Passion Restored

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “I don’t know what else do to,” Liz said after a moment. “It’s all I know.”

  “That’s a silly answer,” Tessa snapped. “Grow up and be your own person, because you’re growing a damn person, and I want to be fun aunt Tessa. So don’t fuck this up. Owen needs you. Just as much as you need him.”

  And with that, Tessa stomped away, muttering under her breath and leaving Liz once again alone with her vicious thoughts. She needed to get to work and just get this over with, but her mind kept going back to Owen.

  What was she going to do?

  With every passing thought, every passing moment, the idea that she was going to have a baby became more and more real. And that scared her.

  Plenty of women were terrified at the thought of having a baby the first few weeks after they found out they were pregnant, so she was not alone in thinking the way she was, but it still shamed her that she couldn’t just jump on board. There was truly something wrong with her, and yet she didn’t have time to dwell on that.

  She had to focus on going to work right then and fighting for her job.

  If she had a job at all after the day was through, that was.

  Tension rode thick throughout the ER that morning, but Liz shoved it away, focusing on her patients that needed her more than errant thoughts of what was to come. The day hadn’t been that busy so far, but there was no way she was going to say something like that aloud. It was bad enough to taunt the gods by even thinking it.

  She was just finishing up some paperwork when Nancy came into the nursing station, a bland look on her face. “Liz? I need you to come with me.”

  Liz froze before carefully setting down the chart she’d just finished updating. “To the break room?” she asked, aware that was where Nancy had taken the past two nurses to tell them that their job was safe. Apparently, Nancy was having fun letting each and every person know in private about the state of their position at the hospital.

  If Liz weren’t freaking out over so many things, she could really start to hate this woman more than she already did. After rolling her shoulders, she followed Nancy back to the break room. She’d know soon enough what her future held, and she knew she’d just have to get through it no matter what. Everything seemed to be falling from her grasp, and she couldn’t quite find her footing, but she knew she was good at her job. She had the highest performance evaluations of the floor and worked longer hours than most because she didn’t have a family to go home to, not to mention that she honestly wanted to make sure others were taken care of. She had to trust in her ability to do what she did best: help people.

  Surely, the people upstairs would understand that.

  Nancy didn’t bother taking a seat at a table; instead, she went directly to the coffee maker to pour herself a cup. She didn’t bother to offer Liz one.

  “As you know, the budget committee finally agreed on a final budget for the year this morning,” Nancy began.

  “I’ve heard.” It was all anyone could talk about, even though they had numerous other things to worry about.

  “Well, then you’ve also heard that there have been changes on each floor, not just the ER itself. None of it was personal, of course, but business is business.”

  “I thought this was a hospital where the business was to ensure that people made it out of these doors alive,” Liz put in, her tone grating. She hated being talked down to like she was a child, and Nancy excelled at it.

  The other woman raised her brow. “Be that as it may, some decisions had to be made, and unfortunately, you are on the upper tier in terms of salary. You’ve been with us the longest in your position, and as there isn’t another position higher than you opening up, that means the committee had to make tough decisions.

  A ringing sound buzzed in Liz’s ears as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing. “You’re saying I make too much money because I’ve been here longer than anyone else, and that since you’re in the position higher than me and haven’t moved up yet,”—because Nancy couldn’t seem to get promoted herself, but Liz didn’t say that—“I’m what? Going to get a salary cut?” She barely made enough as it was with all her loans and the new house. And now that she was pregnant, things were going to change dramatically.

  Nancy shook her head. “That wouldn’t be enough, sadly. The board, as well as the committee, has been forced into this position, and in order to help the hospital stay afloat, you’re being let go. You have two more weeks, of course, to gather your things and make plans, but then that’s it. This decision didn’t come easily, but really, it’s the best for everyone involved.” Nancy reached out and patted Liz’s hand. “You didn’t really fit in here anyway, did you, darling? You’ll be better off somewhere else, don’t you think?”

  Liz snatched back her hand as if she’d been scalded. What the fuck was this woman thinking? “You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve worked here the longest and have the best record so I get fired because I don’t make nice?”

  Nancy raised her chin. “Honey, don’t make a scene. You must have known this was coming. And, really, you don’t have as good a record as you think. What with dating patients like you are, and leaving early yesterday. If you truly cared about your job, you would have worked harder.”

  Liz fisted her hands at her sides. “That’s bull, and we both know it. I don’t kiss your ass like Lisa does, and I get that, but that doesn’t mean I should be fired. And as for dating patients? You and Lisa have been the ones spreading that around, so don’t fuck with me on that. My personal life is my own business.”

  “Not when it’s the hospital’s business,” Nancy cut in.

  “Fuck you, Nancy. You and Lisa wanted me out, and you found a way to make that happen. And I left yesterday because I was sick, not because I needed a mani-pedi. You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I didn’t fit in with you and your clique, but I worked my ass off, and now I’m being thrown out because you don’t like me and found a way to make your dreams come true. Well, really, fuck you again, Nancy. I have over two weeks vacation left, and I’m taking it. I’m out, and you get to pay me for it for those last two weeks. Fight me on it, and I’ll come at you with everything I have. And believe me, honey, it’s enough.”

  With that, she stormed out of the break room and back to her cubby where she stored her things. She was done with the place and the long hours and low pay. She’d worked her ass off for everything she’d achieved, and now she had nothing to show for it because she didn’t get along with the woman in charge.

  Fuck all of them.

  Her hands shook as she stuffed her duffle bag with the remnants of her locker. Holy God. She’d just been fired. She didn’t have a job. She would lose her insurance at the exact wrong time, as well.

  What the hell was she going to do?

  Lisa walked by at that moment and giggled. Fucking giggled. Liz turned on her heel and glared at the woman. “Just go away, Lisa. You got what you wanted. But remember this, the patients need to come first. Got it? Don’t let someone die because you’re too busy gloating and being a bitch.”

  “Go to hell, Liz. Maybe if you hadn’t gotten all high and mighty, you wouldn’t have been tossed out on your ass.” With that, she flounced away, and Liz was left shaking.

  “Liz?”

  She turned as Dr. Wilder came up to her, his hands in his jeans’ pockets. He looked like he was about to head off shift, and Liz wanted nothing more than to just walk away and never turn back. She didn’t have the energy to deal with any of this.

  But she couldn’t be a bitch to the man who actually put patients first before all other things—including himself and those he worked with.

  “Yes?”

  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I put in a good word for you, but Nancy has a way of getting what she wants.” He narrowed his eyes. “I’m going to make sure she can’t do this to anyone else, though. I was just a little late this time in seeing her for who she is, and for that I’m so
rry.” He pulled out a card from his pocket and handed it over. “I know you’re not ready to think about this, but my brother has a clinic that could always use the help.” He shrugged as she took it, her eyes wide.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because you’re the best nurse we have, and we’re losing you to silly politics. Don’t let your gift go to waste because other people are assholes.”

  She shook her head before looking down at the card. “An oncology outpatient clinic?”

  “I know it’s not an ER, but they will have better hours for you and the baby.”

  Her head shot up. “What?”

  He gave her a small smile. “I’ve been a doctor for a while now, Liz. I can recognize the signs of a pregnant woman, even if she can’t herself. Congratulations, by the way. And if you need a reference for anything, just let me know.”

  And with that, he gave her a nod before heading out, leaving her confused as ever. People surprised her every day, and yet with her world falling out from under her feet, she didn’t know what to think.

  What the hell was she supposed to do now?

  ****

  Owen stepped into the house as Tessa answered the door. “How is she?” he asked, his palms sweaty.

  “Freaking out and alternating between cleaning things and getting sick in the bathroom. Right now, I think she’s sitting on the bed trying not to get nauseous.” Tessa gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. “Thanks for coming over as quickly as you did.”

  Tessa had called him at the jobsite, and he’d dropped everything to come to Liz. His brothers had once again understood, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful. He still felt like he was messing things up at work with everything going on, but he needed to put Liz first.

  “I’m always going to be here for her,” Owen said quickly. “No matter what.”

  Tessa smiled then, her eyes brightening. “I actually believe you, and that makes my cold Grinch heart warm. Now, go make her feel like a queen that can take on the world. But at the same time, don’t do so much that she has a panic attack and runs away again.”

  Owen couldn’t help the snort that escaped. “You sound like you’ve done this often.”

  “She does the same for me. It’s why we’re best friends.”

  “Sisters more like.”

  A weird look passed over Tessa’s face as she nodded. “Yeah. Sisters.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, go get her. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

  Owen gave her arm a squeeze before heading back to the bedroom to check on Liz. She hadn’t exactly invited him over, but he knew she had to be hurting, and he couldn’t leave her alone.

  When he’d made it to the end of the hallway, he found her sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, rolling her head over her shoulders. From the lemon smell that hit his senses, he knew she’d been scrubbing down the whole place for some time, and he was just happy that she was functional enough to do that. She’d drawn in on herself before, and he’d been afraid for her, so he had to count this as progress.

  “Liz.” He didn’t want to frighten her since her eyes were closed.

  She turned to him, opening her eyes and letting out a breath. “Tessa called you.”

  “Yeah, she did.” He slowly walked into the room and sat down on the bed next to her. He gave her space so they weren’t touching, but he could still feel the heat of her. Damn, he loved this woman, every prickly inch of her, and he understood why she felt the need to be so independent. He just hoped she’d give him a chance.

  “I lost my job today.” She didn’t look at him as she spoke, but reached over and took his hand.

  He swallowed hard and threaded his fingers with hers. “I know. I’m sorry, hon. They made a mistake. A big one.”

  Liz surprised the hell out of him by scooting over and leaning her head on his shoulder. “Yeah, they did.” A pause. “I’m sorry for being a bitch and kicking you out yesterday. I couldn’t think straight, and having you near always messes with my brain.” She squeezed his hand. “In a good way, usually. Sorry. That didn’t come out right.” She sighed. “I’m so not good at this.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “I’m pretty new at this, too, you know, so I’m not good at it either. It’s okay, we’ll work on it together.” Together. He liked the sound of that.

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Owen. This just sucks.”

  He used his other hand to rub small circles on her knee. “I know it sucks. But you’re a strong person with a great record and damn good at what you do. You’ll find a job soon that’s perfect for you, one where you don’t have to jump through hoops because other people are so insecure they can’t see what’s right in front of their faces.”

  She leaned back to smile up at him. “You’re good with the pep talks.”

  Daringly, he lowered his head and brushed a kiss over her lips. When she didn’t pull back, he counted that as a win. “I wanted to say something like how I wanted to kick their asses, but I didn’t.”

  She snorted and went back to leaning on his shoulder. “When you came in that first night, I was so afraid we’d lose you. I know you weren’t injured that severely, but I had this sudden feeling that the world would lose an amazing guy. A guy who I totally couldn’t have and should stay away from.”

  “I was damn lucky you were my nurse.” He was damn lucky for a lot of reasons. Least of which that the truck that had hit him hadn’t been going that fast. The police still had no leads, but no one seemed to think Owen was in any danger of being attacked again. It was just one of those freak accidents that happened late at night in a bar parking lot.

  “I don’t know what to do,” she repeated.

  “You’ve only been at this for a few hours, Liz. You don’t need a plan right now.”

  “Says the man with four plans going on at once and probably already has a list concerning the baby.”

  He bit his lip. “Two.”

  She pulled back, her eyes wide. “We are not having twins.”

  He shook his head, a laugh bubbling out of him. “I meant I have two lists so far. But I will totally throw them out if you want to work on a list from scratch with me.” He was treading on thin ice right then, but she had been the one to bring up the baby so that had to count for something.

  She swallowed hard before squeezing his hand. “I don’t know what the answers are, Owen. I don’t know if I’m ready for this, but…but I’d like to look at those lists of yours.” Tears slid down her cheeks, and he reached over to brush them away. “I hate crying, and it’s all I seem to do with you.”

  He shook his head and leaned down to kiss the dampness on her cheeks. “It’s not all you do.” He was doing his best not to throw his fists in the air in triumph at the thought of her wanting to see his lists. This was progress, and it mattered a whole lot more than she thought.

  “I guess.”

  “What do you need me to do right now, Liz? We have time to worry about everything else around us, but right now, let me know what you need.”

  She blinked up at him, the strength he always saw in her a full force in her eyes. “Hold me? I just need you to hold me.”

  His heart thudded, and he opened his arms. She crawled into his lap, and he held her close, her body so small compared to his. “Always, Liz. I will always hold you.”

  This is the first step, he thought, and damn if it wasn’t a far greater one than he imagined he’d get that night. He’d take this, and when she was ready, they’d take the next step together. Because Owen had to believe in that; had to believe in the next few steps. It was the only way he could manage. The woman in his arms was his future—he just had to make her see that.

  13

  “Why did I say yes to a Gallagher dinner?” Liz asked, tugging on the bottom of her top. She’d decided to wear comfy slacks and a cute sweater instead of a dress, but she still didn’t feel like she was doing the right thing.

  “Because you like me and my family, and th
e group of us is finally able to get together to have a family dinner for Rowan’s birthday.” Owen put his arms around her as they stood on Graham’s porch before heading inside and then leaned down to kiss her softly. She melted into him, too lost to care that she’d never wanted to fall so fast, so hard. He was just…Owen and there was nothing better most days than having his arms around her.

  “Are you sure we didn’t need to bring a gift? Or something for the meal?” She hated coming empty-handed. And since she didn’t have a job any longer, she’d had all day to do something for the dinner they’d had planned for weeks, in between her wallowing.

  The idea that she’d been fired hadn’t fully sunk in yet, even if she’d gone through the wide array of emotions throughout the day. It had only been a short twenty-four hours, after all. She hadn’t been sure she had the energy to come to this dinner after being sick in the morning and dealing with the fallout of losing her job, but she and Owen had planned on coming before they’d found out about the baby. And now, according to him, everyone knew he’d knocked her up and they hadn’t made a decision about it. And while the idea that so many knew her business might have annoyed her on any other day, she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that he had people to go to when he couldn’t think on his own and needed a sounding board.

  She reminded herself that she had Tessa. Her best friend had been her everything for years, and Liz would do well to remember that. She might not have a family she could count on, or other friends she could bring in close, but she had Tessa.

  And if he had his way, she’d have Owen, as well.

  One step at a time, Liz. Just one step at a time.

  Owen tapped her on the nose, bringing her out of her spiraling thoughts. “You psyching yourself out yet?”

  “No, I had a good freak-out going.” She leaned forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder, and he tugged her close.

  “I’ll let you get back to that after dinner if you want. But first, to answer your question, no, we didn’t need to bring anything. Blake and Graham have everything covered and wouldn’t let us bring side dishes or desserts to this one. Sometimes, we pitch in; other times, we just go with whatever the host wants. It all depends on what’s going on. And I already got Rowan a gift for her actual birthday.”