Years of Summer: Lily's Story

by Bethanie Armstrong

  She came and kneeled in front of me. “Lily, baby how are you?” I smiled for the first time in a long time and felt it, it felt good.

  “I’m making it . . . getting there slowly, but one day at a time, right?”

  “Yes my sweet girl, one day at a time.”

  She hugged Ally. “Oh my precious girl I am so glad you’re home.”

  “Me too Mom,” as Ally answered.

  Then she went and hugged Dave. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in awhile.”

  “Yes Ma’am, I’m doing fine, just happened by today and thought I would come see Lily and Ally.”

  “Well honey, I’m glad you did. You ought to come by more often.”

  “I thought I would if that’s okay with you and Coach Aldridge.”

  “Oh yes, honey, that would be fine. As a matter of fact, would you like to join us for dinner?”

  “I thank you, but no Ma’am; I would like to take your girls out to eat tonight. May I?”

  “Well of course. You three have fun. Go paint the town.”

  Dave was serious. He wanted to take me and Ally to dinner. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. I started feeling panicky. Dave took my hand and squeezed it.

  Dad came up the stairs next. He saw me sitting on the couch with Dave and Ally. He came to me. “Lily, baby girl, how are you?”

  “I’m okay Dad . . . getting there.”

  “Well you keep on getting there. I’ve missed you.”

  Then he spoke to Ally. “How’s my little baby girl?”

  Ally answered. “I’m good Dad.” He kissed her on the head.

  “Did school go well this week?”

  “Yes Sir, I made an “A” on my history test.”

  “That is fantastic. Keep up the good work.”

  Then Dad spoke to Dave. “Hey Dave, how have you been?”

  Dave reached up to shake Dad’s hand. “I’ve been doing well, thank you.”

  “It’s good to see you around again, I hope we’ll see you more often.”

  “Yes Sir, I’ll be around more.”

  “Good, what brings you here this evening?”

  “Actually, I would like to take your girls out to dinner, if that’s okay with you?”

  “Well, sure. Have a good time.” Then Dad went to fix a pot of coffee which was his normal routine when he came in from work. It was good to see not much had changed since I had been absent. Everyone seemed happier to see me up and around more than anything. I never realized how much my life impacted everyone else.

  Dave patted me on the leg. “See how important you are, Lily.”

  I just nodded my head.

  “Okay, Lily and Ally, you two get yourselves ready and I’ll be back around five o’clock to pick you up. You want Mexican or Italian for dinner?”

  Ally and I both answered at the same time. “Mexican.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you at five. Don’t be late.” Ally and I laughed. I was a little shocked that I laughed, but it felt good. Dave smiled as he walked out the door.

  * * * * * * *

  I walked back to my room and sat on my bed, as I reached up to scratch my neck I felt the gold chain and the little Greek letters that hung from it. Then I looked at my hand at my ring.

  In order to start over, I had to let go of the past. I knew Jace was not coming back, the thought brought tears back to my eyes, but I allowed myself to feel it this time and the pain was tremendous. I sat there holding myself together as I sat on the edge of my bed. I took several deep breaths as I rocked myself, trying to regain control. A voice in my head, that wasn’t Jace this time, but Dave, saying, “I know you can do this.” I closed my eyes and let that fill my mind. It gave me the strength I needed to do what I needed.

  Ally came into my room. She saw what I had in my hand, the little black velvet box my ring was in. She put her arm around my shoulders as I opened the box. It was empty of course; there was not a wedding band because Jace knew this would never happen. He just wanted to make me happy, even though it probably hurt him to have to leave me with unanswered questions. My hand started shaking as I held the little box, Ally took it from me and held it while I slowly removed my engagement ring and then placed it to rest in that box. Then I removed my chain from around my neck and slid the little lavaliere off of my chain. The lavaliere stood in the middle of the band of the ring as I closed the box. The box went into my cedar chest, never to be removed again.

  Ally hugged me and let me cry, because I just needed too at that time. As my tears slowed I remembered my lavaliere. I placed it back on my chain and put my chain away, because that was a part of me only and now of my sister, Jace never claimed that. I finally knew his reasoning. It was my starting over and that is where I decided to begin.

  Chapter 9

  Ally helped me get ready and then I sat and watched her get ready. I was actually looking forward to dinner and so was Ally. Dad had given us some money for our dinner and he said that if we chose to go out and do something else that was fine, but to call. He seemed more nervous about us going out than he had ever been before. I guess he thought I was going to crack, but at the moment I was feeling a little better than I had in a very long time.

  I heard a truck coming down the driveway. I looked and it was Dave. Ally and I started out the door. Dad stopped us. “You two will be patient if I have to tie you to the couch. If he is a proper gentleman he will come to get you, you will not go to meet him.”

  Ally and I rolled our eyes. I knew Dad would not be disappointed in Dave. Sure enough he came jogging up the deck steps and even knocked, he’d never done that before, normally he just walks in. Ally and I started to get up and go, Dad gave us his “Dad look” and we sat back down. Dad let him in. “Dave, son, good to see you again.” Dave looked at Ally and me and he just smiled. Major brownie points scored with Dad. Not that he was trying; he just knew how my Dad was.

  “Thank you sir.” He shook Dad’s hand. “Ladies shall we.”

  “You girls have fun, call if you decide to go somewhere else.”

  “Bye Dad,” Ally and I both said as we walked out the door.

  Dave‘s truck was big enough to fit three people in the front. Dave offered each of us an arm and of course we took it. He escorted us to his truck and opened the door for us. Ally pushed me in first. “Just in case you decide to bail you won’t be able to.” She joked, but was serious because she was concerned about me still, especially after what I had tried earlier in the day, so I didn’t argue.

  “I hope you two can enjoy yourselves, I really hate to be a third wheel.”

  “Lil, we’re doing this for you. You need to have fun again.”

  “I just hate to impose, Dave, that’s all.”

  “Imposition, no way. I get to have two very beautiful girls on my arms tonight; I think I’ll suffer through.” I busted out laughing. It felt good. Ally laughed too and then looked at Dave and smiled, he smiled back. “Don’t worry, Lil, you’ll be just fine.”

  When we made it to the restaurant, he opened the door for us again and escorted us both in. The waitress seated us. It felt strange to be out amongst people again; I started feeling nervous. Dave sat in the middle of his booth. Ally and I sat in one booth together. I felt them, I felt them coming. Tears started welling in my eyes. I couldn’t blink them back quick enough and then the pain that came with them engulfed me.

  Dave took hold of my hand from his side of the table. “It’s okay Lily, deep breath, come on you can do this. I’m right here and so is Ally. Deep breaths until you have control.” I closed my eyes and kept thinking to myself. It’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to feel. You can do this, Lily. Except that last part came through in Dave’s voice. I kept hearing him say that to me in my mind. It made me stronger. A couple of more deep breaths and I was able to regain control. “There you go, that’s the way.” A few tears dripped down and Dave handed me a handkerchief.

  I laughed a little. “I thought Dad was the only one that carried a handkerchief any
more.”

  Dave looked a little embarrassed. “It’s something I picked up from my dad. Normally I don’t, but I thought I might need to tonight.”

  Ally was mesmerized. “Aww, you’re so sweet, Dave.”

  Dave just shrugged his shoulders as I took the handkerchief from him and blotted at my eyes, noticing that my mascara didn’t run. I looked at Ally. “I put waterproof on you; I thought you might need it.”

  “Thanks, Ally, you are the best.” Then I looked at Dave. “You both are the best.”

  “We are here to celebrate you being out of your room; you’ve been in it for three months. I didn’t expect you to be instantly okay. It’s going to take some time, Lily. I understand that, but I am here for you and you know Ally is too. Whatever happens let it happen. I promise we won’t think less of you.” I smiled some, as more tears made their way to the surface.

  “I love you guys. Thank you for understanding.” I squeezed both of their hands. The waitress brought salsa and chips and Dave ordered a cheese dip. All through dinner tears would escape sometimes and I just let it happen. It helped, and having Ally and Dave there helped tremendously. I mostly just sat and listened while Ally and Dave carried on conversation after conversation. They were so good with each other. It was like they had known each other for years. I thought that they would be great together as a couple. Dave, on the other hand, probably would not agree with me, because Ally was his sisters’ age, so he pictured her as just another little sister. Through dinner Dave would look at me every once and a while, I could tell he was trying not to make me uncomfortable, but he was also trying to make sure I was okay. I knew neither one of them was expecting me to be a part of the conversation, but I could also tell they wanted this night to do me good.

  Tonight though, afterwards, what is going to happen to me? I will go to sleep and the nightmares will come. Will all this be for nothing? I didn’t know. I was suddenly afraid for the night to come. Things started going through my mind. What kind of nightmares will I have tonight? Will I see things I don’t want to see? I started freaking out. My breath started coming in gasps.

  “Ally, let me out. Please let me out.” The tears started coming. “Let me out. Ally let me out.” I had to get out of there, I needed air. I couldn’t think straight. Ally moved as I ran out the door. Dave came after me.

  He caught up to me and took me by the shoulders. I fell into him and cried. “Lily, calm down. It’s okay.” I wrapped my arms around him and he wrapped his arms around me. He made my fear go away. “Lily, you‘re going to be okay. I know it’s hard right now and in my opinion you are doing fantastic. It’s okay to let the feelings come, the nightmares too. It’s okay to let them come too, but in the middle of them realize you’re going to wake up and you can stop them. It’s going to be hard at first, but you will get better.”

  I was dumbfounded. “Dave how do you know what’s going on in my head?”

  He looked at me sympathetically. “Lil, I have a confession to make. There were times, during those three months that you were locked inside yourself, that I came by and all I did was sit in your rocking chair in your room, as you slept, and I watched you. You didn’t realize I was there, but I saw what would happen to you when the nightmares happened. It killed me to see you go through that. You would wake up screaming like someone was killing you and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

  “Dave, why would you want to? Why would you even bother?”

  “Lily, I care about you. I cannot stand it when things hurt you or upset you. Friends are supposed to look out for each other and I want you to allow me to do that, please. I know I can help you. I have seen you at your best and at your worst and all the avenues in between. I know who you are and I know who you can be, and the person that you can be is still there. It’s just covered with other things right now. I want to help you find your strength again.”

  I started crying again. “Jace was my strength, Dave, and he took it with him when he left me.”

  “Lily, that is where you’re wrong, and I’ll prove it to you. Answer me one question.”

  “What?”

  “Who made you go out tonight?”

  I smiled up at Dave, he was rather tall. “I did.”

  “Exactly, now come on and let’s go finish dinner. I have a feeling that Ally is rather anxious at the moment.”

  Dave and I walked back in and Ally looked like she had been crying. I came in and stood at the booth. “Ally, I’m sorry.”

  “No, don’t apologize; I just want you to be okay, Lily. That’s all. I guess I expected too much from tonight.”

  Ally stood up and moved so I could sit back down. “Ally, all I ask is that you don’t give up on me, please. Don’t give up on me.”

  “Lily, I wouldn’t dream of it. I know you are still in there somewhere. I want to help you get back to yourself.”

  “Well that makes two of you and I really want to get back to myself. I just need to start.”

  Dave looked at me, concerned. “Lily, it’s not going to be good for you to be at home by yourself; that will only send you backwards. What can you do to keep yourself out of your house and away from your bedroom?”

  “I can go to the library or I can go to the store, I can find something.”

  “Wait, I just thought of something, something you said a long time ago, I think I can manage it, too.”

  I stared at Dave suspiciously. “What did you just think about?”

  “I’m allowed to have surprises aren’t I? Whose birthday is the week after next?”

  “Mine, Dave you’re not going to get me anything.”

  “Who said I was?”

  “I just know that look. It’s your sneaky Dave look.”

  “Now, Lily, I am shocked that you would even accuse me of being sneaky.” Dave grinned. He had something up his sleeve.

  I just dismissed it, because he wasn’t going to tell me and I wasn’t in the state of mind to fight and win. He looked at me. “You’ll love it, trust me.” He hugged me.

  He paid for dinner, wouldn’t let us help out and walked us back out to his truck and drove back to our house. I had been trying to think of a way to talk him out of giving me a present and couldn’t. So I just asked him.

  “Can I talk you out of it?” He pulled into our driveway and climbed out of the truck to open the door for me and Ally, before he answered.

  “No, you can’t, so don’t try. But in the mean time I want you to do several things for me.”

  “What things, Dave?” I asked as we made it up the deck and sat down at the table and chairs that were there. He started listing things.

  “First, you are not allowed to go to bed unless it’s to sleep at night. I want you to get out of bed every morning and eat some kind of breakfast and get yourself dressed.”

  Mom opened the doors onto the deck and brought out a couple of different creamers, some coffee in a carafe, and cups to pour it into.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Aldridge.”

  “You’re very welcome, honey.” Mom walked back in and Dave continued.

  “Second, I don’t want you spending more than two hours at a time inside. Now, I’m not saying you have to leave the property, but I want you outside in the autumn sun. It’s not too hot. It’s fairly comfortable. If you don’t do anything but sit out on your deck, that’s fine, but I want you out of the house. Watch the way nature plays around you. It’s amazing what an experience that is, especially if you concentrate on what they’re doing. Nature is not chaotic, it’s neatly ordered and you’ll discover that if you spend time and watch it. Thirdly, I’m going to call you after every class I have and I expect you to answer the phone. If you don’t, then I will automatically think the worst and leave campus to come and find you.”

  “Dave, you’re going a little overboard aren’t you?”

  “If I am, then so be it. I want you to be okay. The only way I can make sure of that is to do what I’m going to do. I may bug the heck out of you, but I don’t care ab
out anything but your well-being. If you feel the need to, then you can tell me to shove off. I will never bother you again, because by then I’ll know that you’re back to the Lily that I knew. I’ll have accomplished what I set out to do. Do you understand?”

  “Yes Sir.” Then I saluted him. He laughed. I liked his laugh.

  “Lily, I’m very serious about this. I want the old Lily back and I will do everything in my power to get her back.” There was an unspoken reason under that and it made me feel good, when I realized it later. He was my best friend and best friends look out for each other.

  He wasn’t going to give up and honestly, underneath it all, I didn’t want him to. He continued with his requirements.

  “Lily, be prepared to see me here every day after I get out of my classes and I’ll know whether you have done what I asked. Then when you start next term it won’t stop here. I told you I would help you and I know it’s going to be rough going those first few weeks, but I believe you’re strong enough to handle it. I have faith in you and I will see you graduate and become the best teacher any elementary school has ever had to walk through their doors. You’re one of a kind, Lily, and being that rare you’re going to give the kids you teach, hope, that they would not have had otherwise. I can’t wait to see that.”

  “Dave, what if it rains and I can’t go outside. What do I do then?” I wasn’t joking; I was serious, because everything he said was right. Being by myself in the house was not going to be good for me, and I really wanted to get better. I wanted me back and the way Dave was talking he could help me get there and I knew I couldn’t do it alone.

  Ally who had been silent the whole time that Dave was talking offered a suggestion. “I have an idea, Lily. How about on those days, you come to campus and hang out with me, or Dave even. All of the buildings that our classes are in have really nice lobbies and places to sit. You can bring a book and sit there, or you can stay in my dorm room or something like that.” Ally looked at Dave. “What do you think about that, Dave?”