Indecision

by Caragh Bell

  Suddenly a brightly coloured figure burst out of a crowd nearby, closely followed by Val.

  ‘Val! Where the hell were you? I waited all night.’ Colin had his hands on his hips.

  ‘Not now, Col,’ said Val, pushing him aside. ‘We’ve got trouble.’

  Lydia didn’t focus in on her until it was too late.

  ‘So, out with your boyfriend, are you?’ Her voice was high with emotion.

  Lydia was confronted with a tearstained Jessica.

  ‘Hi, Jess,’ she said. ‘Long time no see.’

  ‘Bet you’re glad he’s home!’ Jess spat.

  ‘Who?’ Lydia’s heart began to pound. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Lyd, what’s going on?’ Dominic put his arm around her shoulder. ‘Jessica, are you all right?’

  ‘Oh, I’m fine, Dominic. Just fine. I just feel sorry for you, that’s all.’

  ‘Jess!’ said Val sharply. ‘That’s enough.’ He tried to pull her away.

  Lydia felt the bile rise in her throat. It was like watching a train crash in slow motion.

  ‘Sorry for me?’ Dominic laughed. ‘Why?’

  Jessica’s face was set. ‘Because, like me, you’ve been screwed around. They’ve made such fools of us.’

  ‘Come on, let’s go,’ pleaded Lydia, pulling Dom’s arm. ‘She’s drunk.’

  ‘Drunk? Drunk, you say? Oh, I’m not drunk, Lydia. I’m perfectly sober.’

  Val grabbed Jess’s arm and pulled her down the street. ‘That’s enough!’ His face was red with anger.

  ‘He deserves to know!’ she wailed,breaking free of his grasp.

  Lydia put her head in her hands. Samantha and Craig looked on in horror.

  Dominic ran his fingers through his hair in confusion. ‘Could someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?’

  Jessica jabbed her finger in Lydia’s direction. ‘It seems that your girlfriend was fucking my boyfriend behind our backs!’

  Colin gasped. ‘Val, do something!’

  Dominic shook his head. ‘What? Are you crazy? Go home and sleep it off.’

  Lydia felt faint.

  ‘It’s true,’ Jess cried. ‘All of it. They were at it in Austria!’

  Dominic pulled Lydia close. ‘Look, Jess, I think you need to go home. I mean it.’

  ‘She is a whore. He’s even worse. Can’t you see it?’

  Val started to drag her away.

  Lydia closed her eyes. It was like she was in a dream; it was like she was watching a TV programme. She could smell Dominic’s aftershave, she felt warm in his embrace. Jessica’s words seemed to be floating around her head. He won’t believe her. He can’t.

  Samantha nearly threw herself in front of a taxi. ‘Quick! Jump in.’ She gave Lydia a pointed look. ‘Let’s get out of here.’

  Colin practically pushed them into the car. ‘Craig! Squeeze in.’

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘I’ll wait for Val.’

  The taxi sped off down the street.

  ‘What were you thinking?’ Val gave her a hug. ‘Jess, that was not the time or the place. Why now?’

  She rubbed her nose with the sleeve of her jacket.

  ‘I’m sick of guys treating me like shit. I’m sick of girls like her getting away with everything. Dominic is a nice guy and he deserves better.’

  Colin arrived at that moment, breathless and red-faced.

  ‘What just happened? What have you been saying to her, Val?’’

  Val silenced him with his stare.

  ‘I haven’t said anything,’ he said coldly. ‘Maybe Luca and Lydia should be more discreet. Now, I’m going to take Jessica home. I’ll meet you back at ours.’

  ‘Do you want me to come with you?’

  ‘No, I’ll manage,’ he replied grimly. ‘See you soon.’

  Putting his jacket around Jessica’s shoulders, he led her away.

  Colin turned around in confusion. It all felt surreal. What the hell would Lydia do now?

  Lydia went straight to her room when they got back to the flat. She could scarcely believe what had just happened. Would Dom believe her? What can of worms had been opened now? What a mess. What a terrible mess.

  ‘Lyd?’ Samantha had a concerned look on her face. ‘Are you feeling okay?’

  Tears started to roll down Lydia’s cheeks. ‘She’s right. Dom deserves to know.’

  Samantha perched on the end of the bed. ‘I don’t know about that. She could have approached it differently.’

  ‘She was so hurt and upset. I mean, I’m responsible for that.’

  ‘What? Are you joking? I would have thought Luca was the one who betrayed her. She was his girlfriend.’

  ‘I still didn’t give her a second thought. I deserve this.’

  ‘Get a grip, Lyd. Stop this self-pity. You need to pull yourself together.’ Samantha took her hand. ‘What are you going to say to Dom? You could take a blasé approach and make out that she’s bonkers or you could ...’

  ‘Tell the truth.’ Lydia’s eyes were full of tears. ‘It’s my only option.’

  ‘No, it’s not! You can save your relationship. Don’t be hasty.’

  Lydia got to her feet. ‘There is no relationship if you don’t have trust. I betrayed him and now I have to face that.’ She straightened her dress. ‘Can you two go to bed and give us some space?’

  Samantha opened her mouth and then shut it again.

  ‘Please?’ Lydia’s eyes were pleading.

  Samantha nodded. ‘I don’t envy you.’

  Lydia closed her eyes as her stomach started to curl.

  Dominic eyed her warily when she emerged from her room.

  ‘Are you okay? What the hell was that about?’

  Samantha grabbed Craig’s arm. ‘Bed. Now.’

  He followed her with wide eyes, a beer in his hand.

  Lydia sat down slowly and raised her head.

  ‘I slept with Luca.’

  There was silence. She forced herself to look at him. His brown eyes were startled and confused.

  ‘You did what?’

  ‘We had an affair. That’s what Jess was talking about. Everything she said is true. All of it.’

  He jumped to his feet and ran his fingers through his hair.

  ‘I don’t understand what you’re saying, Lydia. Are you telling me that you had sex with someone else? That you fucked another guy?’

  She flinched. It wasn’t like him to be so coarse.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘You’re sorry? You’re sorry? Are you serious?’ He started to pace up and down. ‘Why? Why did you do it? Am I not enough for you? Why?’

  She shrugged helplessly. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know, Dom. It just happened.’

  ‘It just happened?’

  ‘Yes. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand.’

  ‘Is it because I moved away? Were you bored on your own, is that it?’

  ‘No, no. It wasn’t like that. He was in my class and we got to know each other.’

  ‘So, it wasn’t a cheap fuck down an alleyway then,’ he spat. ‘Let me guess, you fell in love.’

  She shook her head. ‘No, it wasn’t like that. Please, Dom, please don’t hate me.’

  He laughed bitterly. ‘Hate you? I could kill you right now. How dare you? How dare you do this to me? After all our years together? Why, Lyd?’

  She started to cry. ‘I don’t know, I don’t know.’

  He grabbed a coat. ‘I’m leaving. I never want to see you again. Ever.’

  She pulled him back. ‘No, please don’t say that. I love you.’

  He shoved her away. ‘Love me? Love me? Fuck you, Lydia.’

  The door slammed shut.

  She fell to her knees and started to sob in anguish. She had never seen him so furious. She had seen hatred in his eyes.

  Samantha appeared out of nowhere and pulled her to her feet. ‘Come on, stop crying. I’ll make you a cup of tea.’

  Craig put on his coat. �
�I’ll head home. Call you tomorrow, Sam.’

  They didn’t notice him leave.

  Luca was drinking a glass of milk in the kitchen when Craig arrived home.

  ‘Hey, buddy. How was your night?’ He wiped away the white residue from his upper lip.

  Craig pulled out a can of Carlsberg from the fridge.

  ‘It was a crazy night, man.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘You had better sit down.’

  Luca looked confused. ‘Why?’ he repeated.

  Craig took a huge swig of beer. ‘Jessica told Dom everything. Right in front of the club.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘She told him about you and Lyd.’

  Luca went pale. His first thoughts were of Lydia. How upset she must be.

  ‘Why? Why did she do that?’

  Craig shrugged. ‘She’s bitter, man. She wanted to hurt you two. Now Dom has had his heart broken, too.’

  ‘Did he believe her?’

  ‘Not really. He thought she was pissed. Then Lydia told him the truth.’

  Luca’s eyes widened. ‘She did, huh?’

  ‘I had to leave – she’s in floods as we speak.’

  ‘Did he freak out?’

  Craig gave him a hard look. ‘Wouldn’t you?’

  Luca reddened. ‘Should I go over there?’

  ‘Are you off your head? No way. Keep out of it.’

  ‘It does concern me.’

  ‘Stay away. Sam is taking care of it.’

  Luca relented. ‘Okay, I get it. I’m going back to bed. Thanks for the heads-up.’

  Craig looked weary. ‘Just leave it alone, Luca. Trust me.’

  Luca practically ran up the stairs. He picked up his phone and accessed Lydia’s number.

  Should he call her? Adrenaline pumped through his body. This was his chance. Then again, she might shut him out.

  He flopped on the bed. He honestly didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that this was the beginning. When things died down, there was no reason why he couldn’t ask her out. Officially. In public, with no sneaking around.

  He replaced his phone on the bedside locker. Instinct told him to leave well alone. He would wait. She would come to him. Even though she didn’t know it yet, the reason she told Dom was because deep down she wanted to be with him.

  Chapter 44

  Lydia woke at dawn, her head throbbing and her eyes swollen from crying. She checked her phone immediately, but the screen was empty.

  No messages from Dom.

  Nothing.

  Her heart ached when she thought of his anguished face. He looked so hurt. And it was all her fault.

  Samantha appeared, rubbing her eyes.

  ‘Did you sleep?’ she asked, yawning.

  Lydia nodded. ‘Yeah, my head is pounding though.’

  Samantha patted her shoulder. ‘It’s a new day. Try and think positively. I mean, this has all happened for a reason, Lyd. I truly believe that.’

  ‘A reason? What reason? I was happy until Luca came along. I had a future with Dom.’

  ‘Yes, you did. But maybe, just maybe, you weren’t as happy and fulfilled as you thought. Maybe Luca showed you that there’s more for you out there.’

  Lydia shook her head. ‘I don’t believe that. All he did was fuck up my life.’

  ‘To be fair, you helped him.’ Samantha patted her arm. ‘I’ll make some coffee. Come on, you need to face the world.’

  Lydia nodded. ‘I’ll just throw on some clothes.’

  Colin rang after lunch.

  ‘How are you, Lyd?’ He sounded apprehensive.

  ‘Fine, Col. Much better.’

  ‘Has Dom been in touch?’

  ‘No, nothing. I’m not surprised.’

  ‘Give him time. He’ll ring, I just know it.’

  ‘I doubt it. He’s probably at home crying on Mummy’s shoulder as we speak. Jeez, she’ll be delighted when she hears that I’ve fulfilled all her expectations.’

  ‘Don’t mind her, Lyd – she’s irrelevant.’

  ‘What will my parents say, Col? I’m so ashamed. They love Dom. My whole family love him, for Christ’s sake.’

  ‘They’ll be fine because they love you. You come first, Lyd, remember that.’

  Lydia hung up the phone, feeling despondent. There was nothing that could quell the shame she felt; it clouded her vision, making the world a dark place.

  Glancing at her watch, she realised that she was late for her meeting with Brendan. His email weighed on her mind. Why did she ignore it? Now it was looming over her as well. Yet another thing to be upset about. There was a small chance of saving her course. It meant attending lectures, meeting her tutor and submitting at least some chapters for analysis. If she ran, she would make it.

  She flopped on her bed. Not today. She couldn’t face it today.

  Samantha rubbed the whiteboard clean.

  ‘Okay everyone, finish those questions tonight. Don’t forget the test on Friday. See you tomorrow.’

  The pupils got to their feet and vacated the room.

  She gathered her books and turned off the data projector. She immediately thought of tea break earlier. When she had deliberately missed a call from Dominic. What the hell was she supposed to say? She knew that he’d be looking for details, but she owed it to Lydia to keep her mouth shut. It put her in a terrible position.

  She smiled at the vice-principal as she entered the staffroom.

  There was no escaping it. She would have to ring him back. Dom was a nice guy; he deserved some respect.

  Checking the supervision board, she saw her name wasn’t down for covering a class. Now was the perfect time.

  With a beating heart, she dialled his number.

  Luca paused outside her front door.

  He had planned to call in, but something told him not to.

  He had hoped that she would make it to lectures this week, but so far there was no sign.

  Goddammit, he thought, frowning. Come on, Lyd, walk out the front door. Come and check if you’ve got mail or something.

  Suddenly, the front door opened and he gasped in surprise. She looked dishevelled and sad, her face pale and wan.

  This was his chance.

  ‘Lyd!’

  She started and baulked when she saw him approaching.

  This is not a good idea, he thought, slowing down. She looked horrified to see him.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Her voice was a whisper.

  ‘I came to see if you were okay.’

  She said nothing, but her eyes were haunted.

  ‘Just leave, Luca. I can’t handle you right now.’

  He stopped in his tracks. ‘Hey now, don’t be like that.’

  ‘I mean it. I can’t cope with all of this. Please go.’

  ‘I need to talk to you, Lyd. Can I come up for coffee?’

  She shook her head violently. ‘This is like a broken record! How many times have we been like this? Just get out of my life!’ She burst into tears.

  He was by her side in a flash. Pulling her into his arms, he rubbed her back. She resisted for a second, but then collapsed against his chest.

  ‘Oh Luca, how did I not see the consequences?’

  ‘Shh, I know. Shh,’ he soothed. ‘It will be okay.’

  ‘It’s fine for you, you’re a free agent. I’ve made such a mess.’

  ‘Shh. Everything will be fine. You’ve got to believe that.’

  A car door slammed loudly. She heard footsteps on the pavement.

  Luca continued to rub her back tenderly.

  More footsteps. A pause.

  She looked up and froze. Luca followed her gaze and let her go immediately. She backed away from him, but it was too late.

  ‘Lydia!’ Dominic’s face was like thunder.

  Luca gently pushed Lydia behind him.

  ‘Hey, man, calm down.’

  Dominic stalked over and pulled Lydia from behind Luca.

  ‘You bastard!’ he seethed. ‘How
dare you be here? How dare you call over?’

  Luca backed away. ‘Hey, man, I just called to see if she was –’

  ‘I know why you called. I know why you fucking called!’ Dom roared.

  Raising his fist, he punched Luca square on the jaw.

  Luca fell on the ground, dazed.

  ‘As for you!’ Dom shouted, turning to Lydia. ‘Sam rang me, convinced me to give you a fair chance. I jump in my car and come over, only to find him here!’

  ‘Dom, I –’

  ‘Shut up! This is such a joke.’

  ‘Dom, please!’ She moved towards him.

  ‘It’s over! I never want to see or hear from you again.’

  He turned on his heel and strode away.

  ‘Dom! Dom, wait!’ Lydia ran down the street after him. ‘Please!’

  He jumped into his car and started the engine. She banged on the window pathetically, but he ignored her. With a roar, he sped off without looking back.

  Lydia waved her arms frantically, signalling for him to stop.

  ‘Dom!’ she yelled, but he had disappeared from sight.

  The final nail in the coffin. Any hope of reconciliation was now well and truly gone.

  Was it destiny that the very moment he called, Luca happened to be there? Maybe Sam was right. Maybe the gods were interfering. Maybe this was cruel fate. She had reached rock bottom, so now the only way was up.

  She gained strength from this realisation. It sparked something in her and, taking a deep breath, she raised her head. The worst was over. There was nothing else to hide. Living with the lies and deceit had been a strain; it had left her spent of energy and full of self-loathing. Now, the truth had been exposed and there was a freedom in that: a chance of a new beginning. By facing her worst fears, she felt empowered.

  She felt anguish at Dominic’s pain; she genuinely hated hurting him. He would realise someday that he was better off without her.

  Now, she had to rebuild her life.

  She headed back to the flat. Luca was waiting sheepishly by the door, rubbing his jaw. Dom had really hit him hard.

  ‘Are you okay?’ she asked.

  He nodded. ‘I’ll survive. I guess I deserved it, huh?’ He gave her a lopsided grin.