Fireflies Glow Only in the Dark

by Ruth Morse

  “Okay, okay! I give up!” I cried, hiding my face.

  Max stopped. “Have you had enough of the water?” he asked when approaching me.

  “Yes, yes. Let’s just get out of here.”

  Not bothering to hide his victorious smile, Max held out his hand and led me to the beach. He seemed to be so happy about my defeat that he wasn’t freezing anymore. I rushed at his back and leaped onto him, splashing water with both my legs, giving Max a beautiful ice shower. He didn’t even swear, that’s how sudden my move was. When Max realized that he couldn’t throw me off his back no matter what he did, he gave up and carried me to the beach.

  When we got out of the water, something caught my attention. The yellow light appeared on the beach not far from us; it was swaying, almost echoing someone’s steps.

  “Look!” I whispered.

  Max turned to the light and halted. I felt his muscles tense. “Take your sneakers. Are you ready? Okay. Run!”

  I barely had time to get off his back when we rushed forward. In a hurry, I failed to set the correct trajectory and my knee banged against Max’s arm. He gasped but didn’t say anything. He stayed a little behind me so he could make sure the flashlight wasn’t on our backs. My heart was banging so hard as if it wanted to escape my chest and break into a gallop in front of me.

  “Up the hill,” Max whispered, pointing to a barely visible path.

  I turned around. The yellow light flashed dangerously close to us. I could even discern who our pursuer was; a police officer, bulky and a bit clumsy, was chasing us, unable to get closer than thirty feet.

  Max grabbed me by the elbow and tugged. “Over here,” he mouthed.

  He pressed a finger to his lips and dragged me behind some bushes. I dropped beside him, wedged into the dry branches by his wide shoulder. We stilled, almost breathless. After a few seconds, the yellow light flashed near us and the policeman appeared on the path. Sweat was pouring from him in streams. He stopped, illuminating all around us with his flashlight.

  The path, narrow in the beginning, forked in two directions. The policeman’s face reflected genuine suffering. He sighed as any man sighs when he receives an extra job on the weekend—the same weekend his wife planned to leave for her parents and his friends would have come over to watch TV. With a gloomy look on his face, the policeman glanced at the beach for the last time and jogged to the left.

  We waited a little while, remaining quiet. Max came out of the bushes and helped me up.

  “I know you’re tired, but we have to run for a little longer. He can come back any time,” Max said.

  I didn’t have any extra strength to respond. I settled for a short nod and followed him.

  Once on the beach, we finally stopped and after barely catching our breath, burst out laughing.

  The last hundred yards, Max carried me in his arms. A joyful sigh slipped out of my chest when I saw a figure so beautiful and so dear on the field; Terry was waiting for us, and I ran up to him, forgetting all about my former tiredness.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  “Tea or coffee?”

  “Are you serious? Who drinks coffee at three in the morning?”

  “Well, you’re the rebel here. You tell me.” Max chuckled.

  “I’m not a rebel,” I replied with a smile.

  “But you want to be one.” He poured hot chamomile tea into our cups. “And that’s great. I adore that about you.”

  We lay on Terry’s roof with our hands behind our heads and our eyes fixed on the dark sky. From time to time, a few fading stars disappeared behind invisible clouds, but then they emerged again just to see that no one was disturbed by their absence.

  I watched the Big Dipper. It always hung in the sky directly over my house. Stars must be pretty lonely. They seemed unattainable and therefore even more attractive. But who said that they didn’t freeze up there, surrounded by a cold void? On the other hand, who said that there couldn’t be someone out there, millions of light years away, who was also looking at the sky, not even noticing us among thousands of the same tiny stars? Maybe my brother’s space pirate story was right after all.

  Max broke the silence first. “Sometimes I think that our planet is just too far away from the rest of the universe. That’s why we can’t find anyone out there.”

  “Something like an outcast planet?” I said.

  “Yeah. While others fight in big intergalactic wars and enter into alliances, exploring space, we’re sitting here not even knowing that all the fun is passing by us.”

  “Well, maybe aliens arrived on Earth once but saw what was happening here and quickly turned back to their home.”

  Max laughed. “That would explain a lot,” he said. He hesitated a little and then added, “It wouldn’t explain the main thing, though. Why we are what we are.”

  “Just because.”

  “Just because?” Max repeated, raising his eyebrows.

  I shrugged. “Yes. Because we are what we are.”

  “And that’s your answer?” He snorted.

  “I know that you need much more. The truth is, everybody needs more than that and that’s where all the problems start. I guess the answer is too simple to be true. That’s why we’re always looking for more. Even though we already have it.”

  “Honestly, I wish you weren’t right. I want to have a more complex purpose,” Max said, his hand drawing back my hair, baring my shoulder. He bent over and gave me a few slight, almost ethereal kisses.

  I closed my eyes. “And I just want to be happy,” I murmured, running my hand through his hair. The long strands slipped through my fingers like silk, the color of dark chocolate.

  Max rolled over and lay on top of me, kissing me gently. “Amen to that,” he whispered with a smile. He put our empty cups away, fluffed the pillows, and reached for the blanket to protect our sleep from the summer night’s unobtrusive cold.

  ***

  The moment I raised my hand to knock, Jack had the door open. His hair was freshly trimmed and even the bags under his eyes seemed to be less noticeable. I hugged him, catching the subtle scent of vanilla.

  “Are you wearing perfume?” I asked in a surprised voice.

  Jack stared at me, puzzled. His hands flew up in the air. “Hell no! I was baking. Come into the kitchen, my dear,” he said with a good-natured chuckle.

  Once inside the kitchen, I stopped and looked around. The dining table stood in the center of the room now, moving the armchairs and sofa to the corners. A white plaid tablecloth was spread over the table. It was sparkling clean, perfectly arranged with the color of fruit plates and tall glasses. I glanced inside the glass standing nearest to me—a ruby liquid gleamed in its body.

  In the center of all that beauty, a big apple pie lay on a platter. Steam was rising from the pie as if it was just taken out of the oven. I filled my lungs with the sweet vanilla scent and gulped.

  Max and I flopped into the chairs almost simultaneously. I took a napkin, spread it across my knees, and gave Jack an inquiring, smiling glance.

  “Enjoy the first piece of today’s special, miss,” Jack said with a wink.

  In a gallant manner, he cut off a hefty piece of pie and put the plate in front of me. Then, like a seasoned waiter, Jack threw a towel over his bent-at-the-elbow arm and poured the wine remains into our glasses.

  When finished with all the preparations, Jack approached his seat, straightening the collar of his shirt, and cleared his throat timidly. He raised his eyes to us and tapped the dessert spoon on his glass.

  “Max and Lana,” Jack said, smiling. “This morning I woke up to the thought of what an ass I was to you guys.” He coughed and rubbed his chin. “You came all the way down to San Francisco to give me your support, and I didn’t appreciate it the way I should have. I want you to know, you’re both dear to me and I’m damn grateful that you came. Lily…” He stumbled over the words but was able to continue despite the slight shake in his voice. “Lily was very happy to have you around. I know
that. I always wanted nothing but happiness for her, but I knew I couldn’t replace her friends. And then you came.” He patted Max’s shoulder. “And I couldn’t be happier seeing how Lily smiled. And you, Lana.” Jack raised his glass toward me. “You made her smile too. I owe you that. I owe you both. Thank you. And please forgive me if you can.”

  I jumped to my feet and approached Jack from his left side; Max hurried to stand up and walk over to him from the right. Together, we nearly suffocated Jack in our embrace.

  “Easy, guys, you’ll spill the wine!” he exclaimed, raising his glass and smiling.

  The apple pie was simple and therefore delicious. Max and I praised the chef’s talents. Jack just lowered his head, extremely flattered.

  When we finished our food, I felt a light touch on my knee. Max caught my attention then shifted his glance to Jack, nodding at him. I shook my head, but Max leaned toward me and whispered, “It’s okay. You can tell him.”

  He turned to Jack, saying, “Listen, have you thought about what you’d do after San Francisco?”

  Jack gave Max a long, thoughtful look. He wiped his lips with a napkin slowly and put his plate away. “No, Max. I’m free as a bird. It’s not the kind of freedom I wanted… but that’s what I have now. I don’t know where to go. Or what to do, to be honest. All I know is that I want some peace. Maybe rent a little house, get myself a boat. Go fishing and plant flowers. I already know which flowers I’ll plant.” Max gave Jack a questioning glance so he continued, “Peonies. Madeline loved them. Every morning I left our house and walked along the front walkway dotted with their pink buds. Oh, that smell!”

  “I’ve never seen peonies,” Max said.

  Jack raised his eyebrows. “Come on! Seriously?”

  Max nodded.

  “Well then. When you visit, I’ll put some in the guest room,” Jack said.

  Max touched his glass and straightened the already straight tablecloth. He raised his head and looked at Jack. “Listen… yesterday, Lana and I were talking about you, and I think Lana came up with an interesting idea.”

  Jack shifted his glance to me. “Yeah? What is it?”

  Now they both stared at me, Jack with curiosity and Max with hope. The moment I tried to organize my thoughts, they swirled into a formless chaos. I raised the glass to my lips and took a small sip of wine.

  “Jack, I understand that it’s not my business, and I totally get it if you don’t want any advice or if you already made up your mind. But I think—we think—that it might be helpful for you to… volunteer,” I said, cursing myself for the awkward speech.

  “Volunteer?” Jack repeated, surprise filling his voice.

  “Yes, to help others who experience the same things as you or have gone through something… similar.”

  Jack remained quiet. Max gave me a reassuring smile and said, “We didn’t think it was such a strange idea. After all, you’ll be able to help a lot of people because you know what they’re dealing with. I can’t think of anyone who’d be able to pick the right words better than you. You can’t change what happened, but you can change what lies ahead in others’ lives. What do you think?” Max finished his speech rather frantically and glanced at Jack.

  Silence fell over the room. I couldn’t guess what Jack was thinking. He was frowning and biting his lower lip. After a long pause full of anxiety and hope, the wrinkles on his forehead smoothed. A smile lit up Jack’s face. He got up from his chair and said, his voice loud and sonorous, “I often forget that you’re both still only children. You know why? Because you’re wiser than all the adults I know, even myself sometimes.” He chuckled. “Inside both of you beat living, compassionate hearts. Never forget that. Never close your hearts from the world, even if it’s easier. You’ll never be able to get that back. And spit on all those who tell you, ‘Grow up, then you’ll understand’ or ‘I’m older, I know better’. The hell they know! God!” He threw both his hands in the air. “Do you know what you just did?”

  Without waiting for our response, Jack approached us and put his hands on our shoulders. His eyes filled with tears. “God knows how, but you two…” Jack smiled broadly and continued, with an emphasis on every word, “You gave me something I can live for.”

  I blushed. “I’m glad you like the idea,” I said with a shy smile.

  Jack ruffled my hair. He looked agitated, walking back and forth in the kitchen, his hands folded over his chest and his eyes narrowed in thought. “I’m not a good talker, but I might be helpful. Hell, I want to be helpful!” He stopped in his tracks and shook his head. “I know stuff. I can help people. Why didn’t I think of it myself?”

  Max approached Jack and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Jack, find your peace, plant a hundred peonies, and invite us over sometime for coffee. I wanna go fishing too.”

  Jack chuckled. He stretched out his hand and they grasped each other in a long, firm handshake. “I promise,” Jack said when they parted. “I promise both you kids.”

  Jack walked us to the street. He handed me a giant package that threatened to burst with candy and cookies. “For the pleasant road,” he said, smiling.

  “Thanks, Jack,” I said, tossing the package in my hands. We sure wouldn’t be able to eat all this while driving back to Lakewood; Mel will be thrilled, though. Thinking about her, I felt warmth and comfort as if I was near a fireplace. I sighed, promising myself to squeeze Mel nearly to suffocation when I returned.

  “You sure you don’t need anything?” Jack asked when Max approached him.

  “Totally. Thank you for everything, Jack,” Max replied.

  “If anything ever happens, good or bad, you can always call me. I’ll be glad to hear from you anytime, any day.”

  Saying that, Jack couldn’t help sniffling. He reached for his handkerchief. “Promise to come visit me sometime,” he said.

  Max squeezed his hand in both of his. “Of course, Jack. We will.”

  “I love you, kids. Be safe, will ya?”

  “Bye, Jack! We’ll text you once we’re in Lakewood,” I said, approaching him for one last hug.

  Jack enclosed me in his warm embrace. When he pulled away, his eyes were glistening with tears.

  “Remember, kids,” he said in a quiet voice full of emotion and some hidden solemn significance. “Don’t close your hearts to the world. The world needs souls like yours. Your compassion and your ability to love, that’s what makes you strong. That’s what makes you so unique. Don’t lose that gift and you’ll be unbeatable.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  “When are we leaving?” I asked when Max switched off the light and came to bed. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I stretched my body so I could feel him on every spot of my skin.

  “Tomorrow afternoon. We’ll be in Lakewood by early morning. Do you want to warn your parents?” His fingers slipped over my back, making circles over my shoulder blades and then slowly moving down. I shivered and bit my lip.

  “Maybe we could stay here for a few more days?” I said quietly.

  “My time off from work ended yesterday. I’m not sure if they’ll wait for me any longer. I’m not even sure they’re waiting for me now,” Max replied.

  I rose up on my elbows. “Well then, maybe we should leave early in the morning instead?”

  “So we’d get to Lakewood that night? No one will be at work anyway.”

  “But you could have time to, you know, rest before work…”

  Max paused and looked at me with an understanding smile. “You don’t really want to go back home, do you?” he said.

  I hesitated, lowering my eyes. I didn’t have the answer. And what could I say when every new thought about Lakewood gave me a vague yet cold and annoying feeling? I wondered what my parents were doing at the moment. What was so important that they didn’t contact me at all?

  ***

  On our way back to Lakewood, we barely made any stops. We turned the radio on only when our silence became too obvious to ignore.

 
; Forests gave way to endless fields punctuated by small towns. Soon my eyes blurred and everything turned into a solid green mass.

  Max was quiet, riddled with melancholy that never led to sadness but rather fostered reflection.

  “What’s on your mind right now?” I asked when we finally stopped and got out of Terry to warm up a little.

  “You,” Max said, smiling.

  “Something good?”

  “It depends on you, I suppose.”

  I quirked an eyebrow at him. “You know, when you sound like this, it’s mysterious and tempting, but I still don’t understand a thing.”

  Max laughed. Then he took a deep breath and ran his hand through my hair. “If you insist. I was thinking about the future,” he said gently.

  “The future?”

  He nodded. “What do you want to do after we return to Lakewood? I mean, someday we’ll have to move on. And I wonder in which direction.”

  “And what are you planning to do?” I asked.

  He gave me a look. “I can do anything in any place. Only one thing is important to me. That place has to be the same for both of us.”

  “But I have no idea what I want,” I murmured. “Maybe you could help? Tell me what to do.” I glanced at him with hope.

  Max picked up a pebble from the grass and threw it away. It landed somewhere in the bushes with no sound. He brushed off his hands.

  “As much as I want to help you, all I can do is not encroach on your freedom to make your own choices,” he said.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Freedom! Why do you think I need freedom?”

  Max paused. “Because any other way it would only be worse,” he said in a calm, quiet voice.

  Something inside me exploded. I couldn’t stop the wave of thunder pushing through my words. “I know you love freedom, Max, but I’m not like you. I hate it. My parents give me freedom to go where I want, do what I want, but that’s because it doesn’t matter to them. The only thing I ever wanted was for them to actually care. And with all the damn freedom I have, that’s the one thing they can’t give me!” My chest heaved as I struggled to keep my breathing calm.