IMMAGINARIO

by C. L. Monaghan

  “No, you don’t. I’m here, I can see you. Naomi, I need you to hear me.”

  Oh my God! They could see me? I looked around for something to cover up my inbuilt webcam and microphone, all I had was my thumb so I stuck it over the lens and reached for my phone with my other hand, ready to call someone if I needed to.

  “Who the fuck are you?” I demanded, forgetting I had covered up the mic and camera.

  “It’s Joe.”

  My hand dropped from the camera, how on earth could they have answered the question when I had been covering it? I decided I needed to play along and try and trip this guy up. If I was going to report this I needed information. He must have some scary-arsed tech to be doing this sort of stuff. I needed to know what he wanted.

  “OK, Joe…what do you want to talk about? What do you want from me?”

  “Naomi, this is NOT a joke. I need you to tell me what happened, why am I here? Where is my body? I need you to help me before it’s too late.”

  I frowned at the screen. This guy was crazier than me.

  “I don’t know what happened to you ‘Joe’ and only you know why you’re here. What do you want?”

  “I’m confused. Are we not together?”

  “OK buddy, I think you’re talking to the wrong person.” I said out loud and then typed back,

  “Sorry to break it to you mate but I think you hacked into the wrong computer. I’m not the Naomi you’re looking for.”

  I waited for a few seconds but no reply came back. Just as I was about to shut everything off and do a major virus scan more words appeared.

  “But you saw me, you knew my name. You talk about me all the time. I’ve read your words.”

  In the moment it took my heart to skip a beat, time appeared to stop. My mind raced, trying to figure out what was happening. Either this weirdo hacker had somehow rigged up secret cameras in my flat and had been spying on me and was now fucking with my head or …this was Joe. My Joe. Both seemed equally impossible. I mean for a start I barely ever left my flat and if someone had indeed broken into it- why would they? Surely one of my neighbours would’ve noticed, you couldn’t even get past the front door without the key code. Unless it was Iain? Had he gone fruit loop on me and turned into some psycho stalker? Was I about to become the victim in a real-life horror film? I scrolled the contacts list on my mobile phone till I found Iain’s number and began to text him. If it was him I’d rain merry hellfire down on his idiotic arse!

  “Who is Iain?” The text on the screen asked.

  “Okay, I’m now officially freaked out. How can you see that? You better give me some answers here because I’m one call away from contacting the police!” I couldn’t help but look around the room for hidden cameras as I spoke. I considered taking apart my phone to see if I could find a bugging device and then caught myself, laughing scornfully. It’s not Mission Impossible for Christ’s sake!

  “Naomi, this is me Joe! I saw you in your flat talking to a woman on your laptop and I KNOW you saw me. I saw you at your Parents house, I know you lost your father, you were crying in a chair. I was here when your sister stayed over. It IS me! I don’t know why I’m here like this or why you can’t see me now. My memories are unclear. I just know that we’re together somehow, aren’t we? I feel it. Have I been in an accident? Am I in a coma? Help me Naomi, please?”

  Oh dear God! Was this guy real? Was it possible that Joe was here and communicating with me? Or had I gone totally crazy? My finger’s hovered over the keyboard but I couldn’t think what to type. I chewed hard on my lip, wracking my brain, trying to work out how this could possibly be real. The logical part of my brain was telling me this was an illusion I had created, that I must be so angry and discouraged at the real world I had created a false one in my head. My gut told me a different story- this was real and Joe was here…somehow. My heart was at odds with my brain. Although I had wished a thousand times over that Joe was indeed real and mine, there was no possible way that could ever be true. Joe was just a made-up character in a book. The child in me, the part that still believed in the impossible, was shouting at me from the depths of my soul. And for one brief, glorious moment, I allowed myself to hope beyond hope that somehow the universe had heard my desperate plea and had sent me my Joe.

  “NO, NO NO! This can’t be happening. It’s impossible!” I shouted. Fear clawed at me, strangulating any feeling of hope. I could feel my grip on reality slipping. I clung to the notion that this was some kind of cruel joke, it had to be. The alternative was far too wonderful yet terrifying to contemplate. Get a fucking grip Naomi! You’re losing it!

  “Naomi? Please, bella. Believe me. Help me, I need you.”

  “Stop it! Just stop it, whoever you are. It’s not funny and it’s not FAIR! You can’t do this to me!” I shouted out to the room. Slamming the laptop lid down and dumping it on the table, I ran to my bedroom scared out of my wits and flung myself face down on the bed, sobbing. Someone had gotten into my head and my life. Someone cruel and vicious was taunting me. That had to be the answer because I refused to accept I was going crazy.

  Hugging the pillow tight around my head and curling my knees up protectively, I tried to ignore the nagging feeling that I was not alone. I couldn’t shake it, I kept my face hidden and my eyes closed tight, and hoping the feeling would go away, that it was just paranoia but I knew it wasn’t. Someone or something was in the room with me. My skin prickled with the change of atmosphere in the room.

  “Go away!” The muffled shout caught in my pillow and I felt my body tense in anticipation of a response, so sure was I that someone was present. No audible response came but I expected something and was almost disappointed when it didn’t. I don’t know why because a response would have gone someway to confirming I was going crazy. When I cautiously lifted my face from the pillow to peek, I was caught off guard by the sight of a drinks coaster flying across the room from my bedside table. It slammed into the wall and fell to the floor where I looked at it in wide-eyed shock.

  “What are you?” I whispered. “This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.” I kept repeating this mantra desperately trying to convince myself I hadn’t lost my mind. There was a banging coming from the hallway and it took all my remaining courage to get up and investigate. Knees weak, breath shaking I peeked around my bedroom door and looked down the hall- it was empty. Another noise came from the direction of the bathroom. I could hear something clattering in the sink. One slow, daring step at a time brought me level with the open bathroom door. Steeling myself to look in, I took one deep breath in and stepped through. I was greeted by the contents of my bathroom cabinet piled up in disarray in the sink below and the words I AM JOE written in black eyeliner on the mirror. I couldn’t tear my eyes away and my feet were seemingly glued to the floor, frozen but not in fear, in hope. This time I listened when the child in me spoke up. I did still believe in magic, I did still believe in a world where anything is possible if you just wanted it hard enough. As I stared at the mirror the light in the room distorted and shimmered and a tall, toned figure materialised in front of me. A beautiful silver haired, smiling Adonis- Joe.

  “Is it really you?” My voice shook with emotion.

  “You see me?” He asked with hopeful urgency.

  I nodded, dumbfounded. He smiled in relief and took a step towards me but I hastily stepped backwards out of the door and his face fell.

  “mia cara, please don’t be afraid. I know it must be a shock seeing me like this, it’s…unnerving to me also but I know there is a reason for it. I think I need your help.”

  His plea momentarily fell on deaf ears for I couldn’t take my eyes off his. He was here, he was real and he was my Joe. Everything I thought I ever knew about the universe was now shrouded in doubt. All logic had gone out of the window. Magic was real. I had stepped back not through fear of him but afraid that touching him somehow might break this spell I was under. The disappointment etched on his face brought me back.


  “Help? What do you mean?” I asked, confused. I could hardly focus on my words, mesmerised by the sight of him, I wanted so much to touch him but I was convinced he would disappear in a proverbial puff of smoke if I did.

  “Have I been in an accident?” he asked tentatively.

  “Um…no.”

  His brow furrowed in confusion and he looked away for a second. The moment his eyes left mine I craved them. I needed him to look at me.

  “Joe!” The cry that left my lips sounded almost desperate but it worked, his eyes flashed up towards mine again.

  “Bella…I need to know why I’m here. I’ve been visiting you but you couldn’t see me. I was here sometimes and then I wasn’t, I don’t understand it. Please help me.”

  It hit me then that he had no idea who he was. A work of fiction, albeit a very solid and sentient one. Perfect and beautiful and tantalisingly real yet still a physical impossibility. I didn’t know what to tell him. How could I possibly begin to explain to him that he was the result of one woman’s obsession with another woman’s creation?

  I had to be brave and reach out for him, touch him. I needed to know for sure if the vision, standing in my bathroom, was physically there. My eyes stayed fixed on his, drowning in those hazel pools lined by long luscious lashes. I was hardly aware of my hand reaching up towards him, nor of the fact that I hadn’t taken a breath for at least half a minute. When I felt fire at my fingertips I still could not look away, I only knew that the heat came from him, from his own hand as it met mine and we touched for the first time.

  Chapter Twelve

  My Joe

  I remember a blinding flash of light, heat in my fingertips, a shout and then nothing. Not the usual black void that took me away from her but something altogether different, brighter and clearer. The world came slowly into focus, distant birdsong mingled with the regular beep of an alarm roused me. Air brushed my cheek and morning light filtered through my still closed eyelids. I was horizontal, warm soft fabric lay against my skin and my head rested on a soft pillow. I was in bed. I knew this but it felt strange, like I was waking up for the first time in a very long time. I relished the warm, slow comfort of the morning before I opened my eyes. Naomi lay next to me, facing me, watching me. A tear graced the corner of her eye and I watched it roll gently down her cheek, drop from her jaw bone and onto the sheet.

  “You’re back.” Naomi whispered. “You’re really here.” The last part sounded almost like a question, like she couldn’t believe it and needed confirmation.

  “Si, amore mio. It seems I am.” I had no idea what day it was or how I had ended up in her bed, waking up with her, but I was glad that I had. I felt like this was how it should be. I thought back to my last memory when she had seen me in the bathroom, when I had been just a vision. I wondered what had happened between then and now because I couldn’t for the life of me remember waking up in a hospital or being transferred home. It was all very confusing and strange. I knew we would need to talk about things, Naomi would help me get things straight in my head. Perhaps talking to her would awaken some memories that my conscious had decided to bury. I guessed by her reaction that this was perhaps the first morning we had woken together since my absence, the look of disbelief in her eyes told me that she had thought this moment might not ever be possible. Again, I wondered what had happened to me, wishing I could remember it but I was thrilled that we were together now, grateful that whatever tragedy had separated us was over. All that mattered to me in this moment was Naomi. She looked so incredibly beautiful I felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her.

  “How did this hap…”

  I cut her off with a kiss and her words were lost as my mouth covered hers. She moaned softly and I felt her surrender completely to the moment. I slipped my arm around her and drew her close, her body moulded perfectly to mine. She fit me like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle and nothing else mattered. I had a million questions begging to be answered but all I wanted in this moment was her mouth. The bittersweet taste of her lips evoked a response within me that was both natural and alien. It was like a first kiss, not like when you were young and just discovering girls but that first toe-curling, all-encompassing passionate kiss of a long awaited new love. It was extraordinary. Somewhere in the back of my mind it occurred to me that I couldn’t remember what it had been like to kiss Naomi and now I was exultant in my rediscovery of her. If just a kiss had me reeling I was looking forward to the sex! Just the thought made my groin harden and I instinctively deepened the kiss. She groaned and her hand found its way around the back of my head. Her fingers entwined in my hair and she gave it a little tug pushing her small frame against mine. My hand found its way down to her thigh, lingering briefly on her pert behind. I hoisted her leg up and over my own where I gleefully caressed the bare skin of her thigh. She was wearing boy short knickers and a skimpy vest top, I could have easily slipped my hand under either of them and explored further but she suddenly pulled away from me, breathless.

  “Joe, wait.” She gasped, her face flushed with the tell-tale sign of desire.

  “What is it il amore mio?” My hand continued its slow path up her bare leg towards the curve of her bottom and I let my fingertip slip just underneath the fabric of her knickers. She put her hand over mine and halted my game.

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this but…Joe, we need to talk.”

  “Che cosa? What’s wrong Naomi?” I leaned away from her and propped my head upon my elbow, a look of concern on my face. Her tone was serious and I wasn’t sure I liked it. She turned away and sat on the edge of the bed with her back to me.

  “Let me make us some coffee, you do drink coffee right?”

  “Of course I do,” what an odd question, she should know that I do, “would you like me to help?”

  “No.” She replied, a little too quickly. “I’ll make it, you er… rest. I won’t be long.” She got up swiftly and walked determinedly out of the bedroom. Something wasn’t right, this didn’t strike me as appropriate behaviour for a newly reunited couple. I got up and walked towards the door, I could hear the distinct sound of crockery clinking together. As I reached the hallway her voice reached me, she sounded like she was having an argument with herself. Frowning, I stood still and listened more. Some Indistinct mutterings I couldn’t quite make any sense of but the tone of her monologue was clear- she was agitated, anxious even. I shouted to her,

  “Is everything alright? Do you want me to help?”

  “No!” She shot back sounding panicked. “I mean yes, everything is fine and no, I don’t need help…thanks. I’ll bring the coffee to you.”

  “Okay.” I said and turned back down the hallway. On my way back towards the bedroom I noticed a picture hung on the end wall. From where I stood I could make out two people stood in front of an old looking stone building. Curious, I walked towards it. An instant smile of recognition broke out on my face as I neared the wall. It was a framed photograph of Naomi and I, arms around each other and wearing aprons. We stood in front of an old stone building with tables and chairs outside and a sign above the building’s entrance which read ‘Imp’s Book Bar’. We looked so happy and as I continued to look at the picture, a memory trickled slowly into my conscious. A memory of that day, the day we opened the doors to our new business venture. How excited we had been when our first customer walked down the steps and through the entrance exclaiming their delight at such an innovative concept,

  “Oh! This is fabulous!” The female customer had said as she had perused the books perched upon the shelves inside our cafe. “So I can just sit and read these books while I eat?”

  I remembered now with vivid clarity the proud smile on Naomi’s face as she had enthusiastically explained the concept of the book bar to walk-in customers throughout the day. I remembered the first night too, how we had made love on one of the tables after closing, so caught up in the thrill and success of our first day as co-owners of the business. My grin broadened, I was so happy that memori
es were finally filtering through, I was beginning to remember my life with her and it was glorious! The moment of nostalgia was interrupted by the sudden sound of ceramic hitting the floor and Naomi’s gasp. Turning, I saw her standing behind me, hands to her mouth, wide eyed in shock. The two cups of coffee she had been carrying lay in a steaming puddle of broken pieces on the floor at her feet.

  “Are you alright bella?” I asked. “Did you trip?”

  “I…What?” she shook her head. “No. No I’m fine I just…that photograph…where did it come from?” She gestured towards the framed picture with her head, crossing her arms protectively around herself as she did so. I looked back at the picture.

  “You don’t remember?”

  She shook her head, her face now blank.

  “I hung it there so every time we walked down the hallway we would remember that day…and that night.” I winked at her but her face remained impassive. “Naomi!” I took both her arms in my hands excitedly, “My memories are returning! I’m starting to remember it all, isn’t that good news?” I kissed her forehead and pulled her close, enveloping her in a tight hug. I could feel her rapid heartbeat against my chest, matching my own. She must be excited too.

  “Joe? What exactly do you remember?” She lifted her head to look up at me, I sensed fear within those beautiful eyes of hers.

  “Bella? You look…what’s wrong?”

  “What do you remember?” She insisted and pulled further away.

  “Us mia cara. Our life together, our cafe, how we met, how we fell in love. Everything!” I emphasised the last word with a triumphant smile.

  “Details, Joe. I need details. I need to know exactly what you remember.” Her voice shook a little and I thought it sweet that she was obviously worried about me. “How did we meet Joe?” I reached up and stroked her arm, she shuddered and her eyes flitted closed, just for a second. “Can we sit? I need to sit down.” She said and walked back towards the lounge area, stepping over the broken mugs.