Love Me Again

by Wendy M. Burge

  Helen hesitated a moment; then, setting the tray down, she began to busy herself picking up the discarded costume that littered the floor about the bed. Christina glanced down and felt confusion wash over her. If Helen had put her to bed, the room would be in impeccable order. How had she gotten herself undressed and into bed? The costume had been laced down the back. She couldn't have possibly gotten out of the dress herself.

  God in heaven! The pounding in her head increased, forcing her to lie down again with a moan. Immediately Helen was beside her, rescuing the glass from her hand. Then she held it to her lips. “Drink, my lady, it will help.”

  Dutifully, Christina took several sips of the vile stuff, gagged, then waved it away. After a moment she asked hesitantly, “What time did I get back, do you know?”

  “No, my lady. If you recall, you had given me the night off so that I could attend the Carrousel.”

  Christina thought a moment and nodded. Yes, she did remember now. Frowning, she glanced down at herself clad only in the thin chemise she had worn the night before and felt a tremor of relief. If Varek had taken her to bed, she would undoubtedly be shed of even this flimsy barrier. But, it still didn't answer how she had gotten back to the apartment and into bed. Just thinking about it began to exhaust her; so shrugging, she let the whole matter go. Raising her fingers, she gently massaged the pounding at her temples, and vowed never to drink again.

  “I will get your breakfast now. Something in your stomach will help,” Helen promised as she came around the bed with Christina's dressing gown in her hands. At the mention of food, Christina's stomach churned with a queasy vengeance.

  “There is a note on the tray, madam.”

  Christina looked over and saw the expensive velum, folded and sealed on the tray. She immediately recognized the impression in the green wax. How could she ever forget it? The crest used to be hers.

  Reluctantly, she stood up in the cold room, slipped her arms into the dressing gown, slipped her feet into her slippers, then waved Helen out. Taking up the note, her thumb caressed the heraldic design for a second before she peeled the wafer off. Unfolding the page she read,

  My darling lark,

  I will be escorting my daughter to Princess Esterhazy's ball tomorrow. Please join us. Tina sends her earnest pleas along with my own. I beg of you, don't deny us.

  All my love,

  Varek

  Christina grinned at the thought of attending the children's ball at Marie Esterhazy's with Varek and Tina. She knew it would be great fun, this novel idea of the princess's. They had spoken briefly about it at the Carrousel, and Christina had been intrigued with the charming fête, wishing that Eddie were with her so they could enjoy the festivity together. This was one meeting with Varek that she was looking forward to with her whole heart.

  When Helen entered the room again, she asked, “Is the messenger still here?”

  “Yes, madam.”

  She walked over to her escritoire, scribbled a quick reply, and sealed it. Turning about, she held out the missive. When Helen took it, she mused with a smile, “I feel like going out and spending money. I've been thinking for weeks that I need to visit Hofer's Toy Mercantile. Would you like to join me?”

  Helen returned her sunny smile as she took the note. “I see his highness's tonic has worked wonders.” Then she left to deliver the note to the messenger.

  Varek's tonic had nothing to do with her exuberant mood. It was the man himself that made her feel like she was floating on air.

  Humming, she went about the business of dressing, already worrying about what she would wear tomorrow. As she riffled through the gowns in the clothes press, a bright color caught her eye and she paused. Biting her lip, she pulled out the shimmering silk gown, a deep azure blue, the one Robert had disliked as he thought it too brash. It was a bit more daring than the gowns she usually wore; the décolletage was lower, the watered silk was tissue thin, the cut of the skirt was not as voluminous as her others. It clung to her hips almost indecently. It was provocative to say the very least. Holding it out in front of her, she felt a shiver of pleasure as she thought how much the color matched Varek's eyes. Maybe that is why she had always liked the gown so much. She'd never had the nerve to wear it; till now...

  Maybe she would buy a few things for herself as well, thinking of a particularly lovely silk shawl she had seen in a window on the avenue Ballhausplatz. And a pair of blue topaz earrings had caught her eye the other day. They would be perfect.

  Not feeling this light-hearted in ... well, in years ... she waited impatiently for Helen to return. There was so much to do today and she didn't want to waste another minute.

  She ruthlessly tamped down any feelings of guilt that niggled at her. Today she felt carefree and alive, and she wasn't going to let anything destroy it.

  * * * *

  “My God,” Varek muttered, dazed at the sight of Christina as she descended the stairs. She was a vision of beauty that struck him dumb with a lust that almost staggered him. A gown of shimmering blue sheathed her slender figure, highlighting each and ever y lush curve, and the tops of her breasts gleamed in the candlelight making his mouth go instantly dry. Even her hair was a feast for the senses as it was piled high in a loose spill of curls and tendrils that brushed her long neck and bare shoulders with a sensuous caress that made him want to bury his face there. She looked like a wanton fairy, delicate and carnal, coming down to earth to haunt him.

  He knew Christina to be beautiful, but it was a beauty he had always taken for granted. He loved Christina, not for just her physical beauty, or just her wit, or just her intelligence and compassion, but as a melding of all these qualities that made her so dear to him. However, the vision standing before him made him want to tear that alluring, sinful gown from her body and take her right there on the floor of the consulate.

  He realized he was shaking he was so sexually charged, and desperately he looked about for something, anything, to help him, a glass of ice would do nicely, he thought with a desperate sort of humor. Raising a hand, he rubbed his lips, already hungry for a taste of her gleaming breasts, which were barely contained by a layer of thin silk.

  Christina hesitated when she saw the horror on Varek's face. Suddenly she felt gauche, like a schoolgirl trying to dress up for her beau. Pulling the shawl about her breasts, she suggested hesitantly, “Perhaps I should change. Maybe this is not the best dress to wear for tonight's festivity?”

  It might not be correct for Tina's ball, but it would be perfect for his bed. Silently, he groaned. All these weeks he had tossed and turned in a torrent of sexual frustration, starved for the taste of her, the scent of her, the feel of her. After this vision of her seared into the retinas behind his eyes, he doubted he would ever sleep again.

  When Christina started to turn away for the stairs, Varek almost jumped forward, taking her arm. She looked up at him with such an expression of embarrassment that he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

  “I must look ridiculous?”

  “You look so stunning that I don't even know how to express it.” His voice was raspy with the lust that held him hostage. “I am speechless, lark.”

  Not quite believing him, she looked down at herself and blushed. It was an indecent gown. “I'm going to change. Will you wait?”

  “No.” He drew her closer; he had to, or expire then and there. “Please don't. I love how you look; it is just that you took my breath away when you walked down those stairs. You are so beautiful, I don't think I ever realized how much till this moment.” And it was true. The years had been very kind to Christina. Her stunning looks had only been enhanced with maturity, and he was more determined than ever that they grow old together. He had lost enough years as it was.

  She gave him an uncertain smile. “You are sure?”

  “Absolutely.” How the hell was he going to survive this evening? he silently groaned. If keeping his hands off her had been a trial before, tonight it was going to be sheer torture.
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  “Papa?”

  His little glass of ice, come to the rescue, he thought comically as he turned around to see Tina standing in the doorway.

  “Are you coming?” It was obvious to the adults that Tina knew this was her night and they must not keep her waiting. Christina's heart tumbled as she looked Tina over, bedecked in a froth of silk and satin, her white-blond tresses tamed into a waterfall of curls down her back. Christina still couldn't believe the matching beauty of father and daughter; it was uncanny to look upon.

  Varek grinned at her, and holding out his arm, she took it gladly. Tina smiled as they approached, her shining eyes studying every inch of Christina. “You look pretty!”

  Varek raised a brow. “I told you so,” he teased, pressing her arm against his side.

  “Well, I do admit that now I feel better with Tina's approval.” And turning to the little archduchess, Christina thoroughly praised her own impressive person as she took Tina's little hand into her own.

  Together, the three entered the carriage and were off to Tina's first ball.

  * * * *

  Princess Maria's palace was a hive of pomp and ceremony and hilarious fun as Varek and Christina escorted an excited Tina through room after room of delight designed only for the children's joy. The children seemed to show their thanks in the only way children knew how, with exuberant squeals and full-bellied laughs that had the indulgent adults grinning and applauding. There was no dearth of sovereigns and dignitaries at this sprightly affair, for everyone had turned out in record numbers to witness this most novel of festivities.

  Varek and Christina soon found themselves deserted as Tina ran from room to room to marvel at the acts of sleight of hand and shadow shows and wandering petting zoos and other marvelous treats. She could hardly contain her giddiness, and soon she was making fast friends with other awestruck children her own age. Varek felt content to let her roam as she wished as he had brought with them a small army of nursemaids and footmen to make sure she didn't get into any mischief, and no harm befell her. So the happy couple meandered through the rooms, enjoying the sport of children ranging everywhere from the littlest toddler to young adults who were reluctantly enjoying the ensuing mayhem.

  As enjoyable a time as Christina was having, sadness underlay her joy as she missed Eddie and thought wistfully how much he would have enjoyed this.

  “I wish Eddie was here with us,” Varek murmured, his eyes watching her with sympathy as they stood before a puppet show amidst the laughter of dozens of children.

  Christina looked at him with a grateful smile. “Thank you. He would have loved this. I know he would love Tina.”

  He took her hand and squeezed it. She took his arm, and leaning against him they moved on, in silent accord, exchanging greetings with acquaintances. And every face they looked into from their past gazed fondly at them, accepting the fact that they were a couple who belonged together and that this was meant to be. It made it all the harder for Christina, for she knew that in her heart she belonged at Varek's side. With him she felt cherished and protected and, most importantly, she knew she was loved unconditionally.

  Gazing about her, enjoying the children's excitement, she suddenly paused. “Varek.” She tugged on his arm and directed his attention across the room. “Look over there. It is Adam.”

  Varek's tranquil gaze immediately found the Polish prince, Adam Czartor yski. The handsome prince was standing much too close to the Empress Elizabeth, his solemn gaze watching her every move. Both Varek and Christina could just imagine the pain the empress must be suffering as both her children, her daughter from Adam and, years later, her daughter from Czar Alexander, had died in infancy. She has been childless ever since. And the one thing the Russian empress wanted above all else was a child to love. Unfortunately, Varek and Christina could empathize only too well with her devastating sense of loss and failure.

  When Christina saw the empress look over her shoulder at Adam, then turn away again with a dejected tilt of her head, Christina wondered if Elizabeth felt any joy in her reunion with her old love, or if his presence only impressed upon her more the despair of what her life had become.

  When Varek started to move them toward the couple, Christina hesitated. It just brought their own tragedy that much more to the forefront to witness the devastation of lost love in another couple they cared about.

  “I can't talk to them, Varek. I just can't.” She looked up into his eyes that had darkened in tandem with her distress. “You go. I think I will wander about and find Laure.”

  Nodding, Varek brought her hand to his lips. Smiling, he drew a finger down her cheek in a tender caress. “I will find you later, my love. Don't wander too far,” he admonished her with a seductive wink, before he strode off to speak with Adam.

  Not bearing to look at the star-crossed lovers anymore, Christina turned away and set herself the task of looking for Laure in the press of revelers. Soon she was laughing again, as she lightly was dodging children and rakes alike, the men around her admiring her with an appreciation that actually had her blushing and rather proud of herself.

  “Good Lord, you look beautiful,” came an exclamation from close behind her. Whirling around, Christina hugged Laure. The princess looked frazzled but happy as she kept an eagle eye on her boisterous brood. Laure stepped back, her incredulous eyes running up and down Christina's gown, and touching on her hair. “I hardly recognize you!”

  Christina laughed self-consciously as she pulled the shawl over her shoulders. “Was I so drab before?”

  “No, of course not. It is just that you look so...”

  “Wanton,” Christina injected dryly.

  “Alluring.”

  “Shameless.”

  “Lud, Christina, half the women in this room are more scantily dressed than you.”

  “If that's possible,” she mumbled, looking about the crowded room at the other women who were indeed dressed in less than her. Many even had their skirts dampened, an affectation from the French court that many ladies still held true to.

  “Varek must be in heaven tonight,” Laure jested as she directed a maid to chase after her youngest son as he shot by them, pursing a squealing piglet.

  Christina remembered so clearly Robert's aversion to her dress. He had said it made her look like a slut, perhaps his words had been more kindly expressed, but his meaning was clear enough. Perhaps Varek had thought the same, despite all his protestations to the contrary. “I honestly don't know what he thinks. When I first came down the stairs his mouth dropped open and he stared at me with the most incredulous look in his eyes. I think he was shocked, and not in a good way.”

  “He was doubtless wondering how he was going to make it through the evening without exploding in his pants,” came droll murmur from behind them.

  Gasping at the crudeness of the comment, Christina and Laure spun around to see the Princess Bagration , the obvious culprit of the risqué comment, and Maria Esterhazy watching Christina with equal smiles of amusement. The Princess Bagration was wearing a sheer sheath of a gown that could only be deemed shocking in the extreme, even by the most liberal of minds. Christina blinked at the flimsy creation, relieved to see that she was overdressed next to this stunning lady.

  Soon the ladies were in a lively conversation about men, their appetites, and whether to fulfill them or not. Of course Christina and Laure felt out of their depth in the scandalous commentary, which was readily joined by any number of other women meandering by, and soon they were laughing with a much gusto as the groups of men scattered about the many rooms. Princess Maria had to excuse herself many times in her role as hostess, but she always came back, having too good a time to miss the hilarious comments being thrown about with such irreverent aplomb.

  “There he is again,” muttered Laure, as she nudged Christina's elbow.

  She looked around and saw Varek watching her from across the room. He was standing in a tight knot of men, obviously not listening to a thing they were saying.
His entire attention was transfixed on her. She flushed when all the ladies turned, as one, to watch the archduke across the room.

  “He has been pacing around you like stallion that knows it is going to be castrated in the morning,” Princess Fürstenberg told Christina dryly.

  The women laughed merrily while Christina blushed yet again, if that was possible. She felt she was burning up, her skin was so sensitive to Varek's every visual caress across the crowded room. Then reluctantly she joined in the merriment around her. It did feel liberating to be so accepted again. She felt like the girl she had been all those years ago, parading about on Varek's arm, knowing she was the envy of every woman in the room. It was vain, and conceited and ... exhilarating.

  And the reason for this sense of euphoria stood across the room from her, staring at her like she was his last drink of water before a drought. With this reckless feeling bedeviling her she almost wished he would take the decision out of her hands and just ravish her. Closing her eyes, she sighed, picturing Varek doing exactly that; she wanted to be thrown over his shoulder and carried away to his bed. She wanted to spend blissful, carnal hours tussling with him between cool sheets.

  Opening her eyes, her gaze met his with a clash of flaming desire and she shuddered, her heart speeding up till she felt strangled. Holding his look, she willed him to come to her.

  And he did, his fierce gaze never wavering from her, as he strode purposefully across the floor toward her, a predator finally tired of the chase and closing in for the kill, and Christina couldn't think of anything sweeter than to die in Varek's arms.

  She unconsciously stepped away from the circle of ladies, and when he reached her side, they were standing alone. Taking her hand in his he murmured low, his voice a silken whisper for her ears alone, “remember our pact, lark?”

  Her heart was now pounding in her ears and she could only nod.

  His fingers tightened about hers. “I am claiming my kiss. Now.” And with this seductive promise ringing in her ears, he pulled her along behind him.