He kissed her forehead. “Go to London. Think about what we just talked about.” His voice was low, almost down to a whisper. “And maybe next time you’ll give me a different answer.“
Her mind felt cloudy while his words confused her. All the stress from work and her failing relationship with Nathan made her fear the future all of a sudden. But she also knew what was good for him, and for herself.
“Nathan, I don’t want to give you grief each time I can’t be there for you. I don’t want to be the reason you drink yourself to the point of passing out because I can’t be around. I don’t want you to lose clients because of me. It isn’t your fault. Really, it’s mine. Truth be told, you’re an amazing boyfriend. I couldn’t ask for a better one. But maybe now is just not the time for us to be in a committed relationship. I don’t want you to start dating the next hot model you meet, but look, I can’t stop you and I don’t want to be selfish.”
This time there was no holding back the tears. She allowed them to flow freely. As free as she wanted Nathan to be. And perhaps herself.
“I love you, Nate. I really do. And maybe that’s why this break up will be good for us. We need to really figure out our feelings and priorities.”
She pulled him in for a kiss. It was the saddest kiss she had in her whole life. He tasted of salt, salt for her wounds.
He pulled her in for a hug, yet it gave her no comfort. No goodbye hugs feel good, but did her heart have to shatter this much?
“I love you,” she whispered.
He cupped her face with trembling hands as he stared into her eyes. “I love you more than you’ll ever know, Darcey.”
Nathan’s Chapter 1 (Eton)
“Nathan, I got a letter from England today. It’s official. You’ll be attending Eton after summer.” Sissi’s voice said this was no proposal or request.
A delectable assortment of juicy peaches, crêpes filled with cinnamon and fresh apples , sausages, crisp bacon, and delicate pastries was laid out on the massive marble table.
“Eton? But that’s in England,” he replied with a mouth full of chocolate cereal.
“Mind your manners. Don’t talk with a mouth so full. Did I not raise you? A stranger would think you were raised by a pack of hyenas.” His mother picked up a cup of fine china and gracefully brought it up to her red lips.
He gave a single nod, cereal stuck in his throat like cotton on molasses. Sissi always found ways to instill both fear and awe in the child.
“And, yes, Eton is in England. What’s the problem with that? You’ll be the seventh generation Eton graduate in the family. Your grandfathers’ grandfather and the men before them all studied there. It’s also good that you mix with your own crowd. These nouveau riche Americans can be so uncouth at times.” She sliced a small piece of grapefruit and eyed him with a raised brow.
He stared at her plate in silence, only too glad she at least let him have his breakfast of choice. Bacon and cereal were better than any diet fruits she usually ate. That week Sissi jumped on the grapefruit diet, a craze her Beverly Hills friends said was Hollywood’s secret.
A lump began to form in his throat and he washed it down with a big gulp of fresh lemonade. Having breakfast with either his mother or father was a rare occasion. He felt lonely in the opulent house. His sister was in Italy, finishing her last year in university. That week she had sent him a care package filled with Italian grooming products for men and a handwritten note. The gesture had warmed his heart.
He shared the same mother with her but had different fathers. Nathan’s father owned a publishing company called C’est La Vie. The divorced socialite and heiress Sissi had met his father at a Polo Match in England and they had a whirlwind romance, which ended up in marriage after a mere few months of dating. The couple moved to America because of the publishing house and within a year Sissi gave birth to Nathan in New York. Since he left his mother’s womb, he had been raised by a long line of nannies.
Despite being born in the United States, Nathan felt just as British as he was American. He often visited his maternal grandparents in England during summers and Christmas.
“Am I staying with grandfather and grandmamma in England?” he asked carefully.
“Please, darling, of course not. You’re staying in campus of course. Why would you want to travel all the way from London where they live? What’s the matter? Wouldn’t you like that? You get freedom at such a young age. Why, your Beverly Hills classmates would die to be in your shoes. Eton is a world-class school and it’s very difficult to get accepted. But of course they couldn’t refuse you, you’re the 7th Anderson graduating there and your school records have been stellar.” Sissi not once looked up from her phone while talking, her fingers moving in a frenzy.
“I am a Cromwell.”
“Yes, yes, I know. But look at you.”
He glanced up to see her proudly studying him. It wasn’t often that Sissi handed out compliments. He grinned sheepishly.
“You have my eyes. There’s no doubt you’re an Anderson.” And with that she went back to tapping away at her phone.
He had to agree as he popped a piece of bacon in his mouth, its salty goodness bursting in his mouth.
“When are we leaving for England?” He was careful to speak after swallowing this time. But the appetite that was so strong when he got out of bed that morning vanished. Something tugged at his chest. He was sure to miss his friends. Did the students in Eton play baseball and basketball? He doubted it.
As if reading his mind, Sissi informed him, “You’ll have to learn polo and fencing.”
“Mother, I don’t really think-”
“Nathan, every man in our family knows how to play polo. Your granddad was an excellent player.”
“Dad doesn’t play polo.”
“I don’t care that he doesn’t. I care that you do. You’ll have to learn golf as well. And Latin.”
“Latin? Mother, are you serious?” he replied, flabbergasted.
“French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian. What are they?” The stern look was back on her expertly made up face.
“Languages?” he replied dryly.
“Funny. They’re all Latin-derived languages and if you want to be good at any of them, you must learn the language that gave birth to the world’s most beautiful tongues.”
“Everyone speaks English nowadays.”
“Is that so? Were you able to buy gelato in Venice? Your sister had to do it for you.”
He simply stared at his soaked cereal.
“Vous-avez compris?” she asked.
“Oui, ma mere. Je comprend.” He pushed his bowl away.
“By the way, your father called. He can’t meet you to watch the game after all. But he did say you could bring one of your mates and have our driver drop you off. The tickets and some cash are on his desk at work.” She took another sip of coffee.
“But he promised.”
“Promises are meant to be broken.”
“But not Dad’s,” he insisted.
“Especially your father,” came the quick and curt reply.
“Why? Does he have to fly to China again? Or wherever it is this time? I haven’t seen him in weeks.”
“Oh, thank you for reminding me how long it has been, son.” Sissi’s face hardened. “Apparently, your father seems to forget he has a family. But well, as long as he keeps his duty, then it is fine with me.”
“Mom, this is Dad, your husband, we’re talking about. Don’t you miss him?” He narrowed his eyes, afraid he wasn’t going to like his mother’s answer. He was aware he was too young to know love. Sure, he had crushes here and there. But young or not, he believed that when two people got married, they did so because of love.
“Missing someone is for the weak. Missing someone isn’t something you should ever feel.” Her gaze penetrated his. “Nathan, you should start realizing at a young age that you shouldn’t waste your time missing someone and being miserable.” As soon as she uttered those words, her
eyes took on emotions he couldn’t decipher.
“But didn’t you marry father because you loved him?”
She waved a hand airily in the air and scoffed. “Love isn’t a feasible option for the likes of us.” Her regal face was stoic.
It might as well be made of marble, he thought.
“What do you mean?” he mumbled.
“The moment you fall in love, it’s the end of you. It will make any intelligent man lose his mind. These emotions you call love has the power to make a rich man so poor, all he’ll have is money.” Her voice was strong and steady, but her eyes didn’t hold the strength of her words.
Something stirred inside him. Was it pity?
“But love makes people feel good. Motivates them. Makes them feel alive.”
“You’re so naïve, my son. Maybe, yes, for a few days, a few months, or even years if you’re quite so fortunate. But the time will come when that love leaves. What will you hold on to? You’ll have to let it go then. You’ll discover the feelings are gone. They’re ephemeral. Ah, and when you love more than the other person loves you, then consider yourself at a loss. So, don’t go there, Nathan. I wouldn’t want you to ever feel that kind of pain.” A strain that rarely existed in Sissi’s commanding voice had begun to appear when she said the last words.
Silence strangled the air around them. He cleared his throat after several moments. “Mom, well, I-I like this girl, you see. A crush, if you will.”
“Forget her.” She removed the linen napkin off her lap and placed it primly on the table. “You’re too young to think about such things. A crush. How common! One day when you’re old enough, you’ll learn to study a woman, not for her face or her legs or her eyes. You’ll need to discover what they can bring into the marriage. Mark my words, or you’ll end up with a gold-digger!”
He cringed but Sissi continued, oblivious to his reactions. “If you’re not careful, girls will worship and fall at your feet simply because you come from a wealthy family. Not to mention the fact that you have looks from my side of the family.” There was no arrogance in her tone, she knew as well as he did that Sissi was stating facts. There were no doubts the Andersons were a beautiful family and Nathan had his mum’s perfect features, especially her ocean blue eyes.
But he didn’t care for such things. “What if I fall in love with someone, well, someone ordinary.”
Her mouth formed a tight line. “Nathan, listen to me. You should never allow your heart to dictate your path. Darling, mummy only wants what’s best for you. And what you deserve is a special woman. A woman who everyone envies in this world. She has to be intelligent, all that a Cromwell bride should be. But you have a decade to think about that. Focus on school and then work. You’ll inherit a multinational company one day.”
She had stepped away from the table when he timidly asked, “Mother? Did you ever love father?”
Standing up to her full 5’10 height, she turned to scowl. “I have a meeting with our company lawyers. Do stop this nonsensical chatter.”
Seeing the frown on his face, she gave him a radiant smile and planted a kiss on his forehead before she stepped towards the foyer. The Los Angeles sun floated through the tall windows, casting a glow on the marble floors and golden accents of the entire house. But Nathan felt the familiar loneliness creep in as he stared after Sissi.
“Mother?”
“Yes?”
“Did you forget anything?”
“Oh right, my pashmina, thank you, Nate.” She walked back to the dining room, her heels clicking rapidly on the floor. Manicured hands picked up the cashmere pashmina from a chair.
As he heard the front door shut behind her, he turned to his cold bowl of cereal and whispered, “Today is your son’s birthday.”
*****
A knock on the door disrupted Nathan’s reverie. He realized he had been staring at the cars passing the 405 freeway below. A view of the dry hills of Los Angeles spread out from his glass window.
“Come in.” He swiveled his chair to face the massive office.
Jane, his ever efficient secretary, stepped inside and adjusted her spectacles with a fidgety hand. Her other hand held a few packages. “Mr. Cromwell, Mr. Musha is at the conference hall waiting for you. Also, your sister called. She wanted to know if you could ring her back. And the jewelry assistant at Harry Winston left you a message. The ring is ready for pickup.”
“Thank you, Jane. Please bring Mr. Musha refreshments. Tell him I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“And, Mr. Cromwell, happy birthday.” She moved towards his desk and handed him a bottle of wine with a card. “It isn’t much but the staff really appreciates everything.”
“I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.” He stood up to give the elder woman a warm hug. “I appreciate it. More than you know.”
She nodded, understanding crept into her eyes. “Your sister also sent this.”
Nathan looked down and studied the small package. It was postmarked from Italy. As soon as Jane left the office, he picked up a contract for his meeting, shaking his head. He felt tense. His own mother and girlfriend couldn’t even be bothered to call and greet him.
He made one last mental check that he had everything he needed for the meeting. As he walked down the long corridor towards the conference room, he told himself today was going to be a wonderful day. A tense muscle in his shoulder made him grip his briefcase tightly. Some lies were too difficult to believe.
Chapter 5
“Bye Merlin! I am going to miss you.” Darcey patted the dog, a precious Valentine’s Day gift from Nathan. The little Pomeranian looked more like a teddy bear than a dog. Merlin wagged his tail and, as if the mutt knew that Darcey was leaving, sniffed his owner’s fingers. Merlin stuck his tongue out in the air as Darcey picked him up like a child.
“Oh baby, mummy’s going to be gone for just a few months. I promise to be back, and then I’ll take you out for long walks. Don’t grow up too fast.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, darling,” Nathan spoke from behind her, his tall frame leaned against one of the long kitchen counters. Sadness dripped from his words. “You’ll break his heart. Besides, he’s getting used to you being away. I bet he thinks Gill the dog walker is his mummy.”
Darcey, the perennial crybaby, tried her hardest to keep calm. She reminded herself to be strong. If her emotions dictated her life, she wouldn’t leave Los Angeles. But she knew in order to fulfill her dreams as a writer, sacrifices were in order.
Nathan had made her blueberry banana pancakes that morning, in the same way Americans did: thick pancakes covered in maple syrup.
But breakfast today had been unbearable. Neither of them had an appetite for the delicious spread. She tried to take forceful bites and pay Nathan compliments as a chef. Other than that, they had barely spoken a word to each other.
Her flight was scheduled to leave in a few hours. Like an unspoken rule, they remained reserved and calm throughout the day. It was obvious they were trying to control their emotions. To Darcey, it was the worst meal they ever shared. She knew it would be ages before she saw him again. Perhaps she just had her last meal with him.
The previous night had been horrible, as well. She tossed and turned while Nathan stayed up working on the couch. It was almost four in the morning when sleep finally came to her. She had fallen asleep enveloped in his arms on the huge couch. One of his hands held on to the financial documents he had been studying, while she held a guidebook on Japan in her hand.
Am I doing the right thing? Will I really be okay without him? She thought as she looked into Merlin’s hazel eyes. Will he cook breakfast for someone else when I’m gone?
With a heavy heart, she pushed away the sad thoughts before they could bring tears to her eyes.
“Make sure you walk her and take her to the salon when she needs a haircut. I hope she remembers me,” she told Nathan as he stared outside the large glass windows surrounding the kitchen. The deserted Malibu Beach lay in
beauty down the hill. Waves crashed on the shore, reminding her of the memories they shared walking by the shore hand in hand, just like they promised they would do before they left London.
“Merlin will always remind me of you.” He smiled softly without tearing his gaze away from the ocean. It held the same serene blue of his eyes. “Every time I see him, I’ll see your smiling face. I’ve always given him the best and will always take care of him.” He finally looked away from the window to gaze at Darcey. “I’ve gotten used to him here. He’s our baby.”
She couldn’t help but think they sounded like a divorced couple sharing child custody. Giving Nathan a wry smile, she petted Merlin some more while hoping tears left her eyes alone.
He reached out to touch their pet’s soft fur. “I doubt he’ll ever forget you. You’re hard to forget, did you know that? I think it will take one lonely lifetime to forget a little ball of sunshine like you.”
His words cut through her heart, but she noticed his voice was dry, devoid of emotions. A part of her wished he would beg her to stay, tell her he couldn’t live without her by his side, that he would never let her go. But just as she let Ollie, her cheating ex-boyfriend, go without a fight, she knew she had to let things be. She couldn’t bring herself to continue hurting Nathan while she was flying non-stop to all these places for work.
Nathan, too, seemed to have given up on her. He hadn’t asked her to stay after their talk in Sissi’s library. She had to wonder if that meant their love wasn’t enough. Or, could it be, despite their strong feelings, they were just not meant to be together?
“So, what’s the first thing in your itinerary?” he asked.
She stood up and smoothed her skirt with an open palm. “I’m going to spend time with family in Surrey. I’ve missed grandma and grandpa so much. I also can’t wait to be on a saddle again.” The last time she was on a saddle was when Nathan took her on a sunset ride in Calabasas, an upscale suburban city in northern Los Angeles. One of his friends had a sprawling ranch in Hidden Hills, it provided a breathtaking view of the Valley. Nathan had prepared a picnic of organic strawberries, five different cheeses, Napa Valley wine and an assortment of fruit and caviar.
Be Mine Forever_Darcey's_Book 2 Page 3
