by Vicki Green
“Colby. Can you hear me?” My eyes feel like they’ve been glued shut, my body hurtin’ everywhere. “Colby. This is Sandra. I’ve got to take you into surgery. Looks like you might be here with us for a while. You just hang tight and everythin’s gonna be okay. Shirley get number three room ready and Blake, go get ready to put him under.”
Wait! What the hell? What about Shiloh? Where is she? I start movin’ and I want to stop them. I need to know! I can feel myself bein’ pulled under as I feel weightless as the bed moves. How can I stop them, tell them I need to know about my love? How can I go into surgery without knowin’? Suddenly the bed stops and someone lifts my arm. I can feel fingers on my wrist.
“Colby, you’re gonna have to calm down. You heart rate just increased way too much for my likin’.”
I feel a hand on my other arm. “Colby. Shiloh’s in surgery. She’s still alive, honey. Relax now so they can get yours done. You’ll be in a room soon and I’ll be there waiting,” Sadie’s voice fills me with relief.
“Okay. Good. Thanks, Sadie. Come on guys, let’s get him in the operatin’ room.”
The bed starts movin’ again, Sadie’s hand leavin’ my arm. She’s alive. Thank you, God. Surgery. I could tell by lookin’ at her she was in really bad shape. I just hope I don’t wake up and find her gone forever.
“When does spring come here or summer when we can swim in the lake?” Shiloh and I are laying in the grass on a blanket, lookin’ out at the lake. I turn and look at her. Her beauty catches my breath, making my heart pound for her. “Oh, May for spring normally, then not until July prolly for swimmin’. Takes a bit to get hot enough for that.” Her eyes move to mine, the light color turnin’ white as the sun hits them. She’s a vision, an angel. Her mouth turns up into that exquisite smile. She’s stunning, ravishing. I’ve never known anyone like her. I reach over and take her hand. She threads her slim fingers through mine.
“It’s beautiful here, serene. Truly God’s work. Memphis told me about the beauty of the land but I never expected this. He was right.” She looks around. Sable’s standing by her tree grazin’ and Ditto’s runnin’ around in the grass behind us playin’. She looks back at me and smiles. Slowly, she leans down towards me, her eyes shiftin’ from my mouth to my eyes then back to my mouth. I close my eyes when our lips connect. She moves back but only a breath away and puts her hand around the back of my neck, starin’ into my eyes. “I’m home. I’m finally home.”
* * * *
“I’m sorry to tell you, Colby, but Shiloh didn’t make it.” I swallow hard. The life inside me died. What am I gonna do without her? How can I go on? “We did everythin’ we could. Her injuries were just too great. I’m so sorry.” No! No, it can’t be so! She’s everythin’. She’s my world, my heart, my soul, my love. She’s the missing piece to my life. Without her, I am nothin’.
“No.” Beeping sounds go off all around me, echoing. “No.” Footsteps runnin’, hands all over me holdin’ me down. Don’t they know I have to get to her? I have to stop them, save her. She can’t leave me. I refuse to believe it. “NO!” I scream. My voice raw, hoarse.
“Colby. Colby. Please, calm down. Missy, get a crash cart ready just in case. Belinda, give him two cc’s of morphine stat! You guys hold him down before he rips out all of his sutures.”
Leave me alone! I have to get to her! She needs me! Someone’s cryin’. It must be true. She’s gone. Left me in this world alone. Her nightmare is over but mine has just begun.
My eyes snap open. Alan and Max are holdin’ me down, and Doc Grayson is standin’ by my side. “Shiloh.” My voice is rough, crackin’. My throat is dry, and it hurts to swallow. “Where is she? I need….” My breathin’ is rapid. My heart feels like it could pound out of my chest. Pain radiates through me as I try to get up.
Doc Grayson opens her mouth to speak but then my eyes shift to Sadie, who walks up beside Max. Tears are flowin’ down her face, and I relax but not in relief, in defeat. It is true. She’s gone. I can see the grief all over Sadie’s face. She really liked Shiloh, maybe even loved her. They’d gotten so close in such a short time. I’m glad Shiloh had her. A friend to talk to, be a girl with.
She reaches down and touches my arm as Max stands back, releasin’ his hold on me. “Colby,” she whispers. I feel the wetness in my eyes, a tear slides down my face. “Honey, Shiloh’s just down the hall.” They haven’t taken her body away yet. I need to see her, be with her, touch her. I want to lay beside her and hold her, lean my head against hers and cuddle like we used to. I look up into her eyes, pleadin’. She tilts her head, concern marrin’ her face. She squeezes my arm. “Colby? She’s alive.” What? She’s alive? I close my eyes tight, tears floodin’ my face and droppin’ onto my neck. “Hey,” she whispers. I open my eyes and look at her. “They put her in ICU, Colby. Not gonna lie and say the worst is over. They need to keep a close eye on her.” My heart rate increases.
“Colby.” I turn my head to Doc. “Her injuries were very extensive. I’m afraid she’s not out of the woods yet.”
I look back at Sadie. “I’m praying, honey. We’re all praying for her.” She sniffles and wipes away some tears from under her eye.
Prayin’. Somethin’ I haven’t done since I was young. I close my eyes and say a prayer for her to come back to me, to be whole again. When I open them, I look straight at Doc. “I need to be with her, see her. I have to, I….”
The look of concern overtakes her eyes. “I dunno, Colby. You’re awfully weak and just had surgery yourself.” I start to rise but the pain in my chest and shoulder knock me down. Max and Alan are there in a heartbeat, grabbin’ my arms.
My breathin’ is labored. My chest kills me as it rises and falls. I wince and shut my eyes tight then reopen them lookin’ at her again. “If you don’t take me to her, I’ll find a way. I have to be with her.” She closes her eyes and sighs then looks at me. “Please?” I try another tactic, hoping beyond hope she’ll take me to her.
She sighs loudly and looks at everyone in the room. Sadie’s pleading with her as well with her eyes and the guys shrug then Max speaks up. “Sandra. I can set him up in her room, close by her bed. Maybe he’ll actually relax and maybe it will help Shiloh too, with him bein’ near. Sometimes love heals all wounds, ya know?”
She looks down at me. “This is so against hospital policy.” She stares at me, and I wait until I think I could go crazy. I meant what I said. She doesn’t figure out a way to get me to her, I’ll figure out a way to get there myself. “Guys, go get a bed ready in her room. Sadie, stay with our lovesick man here and keep him calm.” She puts her hand on my shoulder gently. “I’m only doin’ this to keep you calm so you don’t undo all the work I did.” She smirks. A small laugh escapes me, and I wince. “But you have to rest and I mean rest, Colby. Promise?” I nod eagerly, smilin’ for the first time since this nightmare began. “I mean it. I’ll yank your ass outta there before you can blink and I’ll sedate you if I have to so you can heal properly.” I nod again, my smile slowly fadin’. “Don’t push me. You may be a friend but I’ll do it in a heartbeat.” I swallow hard, my throat still dry as a desert. Sadie notices and grabs the mug on the table beside me and hands it to me. I bring the straw up and drink greedily. “Okay, they’ll set you up and I’ll be there to make sure everythin’s workin’ accurately.” She looks into my eyes as I continue to drink, noddin’. “You’re not outta the woods quite yet either. Best you remember that.”
I watch her leave and Sadie pulls a chair up, sittin’ down beside the bed. Memphis stands behind her, his hands on her shoulders. Her hand grasps my arm and squeezes. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep. It’ll be a little bit before they can get everything set up. Get some rest so you can be strong for her. We’re not going anywhere. I’ll make sure to wake you when they’re ready.”
“Yeah, man. You look like shit.” Memphis chuckles and I let out a laugh, my hand movin’ to my chest when pain hits me. “Sorry.” He looks at me apologetically. I n
od and close my eyes. So much has happened, so quickly. I just want things to be normal now. My house, Shiloh, and Ditto. My family. We’ll be so happy. I’m so fucking lucky. Let’s hope that luck holds out, and I can take her home soon.
Shiloh
My life has been nothing but a living nightmare until I found him. He’s everything. He’s my life, my love, my heart. He’s dead. He fell on top of me, blood soaked through his shirt. He made sure I was okay then died, falling on top of me. I couldn’t breathe, but I stopped living at that moment anyway. My life was over as soon as his ended. I could have lived for myself. I would have known some happiness, especially because the man who terrorized me for most of my life was dead, but I would never be truly happy without the man who captured my heart, my soul. He was the missing piece of me, the part that I’ve searched for, longed for, ached for. When we were together, we fit, like the piece missing interconnected. He was so young, and he died for me.
“And then they got Ditto down. He’s fine, darlin’, and is waitin’ for you at home. You hit your head so hard when I tackled you. I’m so sorry. You had such a bad concussion. It’s all my fault. I guess I panicked when I ran in there, but I didn’t want him to kill you.” Fingers run through my hair, stroking lovingly. I’m having the best dream I’ve ever had in my life then warm lips kiss my temple his head rests against mine. Only in my dreams could he be here.
“Memphis and the guys have been goin’ back and forth between his house and ours.” Silence. “It is our house, ya know, yours and mine. And one day we’ll get married, make it official, although I don’t need anythin’ telling me how much I love you.” Boy, this dream is so real I can actually hear his voice and feel him. His fingers play with mine only I can’t seem to move.
“I would tell ya then we’d start having babies but since Doc told me you already have one in your tummy now, guess we don’t need to wait.” Huh? What does he mean by that? This is turning into a really strange dream.
“I can’t wait until you wake up, darlin’. I want to feel the warmth of your lips pressin’ against mine. I want to hold you in my arms and feel you hold me back. I want to see those unique eyes, so light blue they look white. But I especially want to make love to you, slowly, passionately, and feel your nails dig into my skin when you reach your climax. I want to see your face when you cum. Most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.” I feel like I could cry. He kisses me again, on my cheek this time.
“I can’t wait until you wake up and come back to me, so I can hold you as you cry tears of joy about us bein’ together, escapin’ that lunatic’s ending, and see your eyes when you find out your gonna have our baby. I can’t wait until you write the ending in your book but most of all…. I can’t wait until you open your eyes, baby.”
“You having your conversation with our Shiloh?” The warmth of a hand pats my leg. Why is Sadie in my dream?
“Yup. Doc said to keep talkin’ to her to help her come out of the coma. I’ll do everythin’ in my power to help her come back to me.” His fingers run through my hair again, one of my favorite things he does. Coma? I’m not in a coma. I’m having the best dream ever even though it’s a little strange.
“Well, you just keeping talking to her. I’ll take some shifts too. How about you come eat and I’ll sit with her. I brought you some of my chicken tortilla soup you love so much.” Dang. Okay, this isn’t fair. I love her homemade chicken tortilla soup. Now I’m hungry. Dreams aren’t supposed to do that.
He laughs. I love that sound so much. “Deal.” Wow, this is so weird. I actually felt the mattress dip when he got up. Oh, my God! What if this isn’t a dream? What if I really am in a coma? What do I do? How do I wake myself up? Baby. He said I was gonna have a baby. Am I? He wouldn’t just say that to shake me outta this. Would he? I feel another hand grasp mine. Soft, delicate.
“Hey, girl. How are you today? Dang, I miss you so much. I miss our talks, our flour fights. Wake up and talk to me.” She sighs loudly. “You’re so stubborn.” She laughs. “Okay. So. Not that Colby hasn’t been talking your ear off but just to catch you up. It’s been almost a month since that horrible day in the barn.” A whole month. Okay, this dream is turning into a nightmare.
“I don’t want to rehash that. I want you to only have happy thoughts. So, my stomach has grown a lot. At first I freaked out and wanted to talk to you so badly. I needed a hug from you in the worst way. Then Doc Grayson ran some tests and said it was because we’re having twins.” Okay, this has to be a dream. I can’t make this stuff up myself. Well, okay, I can. I am an author but still.
“So, I wear yoga pants more than anything right now, with leg warmers and bigger sized shirts. I refuse to wear maternity clothes this early.” She laughs and then gets quiet. She starts rubbing my arm. “Damn, I wish you’d wake up. I know Colby is being so sweet, lying next to you all the time, talking to you. I miss you, Shiloh, and even though he doesn’t show it, I know he’s going crazy with worry. Doc said she thought you’d have woken up by now. Girl, I need my bestie beside me, being pregnant together and figuring out how to be the best mom’s. Please wake up.” Sensations of wanting to cry hit me hard. This seems so real, not like a dream. Am I really in a coma? How do I wake up? God, help me.
* * * *
My poor puppy is hanging from the rafters. His cries making my heart hurt. All Mikael has to do is shoot the rope holding him. He’ll fall to the ground and it will kill him or break so many bones in his sweet body, I’ll have no choice but to put him down. That is, if I’m still alive to do it. The look in Sadie’s eyes are of such fear. Bile rises in my throat when I see his arm around her stomach. Her baby inside has no idea what’s happening. I want to run over there, scratch his eyes out and watch him bleed to death. He’s tormented me most of my life but to do these things to those I love is beyond the nightmare I’ve been living. I knew he would find me. I should have gone away. I can only blame myself for their demise.
* * * *
Looking into Colby’s eyes as he laid on top of me. The blood that covered his shirt. I knew he was hurt bad, so bad that when his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed on me, I knew he died. I couldn’t even move my arms around him to hold him when he took his last breath. After that, when I laid there waiting for help, I prayed for God to take me. He died for me. I don’t deserve to live, and I can’t live with that on my conscience. I can’t live without him. I thought living this nightmare was the worst thing in the world but I was wrong. Living with the knowledge that in the end it was me who killed him, took such a young life, one that had so much to live for, that is much worse.
“Mmmmm.”
“Go get Doc! Now!” Colby yells. I feel his hand on my forehead. “Damn. You’re really warm.” He’s alive! How can that be? I saw him die. He was on top of me. I felt his last breath. I thought I did.
People running. Footsteps. Someone picks up my wrist, holding my arm up. “Pulse is much stronger.” Colby’s hand leaves and another one covers my forehead. “She’s got a fever.”
“Doc! She moaned. I heard her,” Colby states eagerly.
“That’s great news. She may be finally waking up. When she does, she may seem pretty out of it. Most people coming out of a coma are confused, her speech could be a little garbled or slurred. Don’t be nervous. It’s actually quite normal. I’ll get her something to help get her fever down. I’ll be right back.”
“Mmmm. Colby.”
Fingers run through my hair. “Did you hear that? She said my name,” he shouts excitedly, his voice sounding away from me. “Oh, baby. Thank God!” I feel the roughness of the scruff on his face as he rubs it against mine. God, I miss that. So much. Then I feel wetness, imagining it’s from his tears, and I feel bad to have worried him. “Thank you, God, for giving her back to me. I’ll take better care of her, I promise.” My heart hurts with his words, and I struggle to open my eyes, move or something. But I can’t. “Baby, you just sleep now. You’re here with me and I’m not about to let you g
o.” He continues to rub his face against mine, his hand doing the soothing thing he does rubbing my forehead and into my hair, and somehow I feel better just knowing he’s here, knowing he’s alive. What doesn’t kill us, does make us stronger. Now’s the time to fight again, for us.
* * * *
“And then she said my name,” Colby says quietly but excitedly.
“Oh, sweetheart. That’s wonderful. I’m so sorry we didn’t know sooner or we would have been here for you,” some woman’s voice says, foreign to me.
“I know you would have. The point is you’re here now.”
I fight to open my eyes but they’re still too heavy. My throat is rough, dry and scratchy. I feel hot and sweaty. I’m sure I really need a shower and my hair has to be filthy. “Water,” I choke out, my voice sounding strange. Chair screeching, footsteps running. I feel something at my dry lips and open my mouth slightly.
“Don’t drink too fast, baby,” Colby’s voice sounds so good. His hand rubs up my forehead into my hair, soothing me. “That’s it. Slow.” Wetness pools in my mouth, sliding down my throat. God, that tastes so wonderful. “You’re doin’ great, darlin’.” I drink a little more, and then push the straw out of my mouth with my tongue. He moves it away then kisses me on my cheek. “How are you feelin?”
“Tired,” my voice squeaks.
“You still feel a little warm. Doc will come in and check you in a minute. I’m just so happy you’re awake.”
