Fireflies Glow Only in the Dark

by Ruth Morse

  “Isn’t she cool?” Mel asked, not shifting her gaze from the girl.

  “She is, I guess.”

  The girl’s arms were fully covered with black tattoos. The spotlight made it seem like they were hanging in the air, separate from her body.

  Mel flicked a lighter in her hand. Catching my glance, she guiltily smiled then inhaled. The sweet smell of weed tickled my nose. She laughed and patted my shoulder.

  “Relax, Foxy. We’re at a concert for Christ’s sake!”

  The phone clamped in my hand remained silent. Max hadn’t called.

  The first song started. Everybody screamed, shaking their bodies and jumping, not even noticing that they were stepping on each other’s feet.

  The more I tried to keep calm, the more irritating the crowd’s madness was. The uneasy feeling in my stomach turned into real panic. Spotlights blinked rapidly, blinding me with blue and red lights. Guys next to me took their shirts off, revealing big colorful tattoos on their stomachs. They waved their hands, bending over as if warming up for something. I realized what they were up to when one of them rushed into the crowd, his arms outstretched and eyes closed. I cringed. Mosh pit. People quickly made a small circle. A few more guys joined the dancers. I could tell they were completely stoned by the absent looks and blissful smiles on their faces.

  The crowd squeezed me harder. I started to feel the lack of fresh air. Someone hit me with his bare shoulder, and I nearly dropped my phone on the ground. That was enough. I put my elbows forward, making my way back to the open space. Mel noticed I was going away and wanted to follow me, but I motioned for her to stay. She mouthed, “Max?”

  I nodded. Mel reassuringly touched my hand and opened her mouth to say something, but the crowd had already carried me away from the stage.

  It took me forever to get out. When I made it to the parking lot, I called Max three times, but he wouldn’t answer.

  I sank down onto the grass and helplessly looked around. My black sweatshirt was rumpled and sweaty, reeking of weed. Gray stains appeared on the right sleeve, quickly soaking into the fabric. All I wanted was to go home, take a long, soothing bath, and fall asleep.

  The wind came out of nowhere, bringing with it the cold night. I bundled up in my sweatshirt. Heavy clouds covered the sky. The rain was about to start. Moans came from one of the parked cars; someone was having sex. Off in the distance, a frail-looking man stood in the shadows. He was definitely too old for a teenage party. He was snorting something, bringing both his hands to his mouth. I stood up and quickly walked away. There was only one place I knew where Max could be.

  The moaning behind me continued for a long time. The ground rumbled, awakened by the loud bass. After a little wandering, I made it onto the right road.

  What if I’m wrong and he’s not there?

  I tried to push that thought away, but it kept buzzing in my head. I nervously exhaled.

  Soon after I passed the pine grove, the lakeshore became visible. My legs were moving faster and faster until I was running. When I saw the fallen trees, something lurched in my chest.

  “Max!”

  White sneakers appeared from behind the trees. He was there! I rushed to him, not paying any attention to the sand getting into my shoes. Max didn’t have time to get up before I bumped into him, burying my face in his shoulder.

  “Why didn’t you answer my calls?” I whispered, breathing in the familiar cinnamon and pine smell of his jacket.

  He didn’t answer. I pulled away and looked at his face. He tilted his head, trying to avoid my gaze, but I still noticed his red eyes and traces of tears on his cheeks.

  “What happened?” I whispered, frightened.

  He gritted his teeth. “Take a seat.”

  I did what he said silently. Max glanced at the lake, his right hand fingering sand. I touched his shoulder, but he didn’t move, as if he didn’t notice.

  “Lily really looks like her mother,” he muttered.

  I froze. “Lily?”

  He nodded. His fingers started to fiddle with the bracelet on his wrist, touching the red and green beads nervously. I never saw such a feverish gleam in his eyes before.

  “Remember I told you how I couldn’t find a job? How I thought I was lost, but Jack saved me…”

  “Of course, I remember. Lily was his daughter, right?”

  He nodded again. “Her mother died before Lily was able to walk. Jack was inconsolable. But when he found out Lily had the same disease… it was just too much for one man to handle. But he tried.” Max shook his head. “I could never guess something was wrong with her, besides that she was so much smarter than other kids her age. One day he told me the truth. He couldn’t keep it a secret anymore—they had to leave. That’s how I ended up in Lakewood. Jack sold the cafe, pretty much everything he had left, and moved to San Francisco so Lily could get her treatment. And I moved here,” Max said, his heavy gaze remaining on the lake.

  “And now…” I whispered, not wanting to hear the answer.

  “She’s dying.” His hands balled into fists. “And there is nothing I can do about it.”

  “Oh, Max…”

  He turned away. “I don’t want you to feel sorry. Not for me, not for Lily,” he said, his tiredness now explicit, it’s numb touch freezing all the emotions in his voice.

  “All this… Your mood swings…” I slowly put the pieces together.

  “I didn’t realize you noticed,” Max replied. His hand ran across his cheek, wiping away the tears that had already soaked into his skin.

  “I did. I just didn’t know how to ask,” I said blankly. I glanced at him, hoping I could express my feelings through my glistening eyes, but all I saw was the narrow line of his jaw and the corner of his chapped lips. He just wouldn’t look at me.

  Max picked up a handful of sand and slowly let it slip through his fingers.

  “She has beautiful eyes,” he said. “You know, so big and shiny like she’s from an anime. When she thought about something, they’d cloud over. It made her face look serious, sad even.” Max’s lips twitched in a bleak smile. “But after a few seconds, she would blink and the illusion dissipated. And the same happy Li returned. She’s the one who persuaded Jack to take me. He would’ve never given me the job if it wasn’t for her. I can’t blame him. He needed the money for her treatments.” He lifted his head and finally looked at me. My heart sank, seeing the unbearable pain in his eyes.

  Max was talking in a hurry, like he was afraid that if he slowed down a little, the words he uttered would strike me so hard that I’d prefer him to stop and never talk with me again. But he needed me to listen. Filled with anxiety and fear, he tried to explain to me what I already managed to understand.

  “She’s the sister I never had,” he said, emphasizing each word. “They’re the family I never had but always wanted.”

  “Are you leaving?” I whispered, my voice husky and broken.

  He lowered his head. “I have to go see Lily before… Before it’s too late. But there is something else,” he said, averting his eyes.

  I held my breath. “Are you saying… you want to take a break?”

  Max’s eyes opened wide. He even gave me a barely noticeable smile. “What? No, no,” he said quickly. “The opposite, actually. I want you to come with me.”

  I didn’t understand the impact of his words. “You want us to leave together?”

  “That’s right.”

  “To go to San Francisco?”

  He nodded.

  “When?”

  “The day after tomorrow.”

  “Are you serious? That soon?”

  He nodded again. “I’m very serious, Lana,” he said.

  I hesitated. “You want me to run away from home?” I asked.

  Max arched an eyebrow. “C’mon, do you really think I’d make you do that?”

  “But how else…”

  “We’re going to ask your parents for permission.”

  “But they don’t even know
you exist!”

  “Easy fix,” he said simply.

  I shook my head. “How do you think that’s gonna look? ‘Hi, I’m Max, your daughter’s boyfriend. She didn’t tell you about me but I had to meet you both since she and I are leaving…’ ”

  Max ran the back of his hand across my cheek. His cold fingers became wet. I wiped my cheeks with the hem of my sweatshirt. I didn’t realize I was actually crying.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he said in a soft, quiet voice. “All that matters is what you choose. Do you want to leave with me? I don’t know how long we’ll be gone.” He winced. “But what I do know is it would be much easier for me if you were near.”

  I couldn’t shift my glance from his face nor could I find the right words to say. Max took my silence as hesitation. He continued to speak, choosing his own words carefully.

  “I’m sorry that there isn’t another way. I’d love to meet your parents and shake your dad’s hand. Maybe we could even spend Thanksgiving together. I’d love to give you so much more. My home’s on wheels. The family I love faces tragedy while my real father is nothing but a piece of shit who drinks his life away. I feel terribly selfish, offering you the only thing I have—myself.” He took a deep breath as if gathering up his courage before continuing to speak. “It won’t be bright and sunny in San Francisco, so decide carefully if you need someone else’s suffering and pain. I’ll understand if you say no. It’s the right choice to make.”

  He couldn’t add anything else as I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to me. Looking straight into his eyes, I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered fervently, “Listen to me, I don’t care about Thanksgiving, about dates, and all that other bullshit. We’re real, and by ‘we’ I mean you and me.” I clasped his face with both my hands. “I’m not leaving you. How could you even suggest that? Always together, especially when we need each other. That’s what love is supposed to mean, isn’t it?”

  Max’s wet eyes opened wide. I could see hope lurking deep inside them. Finally the picture in my head completed. I understood what he was inside: a lost, proud boy with his heart desperately seeking not only love, but understanding. I closed my eyes. My heart ached with compassion and infinite, absolute love for this boy.

  “You’re not afraid of leaving with me?” Max asked in a serious tone.

  I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. “Max! I’m not afraid of you. I love you! Can’t you see that?”

  “I’m sorry.” He squeezed me tighter, burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply. “Thank you.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I asked.

  “I just didn’t know how.”

  “Why?”

  Max pulled away a little to face me. “I’ve never told anything to anyone about my life,” he said thoughtfully. “I guess this is just who I am. I don’t… trust. But it felt right to talk to you when I first saw you. I won’t ask anyone for help, but I have you now, and everything is different. Just give me some time to handle it.”

  “You can trust me,” I whispered.

  He kissed me on the lips gently. “I know. I love you.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Max was biting his lower lip and I placed my hand on his knee. “It’s gonna be okay. Relax,” I said, stroking it.

  “I just want you to go with me,” Max whispered. He covered my hand with both of his. “Did you tell them I was coming?”

  “Of course. I told Dad this morning. And texted my mom.”

  I glanced at him with tenderness, a slight smile sliding across my lips. It was the first time he was in my house. It felt pretty weird that only a night ago I was afraid my parents would find out about us, and today I brought Max myself for their first meeting. But unlike him, I wasn’t worried. The look on Dad’s face when I told him about Max was enough to know where this would lead. I prepared for the worst-case scenario. Sure, Dad would be mad, but he was unlikely to make a scene while Max was around. Mom, on the other hand, would probably laugh. But the possibility of them letting me go was out of the question. That’s why I preferred to wait and see what happened, ignoring Max’s hopeful glances.

  Soon the front door to my house swung open and Dad came in. The jingling sound of fallen keys echoed in the hallway. Dad angrily muttered something under his breath. He walked into the kitchen and threw his briefcase. It landed on the chair, but then bounced off and fell on the floor. Dad winced but said nothing.

  Wonderful, I thought, Today, on the very day I’m about to ask something important, he comes home in a terrible mood. Why am I not surprised?

  Max got up swiftly. “Hello, Mr. Hunter,” he said, stretching his hand forward.

  “Hi. You must be Max,” Dad said with a blank look on his face.

  Max’s hand hung in the air, unnoticed. He awkwardly folded his arms across his chest and sat back in his chair.

  “Anyone want a drink?” I tried to break the tension, thinking of something else to say to Max.

  “Better get some coffee. Strong, please,” Dad said.

  He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “God keeps sending us a whole bunch of problems, but he’s still not satisfied. I’d be surprised if on this shitty day the sun came out of the damn clouds. Oh, no! Guess, this guy’s motto is ‘If things are bad, they need to be absolutely unbearable.’ Hope you’re not religious, son.” Dad took a noisy sip of coffee.

  “No, sir. Not at all, though I’m not refusing to have a little faith,” Max replied.

  “That’s right,” Dad said, not really listening to Max.

  Max cleared his throat, like he was about to start his speech. Oh God, this is really happening.

  “Mr. Hunter,” Max said, getting up from the chair. His voice instantly became lower and much stronger than before. His glance was sharp, his face bold and tense. When he clasped my hand, I started to doubt whether I was right, thinking my parents wouldn’t let me go.

  “Yes?” Dad didn’t bother to lift his head. He continued to swipe his finger across his phone screen.

  Max paused for a long time. Dad glanced at me then slowly shifted his gaze to Max, finally putting his screen down. “I’m all ears.”

  “I wanted to ask you something… in person. It’s not really a conversation to have without Mrs. Hunter, but since she’s not at home I’d like to discuss it with you first.”

  With every word Max said, Dad’s face changed more and more from pale to the color of an unripe eggplant. His fingers drummed on the table. He stared at Max.

  Max withstood his gaze. “First of all, I wanted to say that I love Lana and want nothing but the best for her.”

  Dad jumped to his feet, the chair beneath him clattering to the floor. He shouted, “Pregnant? She’s pregnant?!”

  “What? No, I—”

  I was startled for a second but then a huge wave of laughter swept over my body. Dad looked at me numbly. A ghost of a smile flitted across Max’s lips. After all, compared to what Dad thought about me, our request was nothing but a mere trifle.

  “No, sir, I assure you, it’s nothing like that. You see, I came to ask for your permission to take Lana on a trip to San Francisco for a couple of weeks.”

  Dad sat back down and stared at him, gripping the armrests of his chair. His face slowly regained its normal pink color. He confusedly smiled. “What are you trying to do, buddy? Give an old man a heart attack? You couldn’t have just said that from the beginning? A trip… Hmm…”

  “I understand that we haven’t had a chance to get to know one another—”

  “You’re damn right we haven’t!” Dad said, shooting me a sharp look. “Lana told me about your existence only this morning! Have you been dating long?”

  “Not quite…” Max’s gaze dropped as he dodged the question.

  I wondered what color Dad’s face would turn if he found out I was going to leave with a guy I’ve known no more than a few weeks? Seriously, who would have thought that my ordinary life would change so dramatically in such a short t
ime? Thinking about that, I couldn’t help but smile. Max’s twinkling gaze met mine for a brief moment. We must have been thinking about the same thing.

  “And now you’re what… So this thing between you two… It’s serious?” Dad asked.

  Without waiting for a reply, he waved his hand in a tired gesture and just shook his head.

  I took a step forward. “Dad, I really want to go. It’s a matter of life and…” I faltered, catching Max’s gaze. “It’s just very important.”

  Dad frowned. “Can you at least tell me what’s the rush?” he said, shifting his gaze from me to Max then back to me. His narrowed eyes were almost unreadable, giving out only skepticism—that wasn’t any surprise to me—and something else, some inner reflection that I couldn’t quite figure out.

  “We want to catch a concert,” Max said. “It’s gonna be huge. We’ve been waiting for this for a very long time. Plus, it will be my twenty-first birthday.”

  Does he really have a birthday coming up, or is that a lie too?

  “Why is it the first time I’m hearing of this? When are you planning to leave?” Dad asked, his tone now a little lower, wrinkles on his forehead deepening with his frown.

  “Tomorrow afternoon,” Max replied.

  An unfriendly gleam lit up Dad’s eyes. “And you told me this one day before, so I won’t have time to change my mind, didn’t you?” he said sternly.

  “There was a mess with our tickets. We wanted to tell you when we knew for sure that we’d be going,” Max said without batting an eye.

  I swallowed a lump in my throat.

  “Well, next time keep me updated,” Dad grumbled.

  He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest with his lips tightly pressed together. He gave Max a long, intense look. Then he shook his head with a chuckle that sounded much more benevolent than I expected, and walked over to the French press, murmuring something under his breath.