Ruby's Palace

by KERRY BARNES

  “Who is it?” Jesse shouted in a gruff voice.

  Ruby assumed whoever was shouting must have the flu.

  “I said, who is it?” Jesse stood in the hallway, waiting for an answer before she opened the door. No one came knocking this early – unless it was the Ole Bill.

  There was no gear in the house so she didn’t give a shit.

  Ruby pondered over what to say: ‘It’s me, Mum,’ or ‘It’s Ruby Vincent’.

  She shuffled from foot to foot.

  Jesse was nursing toothache and a split lip. Her punter had cracked her one on the side of her head, which had left her in agony, so she wasn’t in the mood for silly games.

  “I’m looking for Jesse, err, Jesse Right!” shouted Ruby through the hole in the door, hoping the voice shouting back wasn’t her mother’s.

  “Well, you fucking found her. Now what do ya want? Make it quick, I’m busy,” Jesse shouted, assuming it was a teenager from the estate, trying to score draw.

  “Can I come in?”

  Jesse was looking in the hallway mirror at her swollen cheek. How the hell am I going to earn any money tonight with a face like a balloon? she asked herself. Still wearing the long T-shirt she wore to bed, she pulled open the door.

  Ruby stepped back in bewilderment. She didn’t recognise the haggard woman standing, half-naked, in the doorway. Her face was puffy, half her teeth were missing, and the skin on her neck was wrinkled. She looked so old. Her hair was thin and almost bald in parts.

  The smell of drains and fags hit Ruby and she took another step back.

  “I’m Jesse. Now, what do you want?” She leaned on the doorframe with no pride at all. The T-shirt was see-through, leaving nothing to the imagination. Ruby was staring in disbelief. There was no way this wretched-looking woman, stinking of all sorts, could be her mother.

  “I ain’t got all day, girl, what the fuck do you want?” Her voice was croaky, like an old man’s. Ruby wanted to turn away and run, but she didn’t.

  “I’m Ruby,” she said in her sweetest tone, hoping that the angry expression on her mother’s face would soften and she’d invite her in.

  Jesse shrugged. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?” Her eyes were cold and hard.

  “It’s me, Mum. Ruby!” she said.

  Jesse, sizing her up, spotted the jewellery around her neck and the designer handbag. There, before her, stood her meal ticket. She had to put on an Oscar-winning performance to pretend she had any feelings for her daughter.

  “Oh, my Ruby, is that really you?” Her voice softened. She watched to see the girl’s face. Was she going to buy it?

  Jesse flung her arms around Ruby’s neck. “My baby girl’s come home!” The acting was over the top.

  Her mother’s bony arms almost crushed her. The reek of sweat and whisky made Ruby gag.

  The vision of her mother in a Laura Ashley smock dress, and the perfume of lavender or sweet peas, quickly diminished – or had that just been an illusion?

  “Come in. The flat’s untidy, but I wasn’t expecting any visitors.”

  Ruby shrugged. “It’s all right, you should see the state of my house.” She was trying to make her mother feel more comfortable but Jesse thought otherwise as, dressed like fucking royalty and covered in diamonds, how could her daughter possibly be living in a shit-hole? Never mind, one day she would have the same. Besides, the Vincents owed her.

  She was right. The flat was a shit-pit if ever Ruby had seen one. But she was sure she had remembered coloured curtains and cushions with flowers. The smell was bad enough and it was evident why. The carpet was sticky and the heavily stained couch was devoid of proper covers, with an old bed sheet flung over the back. In the corner of the living room there was a table covered with pizza boxes and chip wrappers. Beside the sofa, overflowing ashtrays and beer cans added to the mess. The curtain was grey, not fitted properly, and the window had a crack across it. Ruby cringed as Jesse invited her to take a seat.

  “Let me get you a drink,” offered Jesse as she hurried into the kitchen.

  Ruby was heartbroken. This wasn’t the vision she’d had at all. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember how her mother was back then, but it was blank. She didn’t recognise the flat inside but she recalled the outside and the park. Perhaps this wasn’t her mum. Jesse returned with a mug of tea. As Ruby peered into it, she saw white blobs of sour milk floating on the top, which turned her stomach over.

  She had the urge to be sick. She breathed deeply and held it back.

  “How’s Jack? Is he all right?”

  Ruby nodded. She concluded then that this vile woman was her mother.

  “Hey, I know! Let me get dressed and we will go for a coffee. How about that? And then we can catch up.” Jesse was desperate to win her daughter over and she could tell, by the look on her face, that the flat disgusted her. Jesse wondered how long she could keep the pretence up. It was hard not to jump off the chair and punch her in the mouth. She had a hatred for her kids which was burning away, day by day.

  “Does your dad know where you are?” asked Jesse, as she stood up.

  Ruby nodded. She thought about how he was a good dad and she couldn’t imagine him living with this woman. She was so rough-looking. He was smart, clean, and handsome for a dad. In fact, he looked so young that her friends fancied him – which she found gross. But Jesse was the complete opposite. She seemed older than her grandmother.

  “What happened to your face?” asked Ruby.

  Jesse needed to suck Ruby in, one way or another. “Oh, well, I get these dizzy spells. The doctors think it might be a brain tumour, as I fell over and smashed me mouth. Listen, I don’t want you to be worrying about it now. You’ve found me, and we are gonna have a good time.” Jesse forced her eyes to water.

  Ruby changed her opinion of Jesse. That’s why she looked so thin and raggedy. It was the brain tumour. In her naivety, or longing to find an explanation for her mother’s sorry state, she accepted the story.

  Jesse returned to the living room, wearing a velour tracksuit. Her hair had been pulled back into a pony tail and she had on a pair of sunglasses. They were perched on her bony nose to hide the brown rings, but they did little to improve her appearance.

  “Let’s go then!” Jesse grabbed the keys off the table, along with a packet of fags, and they left the flat, much to the relief of Ruby, who was nauseous and eager to leave.

  As she slammed the door shut, her neighbour, Pat, a huge man, with two pit bulls, who was walking up the path, shouted, “’Eh, Jesse, what’s up with you? Did you shit the bed?” He laughed.

  “Get lost!” she shouted back, in obvious annoyance.

  “Who’s your friend?”

  “She’s me daughter, Ruby.” Jesse had now put her arm around Ruby’s shoulders.

  Pat looked at Ruby and laughed. He didn’t believe it for a minute.

  “Oh, yeah, sure. Anyway, Jesse, all right tonight for a draw?”

  She hurried past him, nodding, as she tried to get Ruby out of earshot before he said any more – and gave her secrets away.

  The estate looked gloomy again. Clouds hung heavy and that was how Ruby felt too. As they walked towards the café, centred in the middle of the estate, Jesse tried to be friendly. “You aren’t ‘arf pretty, Ruby. I am so proud of you!”

  She smiled sweetly but felt oddly uncomfortable that an adult, her mother, was beneath her. She had hoped instantly to form a bond but there was nothing.

  “Ya know, you look just like me when I was your age.” Jesse was trying hard but she could sense the awkwardness.

  Ruby cringed again, praying that this was some kind of joke, as there was absolutely no resemblance whatsoever.

  *

  The café was cleaner than the flat but still grotty-looking. Ruby slid along the red plastic seat. It was meant to replicate an American diner.

  Jesse sat opposite. “Now then, honey, what do ya fancy? How about a nice bacon sandwich and a cup of coffee?”
/>   Ruby didn’t feel hungry – she was still in shock – but agreed anyway.

  “I can’t tell ya how pleased I am ya came to find me. I was sure you would one day, ya know, when you was ready.” Jesse was squeezing Ruby’s hand. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She stared at her mother’s fingers and felt so much shame. The nails were bitten to the quick with tiny scabs and, to make matters worse, they were filthy. She wasn’t sure now if she wanted to hear her mother’s side of the story. Could she even handle this kind of poverty? She had a lovely house, with beautiful things, and she could never imagine living with her mother for one single day. Ruby’s lifestyle was a million miles away from this and she had taken it for granted, every bit of it.

  The coffee and bacon sandwiches arrived and, despite Jesse’s sore mouth, she tucked into them as if she had never eaten before. Ruby broke off a small piece and popped it into her mouth, but she didn’t like it. She saw the fat swirl around, mixed with the soggy bread, and couldn’t eat any more. The coffee was bitter but she drank it to wash away the remnants of the bacon.

  “So how’s your dad and your Aunty Francesca?” It grieved her to ask but she needed to stay calm and pretend she cared.

  “Yeah, Dad’s got his own nightclub, called Sam’s Palace, and Fran lives in the States with Uncle Sergio.” She said it so matter of fact.

  Jesse knew Sam had his own club and was fully aware that the Vincents were minted. “Did they treat you well, babe? Was you happy?” Jesse guessed she was just by her appearance.

  “Yeah, but it would have been better if you had been there.” Ruby couldn’t believe she had said that because the vision she had had of growing up of her mother, sadly, wasn’t at all accurate. She realised that now and she felt sorry for her. This pathetic waif of a woman was stirring feelings of guilt.

  “They must have looked after you well, babe, you look beautiful.” She stroked her daughter’s face. Ruby didn’t want her mother touching her.

  As Jesse picked up her cup of coffee, her hand shook and she nearly spilled its contents.

  “Why are you shaking like that?” asked Ruby.

  Jesse grabbed this opportunity to work on the sympathy vote. “Oh yeah, that’s the brain tumour. It makes me shake.” She looked down.

  “But I thought you said the doctor only thinks you have a brain tumour. It could be something else!”

  Jesse was gritting her teeth, cocky little madam. “I didn’t want to tell you, really, but I have brain cancer and the doctors are not sure how long I have to live.” She tried desperately to force out a tear. “So, it’s so special to me that you came back into my life, Ruby.” At that point she felt sorry for herself, believing in her own bullshit, and the tears came – full-force. Ruby panicked. She wasn’t used to seeing adults crying. Her family had always been strong and in control. Even her Uncle Joe, who was the daft one, she had never seen in an emotional state.

  “Don’t cry, Mum, I’ll help you.” She wasn’t sure how, but she was stronger than her mother.

  Jesse was excited. Now she had her daughter right where she wanted her, she would milk it for every last penny.

  “Oh, sweetheart. You’re such a lovely girl, but there ain’t much you can do. There ain’t much anyone can do, except one of those special surgeons abroad. Only the rich and famous get that kind of treatment. All I want is me girl around, and then I’ll be the happiest mum in the world.” Jesse didn’t mention Jack. She knew he hated her. The disdain on his face, the day he came home from Gloria’s, had said it all. Ruby’s mind was working overtime. If her mother needed a lifesaving operation, then, with a little persuasion, she could get her aunt, who was a millionaire, to organise it. She kept that thought to herself.

  “Now then, enough about me. Tell me about you. Have you got yourself a nice fella?” asked Jesse, now she was done with the tears. Most mothers in her situation would ask about school and hobbies, not act like a mate.

  “Yeah, one or two, but no one special,” Ruby laughed.

  “That’s my girl, keep them on the go. I can see ‘em drooling over you. Like me, at your age. Always had two on the go, too much for any one fella. Just you make sure, babe, you ain’t the one doing the chasing.”

  Ruby giggled. She guessed what Jesse meant but it was strange to talk about relationships. She was only fifteen.

  “So, what music do you like?”

  “Garage, house and R and B. That kinda stuff.”

  “Yeah, me too,” replied Jesse, much to Ruby’s surprise.

  They sat for hours talking about boys, parties, the things that Ruby chatted over with her best mate – she even admitted she smoked weed. She then decided that this was what was missing in her life. This was what having a mum was all about.

  “You don’t mind, then, that I’ve smoked pot?” asked Ruby.

  “Cor blimey, Ruby, I won’t condemn you for a little fun. I was young once meself. Weed don’t hurt, as long as you don’t get on heroin. And, besides all that, look at you. You’re grown-up for your age, and you know what you’re doing, a sensible girl like you. No, I’m not worried, I trust you.” Jesse was saying the right words to get her daughter on her side. She planned to become her friend and just let her do what she wanted. That was the one thing she had over Sam. She could allow Ruby to let her hair down because, in reality, she didn’t give a shit. If Ruby ended up on crack cocaine, became a prostitute, or even ended up dead, she didn’t care, as long as she got what was owed to her.

  The café owner, a greasy-looking Turkish man called Farez, came over to the table with the bill. “Listen, Jesse, your tab has now gone over the limit. I’ll come around tonight, and you can settle it then!” His voice wasn’t loud, just firm.

  Jesse hoped he wouldn’t say any more. She nodded and he left.

  They headed back to the flat. Ruby decided she should go home. It was getting late and she had a lot to think about.

  “Mum, you don’t mind if I don’t come in, do you? Only, Dad will worry if I’m late.” She felt guilty but the need to get away was greater.

  The sky was now dramatic. The clouds were heavy and black.

  “Ruby, my babe, please, please, promise me you will come back. I can fix your room up and make it really nice.” She looked down at the floor and attempted the fake tears again. “You don’t know how happy you have made me today. It was like fate or something. I mean, me being ill, and you turning up, just when I needed ya.” A tear fell, and Jesse wondered if she was still believable. She hugged Ruby again, who this time returned the gesture, although it was awkward and embarrassing.

  “Yes, Mum, I will come back!” She gave her mum a huge smile which exaggerated her deep dimples.

  “When, babe?” Her voice was pleading.

  “Two days or so.” She walked off, waving, with Jesse nodding furiously as she hoped and prayed she had sucked Ruby in enough for her to return.

  Suddenly, the heavens opened and Ruby ran towards the station. The estate looked dark and haunting. Some of the flats were empty and the wind howled through the broken windows. The rain made a racket as it crashed onto the overflowing steel dustbins.

  *

  Her home was so much more inviting. The grand Victorian lamps lined the drive to her front door and, in the leaded light window, there was a golden glow from the tiffany lamp which sat on the hallway table. Ruby paused for a second before she put the key in the lock. She stood still, wet from the downpour. So many thoughts had gone through her mind before she had reached home. Guilty feelings were coming at her from every angle: running away from her father that morning, being so cold towards her brother who, after all, was so kind to her, and, most of all, not feeling the way she should about her own mother.

  Jack opened the door, before she had a chance to, and stepped back. He looked her up and down and, although he had anger on his face, she could tell he was relieved to see her, and he was. The worry of her going missing, assuming she had gone to Jesse’s, made him fret and anxious.

&n
bsp; “Get inside. Dad’s driving around looking for you. Your phone’s switched off, and you didn’t even say where you were going!” Jack was red in the face and expected his sister to give a mouthful back but, instead, she half-smiled and apologised.

  “Well, Ruby, where did you fuck-off to then?”

  “You know where I went. I told you and Dad yesterday where I was going” Her voice was calm and she looked tired.

  “Are you all right?” He emphasised the word ‘you’. He didn’t care about his mother, just as long as his sister was okay and safe back home.

  “Yeah, I’m fine, Jack, apart from getting soaked and suffering a pounding headache.”

  Jack let her go upstairs to her bedroom. He could see she wasn’t up to talking and he wasn’t going to push her.

  The full beam lights from Sam’s Jaguar shone through the living room window as Jack picked up the phone to call him. Sam rushed in, shouting, “Jack, is she back yet?” There was panic in his voice. The evening was drawing in and it was cold and dark. He knew the estate and had visions of Ruby wandering aimlessly around the hell-hole.

  “Yes, Dad.”

  Sam ran into the living room, expecting his daughter to be perched on a chair, ready to be lippy, but there was only Jack.

  “She’s up in her room. Looks like she got caught in the rain,” said Jack softly. Sam went to go after her.

  “No, Dad, leave her.”

  He looked puzzled. “What’s going on, son?”

  “I think she’s seen her, but she’s quiet. She doesn’t want to talk about it.”

  Sam nodded. There had always been a special bond between Jack and Ruby. They had an exceptional understanding of each other and for a long time after Sam’s release from prison – when they had lived with Francesca – he’d felt an outsider to them both. They loved him, and they showed him they did every day but, if either of them were sick, they would tell each other first. They’d confide in each other and had even shared the same room until they were teenagers. He had understood and accepted it. So, taking Jack’s advice with regard to Ruby wasn’t always an odd thing.