Indecision

by Caragh Bell

  ‘Can I call you?’ He tried to sound cool.

  She nodded. ‘Just be discreet. No one can know about this.’

  He frowned. She was in denial. Of course people were going to find out. He did not plan on fading into the background. However, instinct told him not to push it.

  Reaching out, he grasped her wrists and pulled her up onto her knees. The blanket fell away, leaving her naked and exposed.

  ‘This happened, okay? Don’t forget it.’ He swooped down and kissed her deeply, pulling her soft frame against the hard length of his. She pressed up against him, aroused and excited.

  How did he make her feel this way?

  She tugged at his belt, her intentions clear.

  With superhuman effort, he pulled away.

  ‘Not now, Lyd.’

  And with that he was gone.

  Lectures resumed the next day.

  ‘Did you get your lit review done?’ enquired Colin as they walked through campus.

  Lydia looked guilty. ‘Mostly.’

  She hadn’t even looked at it. With all the post-Austria stress and the days with Luca …

  She blushed. Even thinking about him gave her a warm feeling inside. She wondered if he would be in college today.

  ‘Let’s get coffee before the Joyce lecture. We’re going to need some stimulant.’

  They entered the student centre by the side door. It was packed full of students and lecturers alike. There was a constant hum of conversation and the amount of bodies gave off much-needed heat.

  ‘Latte?’ Colin headed towards the counter.

  ‘No, just an americano for me.’

  A blonde girl and her boyfriend got to their feet nearby.

  ‘Are you leaving?’ asked Lydia politely.

  ‘We are.’ The girl smiled, wrapping her scarf around her neck.

  Colin arrived back at that very moment with two steaming mugs. ‘You got a seat? Nice work.’

  A waitress arrived and cleared the table, much to Colin’s relief. He couldn’t bear other people’s dirty ware.

  ‘How did Sam get on at home?’ Colin opened a sachet of sugar and emptied it into his latte.

  ‘Fine. It was pretty quiet. Craig really bonded with her family. I think he’s been accepted.’

  ‘Things are serious, so.’

  ‘Looks like it.’

  ‘What time is Dom flying out?’

  Lydia couldn’t meet his eyes. ‘Early this morning. At six, I think.’

  ‘Will you miss him?’

  ‘Of course I’ll miss him. Anyway, how was The Playboy?’

  ‘Very good actually. I was surprised at myself. Val loved it, of course. We had a gorgeous meal in that Thai place by the river beforehand. The tom yum is to die for.’

  She let him ramble on as her thoughts drifted to Luca. She wondered where he was and what he was doing. She felt sixteen again. The heady excitement, the butterflies in the tummy. It was so new and exciting.,

  ‘Have you any plans for the week?’ Colin brought her back to earth.

  ‘Who? Me? Yeah, I do. My thesis.’

  ‘Aren’t you the busy little student?’

  ‘I want to do well. Come on, finish that. We’ll be late.’

  There was no sign of Luca that day or the next.

  Lydia debated whether or not to text him. He could be dead for all she knew. She pulled out her phone.

  Hey, U OK?

  The wait was agonising. He didn’t reply for fifteen minutes. Finally, her phone beeped.

  Fine. U?

  She flopped on her bed, deflated. What an underwhelming text.

  Bored. Haven’t seen U around. What U up to?

  Maybe that was a bit pushy. He didn’t have to tell her what he was doing. That would be a girlfriend/boyfriend thing.

  Nothing much. Want to call over? Craig is going to yours.

  Her breathing quickened. If Craig called over, he would probably stay over, which meant that she could spend the evening in their place. Why not? She could leave in the early hours.

  But what about your lit review? asked a small voice in her head. Hastily, she ignored it.

  Be right over.

  He answered the door wearing only a pair of sweatpants. His hair was dishevelled and sexy-looking.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, shyly.

  ‘Come in.’ He pushed the door open wider. ‘Welcome to our château.’

  Fiacra was eating pizza in the kitchen. He was used to seeing various women pass by with Luca, so he took no notice of Lydia. She followed him all the way to the top of the stairs and gasped when she saw his room.

  ‘Oh my God, it’s awful.’

  Luca grinned. ‘I like to think so.’

  ‘How much do you pay for this?’

  ‘It’s the location. We’re so close to school.’

  ‘Not that you ever go.’ She sat on the edge of the bed. ‘So, how have you been?’

  He shrugged. ‘Good. I went out last night with the boys.’

  She felt her stomach drop. He went out? What did he end up doing? Or who for that matter?

  He sensed her unease. ‘Are you cool with that, Lyd?’

  She laughed brightly. ‘Why wouldn’t I be? Don’t be silly.’

  ‘I mean, you look a bit worried there.’

  ‘Worried?’

  ‘Because you think that I picked up some girl and brought her back here. You’re jealous because you can’t bear the thought of me with someone else.’ His eyes were dark.

  She jumped to her feet. ‘Dream on. You can do what you like for all I care.’

  He pushed her back onto the bed. ‘Admit it. You’re jealous.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  ‘Are too.’

  ‘Not.’

  His mouth claimed hers. Initially she tried to fight him off, but succumbed within seconds. His body felt hot against her as she writhed beneath him.

  ‘Were you mad that I didn’t call?’

  ‘No.’

  He squeezed her nipple. ‘Liar.’

  ‘You’re a free agent, Luca. I’m not your –’

  ‘Girlfriend – right, I know.’

  ‘So, shut up and kiss me then.’ She pulled his head down.

  ‘Take off your clothes,’ he demanded. ‘Now.’

  She obeyed, throwing her top and jeans to the side. He tore off her underwear and, spreading her legs, he didn’t wait. With one thrust he entered her, manoeuvring his body to go as deep as possible.

  ‘I missed this,’ she whispered. ‘I missed you.’

  He said nothing, but increased his pace. She cried out as he bit her breast and they came together in seconds. Afterwards they lay entwined, their hearts beating fast.

  ‘So, you missed me, huh?’ He smiled lazily.

  She buried her face in his chest. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘That’s good.’ He caressed her arm. ‘You going to that research class tomorrow?’

  She nodded. ‘I have to. I’m so behind in everything.’

  ‘I’ll see you there. Maybe we could sit together.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  At two o’clock she reluctantly got out of bed.

  ‘Don’t go.’ He pulled her back.

  ‘I have to.’

  ‘Stay with me.’ He grasped her wrist.

  ‘I can’t. Sam will be worried.’ She pulled away and started to get dressed.

  ‘Lyd, I want to wake up with you in my arms.’ His eyes were serious.

  ‘Not possible.’ She searched under a pile of clothes for her Ugg boot. ‘No pressure, Luca.’

  ‘How about if I book us a hotel room somewhere?’ he pressed on.

  ‘That could work,’ she said absentmindedly, looking under the bed. ‘Ha! Gotcha!’ She held up her missing boot.

  ‘We could go away together.’ He pulled her down on the bed again. ‘Concentrate, for fuck’s sake. I want to take you away. Will you come?’

  ‘I’ll come,’ she answered seriously, kissing him gently before getting to her feet a
gain. ‘Let me know what you come up with.’ She zipped up her jacket. ‘Now, my taxi should be here.’

  He opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it again.

  ‘Yeah?’ She looked at him inquisitively.

  ‘Be careful in case Craig comes back. See you tomorrow.’ His eyes burned.

  ‘Bye.’

  Luca lay back on the bed with mixed emotions.

  Playing it cool had been hell. The amount of times he had picked up the phone to call her, but had resisted.

  Then sure enough, she had texted him. That had to prove something, right?

  Lying about his night out worked too. She had looked really upset. He grinned in satisfaction. She was definitely into him – it was just a matter of getting her to admit it.

  His bed looked empty and bare without her. Sure, he had brought women back to this room, but none like her. She was like a drug, the most addictive kind. He couldn’t stop thinking about her; it was such a new feeling.

  He imagined her arriving home and taking off her clothes, still smelling of him. He wanted to be in her bed so bad. Why were things so hard?

  With his face set, he pulled the sheets over him.

  She would be his. No doubt. It would just take time.

  Chapter 35

  Helen Kelly rang her daughter the next evening.

  ‘Are you ever going to grace us with your presence again? I miss you.’

  Lydia felt a pang. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. I’ve just been so busy. I’ll try and get down in a few weeks, I promise.’

  ‘Ollie has a new girlfriend. Her name is Alannah. She’s very nice.’

  ‘Wow, Mum! You actually like one of his girlfriends! This is amazing.’

  ‘She seems like a pleasant girl. He thinks she’s fabulous anyway.’

  ‘God help her.’

  ‘Stop giving out about your brother.’

  ‘Any other news?’

  ‘Not really. Your father is trying to clean out the garage. You know what he’s like when he’s working.’

  ‘If you find any stuff belonging to me, keep it. I’m fed up of him throwing out my things. Remember my Pogo stick? That was sentimental.’

  ‘I’ll tell him but I might as well talk to the wall. How’s Dom getting on? Is he settling in?’

  ‘He rang yesterday but only for a second. He says it’s completely different. Bigger and better, like everything American, I suppose.’

  ‘Do you miss him?’

  ‘Of course. Why do you ask?’

  ‘Just making conversation, darling, that’s all. Look, I hope to see you over the next couple of weeks. Don’t work too hard.’

  ‘See you soon.’

  Samantha trudged up the stairs to the door of the flat. She’d had a gruelling day. There had been a surprise inspection from the Department of Education and she had not been prepared.

  Thanks to her Third Years being on a school tour, she had the last two classes off. Tired and fed up, she had decided to go home and have a bath.

  Inserting her key in the lock, she could hear Lydia laughing. Then she heard a deep voice.

  Odd, Colin’s voice was far from deep. Dom was on the other side of the Atlantic …

  ‘Hello?’ she called.

  There was silence, some shuffling and then a red-faced Lydia appeared out of her bedroom.

  ‘Why are you home?’ She looked dishevelled and was wearing only a bright yellow T-shirt.

  ‘I had the last two classes off. What are you doing? Are you sick?’

  ‘Sick? Yeah, I’m really sick. I have a tummy bug. Must have been that Indian last night.’

  Samantha narrowed her eyes. ‘Did I hear other voices?’

  ‘Voices? No, that was my laptop, I’d say. I was watching a movie. Anyway, can I make you a cup of tea?’ She smiled brightly.

  Her friend looked at her strangely. Something was not right. Lydia was acting bizarrely and she didn’t look remotely sick.

  ‘No, you’re all right. I’m going to have a bath. Had a drive-by inspection today.’

  ‘Oh no, you poor thing. Sarah had one last week. How did it go?’

  ‘Not great. Anyway, it’s over. I can’t do anything about it now.’ She rubbed her eyes. ‘What are we having for dinner?’

  ‘Um, I’m going out actually. I have to go down town later. I have a cinema date with Andrea, a girl in my class.’

  ‘I thought you were sick?’

  ‘I am, I mean I’m getting better. Anyway, I’ll see you after your bath.’ She scurried away.

  ‘Lyd?’

  She stopped dead in her tracks. ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Where the hell did you get that T-shirt? I’ve never seen you in yellow before.’

  ‘Oh, this? It’s Ollie’s. I stole it as a nightie the last time I was home.’

  ‘See you later, then.’

  ‘Yeah, see you.’

  Her bedroom door slammed shut.

  Luca peered out from under the duvet.

  ‘Holy shit, Lyd. That was close, huh?’

  Lydia pulled off his T-shirt. ‘She’s on to me. I know it. I can tell by her face.’

  ‘Don’t sweat it. Wait until she’s safely in the tub and I’ll leave.’ He pulled on his clothes. ‘You didn’t expect her back, huh?’

  ‘No! She’s usually back around five. Where will we go now? Nowhere is safe.’

  He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. ‘As I said, don’t sweat it. Now put on some clothes or I’ll have to have you again.’

  She giggled. ‘You’d better go. The last thing I need is Sam seeing you.’

  ‘See you later? McD’s?’

  ‘Definitely. Now, shhhhhh. Creep out quietly!’

  The next day Colin pulled Lydia aside.

  ‘I heard you were out with Luca last night.’

  Lydia choked on her apple. ‘What?’

  ‘Mary from my Pilates class saw you in McDonald’s with him. She was wondering if you two were an item.’

  Lydia’s brain went into overdrive. What could she say? As far as Colin was concerned she hated Luca and wanted nothing more to do with him. Plus, he knew about St Johann.

  ‘I met him down town. I was supposed to meet Andrea but she cancelled. He offered to buy me a burger. That’s all it was.’

  ‘Andrea? Who’s she?’

  ‘You know, she’s in my class,’ she said, lamely.

  ‘Lyd, I’m in your class and I sure as hell don’t know any Andrea.’ He looked suspicious. ‘So, are you two besties again then? Is there anything I should know?’

  ‘Oh, get over it, Col. There’s nothing to report.’

  ‘It’s not a case of while the cat’s away then?’

  ‘Definitely not.’ Her cheeks burned.

  ‘Good. I like Dom and you together.’

  She felt sick to her stomach. It felt alien to her to be so deceitful but she couldn’t help herself. Luca was like heroin. She couldn’t stop.

  That afternoon, they met by their tree. It was cold but sunny and, as always, he laid his coat on the ground for them to sit on. She rested her head on his shoulder.

  ‘What are your plans after college?’ she asked, taking his hand in hers.

  ‘Stay here until you run away with me.’

  ‘Luca! Be serious.’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ He kissed her forehead. ‘I don’t really plan ahead.’

  ‘You should draw. You’re so talented.’

  ‘I can’t see Mimi approving of that.’ He laughed.

  ‘I love art,’ she said sighing. ‘A painting can mean so much. Just like a poem, I suppose. Seemingly unnecessary for human survival, yet ironically so necessary too.’

  ‘Holy shit, you sound like Brendan Cleary.’ He squeezed her tightly. ‘So, who’s your favourite artist? Besides me, of course.’

  ‘Oh, Van Gogh, one hundred per cent.’ She put her hand on her heart. ‘The Starry Night is my favourite painting.’

  ‘You know that the original is in New York?’
>
  Lydia gasped. ‘I’d love to see it in the flesh, so to speak.’

  ‘I’ll take you there someday.’ He looked at her shyly. ‘I mean, if you’re ever in New York …’

  ‘Sure, if I’m ever in New York,’ she echoed.

  Her future with Dominic flashed before her eyes. She could very well end up there: Luca’s native city. But, with whom?

  She pushed it out of her mind and began to tell him about Arles and Le Café La Nuit.

  ‘The best melon ice cream I ever tasted came from a shop on the square,’ she said, smiling.

  He settled back and let her speak. He could listen to her forever. He had never spoken to any girl like this. It was always physical. He watched her animated face as she described the river that traversed Arles, and how it was the inspiration for the other ‘Starry Night’ painting – Starry NightOver the Rhône.

  ‘Hey, I saw that painting! With Mimi in Musée d’Orsay. It was so cool.’

  Hell, Mimi would be proud! All her hard work paid off. What a score that she’d dragged him to all those exhibitions and operas when he was younger.

  ‘Lyd,’ he said softly.

  ‘Yeah?’ She sat up, her hair flowing down her back.

  ‘You’re pretty amazing.’ He kissed her lips softly.

  She rested her cheek against his for a moment. ‘You are too,’ she whispered.

  Chapter 36

  Craig and Samantha walked hand in hand down Washington Street. The January sales were still in full swing and the streets were packed with people. Women with buggies pushed past, groups of teenagers travelled in packs along the busy footpath.

  ‘I have to go home again this weekend – do you want to come?’

  Craig nodded. ‘Sure, I’d love to. When are you thinking of heading down?’

  ‘Friday after school. I’ll ask Lyd if she wants a lift. She hasn’t been home since Christmas.’

  ‘She’s studying really hard. That’s what Colin told me anyway. I met him in the Old Bar yesterday.’

  ‘Studying? Really? I haven’t noticed.’

  ‘What film do you want to go and see?’

  They crossed the road.