Pretend I'm Yours

by Aiden Bates

  “But I didn’t anticipate you at all, Kyler. Even before I met you I was terrified of falling in love and being hurt again. But once I met you, this theoretical fear became very real, except now I was terrified of falling in love with you. It was inevitable, really. I love everything about you, Kyler. You’re perfect for me, and I think we’re great together. I want you to know that I did fall for you. I admit it wasn’t the plan. I admit I set out trying not to. But I’ll also admit I fell for you hard, and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

  I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to throw his actions in his face and tell him his words meant nothing compared to them. I wanted to run from him and never look back. But I knew I would never be able to. I had barely done it before, and now that I was here with him again, I knew I would never be able to again.

  “Maybe I moved on,” I said, more out of a desperate, illogical need to hold on to some of that anger than anything else.

  “You did not,” Saul said, and there was that sure arrogance in his voice again. “Here’s what I know. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the minute you left. I can’t look at anything without seeing you there or hearing you. I can’t do anything without picturing you doing it with me. You’re my world, Kyler. Nothing exists for me outside that world, and I know you feel the same way about me.”

  Damn the man.

  I cast around for something witty to say, something scathing and appropriately vicious. But my excuses were running out. And while I struggled to find words, Saul got up from his seat and slowly went down on one knee.

  My heart leapt into my throat.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box.

  “Kyler Nielson,” he said. “It’s such a shame I never got to do this properly. You deserve the world. You deserve the chase, and the public proposal, and the flowers. You deserve to be serenaded and wooed. I am sorry I never got to do any of that, but I would like to start now. I’ve never met anyone like you in my life. I cannot live without you. Will you do me the honor of making sure I never have to?”

  I tried speaking but the words clogged my throat. So I simply nodded. It all seemed so surreal I expected to wake up in Jess’s bed.

  Saul pulled a gorgeous ruby ring from the box and slipped it onto my finger. And then he grabbed me and kissed me, and it was familiar and urgent and passionate, and I fit right alongside him like I had never left.

  “You’re wrong, by the way,” he said after a while. “The suit Gere wears is definitely black. I know, because I watched the damn thing three times.”

  The anger I had tried to hold on to so fiercely dissipated like mist, and I was left with a glowing sense of pride and joy.

  It was only then I remembered I was pregnant. So the timing was not so bad after all.

  “By the way, I have some news as well.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant.”

  He stared at me in stunned silence. Saul was so rarely speechless, but he was now. He grabbed me and hugged me tight, let go and hugged me again. I laughed when he went down on his knees again and examined, then started talking to my belly.

  It was a truly beautiful moment.

  I had never loved anything more than I loved him in that moment.

  22

  Saul

  I was smiling so much my cheeks were hurting.

  I felt giddy, like I was so happy I could float away. It would have been a perfect day if I had just seen Kyler and known that he was okay. I would have been eternally content if he had simply accepted my apology and that was that. But he said yes, and it was more than I would ever have imagined I would get.

  Yesterday, I had been sure this would be a disaster. I had been sure Kyler would never speak to me again, and today, things couldn’t be any different from what I had expected.

  I kept replaying the moment in my head, even though it had happened mere minutes ago. The anticipation, the absolute terror of not knowing what he would say or how he would react. The desperation that he understood what I was saying. The excitement. The anxiety. The wait, almost unbearable in how endless it seemed, how infinite. And then the simple way Kyler nodded, and the feeling of pure ecstasy.

  The day could have ended there, and I would have been happy. But there was more. I was going to be a father. I had seen it but not registered it. Kyler’s body was different. Fuller, softer, more rounded. His skin had a certain glow about it, one I had not seen on him before.

  He was having my child. We were going to be parents. It was everything I had ever wanted, everything I had thought I would never get.

  I kissed him when he told me. I kissed him because words would never be enough for how I felt in that moment. I kissed him because he looked beautiful, and I couldn’t wait any longer. I kissed him, and all the while I was smiling from ear to ear.

  The crowd had disappeared when we emerged from the limousine. My plan had actually been a spectacular failure, now that I thought about it. It was one of those things where everything has to line up perfectly or it all falls apart. Kyler had not been in the apartment. I had no idea what apartment it was. I had not factored in the crowd at all.

  The band noticed the stupid grin on my face and correctly translated it. On cue, they began to play the Wedding March, refusing to stop until I waved them down. There was only one person who wasn’t smiling in the vicinity, and I walked up to her with a sense of trepidation.

  “I guess congratulations are in order,” Jess said.

  “I know I disappointed you,” I told her. “But I’m sorry. I truly am. I just want you to know that I am grateful to you for your friendship to Kyler. And, based off our last conversation, I want you to know I appreciate you looking out for Kyler. I would be lucky to have a friend like you.”

  I extended a hand to her.

  It looked for a moment like she wouldn’t shake it. But a smile slowly spread out on her face, and she leaped forward and wrapped me in a hug.

  “Thank God!” she exclaimed. “I’d hate to be mad at the only celebrity I know. Congratulations, really.”

  “Thank you, Jess.”

  “What was that, by the way? Pretty Woman? That was weak, man. A for effort, but I expected fireworks, you know?”

  “Execution problems,” I conceded. “But I can’t complain.”

  She turned to Kyler and hugged him, too.

  “I’m happy for you both.”

  “One more thing,” I told her. “I know you’ve seen my own experience with paparazzi. You’re a budding photographer, just like I was once. Paparazzi represent the very worst of what we can be. I know you had the opportunity to sell the story yourself, but you did not, and I’m thankful for that. I hope you realize the world has need of your talent and that you apply it more smartly.”

  “Of course. Thanks, old man.”

  “Careful, now. Or I won’t ask you to take the official baby photos.”

  Her eyes widened to twice their size.

  “Really?” she gushed.

  “Yes. Really. You can do the announcement photo. I can be your first major client.”

  “Oh my God, that would be fantastic, thank you.”

  She asked us in for tea, but I had other things in mind. First and foremost, I wanted to take my husband home. I had been away from him too long; social interaction could wait.

  The flight home seemed to take ages. The ride took even longer. The whole time I was thinking of how lucky I was to have Kyler with me, and how I could not wait to touch him, feel him, kiss him. I couldn’t keep my hands off him. It was like I had been wandering around the scorching desert and I had just stumbled into an oasis.

  As soon as we got into the house, I led him into the bathroom. The trail of our clothes followed us as we went, so that by the time we got there we were both undressed.

  He looked just as beautiful as I remembered, except for the almost unnoticeable changes that had started showing on his body. Yet even those added to his app
eal. I went in for a kiss, but Kyler put a hand on my chest and pushed me away.

  “Wait,” he said. “I still have to punish you for that whole mess of a situation.”

  Oh, how I had missed this.

  “Go on…” I prompted.

  Kyler grabbed me by the cock and led me to the bed.

  “How long has it been? How many days did you stay without me?”

  I didn’t even need to do a mental count.

  “Twenty seven,” I said.

  “Then you deserve to be spanked twenty seven times, one for each day.”

  I loved watching him take charge like that. He was such a natural alpha when he wanted to be. I complied quietly, my excitement shooting through my body. I went on all fours on the bed and lifted my ass to him. He spanked me, not so hard as to cause pain but not softly either. Each blow landed with a loud smack, causing me to clench my buttocks, and sending flares of pleasure trickling right to my cock. I lost count after ten, losing myself in the moment, allowing the sensation to build up inside me until I thought I would die from the anticipation.

  When he was done, I turned on him, taking the reins back. I pushed him onto the bed and climbed over him. I grabbed his stiff cock and slid my lips around it. It was velvety smooth and hot to the touch. He moaned and jerked his hips upwards, pushing his cock further into my mouth. I felt it graze the back of my throat ever so slightly, and it made me even harder.

  I went to work, combining quick, circular strokes using my hand with the wet pressure of my mouth and tongue. He was thrashing about in under a minute, gyrating his hips and grinding on the bed. I felt his orgasm begin to build. I grabbed him by the hips and pushed him all the way into my mouth, so that my lips were touching soft pubic hair, and I felt his cock throbbing in the back of my throat.

  He came with a loud scream, the loudest one I had ever heard from him. I swallowed every drop of his cum, enjoying the salty taste of him.

  My own excitement was reaching its peak.

  I grabbed him by the hand and lifted him, then turned him and shoved him back on the bed. I commanded him to get on all fours in a rough voice I did not recognize. There was not going to be any restraint this time.

  I thrust into him with practiced ease. I loved how he always seemed to be ready for me. His ass gripped my cock, taking some time to readjust to my size. He felt incredibly warm and tight, pulsing gently on my shaft. I pushed his back even further down and started moving, making long, deep thrusts that slapped against his ass and elicited screams from him. It was rough and fast. I took out the full extent of those four weeks without him into those thrusts, using my body to remind him how much I missed his.

  The orgasm powered through me, taking me slightly by surprise. I continued to pound into him, my hips frenzied, my eyes shut tightly, a thin sheet of sweat trickling down my back. I collapsed on top of him, and together we lay sprawled on the bed, our collective panting the only sound in the room for several minutes.

  That was all I wanted really. I had Kyler, and I was sated and content.

  I turned his cheek so he was looking into my eyes.

  “I never asked you, do you want a boy or a girl?”

  “I don’t think I have a preference. I’m just excited to start a family with you.”

  “Me too,” I said. More than he could know. “I want you to know, I’ll do everything in my power to be as good a father to our child as Korbin was to you.”

  “Let me just put this out there, by the way. Beyoncé is an excellent name for a girl. Fierce.”

  I laughed. “Not a chance in hell, hubby. We’ll go for something more traditional. Besides, if he or she is anything like you, they’ll be incredibly fierce just by default.”

  But if the baby was to get only one thing from Kyler, I hoped it would be his eyes.

  23

  Kyler

  My due date arrived all too soon.

  I was enjoying living in paradise, with Saul catering to my every need. We got our routine back, for the most part. We had to cut down on the trips outside, especially as my belly got bigger and my feet began to swell. But we still had meals by the lake, we still lounged on the deck naked after breakfast, and I still slept in Saul’s arms.

  After the first month, I was finally able to eat without vomiting. I actually developed a really big appetite, and it gave Saul the opportunity to spoil me with his cooking. We spent every waking hour together, thinking up baby names and planning on how we were going to raise our child.

  By default, planning for the wedding had taken a back seat. Saul insisted on doing it anyway, so we could have out big ceremony soon after we had the baby. Interestingly, neither of us had wanted a big wedding, but we suddenly found that our positions on weddings had changed. I joked that I wanted to go full diva, and Saul told me he was right there with me. I wanted it all. I wanted the ridiculous destination wedding, possibly somewhere offshore, presided over by Ellen DeGeneres. I wanted a reception by the beach, and a honeymoon in Greece, and an extended trip around the world afterwards.

  But we agreed to focus first on the baby. It was a lot of fun, converting one of the bedrooms into a nursery. Because we had elected to keep the sex of the baby a secret, we put in both male and female themed items and colors. Saul filled the room with more toys than I’d ever seen in a single room. Clearly, he was going to be one of those parents who spoiled their kids.

  There had been some back and forth about whether we would have to move back to L.A. I worried that it might not be good to bring up a child in a secluded place such as this, but Saul insisted we would find a way to make it work. I think he liked the idea of us having our own little corner of the world where we could do as we pleased.

  Though I had been anticipating it for weeks, the start of the birth of our baby took me by surprise. One morning, I was struggling to get out of bed when I felt the wet patch around my rear that meant it was time.

  I was surrounded by family and friends as I went into the hospital. All our plans had revolved around us flying to L.A. when the baby came, but we ended up driving to a neat little private hospital in Redvale. Jess showed up with a tall, gangly guy I assumed was her new boyfriend. Rance and Phoebe made it down too, both looking incredibly proud and excited. But I only had eyes for one man. Saul was visibly nervous, but also excited. He kept throwing me reassuring looks and squeezing my hand, and I suspected it was more to calm his nerves than mine.

  Right before I went into the operating room, Rance pulled Saul aside and whispered something in his ear. He came back beaming, and told me that Rance had decided to let him have the money from the trust fund anyway.

  Saul was standing beside me while I was on the operating table. He had a mask on along with the scrubs, so all I could see were his eyes, but that was all I needed. I closed my eyes and imagined our child having those eyes. The operation was quicker than I had expected. It was a quick C-section that only required localized anesthesia.

  A few minutes after the incision was made, a shrill wail filled the room, and the surgeon lifted a plump baby girl and handed her to Saul.

  The look on Saul’s face alone was worth it. He was beaming as he took our daughter into his arms and held her, rocking her gently until she stopped crying. He then brought her over to me, and gently lowered her into my arms. She was beautiful. It was true that everyone said that about newborns, but she was. She looked like her father, with the strong jaw and proud face, but she had my eyes; large marbles of seaweed green.

  We named her Kadia Grace, after much squabbling and polite refusals. Kadia meant ‘pure’, which we felt best described what she meant to us. Kadia Grace McCormick. Still, I assured Saul that she would always be Beyoncé to me, and that I would call her that when he was away.

  Finally, I had a clear path I wanted my life to take. I had a family, and I decided I would dedicate myself to making sure our daughter was brought up surrounded by love and care.

  I had somehow got my happy ending, and it was even better
than I had imagined it would be.

  Epilogue

  Saul

  Kyler looked resplendent in black.

  He took his time walking down the aisle, as if to give us time to see him in his glory. He wore a fitted black suit, with tassels in front and an exceptional golden bow tie that winked when the light hit it a certain way. His hair was even more lustrous than usual, and he had decided to plait it into three neat cornrows. He looked devilishly handsome. More than once I had to stop myself from staring.

  He walked down the aisle with Jess.

  The wedding was incredibly intimate, attended only by our family and friends. Kyler had made the point that it was more for us than for anyone else, so we should only invite the people who understood what we had been through. Even with a guest list of less than twenty, we still ended up with an impressive number of celebrities, courtesy of my dad and my mother. While planning the wedding, I had joked to dad that Zachary Quinto was both our celebrity free pass, and he had asked ‘his good friend Zach’ if he would officiate the wedding.

  Kyler came down the aisle with our daughter Kadia Grace in his hands. Everyone ooh’ed and aah’d as they slowly made their way down. I waited with bated breath over at the altar, hardly believing that this was finally happening. I had never really thought about what my wedding would be like, but it was better than any I could have imagined. We had rented out a private island off the coast of the Pacific. The decoration had been minimalist, as the beach was already stunning.

  After what must have been an hour, Kyler finally made it to the altar. He handed Kadia Grace over to my mother, who was beaming happily in the front. Then he turned those eyes to me, and I felt like I was seeing him for the first time.