Pretend I'm Yours

by Aiden Bates

  “No, Kyler,” I stammered. “Not exactly.”

  “You told me this was because you had been hurt in your previous relationship and you were not ready to love again.”

  “That was true-”

  “But you lied to me about everything else.”

  “I didn’t lie to you, Kyler.” I was getting defiant again. “I told you right from the beginning I did not want a relationship.”

  I heard a snort of disapproval from behind me that must have been my mother’s but I was past caring. Something about being put on the spotlight was making me irritable.

  “You knew it was a fake marriage,” I went on. “You signed the contract, for God’s sake. What did you expect?”

  It was the wrong thing to say. I regretted it as soon as I did, too. But the words were out there, and the trio of gasps from around the room let me know just how well they had been received. Kyler’s lip curled. He stared at me for a long moment, then nodded firmly.

  “Well, I’m glad you’ve clarified your position.”

  And he turned and disappeared down the hallway. Moments later, he emerged with a small bag on his back, and a determined expression on his face. He made for the door without a second glance at me.

  “Don’t go that way…” I started to say, but I was a few seconds too late. Kyler marched to the door and yanked it open. As expected, he was greeted by a flurry of camera clicks and flashing lights. He jumped back in alarm and slammed the door shut.

  He shook his head as if to wipe the experience from his memory. Then he strode back across the living room and disappeared down the hallway. It was then I remembered that he knew about the other exit. I ran after him, still confused as to what he was doing.

  “Kyler?” I called after him. “Where are you going?”

  “Literally anywhere but here,” he called back.

  “Come on, Kyler. I can explain. There is more to this than what you heard.”

  Silence, except for the sound of his hurried footsteps.

  “I’m sorry!”

  Still nothing.

  I heard the door leading into the basement creaking, and I broke into a jog to catch up. Just as I was approaching, I heard it swing shut, and a few seconds later, the sound of a key turning. It was firmly locked when I got there. I could only stand there stupidly while Kyler’s footsteps faded, and the last thread that had been holding my life together finally snapped with a mournful twang.

  19

  Kyler

  I wanted out. I wanted to get as far away from Saul as possible, to put as much distance between me and that house as possible. I did not once think about what would happen once I got outside the house, or even beyond that. All that mattered was that I was not there in that room anymore, that I wasn’t in the same house as that man.

  I had not even expected to be able to get out of the house. The press had certainly been a big surprise. Even though Saul had told me about it, I was still shocked at the sheer numbers crammed into that front yard. What did that say about Saul? That he still generated so much interest so many years down the line. I wished I had stayed to get a better idea of what the story was, but it wasn’t too hard to guess. The world was probably waking up to the news that their favorite missing Prince had been found.

  There was a very small part of me that wanted Saul to come after me, in that overly dramatic, final sequence in a romcom kind of way. But once he did, I realized what I really wanted was to turn to him and obliterate him.

  I had no reason to be mad at him, and that made me more mad. He was right, he had told me about the arrangement from the onset. He had actually made me sign a contract to that effect. I knew full well what I was getting myself into, and still I was angry. I had already wondered what he was getting out of our arrangement, but I never thought to ask. The fact that it wasn’t family he was after but money was disappointing yet sadly not surprising. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had always sort of known. He lived in this secluded spot, in a lavish mansion, where he did nothing in the vein of working. He had not taken a single photograph in years, let alone sold one. In a way, all this had to be sustained.

  It stung that he had used me in that way, but it felt inconsequential that he had. I was not going to pretend that I did not have my own selfish reasons for agreeing to this sham. I couldn’t fault him for that. I suspected what I was really mad about was the emotional betrayal I felt. It was true that we had both been aware of the contractual situation. But over time, it had become less and less of a reality, so much so that I had forgotten about it. As we got closer, there was an unspoken agreement that we were not giving it any further thought. We bonded and fell in love, and I allowed myself to think that the contract did not matter anyway, that this was for real. I was angry at Saul for allowing me to think that, for making me fall for him even though he had made it clear he did not want to fall in love with me, and for the casual way he could dismiss what we had.

  Or was it myself I was really mad at? The signs had been there from the onset. He had reminded me on countless occasions that he wasn’t in this for the love. The stories about his ex, the wall he had built around himself, a wall I had seen through a few times. But then he had held me like that, fucked me like that. He had taken me to see my dying father; he was at the memorial service, for fuck’s sake. Who does that and still turns around and says “You knew it was a fake marriage?” The only conclusion I could come to was that he had never really cared about me. I had allowed myself to imagine a relationship and sustained it through my mind.

  I thought about all that, and none of it improved my mood in the slightest. I still wanted to sink my fist into Saul’s perfect face, like he had Chris. I settled instead for kicking at the ground in frustration. The cellar beneath the basement led out into the other side of the forest. I had discovered it on one of my many overhauls of the house, with the stupid idea that if this was my house I was supposed to discover its secrets. Ugh. How pathetic, Kyler.

  I emerged from it half expecting to be met with another mob. Or at least a handful of more thorough journalists. But the door was perfectly concealed, blending so well into the surrounding shrubbery it was impossible to notice from the outside.

  Only then did I stop to think about what I was doing.

  The plan was clearly to get back to L.A. But I had no idea how to do it. I was suddenly feeling lightheaded, and I leaned on a tree to support myself. There was no two ways about it, I would have to call Jess. I did not know any other way out of the mountains. Saul and I always had flown in. I was sure I could drive out, but that would require a car. And while I had no problem stealing one of Saul’s cars at the moment, it would require me to turn and head back to the house. The very same house now crawling with journalists.

  I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone. It had been a while since I used it, so when I switched it on, it vibrated for almost a full minute, the notifications all pouring in at once. I noticed I did not have much charge, which I knew was going to be a problem if I was out in the woods with no idea where I was.

  “Jess?”

  “Hey, dude.”

  She knew. I could tell from her voice. Not surprising, really. I was probably splashed on every tabloid and social media site in the country. That, and the telepathic connection we shared as best friends.

  “Have you seen it?” I asked her anyway.

  “I have. I’m so sorry, Kyler.”

  “Yeah, well. Can’t do anything about that now. Listen, Jess. I need you to come for me.”

  “What? Where? Now?”

  “I’ll explain everything later. Just come get me, please. I’m somewhere in the Roch Mountain area. I’ll drop you a pin so you can track me, but in case my phone dies, I’m heading in the direction of the airstrip in Redvale.”

  “Okay. I’m on my way.”

  I saw the name Saul flash across the screen after I hung up. Already texting me? I swiped it away without opening it.

  The wave of naus
ea had begun to pass, but I still felt like my stomach was churning, and that I was in danger of puking at any moment. It must have been something I ate. But I could not worry about that. I suddenly wished I had paid more attention to the area when we had been exploring with Saul. Or even when flying in. As it was, I had no idea in which direction to start walking.

  I took a quick glance at my phone map application and got a sense of where I should go. Adjusting the backpack, I set off due west, walking briskly and trying to keep to the shadows.

  It did not take long for me to instantly regret the idea. The sun was out, and it was beginning to grow hot. I could see nothing but endless green in front of me. This walk could even take hours, and I was starting to get tired. I almost turned and headed back, but I remembered Saul, and the look on his face when he was asking me what I had been expecting. And I kept walking.

  I had walked for almost thirty minutes when I heard the car approaching.

  I dodged and hid behind a tree, where I flattened myself against the trunk, but I had been too late. Whoever was in the car had seen me. He stopped a few feet away, and I considered making a run for it, but I had no idea where I was, and I was afraid I would get even more lost. I had no choice but to remain right there as the car door opened and the driver walked around and over to me.

  I recognized him right away, and I sighed in relief. It was one of Saul’s ‘men in black’. Dave. He approached slowly, his hands held out in a gesture of appeasement.

  “Mr. McCormick?”

  “Kyler,” I corrected him.

  “Kyler. It’s me. Dave.”

  “I know who you are. You’re the first person I met from Saul’s detail.”

  “Where are you going, Kyler?”

  Dave must have come in with Rance. Which meant he had come from the house, and was probably here to take me back.

  “I’m not going back there, Dave,” I told him, shaking my head to emphasize my point.

  Dave looked at me for a long time. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking; his face was a blank sheet.

  “These woods are dangerous,” he finally said. “It’s extremely easy to get lost in there. Where are you going?”

  I thought about running again, but I knew he was right. I would never be able to find my way through those woods, let alone trek all the way to Redvale. It was stupid to think I would.

  “I’m not going back,” I said again.

  “I’m trying to help you here, Kyler,” Dave said. “Are you trying to get to the airport in town? I’ll take you.”

  “You will?” I said, caught off guard. I had not interacted with Dave beyond the few times we had met in transit, but he seemed like he genuinely wanted to help.

  “I mean, yeah,” he said. “Mr. McCormick said to make sure you’re safe. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to go back.”

  I was still wary as I got into the car, but Dave simply asked me to buckle up and then drove off. We did not speak all the way to Redvale. I wondered if stoic silence was one of the defining qualities of a good chauffeur, or bodyguard, or whatever he did for the McCormicks. But I liked it. The silence allowed me to think, and I had a lot to think about.

  He dropped me off at the airport. I thanked him heartily, but he waved it away genially. As he was driving off, he lowered his window and beckoned for me to come closer.

  “He really loves you, you know,” he told me. “I’ve never seen him like that with anyone before.”

  I was still thinking about that one when the plane from L.A. landed two hours later. Jess came rushing out of the plane and spotted me right away. She ran to me, her now bubblegum-pink hair dancing in the wind.

  “Pink?” I said. “What new level of ratchet is that?”

  “Such insolence,” she scoffed, shaking her head in exaggerated disbelief. “I fly all this way and the only thing he can talk about is my hair.”

  She hugged me.

  “Thanks for coming, Jess,” I said in her ear. “Really.”

  “Of course, man. That’s what friends are for. Is everything okay?”

  “I’ll tell you on the way home. Come on, there’s a car rental service this way.

  We got a sturdy Lancer and Jess got into the driver’s seat.

  “You sounded upset on the phone,” she said. “I figured something serious had happened.”

  She looked over at me, as if gauging whether I was in a good enough mood to press. It was almost uncharacteristic. Jess always ploughed ahead regardless.

  “So? What happened with Saul?”

  I told her everything that had happened since we had been together in L.A. She did not seem surprised at all when I told her about Saul and the situation with his father’s money. I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

  “I mean, we knew, right?” she asked me. “When we were checking out his profile and he made you sign that ridiculous contract. We kinda knew.”

  “That he was just using me for his selfish purposes and would dump me as soon as he got what he wanted? Yeah, I suppose we did.”

  “It’s so ridiculous, though, that he would go to such lengths just to get money. It seems like so much to do just for that, you know?”

  “I don’t know about that, Jess. Saul hasn’t worked in over ten years. I don’t think he even remembers how. I think he saw it as an easy way out.”

  “You’re not defending him now, are you?”

  “Of course not! I’m just saying. He lives a certain kind of lifestyle, and to keep it up he needs money.”

  “But why doesn’t his father just give him the money?”

  “They have a weird relationship. Rance loves him, but he also unwittingly enables him.”

  Jess was right. I was making excuses for Saul, as if he had not just revealed his true self to me. He is not your husband. Not really. Not anymore.

  “Well, now I’m going to have to break his legs,” Jess said, and there was such quiet resolution in her voice I actually believed her.

  “Jeezus, dude. What has gotten into you?”

  “I didn’t tell you about it, but I knew Saul was going to do something like this. I’ve always been wary of the guy, to be honest. I know I kinda pushed you towards him, but I still always felt like there was more to this story than meets the eye.”

  “Didn’t tell me about what?”

  “I may have threatened him back in L.A., when he dropped me off at my place.”

  “What?”

  “Only a bit!”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “I don’t even remember. The usual threat. You know, ‘if you hurt my friend I’ll find you and put you down’”

  “Wow, Jess. That is so extra.”

  “I don’t see it that way. I see it as me looking out for my best friend.”

  Indeed it was, in a weird, almost sisterly kind of way. I was grateful for it and for her, even though I was having difficulty saying it. It made me realize how much I had missed her.

  “We should do a girls night,” she said, echoing my very thoughts. “So we can bitch about the fucking McCormick’s and catch up properly. There’s this new dating show I’m watching? Total shit show. I know you’ll love it.”

  I smiled. That’s what Jess did. She made you forget whatever problems you had. As we drove along a winding road that seemed like it was carved out of the side of the mountain, it was easy to forget about the fact that my life had just fallen completely apart, that I had wasted all that time on a doomed relationship. I basically had nothing. No money to my name, no actual life to speak of. Saul had been my whole world, and while that had seemed romantic mere hours ago, now it looked incredibly stupid and shortsighted. I needed to re-evaluate my life, and I needed my best friend to help me figure out where to go from here.

  “No fake strippers this time?” I asked her, smiling.

  “Fake? The disrespect. That man could bend all the way over.”

  My phone vibrated once more in my pocket, and I knew without looking that it was Saul tex
ting me again. I switched it off in my pocket.

  “So,” I said, turning back to Jess. “Are we not going to talk about the hair?”

  20

  Saul

  One of the first lessons I learned at the feet of the great Rance McCormick was that the world always moved on. In a way, it was what fueled him. He strove, as an actor, to keep himself in the consciousness of his audience for as long as he could. They will still forget you, he always said. But best make it difficult for them.

  In particular, he had championed this philosophy when my ‘scandal’ involving Chris was the hot news item in town. Ignore them, Rance had advised repeatedly. They will find a juicier story somewhere else and leave you alone. I remember thinking that it was useless advice, not least because it came from a man who had never been involved in a scandal of any sort, and whose image was so pristine the media straight up worshipped him. I also remember waiting impatiently for the story to die down, for people to stop throwing side glances at me everywhere I went. And I remember the relentless coverage that never stopped until I had to leave.

  The world was taking its time moving on from Scandal 2.0. There was now a group of reporters and photographers who had taken to camping outside my house 24/7. They were always there, lurking behind bushes and hiding behind walls, waiting to catch me unguarded. Dad and Mother had tried suggesting I move back to Los Angeles with them, but I did not want to. I was done running. Unless something drastic happened, I was not going to give them the satisfaction of kicking me out of my own home.

  The initial buzz had faded, but there was still the odd story on me every now and then in online blogs. There was even an online community that had formed, calling itself the ‘Syler Shippers’, which was very critical of the whole business with the media storm, and whose main objective was to ‘reunite the two lovers’.

  Kyler’s departure had definitely thrown some fuel into the dying embers of the story. It had been three weeks, and once the news broke out, that became the headline. It was a validation, more than anything else, that everything they had said was true. It was clearly a better story if I could be painted as the monster who had used and duped an innocent kid. Of course, they were not wrong. I was a monster. I had duped Kyler.