After the End

by Natasha Preston

  My parents fall apart when I’m home late.

  “Linc,” I whisper, “you haven’t been here, so you don’t know.”

  “I haven’t been here,” he says, stepping closer and getting into my personal space again. “But I do know you. You’ll stay here despite wanting more than anything to leave because you don’t want to hurt them any more than they’ve been hurt. But, Tilly, that’s not on you. It’s not your responsibility to protect your parents.”

  “This isn’t getting me into the party mood.”

  Smirking, he shakes his head. “Rain check?”

  “Or we could just forget it?” I suggest hopefully.

  Linc is the last person I want this conversation with, but apparently, he’s the only one willing to have it with me.

  He lifts his dark eyebrow. “Rain check, Tilly.”

  “Fine. Pass me a beer. I need one already.”

  Linc tears a hole in the cardboard box on the floor and grabs me one. “You drinking more now that I’m home?”

  “What can I say? You drive me to it.” I pop the lid and start to walk. “Do you never think about drinking again?”

  “I’ll consider having a beer after you apply to uni.”

  “Wow.” I take a swig. “You really aren’t going to drop this, are you?”

  “Not a chance. Before I leave here, you’d better be back on track.”

  My lungs deflate. The thought of Linc leaving again leaves a nasty taste on my tongue.

  I want him to stay.

  27

  Linc

  Water gently rolls onto the sand and slides back out to sea. It’s calm tonight. The gentle breeze ensures it doesn’t get too warm. The sea is about the only calm thing here. Well, that, and Ian and me. Everyone is drunk, including Tilly. We’ve been here for one hour, and the girl is hammered. I have gotten to her.

  I’m sitting off to the side with Ian. He’s not exactly the life of the party either. I just don’t like a lot of people, and obnoxious drunks who think they’re God’s gift or the funniest thing on the planet make me want to shoot myself in the face.

  Ian is drinking the same beer as Tilly though not quite as many of them. The more time I spend with her, the more I can see her internal struggle regarding me. She subconsciously reverts back to the way we were—the easy, fun friendship that we could pick up if we’d not been hanging out together for a while. Four years have gone by, but it feels like only minutes when we’re together.

  “Mel is going to puke tonight,” Ian says, turning his nose up in the direction of his girlfriend, who is doing the robot around the fire with an almost-empty bottle of white wine in her hand. It’s not her first bottle either.

  I nod. “Yeah, I think she might.”

  “You and Tilly staying at Jack’s?”

  He said, “You and Tilly,” like we’re a couple.

  I take a breath. “She is.”

  “You’re going home? But post-birthday breakfasts are the best breakfasts.”

  The morning after is one big grease-fest with mountains of food cooked in a lot of oil. Best hangover cure in the world. But I don’t drink anymore, so there’s not much point in my clogging up my arteries. Though I will if I go.

  “I might stay over. She’s pissed at me again.”

  Or did it start with me being pissed at her? I can’t remember now.

  “What have you done now?”

  Nothing new.

  I shrug. “Just being here, I guess.”

  “I swear, you two just need to get naked.”

  I wouldn’t say no.

  “She’s too angry with me for that.”

  He looks at me and raises his eyebrow. “Nah. Where does most of that anger come from?”

  “Robbie.”

  “This has nothing to do with Robbie, Linc, and you know it.”

  Sighing, I look over at the girl I’m fucking obsessed with. She’s dancing with Hanna. I use the term dance loosely since they look like they’re being electrocuted. There’s a big smile on her face, but it doesn’t fool me. Tilly’s amber eyes always smiled along with her mouth when she was genuinely happy. Right now, she’s just having fun, and there is a huge difference.

  “I need to talk to her, don’t I?”

  We’ve been tiptoeing around each other for the last two months. She’s not willing to admit what we truly are, and I’m too pussy to push the matter.

  We’re so close though. I have us by the tips of my fingers. One wrong move though, and she could be out of reach for good. Tilly is my own personal minefield.

  “You need to talk to her,” he confirms. “Then, you need to fuck her.”

  I roll my eyes, but that does sound like a plan. I would love to lay her down and run my hands and tongue all over her body and then turn her onto her stomach before entering her from behind.

  That’s one of my greatest fantasies with Tilly. It gets me off so fucking fast.

  Time to stop thinking about that!

  “Come on, man. I get hot, just watching all the sexual tension between you guys.”

  Turning my nose up, I mutter, “Thanks for that. I’m just not after a shag here, Ian.”

  “Mate, I can practically hear wedding bells every time you look at her.”

  “Glad it’s that obvious.”

  But it’s not to Tilly. She’s too preoccupied, trying not to like me and struggling like hell when she lets her guard down.

  Ian and I have stayed pretty much in the same place, catching up properly on four years. Although I’ve been back two months, we’ve not had many opportunities to talk in depth since we’ve been busy with working on my parents’ house when he’s been over.

  I’ve missed him and Jack. Where I live now—or not since I don’t have a place to live anymore—I’ve not made any lasting friendships. It doesn’t help that I don’t go out and get off my face.

  Tilly stays away for the most part, only venturing over to pull Mel away from Ian so that they can dance with Hanna and some other girls I’ve forgotten the names of but never liked anyway.

  Maybe she’s right, and I am moody.

  It’s almost one in the morning, and everyone is trickling out. Hanna and Jack left fifteen minutes ago to unlock the house and wait for their many sleepover guests to start arriving. Ian and Mel have just gone, leaving me with Tilly.

  A few others are walking away, heading in different directions to either go home or go to Jack’s.

  Tilly stumbles over after picking up her flip-flops from the sand. She grins as she leans into me. The response to her is fierce. My fingers curl into the small of her back, holding her close.

  My head dips, spurred on by the overpowering desire coursing through my veins to kiss her. I lock my muscles in place in a desperate need not to screw this up between us even more.

  What if she wants you to kiss her?

  Could she?

  “Tilly,” I groan as she leans flush against my chest.

  The alcohol has given her permission to let go of the reservations she has over us being something.

  The beach has now cleared completely, everyone has gone, and I’m supposed to take Tilly to Hanna and Jack’s, but she’s making it very difficult.

  I want to take her back to mine.

  She looks up at me, and her amber eyes lose focus. “It’s you, isn’t it?” Her voice is barely a whisper, but I feel the fear in each word.

  “What’s me, Tilly? You really should have stopped drinking about an hour ago.”

  “I couldn’t stop.”

  “Drinking? Why not?”

  “Because I know this is the only way that I won’t feel immediately guilty for being this close to you.” Her eyes flit closed. “I want so badly to be this close to you.”

  My breath catches. I want to pull away because her words are gutting me, but my body needs to be closer to her, too. My fingers dig further into her flesh, holding her closer, tighter, never wanting to let go.

  “Tilly, there is no need for you to fe
el guilty. Robbie would have been okay with this.”

  “I know. It’s not him I’m worried about.” She leans forward and lays her head against my chest. “My parents are having a hard time with you being here.”

  I rest my chin on her head. She’s tucked so closely into me. “Have they told you that?”

  “They don’t need to.” Her arms wrap around my back like she’s scared I’ll walk away after hearing this.

  There is nothing she could ever say to scare me off. I love her unconditionally.

  “I don’t want to hurt them, but I don’t want to hurt you either. It’s such a mess, Linc. I wish we were just two normal people without a past.”

  “Everyone has a past.”

  “Not everyone’s past is all mixed together,” she replies. Her voice is a little slurred, but our conversation seems to be sobering her quickly. “Ours is messy.”

  “Yeah, it’s messy.”

  But she is admitting she wants me!

  With raw emotion clogging her throat, she breathes, “I don’t want our families to fight.”

  I bend my head and whisper in her ear, “I’m not giving up on us. It’s worth the fight, Tilly.”

  “Then, fight hard, Linc, because I don’t know how to stay.”

  I left it four years when I should have come back sooner. I want her, and she wants me. The rest of it will have to work itself out.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” I reply. “I understand that you need time, and I’ll give you as much as you want, but I need you to know that I’m in. Whenever you’re ready, just say the word, Tilly, because I’m so in.”

  She tips her head back. “How can you be so sure that this will end well?”

  “Because it already ended, four years ago when I left. Now, we’re after the end, Tilly, and that shit is eternal.”

  Her lips curl into a smile that brightens her troubled eyes. “I think I like it when you talk like that, you know?”

  “Do you now?”

  “How do we do this?” she asks, biting on a lip that I very much want to be all over.

  Shrugging, I lower my head until we’re barely an inch apart. “I don’t have all the answers. I only know that I want this so bad, and I don’t care what anyone says about us.”

  The change in her is instantaneous. My words are like a bucket of ice being dropped on her head. She steps back like I’ve burned her and rips out of my arms. I stumble forward a step but correct myself. I’m not going to grab her. Right this second, she needs the space, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let her go that easily.

  “You’re worried about how your parents will react to us,” I guess. “I might not give a shit what anyone thinks, but you do.”

  Tilly drops her eyes like she’s ashamed. “I don’t want to lead you on, Linc.”

  “Are you serious? I just told you I was going to fight, and you told me to fight hard. And you think I’m letting your fear change anything? Back off all you like, we both know you’re not actually going anywhere.”

  “I think you should take me to Hanna’s now.” As she says the words, the sky opens, and rain starts to drop. Tilly looks up and closes her eyes. She’s always liked the rain.

  “You want to leave or stand here, getting wet?” I ask.

  Her eyes open. “I should leave. Seems kind of dangerous, being here at the minute.”

  “You’re scared of me? I know you don’t care about a bit of water.”

  “My head is foggy, and I don’t really know what I’m saying. Alcohol, remember?”

  Is she fucking joking?

  Gritting my teeth, I step closer, watching her like prey. Tilly standing there, trying to convince me and her that what just happened between us was a drunken mistake, makes her my prey.

  Screw waiting.

  Reaching out, I grab her upper arms and cement my chest to hers. She doesn’t get a chance to protest or talk herself out of this. I clamp my mouth down on hers.

  I drink her in, the feel of her soft lips wrestling mine for dominance. Tilly isn’t one to back down, or she wasn’t, so I’m loving the battle again, feeling more parts of the girl I fell in love with still in there.

  Tilly wriggles her arms, and I let go to slide my hands around her back.

  The way she is kissing me, like she can’t get enough, like she’s making up for every second we’ve been away from each other, ignites a fire in my soul. One touch from her soothes every part of me I was afraid would never feel whole again.

  I press my lips against her harder, bruising, as the kiss turns wet and molten hot.

  Her warm body is plastered to mine in desperate need to be as close as possible. I feel it, too—the almost violent need for me to be inside her, to have no distance between us, to plug a hole we’ve both had since I left.

  Nothing but each other will heal the pain we’ve been through.

  Tilly’s lips part, and I slide my tongue in her mouth. I moan in the back of my throat as my dick presses eagerly into her stomach. I arch my hips into her, curling my fingers in her lower back.

  My heart is wild, and my dick is begging to sink inside her heat.

  “Tilly,” I murmur as her tongue massages mine.

  Groaning, she drops her head and breaks the kiss.

  Looks like her mind has caught up with what’s going on.

  Please don’t regret this.

  “You done?” I ask her, smirking.

  Her eyes light up, making her look free. “Really, Linc? How can you tease me about this?”

  Laughing, I let go of her but hold my hand out. “Because I’m finally okay. Let’s get you to Hanna’s before we get soaked.”

  She watches me with a frown, water droplets running down her face and dripping onto the sand. “That’s all you have to say? I’m a mess and go back and forth like—”

  “Tilly, I’m getting wet. Can we please go back to my car and get you to Hanna’s?”

  I start to walk, and she turns and follows.

  “You’re confusing me right now.”

  Tilting my head, I smirk. “Welcome to my world.”

  Tilly is constantly battling between wanting me and wanting to protect her parents. It’s a mindfuck but one I’m willing to ride out because there’s a chance. Now that she’s opened up, albeit under the influence, I’m not keeping much distance.

  She folds her arms as we walk. “You really feel confused a lot?”

  “All the time, Tilly. It’s more frustrating now that I know that you actually want this. If you weren’t sure about us, it would be easier, but you’re trying to please everyone else. You’re at home for your parents; you’re at the restaurant for your parents. What do you actually do for yourself? Do you allow yourself anything you want?”

  “I wanted that kiss,” she grumbles.

  “I could tell, babe.”

  Narrowing her eyes, she says, “Don’t get cocky.”

  Too late. She wants me.

  28

  Tilly

  I wake up with my head in a vise. Or that’s how it feels anyway. A massive vise that won’t stop turning and tightening. Too many beers.

  Wait. What the …

  This isn’t my room.

  Squinting my eyes, I try to focus on my strange surroundings.

  Where am I?

  Oh, Hanna and Jack’s. Their living room sharpens, and I can see everything again. In the kitchen next door, I can hear voices. I should move, go and find Hanna, but I don’t want to. I think I’m still a bit tipsy.

  I’ve always been a lightweight, but it seems I’m worse today.

  Did I drink more than usual? Probably.

  The night is a bit of a blur though.

  No. Oh no. I do remember the end.

  My face sets on fire, and I’m sure I’m the colour of a tomato. Linc and I kissed. I mean, we really kissed.

  Is he here still?

  All I remember when I got back here is falling asleep on the sofa. He wasn’t going to stay. He was going to drive home,
but he could have changed his mind.

  Maybe he wanted to stay with me?

  But, if he did, where is he? Where did he sleep?

  I’m on the long sofa. The other one is much too short for him to properly lie down on.

  Okay, I can’t sit here forever, too scared to go and face him.

  And he might not even be here.

  I chuck the blanket off and swing my feet down onto the floor. There are a few people in here, crashed on the floor. The voices get louder as I very carefully walk through the living room like there are explosives planted under the carpet.

  “Coffee isn’t breakfast, Linc,” Hanna says. I can hear the shake of her head in her words.

  He’s here.

  I freeze outside the half-closed door and bite my lip. He was all over my lips last night. Closing my eyes, I push the memory away before I combust.

  When I push the door open, Linc, Hanna, and Jack all turn their heads.

  “Morning, pisshead,” Hanna greets. “Coffee and pastries?”

  Holding my delicate stomach, I shake my head. “Just the coffee, please.”

  Hanna raises her eyebrow at Linc because I’m having the same as him, no doubt. It’s too early for food. There is still too much alcohol in my system.

  “Morning,” Linc says, lifting his mug to his mouth.

  I want to be lifted to that mouth.

  Taking a breath to calm my sizzling hormones and racing heart, I reply, “Morning.”

  I wait for the weird to kick in, but it doesn’t. Linc isn’t acting like this is weird, and he stayed the night after planning on going home, so he clearly doesn’t want to avoid me this morning.

  Hanna hands me a large mug of coffee.

  “Oh God, I love you, Han.”

  “Suffering?” she asks, amusement dripping from her word.

  “I’ll be fine after this.” I turn to Linc as Hanna wraps her arms around Jack. “Where did you sleep last night?”

  “On the sofa.”

  “On my sofa or the little one?”

  As he chuckles behind his mug, his eyes pierce into mine. “You were starfishing. Again. I slept sitting up on that stool they call a sofa.”

  “Oops,” I mutter.