Perfect Sense (Perfect Series Book 1)

by Amanda Cowen

  I sigh. “So I hear.”

  “You know…Cash has been through a lot, but he’s also created a lot of his own grief.”

  “What does that mean?” I ask.

  She lets out a sigh and bites her bottom lip. “Look, Quinn, you seem like a really nice and smart girl. I love Cash. He’s been Jake’s best friend since we were kids. And trust me, if he brought you to the one place that haunts him, you must mean something to him. Which is why I am concerned for you.” She looks around the party nervously. “I don’t know what is going on between you two, but whatever this is, you need to accept that he has walls and that he has secrets. Until he deals with his past and the mess he’s created, he’ll never be able to be who you want him to be. He will hurt you.”

  I am trying my best not to take her words to heart, but as she stands there eyeing me up with worry, a lump lodge in my throat.

  “Do you love him?” she asks.

  I continue to stare at her in dumbfounded silence.

  “Whatever you do, don’t,” she warns

  “Why are you saying all this to me?” I finally breathe out, watching her for any reaction. She bites her bottom lip and says nothing more.

  I start to open my mouth, but the sound of Billy’s voice and his hand on the small of my back freezes my words. “What are you two doing?” he asks “We need you out there on the dance floor.”

  “Yeah, come on, Anna. You know how much I like to see your booty shake,” Greer says with a devilish smirk.

  I shake my head. “No…I…uh think we are all danced out.”

  “Come on, Quinn. It’s your last night in Thompson.” His hand brushes along my lower back and I pull away. “Don’t you wanna go out with a bang?”

  “Get your fucking hands off her, Billy, or I will smash your face in.” Cash’s harsh tone shocks me, and I turn around to see him towering over me.

  “Cash Brooks,” Billy snarls, glaring at him. “Why so pissy? Quinn said she was here on business…and you were busy feeling up Lucy as per usual, so I thought—”

  “You thought wrong.” Cash takes one more step forward, putting his body between me and Billy. “Find another girl, Billy. She’s with me.”

  Billy lets out a hard laugh. “You know, you’re at my brother’s party, Brooks. And if my memory serves me correctly, the last time I saw you at one of his parties I found you coked out of your mind, fucking our sister. On my bed. Then you destroyed my front door.”

  Cash’s jaw clenches.

  “We’re even, dick shit,” he continues. “You might have everybody else fooled, but I know exactly who you are and exactly what you are capable of.”

  “Fuck you.” Cash puts both of his hands on his chest and shoves him back, hard.

  I grab his arm and pull him in the other direction. “Cash! Stop it!”

  “He’s all yours, Quinn.” Billy tosses his empty beer bottle onto the lawn. “Get him the fuck off our property.”

  “Come on, Billy. What’s in the past is in the past,” Anna begs, glancing nervously between them. “Don’t be that way.”

  “I’ll be however the fuck I want. I don’t owe him shit.” Billy walks away with Greer following behind.

  Cash jerks forward and I grip his arm harder, digging my nails into his skin. Billy snickers, disappearing into the crowd. “What the hell were you doing letting that asshole feel you up?” he asks

  I stand there, humiliated, feeling my cheeks heat. “I don’t know, Cash. What were you doing letting every girl at this party throw themselves at you right in front of me like I don’t exist?”

  “Come on, you’re not mad are you?” He takes a step closer, leaving all but an inch between us.

  I let out a hard laugh. “Mad? That doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. Try furious, pissed, enraged!”

  “You know how the ladies react to me, Mittens. It comes with the territory.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. You know…I really thought you wanted this. But obviously you don’t.”

  “Quinn, don’t be that way. I’m sorry about the girls—”

  “It’s not just the girls,” I am not in the mood for his lame apology. Or the secrets surrounding him that everyone but me in his hometown seems to know about. “It’s the life I don’t know anything about. You are always so guarded and vague. I feel like you are hiding something from me. God! I can’t believe everything I am risking! I’m sick of playing house with you. I need something real. I want more than this.”

  Cash staggers backward, the disbelief from my rant written all over his face.

  I look over at Anna and force a smile. “Thank you, Anna, for the insightful evening. It was nice meeting you.”

  “Cash, I'm sorry. Quinn, please don’t go,” she begs and shifts her eyes between the two of us. “I’ll talk to Billy.”

  “Don’t bother.” I yank open the patio doors. “Tell Jake I said goodbye.”

  I step out into the darkness and lean up against the side of the house. Seconds later, Cash is beside me.

  “What did Anna tell you?” His gaze is fixed on my face, searching.

  “You’re such a dick.” I let out a hard bitter laugh. “You’re so persistent about me telling you everything, but when it comes to you, your past is a vault under lock and key. You’re not trying to protect me. You’re just trying to protect yourself.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “You know exactly what that means. And apparently so does everyone else, except me. I’m sick of trying to figure you out. Let me know when you’re ready to let me in. Until then, enjoy being alone.”

  I head briskly toward the end of the driveway. He shouts out my name and follows behind me, but I keep walking, tears stinging my eyes.

  His strong hand wraps around my arm. “What are you trying to say?” I wrestle hard to set myself free, but his grip remains firm. “Talk to me, Mittens.”

  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I avoid relationships because I can’t count on them. I’ve built my whole life counting on the one thing I can control—my education and now my career. And then you came along….” I let out a bitter laugh. “I’m taking a cab to the airport.”

  Sighing, he holds my wrist while I squirm, unable to free myself. “If that’s what you really want, I’ll drive you. But I’m not letting you just walk off in the dark.”

  “You’re not in charge of me.” I slam my free fist against his chest. “Let go of me! I hate you!”

  He closes his big hand around my fist. “Well, I love you, Quinn,” he says, his voice low and intense. “Don’t you fucking see that?”

  I lift my eyes, my heart pounding.

  “I love you,” he whispers, inches away from my lips. “And you’re not going anywhere without me.”

  I shake my head. “Don’t you dare say that to me unless you mean it.”

  “I mean it.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “How I feel about you is never going to change. I’m sorry about tonight—I freaked out. Look, you're right. I was a dick back there, but I had to be. Don't you get that? I couldn't expose us, Quinn. I can't. Most of these people aren’t my friends. I can’t trust that they won’t leak what we have to the media the first chance they get. The last thing I want is to ruin us before we even get a chance. If we were spotted together as more than work associates, who knows what the media would report. Your father is already shoving a wedge between us, and I know how much you care about your internship. I’m just not ready to lose you. Especially after everything that just happened.”

  I let out a trembling breath, keeping my eyes lowered. “I want to believe you, Brooks. I really do.”

  He places his hands on either side of my face, tilting my head upward. “Don’t you get it? I want to be with you. I love you.”

  I meet his stare, my pulse picking up into a rapid tempo. He looks at my lips, pupils dilating. “Whatever Anna said to you…” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I know I fucke
d up tonight,” he whispers. “I swear I’ll let you in.” He takes a step closer. “I promise there will be a time when it’s right.”

  My anger melts. I grab either side of his face and slam his lips against mine. From the moment I met Cash I knew nothing about us would ever be easy. The last thing I was looking for was a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming kind of love, but the second I locked eyes with him, whether I wanted to accept it or not, I found it.

  I lean forward and place my hands on either side of his face. “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 15

  Sitting at my desk, I doodle on my notepad drawing circles that spiral from one side of the paper to the other. Two months have flown by since Newfoundland and Cash and I have been sneaking around, hiding our relationship from the media, the league, or anyone associated with it. One part of me thinks I have lost my mind, risked everything I possibly can for him, including my relationship with my father. The other part of me knows I am madly in love, addicted to his touch, and wouldn’t change my decision to be with him over anything in the world.

  The idea of telling my father my plans to have both Harvard and Cash makes my skin crawl. He would more than frown upon our relationship. He would call it impulsive, reckless and maybe even career ending. I know any loving father would want his daughter to be happy. It’s just that in his mind, no one is ever good enough for me; whether they play hockey or not. He holds a halo over my head that he’s never held over Lyndsey. Maybe it’s because I am the one most like our mother. Secretly he worries that if he’s not guiding me, I’ll end up like her.

  I’m still completely lost in my head as I scroll through email, reminiscing on my time with Cash and how far we have come. We spend almost every night together at his place. We rarely go out in the public eye. The last thing we both want is the media finding out about our relationship for more reasons than one. Our confinement has led me to discover Cash’s secret talent. He is an amazing chef. His French onion soup and Caesar salad are to die for.

  I’ve been pouty lately though, because with the Bruisers in the Calder Cup finals series, Cash is more tired than normal, so Chinese take-out has been our staple. I’ve grown so fond of his cooking, that take-out doesn’t quite hit the spot anymore.

  Our weekends together are my favorite. We eat sugary cereal and watch cartoons in bed. Sometimes we drive a few hours outside of Bexley to shop at a thrift store or two. I’ve found a lot of great odds and ends to help keep my jewelry making going strong. I even made Cash that ring he asked me for. I haven’t given it to him yet though. I want to surprise him, but the right moment hasn’t presented itself.

  The shift in our relationship has been incredible and scary all at the same time. I love the sweet and seductive side of Cash that has stolen my heart.

  At the office things are finally getting back to normal between me and Theo. We’re working on our next big event and promotion for the league and its sponsors. I feel like I’ve regained control of my priorities, but sometimes, like today, my mind slips and all I can focus on is Cash and getting my next fix. For the first time in my life I am unable to push something out of my mind and only focus on work.

  I jump when the computer beeps, notifying me that I have a new email in my inbox. Slowly, I raise my head up and stare at my screen.

  My heart stops when I read the subject line.

  Harvard University - Offer of Admission

  My hands are shaking, but I somehow manage to click open the email.

  I stare at the screen for a moment, wrapped up in shock and excitement.

  I did it! I did it! I did it! I am accepted!

  I burst into shouts of joy, shoot up from my chair and fist pump the air, dancing around my desk. My celebration subsides when it sinks in that this is real. I am going to Harvard. I flop back down into my chair, feeling a mixture of relief and bewilderment settle in my stomach.

  Without hesitation, I dial Lyndsey’s number.

  “I got into Harvard!” I say before she can even say hello.

  Lyndsey squeals, “Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Quinny, I am so happy for you!”

  “I just got the letter. You’re the first person I called.”

  “Really? You told me before you told Dad? I’m first choice! And we made a pact remember? When you got your acceptance letter to Harvard, I get to take you out clubbing.”

  I laugh. “I’ll even let you pick out my outfit.”

  “You’re so going to regret you ever said that.” She giggles and then pauses, changing her tone to a serious one. “Quinn. I am so proud of you. You’re getting everything that you ever you wanted.” I can hear her pout through the line. “But I’m going to miss you once you make the big move to Boston.”

  I swallow hard, my mind shifting to Cash. I may be getting what I wanted, but that means leaving him behind.

  “Yeah, I guess I’ll be leaving soon.” My voice falters and I take a deep breath.

  “Quinn? You okay?” Lyndsey’s asks, concerned. I feel my chest tighten and silence falls on the line. “You’re not having second thoughts because of Cash are you?”

  Other than Lyndsey, no one else knows that we are together.

  I let out a strained laugh. “No, of course not.”

  This is crazy. I know I need to be strong and my own person, to prove that I am in control of my own life path, but every part of me right now aches at the thought of telling him. Not all long distance relationships fail, right?

  “When are you going to tell him?”

  “I need to figure things out first.”

  “Like what? By you not telling him, you are doing the exact thing you are pissed at him for doing. Keeping secrets.”

  I cringe slightly. “This is different.”

  Lyndsey lets out a deep sigh. “Listen, Quinn, I have to go. Louis just showed up. Promise me you will tell him.”

  I let out a sigh. “I will, Lynds. When I’m ready.”

  We say our goodbyes and I click off from our call. Nerves shoot through my unsettled stomach.

  I have to tell him.

  Tonight.

  My mind doesn’t stop racing until I get to Cash’s place and crash on his bed. I am feeling very anxious about, well…ruining everything, but I know I can’t hide this from him.

  “Hard day at the office?” he says with a sexy grin.

  I roll over, watching him flop down on the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. He leans forward and runs a finger between my cleavage, causing me to involuntary shudder. I still his finger with my hand and move it onto the pillow. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  “Can it wait until after I make you come?” He uses his fingertips to draw spirals over the tops of my breasts, distracting me. “We both know how much you like that.”

  My green eyes flicker down to his bulge. “Umm hmm.”

  He cups my breast and a cocky grin spreads across his face. “But first, there is something else I want to give you.” He leans over, opens the drawer on his nightstand and pulls out a tiny black box.

  “What’s that?” I ask, sitting up cautiously. I can feel my cheeks heat with worry.

  “Relax, Mittens.” His blue eyes sparkle as he looks up at me through his long brown lashes, clearly amused. I must look like I am about to faint. He clicks open the side of the box, and a shiny silver key stares back at me—the key to his place. “You have no idea how empty my life was until I met you.”

  His voice is so sincere. It makes something inside of me melt into a tiny pile of mush. I reach to kiss his lips, trying to hide my conflicted emotions. He couldn’t have picked a worse time to open up his home to me. His loving gesture makes me feel sick that I am about to ruin everything when I tell him I’m leaving Bexley. “Cash—”

  “I’ve never given anyone a key to my home. Not my agent. Not a coach. Not a friend. No one, Quinn. Except you.”

  Heat pulses through me as he places the key in the palm of my hand. I stare at him and he stares back, his
irises burning a sharp, vibrant blue.

  “Is this for real?” I breathe out.

  “Oh, it’s for real, Mittens.” He pulls one side of my blouse down, kissing along my bare shoulder.

  I moan, loving the feel of his lips and inhaling that sexy cinnamon smell. He tugs me down so he can nibble along my neck, shoulder and breast. I hold still, not kissing him back, guilt washing over me with every second I continue not to tell him about my acceptance to Harvard.

  “What?” he asks, lifting his head.

  Getting into Harvard is everything I’ve ever wanted, but I can’t tell him like this. Not after he’s given me the key to his place. This is a huge step forward for us. I can’t take a step back. Not now. This changes everything.

  “I’m so happy. I don’t know what to say.”

  He leans forward and kisses my forehead. “You don’t have to say anything. I promised I’d start letting you in. This is the first step.”

  “You don’t have to do this.” I force myself to meet his gaze.

  “I want to do this.” He looks confused. “You want this too, right?”

  “I do.”

  “Then what is it?” He rolls on top of me and grabs my wrists, pinning them above my head. “Don’t you dare start overthinking everything -”

  “I can’t help it. You know overthinking everything is what I do,” I press against his throbbing cock. He grips onto my hips, holding them against the mattress.

  “What are you thinking right now?” he says with a playful wiggle of his eyebrows.

  I bite my lip and bat my eyelashes, “Guess.”

  With a smug smile, he reaches down and slides his hand under the back of my thigh and hitches my knee up to rest on his shoulder. He puts his mouth inches away from mine and mimics my voice. “Please Cash, please take off my bra.” I giggle as he leans over and kisses me. His expert fingers unclasp my bra and the straps fall down the sides of my shoulders. He kicks off his underwear and I yank my blouse over my head. He growls as the sight of my bare breasts and pushes my skirt up to my hips, ripping off my lace panties in one quick snap. Before I can even scold him for ruining another favorite pair—these a blue that matches his eyes—he’s driving himself inside me.