice that would crack in two if she so much as touched him.

  “I’m glad that storm is over,” she said, leaning over the railing and listening to the sounds around her.

  Red macaws were screeching, forest animals were scattering, and the soft tinkling of the chime hanging by the door was almost like a song in the background. The rhythmical crashing of the waves could just be heard over the wind whispering through the trees. Everything was fresh after the torrential rain that blew over them two nights ago.

  “That was terrifying,” he said.

  “Sorry about shouting at you before.”

  “That’s okay,” he smiled. “I’m starting to get used to it.”

  “Can I ask you something?” She turned to him, dunking her tea bag in and out of the water.

  “If it’s about your nightmares or that burning feeling you get, it’s not the baby Liz. It’s just the Feucotetanus wearing off in you.”

  “How can you be sure of that?”

  He took a moment to stare out at the clearing. “Because it’s one of the symptoms. I’ve been emailing a professor in Sweden who studies it.”

  “I thought they wouldn’t talk to you.”

  “The manufacturers wouldn’t talk to me. They weren’t aware that any knowledge of the drug had ever crossed Swedish borders. But I managed to get in touch with someone who knows about it.” Joshua put a cautious hand on Liz’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about the baby Liz, okay? What you’re going through is perfectly normal in childbirth.”

  She laughed bitterly. “I really don’t think this is normal Joshua, I mean look what I can do.”

  “Speaking of-” he turned his gaze back to the clearing. “We don’t actually know what it is that you can do.”

  “What do you mean? I can walk through fire.”

  Joshua’s eyes turned to hers again, pale and filled with doubt. “I’ve never seen you do it.”

  “Right. Of course you don’t believe me.”

  “Oh come on Liz, if I came up to you and said I could turn myself into an elephant, would you honestly pack up all your things and move with me to the circus?”

  “That’s different,” she muttered.

  “It’s not. I do believe you, I just want to see it.”

  Liz shook her head, pursing her lips and trying not to cry. She’d been too afraid to go near any kind of fire or the volcanic rock since that night, and she wasn’t about to go sticking her head in an oven just to prove her point.

  “I can’t Joshua,” she said. “You’re just going to have to trust me.”

  “Is this about the baby?”

  “What about it?”

  Joshua sighed. “Look, I know you’re worried about it. I am too. I keep wondering why the baby has such high levels of the volcanic lava in its DNA. I can’t explain the properties of the stone because I don’t know what’s inside it, and after finding the hollow rock in your apartment, I suspect whatever it contained was an accomplice in creating the fire.”

  “You don’t think there was some sort of lava inside it, lava that somehow… crawled up onto the bed and then, I dunno, attached itself to me?”

  Joshua nodded thoughtfully. “That’s an interesting theory.”

  “But then… does that mean the baby will come out as some sort of… lava monster?”

  Joshua’s shoulders sho
ok as he chuckled to himself. “I don’t think that’s even possible Liz. But until that child is born, we have no way of knowing. And until I get a sample of that drug, we can’t do any testing.”

  “What are you gonna do, fly to Sweden and get it yourself?” Joshua didn’t answer, and Liz breathed a laugh. “Come on, get real Joshua.”

  “I’m not going. I just… I’m sick of walking around in the darkness.”

  Liz took a deep breath. Joshua had been there for her when no one else had. He helped her through the grief that wrecked her, through the pregnancy, and now through this horrible ability that could be morphing her child. Did she not owe him the truth?

  Liz took Joshua’s hand and pulled him back inside. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

  “Show me what?”

  He stumbled after her through the house and out the back to the garage they made into a lab. Joshua had all his equipment shipped there and spent most of his time trying to create formulas and solutions and God knows what else. He had become like a hermit.

  The lab was dark and dingy, exactly what you would expect of a wooden shack-shed made by a geologist. Rays of light sliced into the room and flies buzzed all around the chemicals lying uncovered on the tables. There were three stations; one for study, where Joshua had set up his computer, one for their practical experiments of sorts, and another for testing, where Liz had bared herself before Joshua and watched him stick needles in her stomach for the sake of her child.