Back to Life Series Box Set

by Danielle Allen

  “You sounded really good up there,” Ty said quietly, rubbing his hands together in front of him.

  “Thank you. I hope you didn’t mind me choosing that song,” I replied. I felt nervous about my ability to hold on to my emotions when around him. It had been entirely too long since I was in his presence and I wasn’t ready to give it up again.

  “It was a good choice,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. My heart breaks a little more at the sound and my throat constricts completely. The silence in the room started swallowing me and I felt like I was going to drown.

  Clearing his throat, Ty started, “Listen, I needed some space…”

  He needs his space…and I got on stage and professed my love for him. And I’m sitting here gathering the courage to pour my heart out to him again, I thought with a mixture of embarrassment and hurt. I apologized, “I’m so sorry.” I hopped to my feet and made my way to the door.

  I had my hand on the doorknob when Ty grabbed my arm and spun me around. He roughly pushed me up against the door and kissed me. When his lips touched mine, I moaned into his mouth. The force in which he kissed me made my entire body weak. When we finally broke away, we were both out of breath and panting. We stood in the hallway of his office and gawked at one another.

  My eyes filled with tears as I saw the love in his eyes and I bit the tip of my tongue in an effort to hold back the onslaught of emotions. I watched his tongue slide over his lips and then my eyes moved back to his. Another tear fell. I can’t take this anymore. I have to know if there’s still a chance for us, I thought as I struggled to remember the exact words Emily and I had prepared for me to say to Ty.

  Unable to string together the preplanned monologue I’d rehearsed, I just spouted out my truth. “I’m hurting without you. And I know I already said it in the letter, but I’m begging you, please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I can’t take not knowing what will happen with us. It is killing me. Please just put me out of my misery—”

  “I love you,” Ty whispered, chasing the words out of my mouth.

  “What?” I questioned, hopeful that I heard him correctly and scared that I had misheard.

  “I love you baby girl,” Ty repeated slightly louder.

  I let out a whimper as a solitary tear escaped. “I love you too. I love you so much, Ty.”

  He wiped my tear away and cupped my face in his hand. “What I was trying to say is that I needed space to think. I can’t think objectively around you. You consume me—my thoughts, my senses, my body. I was going to call you tomorrow before coming into work. I just needed a few days to think about what you said—in person and in the letter.” He paused and I saw the slight shift in his eyes. “I was pissed Sahara. When I boarded my flight on Tuesday, I was done with you. I wasn’t just hurt; I felt betrayed. The idea of you with someone else cut me deep,” Ty admitted fiercely.

  More tears fell as I listened to his words. Ty wiped my tears away and continued, “But after I cooled off and read your letter… it put some things into perspective.”

  He took a deep breath before admitting, “The idea of another man’s hands on you drives me crazy. And that hurt that I felt… I know you felt the same hurt when I walked into that court room. It’s not the exact same, but we both hurt each other last weekend and we both kept things from each other that we shouldn’t have. I don’t know how we move forward from that… but I’m willing to try because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

  “Me too,” I agreed in a whisper. “I love you. I need you in my life. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And again, I’m sorry. I am so sorry I caused you to doubt me. And I’m sorry about Emanuel…” My voice faltered as I said his name.

  “He was your first love, but I plan to be your last,” Ty vowed as he tilted my head back and took my mouth with his. My breath hitched at the profoundness of his statement and the passion in his kiss. My heart sped up and the pull deep inside me ignited the desire I felt for Tyree Barker. When we pulled apart, I felt warm and heady. Wow, I thought as all other words escaped me.

  “That was the most perfect thing anyone has ever said. Ever,” I murmured. “You are everything to me.” He kissed me in response and the energy crackled between us.

  “Are you able to leave now so we can make up officially?”

  “No, I have some things I need to take care of here before I leave. I have a manager’s meeting with the staff, but I can definitely leave right after that. The absolute longest it’ll take is an hour. And then we can officially make up,” he laughed sexily. Ty kissed the tip of my nose and stepped back to rake his eyes up and down my body. “You should go, though. I won’t be able to concentrate on the work I need to do with you here looking like this.”

  “So you’re kicking me out?” I giggled, pulling him into me and feeling my effect on him.

  Laughing, Ty teased, “Yes. I want you out of here. Because the only thing that’ll get done around here is you.”

  He kissed me gently and then putting his lips to my ear, he breathed, “I will be home an hour after the meeting starts. And we will talk and then I will taste you and then I will be inside you. Is that okay with you?” His hands were on my hips and his fingers flexed, gripping me.

  I squeezed my thighs together and my eyes fluttered closed. “Yes, please,” I moaned pulling his mouth to mine. We spent the next ten minutes exploring each other’s mouths and bodies in his office while we waited for my taxi.

  Only having five minutes before he was to start his meeting, we left his office hand in hand. His contented smile made the heat rise all over my skin. I was grinning so hard that my cheeks hurt. We walked out of the building and not even the summer breeze could cool me down. Looking at his handsome profile, a chill coursed through me. Ty put his arm around me and pulled me into his nook as he walked me to the waiting taxi.

  “I want to be the one to take this off of you,” Ty whispered as his fingers toyed with the metallic fabric. I giggled in response and nodded in agreement.

  Opening the door, Ty leaned into the taxi and cautioned, “You are traveling with precious cargo. Get her to Libby Lofts safely.” After putting money in the driver’s hand, Ty turned to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed me with such passion and love, it left me breathless.

  “I’m sorry I’m not driving you. If I didn’t have to meet with my employees to settle a dispute tonight, I would be the one to drive you home. And if you weren’t so irresistible, I’d have you stay,” Ty apologized as he kissed my cheeks, my nose and my forehead before landing solidly on my lips.

  “Thank you,” I murmured, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him in close.

  “You don’t need to thank me. I wish I could take you myself.” He nuzzled his nose against my face, his stubble roughly tickling my skin.

  “Of course I need to thank you baby. And not just for the taxi ride, but for everything. Thank you for not giving up on us. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for being you. Before you, I just existed. I didn’t really live, I didn’t really feel. I was going through the motions. And then I met you…” I stroked his face and gazed up at him. “And you brought me back to life,” I declared softly against his lips.

  He kissed me and replied, “And you, baby girl, are my reason to live a little.”

  My heart fluttered. Smiling up at him, I whispered, “Hurry home.”

  “I will,” Ty promised, running his hands up and down my back.

  “Have a good meeting my love,” I sang lovingly as I ran my hand down the strong muscles of his arms. “I love you.”

  “I love you too baby girl. I’ll be home soon,” Ty insisted. Giving me one more kiss before helping me into the taxi, Ty closed my door. He looked at his watch and then looked deep into my eyes. “One hour,” he promised.

  “One hour,” I repeated.

  “Oh crap!” I said aloud as I sent an ‘OK’ text in response to Ty’s text saying that the meeting went over but
he was finally done and would be home soon. That text was from almost thirty minutes ago so he should’ve been here…which means I have negative two minutes to finish this, I thought hurrying to finish cutting up fruit to make a colorful fruit tray. Ty was taking a little longer than anticipated to get home which worked out fine because I ambitiously thought I could create a homemade fruit bouquet in the little time I had. Humming to the music that played through my speakers, I set the timer for fifteen minutes and put the fruit in the freezer.

  Per Ty’s request, I kept my outfit on because it looked good and I liked the way Ty’s eyes appreciated my body in it. Hearing the knocking at the door fifteen minutes later, I pulled the fruit on sticks out of the freezer and took off my apron. I placed it on the hook and slipped back into my 6 inch heels. Another series of knocks caused my stomach to jump in anticipation of seeing him. I just saw him two hours ago, yet I am excited like a kid on Christmas morning. Love, I sighed happily as I twisted the doorknob.

  “What are you doing here?” I blurted out in shock. Not wanting to be rude, but not wanting to encourage him, I clicked my deadbolt out and stepped into the hallway. Leaning against the wall across the hall, Emanuel’s tall and incredibly sexy body took me by surprise.

  “You look…” Emanuel’s eyes were wide as he took me in from head to toe. “You are flawless.” My body heated under his lingering gaze.

  I could say the same thing about him, I thought eyeing him in dark jeans, a hunter green and white shirt that stretched over his muscles and an acoustic guitar strapped to him. I quickly dismissed the thought. Feeling the familiar tremble in my gut, I blushed and looked away from him.

  “Emanuel, we can’t do this. We both have someone. And my someone is on his way here now and I don’t want him to think I lied to him about you and me,” I anxiously explained. My heart raced in alarm with each second that rolled by.

  “I know and I don’t want to make your life difficult. I just had to tell you something and I couldn’t do it over the phone. So here I am now, doing what I should’ve done a long time ago.” Taking a deep breath, he continued, “Right now, you’re his and I’ll respect that. It was wrong for me to not end it with Ashlyn before asking you to choose me. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me sooner, but it wasn’t until I was put in the situation on Tuesday that I really saw it for what it was. How could I ask you to do something I wasn’t doing myself? So I broke things off with Ashlyn that night. If I didn’t have to work, I would’ve been here sooner. So now I’m standing in front of you as a single man telling you that I’m in love with you and that I have been in love with you for most of our lives. And if you’ll have me, I’ll love you for the rest.”

  I couldn’t help but be moved by his declaration of love. My hand came to my chest in a feeble attempt to slow my heart down. “Emanuel…” I whispered with astonishment in my voice. How can words so sweet from the man I’d loved since I could remember come at the worst possible time? I groaned inwardly as my heart continued to swell. My next thought worried me: does Emanuel being single change anything?

  Before I could stress over the question I posed to myself, he started strumming his guitar and the melody evolved into “I Won’t Give Up.” I wanted to tell him to stop, to leave, but the way his voice rasped the lyrics did something to me. It broke my heart and then put it back together again. Momentarily I forgot that Ty could literally show up any minute. The lyrics of the song and the emotion that poured from Emanuel’s voice ripped into me. My heart and my mind were racing and I stopped breathing somewhere midway through the ballad. I was undeniably captivated through the entire song. He stared at me and held my heart in his hand throughout his beautifully emotional rendition. It was one of the most romantic gestures I’d ever experienced. I drew in sharp breaths at the intensity in his voice, in his eyes. He flew out here to sing this song to me. He flew out here to tell me he wants to be with me. He flew out here to tell me he loved me. And I love him too, I acknowledged as my emotions were all over the place and my eyes watered. But Ty is my present.

  When he played the last chord, I opened my mouth to speak but words didn’t come out immediately. “That was—” Startled, I was cut off by the elevator dinging to announce its arrival. I gasped as I backed halfway into my loft. Emanuel and I were both quiet as a man and a police officer stepped off. The man in front quickly checked us out before moving past us, down the hall.

  Once they walked by, Emanuel started again, “Please say something Sahara.” Emanuel took a small step toward me. His face was full of emotion and although he didn’t reach out for me, his grey eyes penetrated me, begging me to respond to his romantic gesture. Like always, Emanuel managed to seduce me with the intensity of his eyes.

  The knocking on the door down the hall snatched my attention away from Emanuel. Why are they knocking on 9E? I mused in bewilderment. Bewilderment quickly turned to fear as I assessed the situation.

  In a shaky voice, I called to the two men, “Excuse me. Are you looking for the man who lives there?”

  “Do you know him? Is anyone home?” The officer questioned as both men turned toward us.

  “Yes, I know him. What is this about?” My voice came out a bit shriller than I intended and my breath came out in quick bursts. I tried but failed to hold it together, grabbing my door handle, I braced myself.

  “Do you know if anyone else lives here besides him?” the tall man inquired. His voice was softer than the officer’s as if he recognized that I could be of use to them.

  I noisily sucked air in through my nose. Looking between the officer and the taller man, I said, “No. No one lives there but him. I’m his girlfriend. And he usually stays here with me. He should be home in a few minutes. He texted me when he got out of a meeting and said he was about to leave work. But he owns a restaurant and lounge so stuff always comes up at the last minute. He should be home soon though. He’s probably on his way now. Why are you looking for him? What’s wrong? What’s going on?” I rambled with my voice trembling.

  “Fade Into You” played from inside the loft as an uncomfortable silence settled on the group. The two men moved closer to us slowly and for a full thirty seconds, the haunting melody of the song hung in the air. I blinked back tears when I felt Emanuel put his arm around me. The combination of Emanuel hand stroking the bare skin of my shoulders and the uneasiness I felt around the two men who were steadily approaching was overwhelming.

  When the two men were closer, I asked again in a more confident voice, “What’s going on?”

  The taller man positioned himself in front of me and pulled out a badge before he said, “There’s been an accident.”

  Sahara’s Playlist

  Street Lights—Kanye West

  Dreaming With A Broken Heart—John Mayer

  The Panties—Mos Def

  Secret—Maroon 5

  My Immortal—Evanescence

  Lovesong—Adele

  All I—Jill Scott

  Breathe—Raheem Devaughn

  Whenever Wherever Whatever—Maxwell

  Never Felt This Way—Brian McKnight

  I Love, You Love—John Legend

  Uninvited—Alanis Morissette

  Landslide—Fleetwood Mac

  Getting Late—Floetry

  Wild Horses—Alicia Keys ft. Adam Levine

  I Won’t Give Up—Jason Mraz

  Fade Into You—Clare Bowen & Sam Palladio

  Back to Reality

  Back to Life #2

  Danielle Allen

  Love brought her back to life.

  Life brought her back to reality.

  Dedication

  Dedicated to YOU.

  Again.

  Because without YOU, none of this would be possible.

  XOXO

  Prologue

  I have a recurring nightmare.

  I'm driving… and then I crash, killing my passenger.

  And my passenger is always one of two people.

  The only two men I've ev
er loved.

  It's always one of them.

  It's always in the same nondescript dark colored sedan.

  It's always pitch-black outside, unnaturally dark. Not a star in the sky.

  It’s always on a back road in an unfamiliar area.

  And we are always the only car on the road.

  There’s nothing and no one out there but us.

  So I don't even know how it happens, because there’s never any warning.

  Every time is like the first time.

  Every time is all of a sudden.

  We are having a conversation.

  I stop at a stop sign and I look over at him.

  He smiles at me and says I love you.

  I open my mouth to say it back because I do.

  Regardless of which one it is, it’s true.

  I love them both so much.

  I am drunk off of the love they give me; I’m drunk off of the love I feel for them.

  And I plan to say just that when out of nowhere, from a stopped position—BOOM!—we crash.

  And they are dead.

  Emanuel or Tyree.

  Emanuel and Tyree.

  Dead.

  And it’s my fault.

  I killed them.

  And that knowledge kills me.

  My breathing becomes irregular and inconsistent making me lightheaded.

  My throat becomes raw from bawling and screaming tearfully.

  My muscles become tight from the tension of the panic attacks.

  My heart breaks and shoots pain through my entire body.

  And then numbness takes over.

  And I can’t feel anything anymore.

  I’m back to reality.

  Chapter 1

  Looking at the small puddle of tears on the off-white and brown speckled floor, I took a deep, rasping breath. My shaky hands shielded my face from everyone around me as my fingers pressed against my pounding forehead and my thumbs pushed the earbuds deeper into my ears. I could still hear voices swirling in the vicinity of me, but I couldn’t focus on anything but my breathing. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale, I internally coached myself through my breathing exercises. Every time my mind attempted to formulate a thought, the panic attack would wind itself back up. So I focused on the music and the puddle that collected between my 6-inch black Christian Louboutin pumps.