Years of Summer: Lily's Story

by Bethanie Armstrong

  Something gnawed at me, I needed to ask. “Did he ever give a reason why he never had a steady girlfriend? I’m just curious. I bet he could have had his pick.”

  “True, he could have, but most of the girls he dated just dated him because of his position in high school or rather positions. He was the President of the SGA and the star pitcher on the baseball team, star lineman on the football team—all that rolled into one.”

  “But he doesn’t play on our college team?”

  “No, he was offered a scholarship to somewhere else, but as he put it, one time when I asked him—‘I would rather make it on my own in a small college, and build my own reputation, than only make it because I liked sports.’ Although he did get hurt senior year in football, that might have been part of his decision.”

  “Aww, bless his heart, what happened to him?”

  “Messed up his knee. That took him forever to get over, but still, all the girls ogled over him. He really hated shallowness and that was all the girls he dated in high school.”

  “Chels, how do you know so much about him?”

  “Because I was one of the not shallow ones; we never dated, because that spark was just not there, but we were really good friends. Still are and that is why I want him for you. Please Lil, just give him a chance.”

  Tears started welling in my eyes. “I would like too, but I just can’t right now. Too much has happened. Maybe it’s better that he doesn’t spend more time with me, I’ll only bring him down.”

  “Lily, I’m going to let you in on a little secret, if you haven’t figured it out yet. He’s seen everything Chance has put you through, through Dave’s eyes. Why else do you think he asked the rest of them to help? Dave moved out of Chance’s room, because he couldn’t stand to see what Chance did to you all the time. Jace had already figured out what was going to happen. He only hoped that it would not be as bad as he was afraid of, and Dave walked in that night just in time or you and I both know, as well as Jace and Dave, where it was about to go. I know that is why you were so messed up when I found you curled up in the corner of your bed.” Then she started crying and came over to me and hugged me. “I am so glad I found you that night.”

  I felt it coming, something I had never told anyone about, but it was about to tumble out of my mouth and Chelsea would be blown away, but for some reason I couldn't stop it. “Chels . . . he held . . . a knife . . . to my throat . . . that night too. I thought . . . I was going . . . to die.”

  “Oh, Lil, how horrible, I, I . . .” She was speechless as she just held me tighter and let me do what I had needed to do for so long.

  I—broke down. I cried like I hadn’t, but I always needed to. Every emotion that I had penned up came through—the horrible fear, the hurt, the guilt, the worthlessness—all were things I had kept locked up. I guess that’s why Chance could get to me so easily. He knew what he had done, and seemed to enjoy it. I guess it gave him a big power trip to equal his arrogance.

  Jace was right. Chance liked to see me scared. It was almost like it turned him on. That is what serial rapists are like; they are turned on by their victim’s fear. That is what that night would have turned into had Dave not shown up when he did—I saw it, I saw it written all over Chance’s face and in his eyes. They were almost maniacal; and the really bad part was, as long as Chance still walked this campus that possibility would still exist. I was suddenly exulted over Jace’s offer and I didn’t care where it led.

  After I had my huge cry out, I actually felt better. Chelsea was right there, and just let me cry. She didn’t try to make anything better or tell me it would all be okay. She just let me cry. I appreciated her for that.

  When I finished, she smiled at me. “Feel better?”

  “Yeah, I really do, but promise me you won’t tell another soul . . ." I swallowed hard " . . . the knife.”

  “I promise. Now go fix your face, they’re coming to get us in about five minutes.”

  “Who’s coming to get us?” I was hoping for a different answer.

  “Brianna and the others, and then we are meeting the guys at the back door and walking with them from there.”

  I silently allowed that to make me happy. “Oh, okay, they don’t think a group of girls can make it a hundred feet to the cafeteria by themselves.”

  “They do, they just don’t want anyone else getting in our way.”

  “Oh, I see . . . this is either going to drive me crazy or—at the least—become very annoying.”

  Brianna knocked on our door and off we went. Sure enough, as we walked out the back door, there were our personal body guards, waiting, posing as friends. I started laughing quietly at that thought. Jace turned around to look at me. He just smiled and shook his head.

  “It’s good to hear you laugh again, Lil.”

  Chapter 3

  Our cafeteria was the best. It was owned by Morrison’s, the early nineties version of Piccadilly Cafeteria, but it was set up where you could go through the hot-plate line, the salad bar, the soup and sandwich line, or the pizza and pasta bar. The food was fantastic.

  I looked around the cafeteria, not hoping to see Chance, but hoping for enough warning if he decided to present himself. He never did, although I ate dinner nervously. Jace nudged me in the shoulder. “Calm down, Lil, you’re going to cause yourself an ulcer.”

  I wasn’t sure if I hadn’t already done that. Chelsea kicked me under the table again, motioning her eyes in Jace’s direction, “are you going to talk to him or not?” —subtlety was not one of her strong points. So, I did exactly what she wanted me to do.

  “Jace, what are you doing for fun over Spring Break?”

  “Me and my cousins are going to my Mom and Dad’s condo at Seaside and enjoy the beach.” Chelsea and I both looked at each other at the same time and there she was—matchmaking at its best.

  “Wow, Jace, what a coinkedink, our sorority is going to Seaside for a retreat. We’re leaving Friday before spring break, after classes, and staying through Tuesday. How long will you be there?”

  “The whole week, we leave Saturday. I told my parents I would just meet them down there it would be easier than driving all the way back home and then back down again. I’m staying Friday night at the frat house. Hey maybe we could get together down there.”

  Chelsea had her “Bingo” grin on her face as she looked at me. “Lil that sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

  “Sure, maybe we can work something out.”

  Jace figured out what Chelsea was trying to do and he just looked at the wall across from his line of sight and shook his head. Then an evil grin spread across his face. “Hey Chels, Ty is coming with me.” She froze, because Ty was sitting right next to her at the table. She glared at Jace and Ty’s reaction was just about the same.

  It was no secret that they both liked each other, but they were both too stubborn—neither would admit it. I had to stifle a laugh, so I pretended to cough. Jace didn’t; he laughed out loud. Then he looked at her. “If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.” She nodded her head in agreement and didn’t try anything else that night. Jace did ask us about the retreat though.

  “So is this retreat a business affair or pleasure?”

  Chelsea answered him. “Both, we’re going to brainstorm about rush and try and get things set for that and we are going to have an allotted amount of time to go to the beach, but business before pleasure. Mrs. Harper will let us know when we get there.”

  “Oh, okay, well, do you seriously want to try to get together? I can give you the number to my parents’ place and you can give us a call and we can meet on the beach or something. What is your curfew going to be?”

  I answered that, “Normally she likes us all back in place by ten, she has roll call, and we have to check in with her each hour. She really is a mother hen when it comes to us.”

  “That‘s good though. She just wants to make sure all of her girls are safe. So do you want to or not?”

  Ty and Che
lsea and I all agreed with Jace. We would try to get together at the beach. I had an idea. “Jace, how many of your cousins are going to be there?”

  “Probably about ten plus me and Ty. Oh, that reminds me.” He looked at the other side of me, at Dave who was happily engaged in conversation with Brianna. “Hey Dave, are you going to be able to come to Seaside with me and Ty.”

  “Oh, yeah, Dad ok’d it.”

  “Cool, Tuck, what about you?”

  “Naw man, we’re going to see my grandmother in Texas. Sorry.”

  “No big deal, maybe next time. Mike what about you?”

  “Yeah, I can come. Do you mind if I ride with you? I’ll just skip my late class Friday.”

  “No need to do that, we aren’t leaving until Saturday. You’re going to have to sleep on the couch at the house though.”

  “Fine with me.” Then he went back to his conversation with Jillian.

  “Hey John, you going to come to Seaside with us?”

  “No, sorry man, going to see my Dad in Tennessee.”

  “Not a problem. Maybe next time.”

  “Jace, how big is your family?”

  “Two brothers and two sisters on my mom’s side and three brothers on my Dad’s side. We all try to get together once a year at the beach, sometimes we make it twice. Why what was your idea?”

  “A beach bonfire, wouldn’t that be fun?”

  “That’s a great idea. Do you think Mrs. Harper would mind letting all of you come down? We are right on the beach.”

  “I think we won’t know until we ask, of course that is another two weeks away. She’ll be at our meeting this coming Sunday. We’ll ask then.”

  We chatted happily about possibilities the rest of dinner and told our other sorority sisters about it on the way back to the dorm. They seemed to think that Mrs. Harper would let us, as long as she could come too. We would just have to wait and ask.

  The next day was Thursday. I had three classes and then was debating on whether or not I was going home for the weekend. I checked my change; I had plenty to wash my clothes if I stayed over the weekend. This weekend promised blue skies and perfect quad sitting weather where you could just enjoy it. I could wash my clothes and read my book, but if Chance was going to be here then I didn’t want to be. Chelsea came in from her first class, she was debating too.

  “Hey Lil, are you going home this weekend?”

  “I don’t know, are you?”

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “Well at least we have a little while to decide.”

  The phone rang. “Hello?” It was Jace.

  “Hey Lil, are you ready for class?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “I’m in the lobby, would you meet me here and I’ll walk with you to class?”

  “Okay, sure, I’m on my way.” I hung up.

  Chelsea looked at me. “Who was that?”

  “Jace, he’s in the lobby waiting on me. I’ll see you at lunch Chels.”

  I walked out to Chelsea singing, “Jace li-ikes Lil-ly.”

  I followed back with, “Chel-sea li-ikes Ty-y.” She blushed. “See ya later.” I ran down the hall to the lobby, feeling lighter than air. A feeling I hadn’t had in a while, a very long while. I met him at the door and off we went. Walking down the sidewalk with him felt natural; there was no pressure from him about anything. We walked and talked our way down to Comer Hall.

  I saw Chance waiting on me at the doors until he saw me walking with Jace, then he ducked into the building. I began to get nervous. I had to walk into the building by myself because Jace’s class was in the building across the street. As soon as I walked in the doors, I was startled by Dave.

  I jumped as he greeted me. “Good morning, Lily, how are you?”

  “You startled me. I saw Chance come in too.”

  “Well Chance decided to leave since his class was not in this building.” I took that to mean he made him leave. Dave and I had creative writing together, so I was very glad to see him even though he startled me.

  Sitting there, listening to the teacher, a huge panic attack was about to overtake me. I suddenly felt like I was about to come unhinged, unable to breathe right, but I knew Chance could be waiting on just that. I began to think that is why he did what he did that morning, just so he could see me frightened. He liked fear, especially from me. I started hyperventilating as I thought about other things. Dave noticed and knew he needed to get me out of class, so he did. We must have looked odd walking out of class, because Dr. Gardener stopped us. "Mr. Jameson is she okay?” He quickly came up with a story. “Dr. Gardener, Lily is having an asthma attack, she forgot her inhaler. I’m taking her to go get it?”

  I felt like I was about to pass out.

  “Yes, Yes, Mr. Jameson, please, take her.”

  I was gasping for air as Dave walked me out of class and outside into the cool spring air. He sat me down on the benches outside. “Lil, what is going on?”

  The gasping turned into uncontrollable sobs. Dave sat there with his arm around my shoulders. “Why . . . does he keep . . . coming back . . . at me? Why can’t . . . he just . . . leave me alone? I want him to walk out of my life and never return. Why can't he just leave me alone! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!” More uncontrolled sobs surfaced. Dave didn’t know what to do, but neither did I. He just sat there with me until I cried it out, which took me about twenty minutes.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No need to apologize. Go to the bathroom and clean your face up so we can get back to class.” I did and then we went back to class. There were a million stares in our direction, it seemed, as we walked back into class. I wondered if everyone had heard me screaming about Chance. Dr. Gardener noticed and cleared her throat rather loudly to call the class back to attention.

  I felt like an idiot. Why did he keep making me react that way? Class was dismissed and I wanted to curl up into a corner and disappear. Dave and I walked silently out the door; he went on to his next class as Jace picked up with me. He and I had sociology together. That was our next class. We walked quietly across campus. He broke the ice. “Wow, you sure are a whole lot less happy than you were this morning. What’s going on?”

  I stared down at the ground and didn’t answer. I just shook my head. I felt the warm sun on my back. I looked up at the sky and was reminded of Jace’s eyes and found myself staring into them. They were a dark-cast gray. “Jace what has you upset?”

  He bluntly answered me. “You . . . Lily.”

  Our hands brushed against each other—mine by accident, his I didn’t think so. He took my hand lightly, but I could tell he wanted more. I just smiled at him and resisted what I wanted to do at that moment. I could feel that this was more of my safety net than anything, but I didn’t let go either. Right before we came to the door of Jeter Hall, there was Chance, waiting on me again it seemed. His eyes went directly to mine and Jace’s hands. I was scared and tried to let go of Jace’s hand, but he didn’t let me, if anything he held it tighter, and whispered in my ear. His breath smelled like peppermint, “Don’t be afraid”. Suddenly I wasn’t.

  A hundred shades of fury crossed Chance’s face and flamed in his eyes, but I felt no fear, for the first time in months. Chance could see that, and I could tell it made him angry that he couldn’t scare me anymore, because that is how I felt when I was with Jace. Chance suddenly had his leverage on me taken away.

  Jace pulled me directly to the door where Chance was standing. They glared at each other and Chance spoke menacingly. “Jace, you’ll regret this. I’ll make you regret this.” He turned and ran off to his next class.

  We sat down in class. What purpose it served for me to even walk in that room I had no clue. My mind was so far from sociology. My mind kept running through things and wouldn’t stop. Why did I allow Jace to keep holding my hand, why wasn’t I able to let go? I started running the future possible scenes in my head. I was scared again, but only for Jace, but he seemed not bothered by anything at
all. He seemed almost happy with it.

  I took notes, but I couldn’t tell you what I wrote. The clock ticked away slowly. I wanted class to be over, but I didn’t want it to be over. I didn’t know what Chance was going to try next, but I was quite sure we would find out later. I still hated him. I still wanted him to leave my life, and never come back. I wondered if I would ever be granted that. I wondered if I could ever be normal again.

  Class finally ended and Jace and I just walked out of the room to outside. Our next class was in the same hall too, U.S. History. I liked it so much better than Western Civ., my freshman year. Now if my personal life would just clear up. Jace walked me outside to a picnic bench and we sat down. “Lil, I’m sorry I grabbed your hand earlier, I just didn’t want you to be afraid.”

  “It didn’t bother me, Jace, and it made me unafraid, so I guess you accomplished that.”

  “Well good, I was hoping for that.” He grinned and laughed.

  I looked at him like he had just told the biggest lie, because he did. He also knew that I knew he just lied, but what he did next was just so sweet and gentlemanly. He took my hand back and kissed it. “Lily, I know you don’t want anything but a friend right now—I’ll be that—as long as you will have me. I would like to stick close. Are you okay with that?”

  I had to test something, but believed I knew what the answer would be.

  “Jace . . . What if I said no?”

  “Then I will politely stay in the background, as close as you want me to be.” His answer did not disappoint me.

  “You would really do that for me?”

  “I would do anything in the world for you, even walk a tightrope between the Empire State building and the Sears Towers and I am deathly afraid of heights.”

  I laughed. “Jace you do realize those buildings are in different states.”

  “Yeah I do. The Empire State Building is in New York and the Sears Tower is in Chicago.”

  “That would be a mighty long rope over a very long distance, but you would do that for me?”