by Amanda Cowen
“So Lynds, where’s Louis tonight?” Vaughn asks, playing with the straw in her glass.
“He went to Santa Anna with some of the guys on the team,” Lyndsey replies, warily.
“Let’s ditch this club and go meet them. I want to see Fisher again…if you know what I mean.” She gives me a wink and then laughs.
“You’re such a whore!” Olivia teases her and smacks her in the arm.
Vaughn takes a sip of her drink. “Or am I just a lady who knows what she wants?”
Hearing my name, I turn around with my drink in my hand, my long brown curls flowing down my back. Aiden rises from the L-shaped sofa in our section, wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a tight blue V-neck shirt. His eyes smirk in my direction as he climbs over the web of legs dangling down along the sofa.
“Quinn, you look…” He passes a cool glaze over my entire body. “Amazing.” He takes a sip of his drink. “Where have you been hiding? I haven’t seen you around.”
“Working,” I reply, inhaling his pleasant scent. “The only reason I’m even out tonight is because I promised Lyndsey when I received my acceptance to Harvard I’d go clubbing with her to celebrate.”
Aiden cocks his head to the side with a huge grin. “Are you serious? You were accepted to Harvard?”
“Yeah, I got my offer of admission into the MBA program a few days ago.”
He smiles. “You’re not going to believe this…but I’ve been accepted into the MBA program at Harvard too.”
“What? Really?” I ask, shocked.
He nods. “Yeah, I’m starting this upcoming semester.”
“Wow. Congratulations. That’s great news. I had no idea you applied to Harvard.”
“You never asked.” He downs the rest of his drink and pours himself another. “Maybe if you had taken me up on my offer for a night of catch-up you would have known.”
I blush, feeling terrible for the time I stood him up. “I start this upcoming semester too.”
“Need a roomie?” he asks with a smug smile.
“Let’s go dance!” Vaughn shouts, pulling on my arm, “Olivia and Lyndsey are already dancing up a storm.” She leans over and gives Aiden a kiss on the cheek. “Come on, Aiden. You can show us your stellar moves.”
“Nah, you ladies have fun. I’m going to chill out here.” He gives me a wink and then makes his way along the sofa, high fiving the people slouched down on it before he flops down in the middle of them.
Vaughn pulls me by the arm, lurching us through a crowd into the middle of the dance floor. When we mesh beside Lyndsey and Olivia, shaking their booties, I try to let loose and have some fun. But restlessness rumbles in my gut. I glance down at the screen of my phone, still no calls or texts from Cash. I take a deep breath, feeling on edge, like something isn’t right. I take a sip of my drink and vow to divert all my thoughts from Cash.
A couple songs later, Olivia shouts that she needs another drink. The three of us follow behind her up to the bar, where she orders us a round of Patron shots. “Who’s ready for some shots?”
“Hell ya, you know I am!” Vaughn joins in.
Olivia puts them down and high fives Vaughn. She doles out the shots, one in front of each of us, a lime wedge teetering on the edge of each glass. Olivia holds hers up, signaling everyone to raise their glass in unison. “To my girls! And to Quinn getting accepted into Harvard! Way to go girl!”
She throws back her shot and we all follow. I cough and sputter, feeling the burn in my throat. When I catch my breath, I spot Lyndsey beside me glancing down at a text message from Louis on her phone.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
Lyndsey blinks at me, like she is worried and takes a step backward. “I’ll be right back. I need to give him a call.”
“Lynds, what’s going on?” I shout over the music.
“I said I’ll be right back.” With that she spins around, pushing her way through the crowd and over to the nearest exit. I take a step forward, ready to chase after her when I hear Aiden’s voice.
“Alright, girls, next round is on me. Quinn, you in?”
Four more rounds of shots later before Vaughn and Olivia hit the dance floor again, leaving me alone with Aiden who is chewing my ear off.
“Quinn, we need to go.” Lyndsey tugs on my arm, pulling my attention away from Aiden. I look up at her with blurry vision, into her anxious eyes.
“What? Why?” I slur and sway as I hop down from the bar chair, grabbing the back of it to steady myself.
Her phone is pressed to her chest, and her face is pale with a sliver of worry wrinkled into her forehead. “Quinn, we need to go. Now.”
“Nah. I think I’ll stay here and hang with Aiden for a bit longer.” I turn my back to Lyndsey.
“I said we’re going.” She yanks me by the arm and through the warm mass of bodies, without even letting me say goodbye to him. She pushes us through the heavy metal doors and out into the cool night air, waving down a cab.
“Let go of me! I was having fun. What the hell?”
“We need to call it a night. This is life or death right now.”
“Where are we going? Is everything okay?” I ask, wresting my arm free from her hold. For someone so damn tiny, she sure can hold her own.
She shakes her head. “No. It’s Cash.”
“He was supposed to meet us at my place four hours ago.” Louis says, running his hand through his hair. “We were supposed to go with the rest of the team to celebrate Cash’s resigning at a party in Santa Anna, but he didn’t show up at my place. I called him a bunch of times. Fisher called him a bunch of times.” He pauses and scales his eyes up Cash’s building then looks back at me. “Eventually he answered, but he sounded half in the bag…”
“And you think he’s at home?” I ask as my heart pounds painfully in my chest. “What does this have to do with me?”
Louis swallows hard and shoots a knowing glare at Lyndsey. “He’s taken your breakup pretty hard.”
“You told them!” I spin around and shove Lyndsey with the palm of my hands, watching her stumble backward. I drop my head in my hands and grumble. “I trusted you, Lynds.”
“I’m sorry, Quinn!” Lyndsey shouts. “Cash was freaking out about you. I had no choice but to explain what was going on. They are worried he’s been drinking.”
“Quinn, look at me.” Louis grabs my shoulders and shakes my stare into his steady gaze. His eyes are hooded with worry. “We’re not going to tell anybody, okay. I’ve known Cash for years and I’ve known him during his good times and his bad times. He’s been sober for over a year and for him to slip like this, I just knew…” Louis pauses and looks away from me briefly. “I’ve never heard him sound as crazy as I did tonight. He was literally flipping the fuck out on the other end of the line because you two are done. I know he’s in there, Quinn. We’ll be right behind you, but I need you to calm him down. If he’s even had a drink or a snort of coke, he’s fuckin done. He’ll ruin his contract with the Tornados if anyone finds out about this. I can’t let him do that.” I stare back at him, my body vibrating from the inside out with tears pooling in my eyes. “Quinn, please.” He releases his grip and takes a step back.
I look over at Lyndsey, standing beside a very nervous Louis and then turn my eyes to a concerned Fisher leaning against the railing. I walk up the concrete steps and pull open the front door, terrified to finally face the dark side of Cash.
When the elevator pings, the doors slide open and we step into the foyer of his penthouse. I stare into the darkness, letting my eyes fall on the shadows of the room, lightly illuminated from the moonlight through the window. The living room is trashed. Lamps are smashed. The coffee table is flipped. Curtains are torn. Empty beer cans are crumpled and tossed all over the hardwood. Nausea recoils in my veins, pulsing painfully from the catastrophic sight.
Slowly, I move through the destroyed living room with Lyndsey, Louis and Fisher following behind me and step into the kitchen, flipping on a ligh
t. I hear Louis mumble under his breath this isn’t good when my eyes dart to the kitchen table, decorated with white powder and credit cards. My heart sinks when I see about fifteen copies of the Men’s Health magazine ripped to shreds and scattered all over the floor. I move slowly, toward the kitchen table and pick up an empty bottle of whiskey.
This is not the Cash I know. These drugs, this booze, this can’t be the real him. The one everyone warned me about.
I jump when the bathroom door bursts open behind me. Cash stumbles out, his arms wrapped around some trashy blonde, kissing the side of his mouth. She is wearing a black bra and tight white skirt. She holds a bottle of whiskey in one of her hands while the other is wrapped around his neck. Cash does a double take when he sees me and freezes, seeing me standing in his kitchen with Lyndsey, Louis and Fisher behind me. My heart sinks and I think I may throw up. Because despite the shock of seeing some girl wrapped in his arms, seeing him so wrecked from the booze and drugs makes him almost unrecognizable. His big blue eyes are dark and vacant with deep circles and his face is masked with a dreary, weathered glaze.
The girl looks up at us, with a smile on her face. “You guys want a drink?” she slurs.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Cash staggers forward and puts his face inches from mine. “I thought you’d be on the next plane to Boston by now.”
The stench of whiskey blows off of his lips and an uncontrollable anger overcomes my senses and smashes into my gut. That familiar oaky scent makes me shudder with painful memories what it represents: the death of my childhood, the loss of my mother.
“What am I doing here?” I point my finger at the girl hanging off of his arm. “What is she doing here?”
And before I can even control myself, I lunge forward pounding my fists as hard as I can against his chest. He doesn’t budge a fraction, but I manage to kick her away from his body with the heel of my stiletto in a fleet of fury, until Louis and Fisher grab me by either arm. I start kicking and flailing my arms and legs screaming in my drunken state and call Cash pathetic.
“What the fuck, Louis?” Lyndsey shouts at him then glares at Cash. “This is crazy. We’re going.”
“Quinn, I’m so sorry.” Louis drags me out of the kitchen and through the living room. I fight them with every step, wanting to run back into the kitchen to continue my attack on Cash. When the elevator doors open, I almost fall backward, feeling my arms being ripped from Louis and Fisher’s hold as the back of my dress snags on something mid-step.
Cash has a fistful of my dress, and my chest tightens at his force, terrified at the glazed look of fury on his face. Louis warns him to let go of me, but one look from Cash’s raging eyes shuts him up.
“Why the fuck would you come here?” he asks, with a half-drunk, half-high look in his eyes.
“Go fuck yourself, Cash,” I yell, straightening out my dress when he releases me. “You’re a mess. Look at this place. Look at that whore you have in your house. You’re drunk and you’re high.”
“You made it very clear that we’re done. I’m free to do whoever I want, whenever I want. And I have you to thank for that.”
I feel Lyndsey’s hand slip into mine and tug me backward. I yank my hand from her grip and take a step forward, staring Cash right in the eye.
“I’m here is because Louis and Fisher were worried about you. You signed a multimillion- dollar contract with the Tornados and you’re about to fuck it all up. You are finally getting a second chance to have everything you ever wanted. And you’re acting like an idiot, fucked out of your mind with another puck bunny. You know, I don’t even know why I’m surprised.”
His eyebrows pull in. “You. Chose. This!”
My lip quivers as he releases my wrists and stares at me, his eyes piercing mine with such intensity that I avert my gaze momentarily. “What the hell did you expect you’d walk into?”
“Anything but this!” I spit back.
“You fuckin’ ruined me. I started to let you in. I wanted to tell you everything.” His hard gaze burns into mine. “You can get an MBA anywhere,” he argues, disgust rolling of his tongue. “With your brain, you could go to any school in the country. But that’s not what you want and clearly I’m not what you want. So get the fuck out and leave me in my misery.”
I shake my head. “Please tell me this isn’t the real you.”
He lifts his glass of whiskey and slams back the contents, glazed blue eyes continuing to watch me over the rim of the glass. When he finishes, he runs his tongue over his lips, tilting his head to the side with a smirk that I have to refrain myself from smacking off his lips.
“Get a good look, sweetheart. This is the real me, baby—a miserable fucking drunk.”
“We both know that’s not true.” I fight my trembling bottom lip. “You need to take a long hard look in the mirror and see if that guy staring back at you is really who you claim you are. Because I know different. I’ve seen it.”
His mouth twists as he watches me with aloof eyes and a hardened expression. “Get out.”
The blonde emerges from the kitchen and wraps her arms around his waist. “You guys aren’t staying for a drink?” He shrugs her off of him and she pouts. “Is everything okay, Cashy?”
“Quinn, come on,” Lyndsey says.
I glare at him as humiliation seeps through me. “Goodbye, Cash.”
Tears fall down my cheeks, and I spin around, stepping into the elevator with my chin held high.
“I’m so sorry,” Louis says, as the elevator doors close behind us. “I had no idea it was going to be that bad. I thought he was drunk and upset. I would have never of brought you here if I knew he had another girl there.”
I suck back the tears, feeling the cold air nip at my ears as we step onto the pavement. “Please don’t apologize, Louis. I should have known.”
The sound of a metal door slamming and the pounding of two heavy feet behind me, cause all of us to spin around. Cash grabs me by the arm and in the same instant Lyndsey wildly attacks him with her fists. “You’re a fucking asshole! You don’t deserve my sister!” Louis pulls her off of Cash, and drags her backward in his arms. In her spastic fury, she accidently elbows Louis is the gut and the sound of his gasp from the wind being knocked out of him, echoes into the night sky.
“Lyndsey!” I shout, shocked at her sudden rage.
“He may be hot as shit, but he’s an asshole!” She points at Cash as he stands there frowning. “What has it been? Five days since you two called it quits? And you have the nerve to bring another girl into your house like my sister meant nothing to you?”
“Lyndsey! Stop!” Louis pulls her backward. “Get in the car. Now.”
“Are you serious?” she shouts, putting her hands on her hips. “You think what he’s done is okay? He’s a selfish prick!”
Louis shakes his head. “No, I don’t think this is okay, but he’s also very drunk. And right now, this is between Cash and Quinn. Not all of us.”
She scoffs. “Bros before hoes, right Louis?”
“Lynds, come on,” Louis begs, but she has already flung open the passenger side door of Fisher’s vehicle and slid onto the backseat.
“Not now, Louis.” Fisher shakes his head and walks around the front end of his vehicle. “Get in the car.”
I look up at Cash one last time, standing there half-naked and wrecked in visible pain. I love him, I know I do, but it shouldn’t hurt this bad.
“I can’t do this.” I shake my head and a single tear rolls down my cheek.
He grips the metal railing at my words, his knuckles turning white. He looks like he can barely stand. “Then walk away.” He lifts his angry eyes to mine. “We both know it’s what you do best.”
His words slice through the cold night air, leaving a damp imprint on my heart. Without another word I turn away from him, tears streaming down my cheeks. I yank open the passenger door and slide onto the leather seat, dropping my head in my hands, allowing my emotions to take over. I nee
d to go home.
Chapter 17
The next morning, I can’t fathom getting out of bed. Instead I lay there, staring up at the ceiling fan and watch it spin around in a melodic buzz for what feels like hours. Eventually, I force myself to roll onto my side, letting a few unwanted tears fall down my cheeks. I am too weak to do anything else. Seeing Cash so wrecked last night was the most heartbreaking moment of my life.
That’s why I need to leave Bexley now. Of course I’ve loved working for the Bruisers and the opportunity it’s given me, but after last night, I’ve decided to hand in my resignation. I need to focus on me. I’m leaving for Boston early to settle in before the semester starts.
There is a faint knock on my door before Louis is standing in my doorway. “Hey, sorry to bother you, but I thought I’d come and check on you before Lynds woke up… You okay?”
I shake my head and bite my bottom lip to hold back the tears. “No, I’m not. I think it’s best if I leave for Harvard as soon as possible.”
“Really? Don’t you think you’re being a little rash?”
“No.”
“Quinn, you can’t walk away from what you need to face.”
“I’m not walking away. I’m avoiding perpetual disaster. There’s a difference.”
He takes a deep breath and sits at the edge of my bed. “You have to talk to him.”
I shake my head. “About what, Louis? If we talk, he’ll apologize and tell me how sorry he is and I’ll forgive him and then our cycle will start back up. Then the next thing I’ll know is I’ll be ditching Harvard and on the next flight with him to Santa Anna. Giving up on all my hopes and dreams to be with him on our rollercoaster of dysfunction.” I let out a sigh. “Cash is a mess. I don’t know why I keep thinking he’ll change. My delusions of who I thought he was, were shattered last night when I caught a glimpse of who he really is. He’s got too many demons and too many things to hide. And my patience and forgiveness can only go so far…don’t let me forget, I walked in on him with another girl thanks to you.”
