After the End

by Natasha Preston

  I dip my head. “The seat belt wouldn’t come off. The next thing I heard was a woman shouting, telling me she’d called emergency services. She ran toward me and tried to help with getting Robbie out of the car. I was so scared, Tilly. I knew he was gone already, but what kind of friend would I have been if I didn’t attempt to bring him back?”

  She sobs, pressing her palm against her mouth.

  “The seat belt was stuck. I tugged on the damn thing for ages before I managed to get it off him and lift him out of the car. By this point, Stanley was coming around. He saw what was going on and started shouting at Robbie to wake up. I laid him on the floor and was just about to start CPR when I heard sirens.”

  “They pronounced him dead at the scene. That’s what we were told,” she cries, her face crumpling in agony.

  “Yeah. They worked on him for a while, but they couldn’t wake him up either.” I take a breath, my fingertips digging painfully into the wooden table.

  Tilly rises to her feet. I watch her walk to me, not having a single clue where this is going. Hearing the details of Robbie’s death must be so much harder than the facts.

  I push my chair back and stand. She falls forward and into my arms. I hold her tight and press my face into the crook of her neck as we both cry.

  37

  Tilly

  It takes a lot of willpower—because, right now, I feel like staying in Linc’s arms and hiding away forever—but I stand up straight, and he moves back.

  His eyes are tortured when they meet mine.

  He’s bled the story out to me, and he looks exhausted.

  “What you went through, Linc …”

  “Was nothing compared to what you and your parents have been going through.”

  “No, you’re wrong. I know Robbie wasn’t your family, but you were friends, and I know it would kill me if anything happened to Mel or Hanna, especially if I was there. Have you spoken to anyone?”

  He snorts. “My parents put me in therapy.”

  “Did that help?”

  He shrugs and looks away. “A little, I guess. But she wanted me to let go of the guilt, and that’s not something you can control.”

  “Linc,” I whisper, reaching out and curling my hand around his bicep, “I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

  His hand comes from nowhere, knotting into my hair and making sure I don’t go anywhere. His expression is intense. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore, but we both know it’s not that easy.” His eyelids flit shut. “I thought getting past Robbie’s death would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do, but wanting something I can’t have is worse. You are everything good in my life and everything bad, wrapped up in one painfully beautiful, poisonous package. What you do to me, Tilly, is excruciating, but I can’t stop wanting you. I can’t walk away because I love you so much that I can’t think straight.”

  Oh my God.

  He lowers his head when I feel tears sliding down my cheeks. My heart is racing in the best and worst way. I want to make it better for him, but I’m not sure how. Hurting him is the last thing in the world I want.

  “Everything is so fucked up. I killed Robbie. Not directly, but I had the chance to stop it and didn’t.”

  “Shh,” I whisper, my throat closing. “You didn’t kill him.”

  His opens his pained eyes and looks away.

  No. He has to know how I feel, how much I want him, too.

  “You could kill me, Linc, and I don’t think that would even stop me from loving you. Sometimes it feels as though you are killing me.”

  He takes a sharp breath, his eyes rising to mine like I hold the answers to everything. “Jesus, Tilly. We need to stop doing this. We want the same thing. Tell me we can try.”

  “Try being together?” My heart leaps at the same time my stomach bottoms out.

  I’m always teetering on the edge of good and bad with Linc. Any contact we have can easily go either way, and my feelings for him at any given time can do the same. I’m walking a tightrope without a harness, just waiting to see if it will be him catching me when I eventually fall.

  His brows rise, and he looks up at me without moving his head. “Yeah. It’s all I want, and I think it’s worth a shot. Don’t you?”

  “But what if—”

  “What if we’re happy?” he interjects, getting there before I can go on the negative. “What if everything else will fall into place because we’re willing to make that happen?”

  He makes it sound so fantastically easy. Love conquers all. Love is the reason people commit crimes of passion, but let’s not explore that right now.

  His fingers press deeper into my scalp, his actions as pleading as his words. “Is it not worth a chance?”

  Before I can overthink—seriously, can I get my medal now?—I respond, “Yeah, it’s worth a chance.”

  This time, his whole head snaps up, meeting me dead on, and his back straightens. He didn’t expect that. His posture before was defeated. He was prepared for another rejection. I’m tired of rejecting what I want.

  And I’m so damn tired of living my life for other people.

  “I’m scared of all of this,” I admit. “I don’t want to make things harder for my parents, and I don’t want the whole town talking about us and judging us.”

  “We can talk to your parents. The rest of the town doesn’t matter. We might be news for a few days. Then, some bored housewife will have an affair with the hired help, and we’ll be old news. Who cares what they say?”

  The old me wouldn’t have cared.

  “I don’t care what they say about me per se, but I do care if people think I’m betraying Robbie.”

  “Are you betraying Robbie by being with me?”

  For the first time, although I’ve always kind of known, I’m sure that I’m not. There is no doubt left in my mind that Robbie wouldn’t have minded the thought of me being with Linc.

  “No, I’m not betraying Robbie.”

  “Good. People might talk, but that doesn’t mean what they say is always true. The ones who knew Robbie would know he would have been behind us.”

  “Did you ever talk to him about me?”

  “He asked me if I liked you more than a friend once, but it was before I knew I did.”

  “What do you think he would have said now if he were still here?”

  The corner of Linc’s lip curls. “I think he would have threatened physical harm if I ever hurt you, told me it was gross that I liked his little sister, but ultimately, he would have been happy if you were happy.”

  “He was the best brother anyone could ask for.”

  “He’s still out there somewhere, Tilly, watching over you.”

  “I need to have a conversation with my mum and dad.”

  “Are you ready for that?” he asks, reading the uncertainty behind my words.

  “I have to be.”

  I take a step back. I desperately want to kiss him, but it would feel wrong to officially start something before I’ve spoken to Mum and Dad. And if he kisses me now, that’s it. After admitting how we really feel, we can’t kiss without it being the start of us.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” he asks.

  “No. I should do this alone. I’ll come over after, but it might be late if they want to talk.” Or shout.

  He nods. “I’ll be up.”

  “Don’t. Go to bed, and I’ll wake you up.”

  His eyebrow lifts in the most adorable way. “Go now. I’m off to bed.”

  I laugh and shake my head. Linc places a soft kiss to my forehead, his lips lingering for a second and turning my insides to jelly.

  “I’ll be back soon,” I tell him as he moves back.

  I leave Linc’s and go next door to my house. My legs feel heavier with each step I take, kind of like when I was walking into the hall at school to take exams. Only this is worse because Mum and Dad might end up being angry with my choice to be with Linc.

  Biting my lip, I let myself in the house
and go in search of my parents.

  Mum is in the kitchen.

  “Hey,” I say, tapping my fingers against my leg. “Where’s Dad?”

  She raises her eyes and smiles. “He’s out with Colin tonight. Do you want anything to eat?”

  Damn it, he’s out.

  “No, I’m good, thanks. Do you think he’ll be late?”

  “Most likely,” she replies with a laugh.

  I can’t wait until tomorrow because I told Linc I would do it today. I’ve been putting off so much when it comes to Linc. I can’t wait another day. I owe him more, and I don’t want to let him down again.

  “Tilly?”

  “Huh?”

  “I’ve been talking to you. Where was your mind then?”

  “Sorry. What were you saying?”

  “I was asking what you’ve been up to. I’ve not seen you much.”

  Hmm, let’s see … went to Robbie’s grave, had a mental breakdown, shouted at Linc, cried all over him, went back to his to discuss Robbie’s death in detail, told him I love him, and then became semi-official with the youngest Reid.

  Yeah, not happening.

  “I went for a run.”

  Her eyes look through me like she doubts my words. She should; it’s all a lie.

  “What have you been doing?” I ask, trying to steer her away. When I tell her about Linc in a minute, I would like it to happen more naturally than with her questions.

  “I’ve not long got home from work, so I’ve been reading. I’m getting quite into it again.”

  Mum is a massive bookworm, and she always had her head buried between the pages of a paperback. That slowed down considerably when Robbie died, so the fact that she’s doing something she loves more often again, that she feels it’s worth the time to spend on herself, makes me dance internally.

  My smile widens. “That’s great, Mum.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  I sit down at the table, pressing my palms down on the top.

  Okay, start by bringing Linc up. He came on my fictional run, too.

  “Tilly, is everything all right?” she presses.

  “Sure. Yeah, it is actually.” I bite my lip hard, my heart flying in my chest, anxiety coursing through my veins.

  Please be okay with this. Please, please, please.

  I don’t want to hurt my parents; they’ve been through too much.

  “So, Mum …” My throat closes. I shove my hands under the table and wipe them on Linc’s joggers.

  “Yeah?”

  “Well … so …” Sighing, I close my eyes. “You know …”

  “What’s going on, Matilda?” Mum asks. She sits down at the table, slamming her hands on the wood.

  My jaw drops. She’s not used my full name since before Robbie died … because she hasn’t needed to. I’ve not done anything she’s not agreed with in four years, and I’m unsure of what I’ve done now.

  “What?”

  “You’re trying to tell me something. You’re not sleeping well, you barely eat, and your mind is busy. Tell me what’s going on because, right now, I’m worried sick.”

  I shake my head, but I know I have to open up. It’s killing me—all the secrets, lies, and guilt. This is why I’m here right now.

  Tell her.

  “Linc,” I whisper.

  “What about him?”

  “I …” I lick my dry lips as my heart tries to break out of my chest.

  “You like him,” she says, tilting her head to the side. “Am I right?”

  Shit.

  She’s more intuitive than I give her credit for.

  “Yeah.” My admission makes me breathe in relief.

  I hate keeping things from my parents; we’ve always been open.

  She sighs. “Oh, darling. You could have told me.”

  “I couldn’t. You hate him. I’m supposed to hate him.”

  “I don’t hate Lincoln.” Her voice sounds affronted. “No, I don’t hate him, love. I suspected you were getting close to him. He isn’t in control of his brother’s actions. He and Robbie didn’t know how much Stanley had drunk that day. I won’t lie and say it’s easy, seeing him back here, but it isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Dad has said the same. We’re getting used to him being home, and we’re okay with it. Are you two together?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? I think he feels the same way. I thought that back when you used to hang out together.”

  I squirm on the seat, now having to admit that I’m not with him because of her and Dad.

  “Matilda,” she says again for the second time in four years. “It’s us, isn’t it? You think we’ll be upset.”

  “You were so upset when he came back.”

  “Because it was the first time. He’s been here three months now, and although I’ve only seen him a handful of times around town, it hasn’t hurt. I don’t wake up, scared to look out the window or leave the house in case I bump into him. In fact, I suspect he’s avoiding me and your dad.”

  “He goes out early in the morning or late at night, so you don’t have to see him. He visits Robbie at stupid times, so no one will run into him.”

  Mum closes her eyes, pressing her fist into her heart. “That’s not what I want. He isn’t the bad guy here, and I don’t want him feeling like he’s in the wrong.”

  “I’ve tried telling him that, but he blames himself. God, he carries around so much guilt. I hate that he thinks everyone hates him, and I know Robbie wouldn’t have wanted the town to shun him.”

  “Of course not,” Mum says. “Your brother was such a loving person. He wouldn’t have been angry with Stanley for long and certainly not Lincoln.”

  “You’re not angry with me?”

  “Why would I be?”

  “Because Linc’s brother took so much from us. In a stupid way, I feel like I’m betraying Robbie by liking Linc.”

  By loving Linc.

  “Never have you let Robbie down, you hear me? Never. If you have a chance at happiness, I want you to grab it with two hands. As your mum, that is all I could ever ask of you. I don’t care who you fall in love with, Tilly, just be happy.”

  Wow.

  “Thanks, Mum.”

  She smiles at me over the table, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Are you going next door, or do I need to repeat my happiness speech?”

  I laugh. My heart warms. I didn’t think I could love my mum any more than I already did, but she’s proven me wrong.

  “I guess we know where Robbie got his forgiving nature from.”

  “No, darling. There is nothing to forgive where Lincoln is concerned.”

  Standing up, I give her a smile. “Okay, I guess I’m going next door.”

  “Will you invite Lincoln over for dinner one night?” she asks.

  Stopping beside her, I place my hand on her shoulder. “Only after we talk to Dad.”

  “Sounds reasonable.”

  I bend down and kiss her forehead. “Love you, Mum.”

  “Love you always, darling.”

  I leave the house, practically running, and head to Linc’s.

  God, I just need to see him. I’m so ready to jump into his arms and his bed. Thank God his house is right beside mine. My heart is light, my stomach filled with butterflies for our first time.

  I walk up his path, and my feet stall as I look through the window.

  The smile is wiped from my face with a massive slap.

  Stanley is home.

  38

  Linc

  I need to do something while I wait. Who knows how long Tilly’s talk with her parents could take? They might have a lot to say and a lot of questions to ask. Electric energy buzzes through my body at the thought of her walking back into my house for me.

  Okay, I need to go and take a shower. A cold one.

  Heading upstairs, I check the door over my shoulder first. She’s clearly not going to be here already.

  I go into the bathroom and strip.

 
Running the shower, I step in and turn the water temperature up high. Tilly is only next door; the pull I feel toward her is all-consuming. I want her here. I want her wet, naked body in the shower with me.

  Groaning, I lean my forearm on the wall. The second my eyes snap shut, she’s here. Gripping my rapidly growing erection in my hand, I squeeze and pump the shaft hard and fast.

  Tilly steps in behind me, pressing her breasts against my back as her hand reaches around, scratching down my abs as she heads south.

  My breathing quickens.

  Tilly’s fingers brush over the head of my cock, and I arch into her hand, desperate for her. She runs her hand lower and curls her fingers around me. I tilt my head back and let out a long groan as she pumps her hand up and down.

  “Tilly,” I breathe when her teeth bite into my back.

  Her free hand slides around my side, and nails cut into my flesh. I’m so close. My balls tighten, and my hips move frantically.

  “Fuck,” I snap and lose myself in the moment with a fantasy.

  My orgasm explodes down to my toes. I grit my teeth and groan.

  Twisting, I lean back against the tiles and wait for my breathing to slow. My legs are weak. If I come that hard and fast from just thinking about her, what the hell is going to happen if I have her in the flesh? I’m going to need a tactical, aren’t I? I’ll have to have a wank before, so I don’t lose it too soon.

  I wash and get out of the shower.

  When I’m done in the bathroom and dressed, I head downstairs for coffee. My phone is in my hand, no notifications.

  Chill the hell out. She’s busy!

  As I reach the bottom step, I hear a noise in the kitchen that catches my attention. I slide my phone back in my pocket, and with my heart rate accelerating, I step toward the door to find the cause of the scraping noise.

  Rounding the corner, I burst into the room, ready to kick the arse of whoever has broken in. I’ve only been in a handful of fights before. I don’t really see the point unless someone is threatening me or my family. Stanley had no problem getting into a fight. If someone looked at him funny, he would kick off. I tend to avoid looking at strangers, so I really couldn’t give a fuck how they were looking at me.