by Vicki Green
My eyes roll behind their lids. “I can’t open my eyes.”
I hear more footsteps then another hand on my forehead. “Still a little warm. Welcome back, Shiloh. It’s Doc Grayson. How are you feelin’?”
“Groggy. Thirsty. My eyes won’t open.” I swallow, my throat still dry and rough.
“Understandable. You’ve been away for quite a while. I have things we need to talk about but I think I’ll let Colby fill you in. What I’m concerned with right now is getting’ your fever down and gone. Give it a little time and your eyes will open and you’ll start feelin’ as good as new. Plenty of rest is needed. I know you might be hungry but we need to start out with liquids, get your stomach used to that before we try some bland food and work our way up. Okay, honey?” I nod, swallowing again. “I’ll give you a little something to relax you but I don’t want to give you too much. There’s a couple of reasons why but Colby can tell you about one of them. I’ll check back in a little bit and will send someone in with some nice broth and Jello for you, when you’re ready.”
I hear what I think are her footsteps walking away then Colby’s hand is on me again, soothing me. I’m able to move my hand, finding his. Mine is weak, but he squeezes it gently. “You’re alive. I thought you had died on top of me. I watched you, or I thought I did, take your last breath.”
I feel his face press against the side of mind. “Oh, darlin’. I was in bad shape but I didn’t die, just passed out. I’m so sorry you thought that.”
“I didn’t want to live anymore without you,” I choke out with a sob.
He kisses my face. “And I didn’t want to live without you, my love. When I woke up after surgery, I thought you were dead and my life ceased to exist. I thank God you came back to me, baby.” I can feel my tears roll from my eyes and the wetness of his against my face. I take my hand from his and bend my arm until I can press my palm against the side of his face. He takes it back into his hand, and I feel his face turn, kissing my palm. We stay silent for a bit, just feeling each other’s love.
“I need you to hold me.” A sob escapes me.
He doesn’t hesitate. I feel his arms underneath me, moving me over a bit, then the mattress dips and soon my head is on his chest. His arm is around me, squeezing my shoulder. The other hand is holding mine against my stomach. “Better?” I nod into his chest, still trying to open my eyes, but they won’t budge.
“I had the strangest dreams but they felt so real,” I tell him, my fingers rubbing against the top of his hand. Since I can’t see him, all I want to do is feel him.
“Tell me, darlin’, unless you want to go back to sleep,” he whispers against my head.
I shake my head. “No, I think I’ve slept enough. You were talking to me, telling me what happened after I’d passed out. You also said something odd like I’m pregnant. I know that had to be a dream, right?” Silence. I get a bit worried and move my face up, the fabric of his soft shirt moving with me. I can’t see him, but I’m sure he can see the look I have. “Colby?”
I take my hand from his and put them against his lips. His mouth is turned up into a smile, and I wish I could see it. “You are, darlin’. We’re gonna have a baby of our own.” His head moves and he kisses my lips.
A baby? I’m not sure what I’m feeling more. Excitement that I’m pregnant or his mouth on mine. Feeling him kiss me makes me so happy but the thought that I’m carrying a baby, his baby, makes me ecstatic. “A baby,” I whisper. He begins peppering me with kisses all over my face, my hand drops and I wrap my arm around his slim waist, hugging him as tight as I’m able to. “How long have I been…. Out? Apparently, I’ve missed so much.”
He smiles against my skin. “A little over a month, sweetheart.” A month? A month of my life completely gone. “I wasn’t sure you were ever gonna come back to me. I prayed. I prayed so hard. When I woke up from surgery, I thought you were gone. I thought you’d died but then after they told me you were alive but in a coma, I insisted they bring me to you and I’ve been here ever since. I’ve never left your side, talked to you night and day. I kept thinkin’ if you heard my voice, could hear my words, you’d come back to me. I’m so glad you did, my love.” His arms tighten around me, and I’m home. I’m finally home.
Chapter Fourteen
Colby
We spent the rest of the day in each other’s arms, talkin’ about everythin’ that happened. She shared what she could remember about hearing Ditto cryin’ out in the barn and what all went down once she got there. Her nightmare come to life. I can’t imagine what she went through, what she felt. She cried when she told me she thought I had died and how she didn’t want to live anymore. Then once she could get herself back under control, she told me if she’d known she was pregnant she at least would have not felt quite so alone, knowin’ she had a part of me inside her, but then she would have been scared for the baby. I explained how everythin’ happened so fast when I got there. All I remember was thinkin’ I need to save her then lookin’ in her eyes right before I passed out and the relief I felt that she was still alive. I told her about when the paramedics were tryin’ to get us outta there and that I refused to leave her. How I thought she had died. How pale and lifeless she was and how I didn’t want to go on without her.
Hours later, she finally managed to get some soup down. I had to feed her because she still couldn’t open her eyes but I didn’t mind for one second. Then she fell asleep in my arms, right where she should be. She’s still a little warm but I can tell her fever is goin’ down. I can’t wait until she’s able to go home where I can take care of her better. I’ll move up to her room since she loves it so much. But I have no idea when she’ll be able to leave. I want to make sure she’s healthy and safe before she does. Finally, after havin’ the TV on low and holdin’ her, my eyes get heavy. I haven’t slept much since everythin’ happened. I’ve only concentrated on gettin’ her to wake up and come back to me.
My eyes open. I was sleepin’ so deeply. She’s restless, her body shakin’. I feel her forehead. Just a tint of warmness. She groans, but I’m not sure if it’s because of the small fever still lingerin’, or if she’s havin’ a nightmare. I remember Doc sayin’ that things are cloudy and hazy when someone comes out of a coma but in time, memories start comin’ back. Her arm twitches as she fists my shirt. Her head moves and I watch her eyes roll around underneath their lids. I tighten my arm around her and grasp her hand hopin’ she’ll know I’m here, and that I won’t let anythin’ happen to her.
It’s not hard to make out her face in the darkness with the small nightlight on in the corner of the room, but I’m surprised when her eyes fly open, the look of fear shinin’ in them. “It’s okay, darlin’. It’s all over now.” She swallows hard, her chin quiverin’. “Bad dream?”
She nods, closin’ her eyes briefly, then looks at me again. “I need to write. I need to get things down as they come to me.”
I nod, kissin’ her head. “I’ll text Sadie.” I look back down at her. “Do you mind if she goes into your bedroom to get your laptop to bring here?”
“No, I trust her. Thank you,” she whispers.
I hug her, layin’ my head against hers. “It’s so good to see your eyes again. Makes it feel even more real that you’re really here, that I didn’t lose you.” She sighs, snugglin’ her face into my chest. God, I’ve missed that, missed her touch, her smile, and those beautiful eyes.
“Things are coming back to me and I want to get them down. The ending could have been so different.” Her head moves and she looks into my eyes. “I was so scared. But all I could think about was Sadie, Ditto, and wanting to kill him before he could do anything to them.” Her head moves back down, and she rubs her face against my chest again. “Is Sadie really okay?”
I run my hand over the back of her head, down her hair, and back up again. “She seems to be. She’s been so worried about you. All your friends have been.”
I feel her mouth turn into a smile. “My friends. I’ve nev
er been able to really have friends, other than Mandy and Trevor, because of him.” She stiffens. “What did they do with him? I mean…. Did they bury him somewhere?” She looks up at me again, her eyes pained, and her eyebrows low.
“I dunno.” I sigh. “I’m not sure what they’ve done with him. No one’s ever really said.” I look down and can tell she’s thinkin’ hard by the concentrated look on her pretty face. “Why?”
She licks her lips, and then chews on the inside of her mouth. I’ve figured out by now that means she’s frustrated or anxious about somethin’. Maybe even nervous. “They need to burn his body. Incinerate it so he’s completely gone from this world.” I nod slowly, not sure why she would want that but whatever she wants, I’ll make sure it happens. “What about Trevor’s farm? What happened with that?”
I smile, happy to switch to somethin’ lighter. I lean down and kiss her nose. “Well, like they did when Memphis’ barn got burned down, the town folk got together and they’ve rebuilt Trevor’s house. It’s really much better than it was before. He hated to be away from you so much but was here every day, just sometimes it was early mornin’ then really late at night. I didn’t mind the company but he’s been exhausted.” I tighten my hold around her. “Still, all your friends have been here night and day. Even my parents are here.” She blinks rapidly. I laugh, her body movin’ with me. “Don’t worry, darlin’.” I lean down and kiss her lips. They’re still a little dry, but I don’t mind. Just means I need to get her well. “They’ll love you. They’ve been worried too.”
“I…. But….”
I move my arm up and place two fingers over her lips. She immediately smiles beneath them. “I know you’ve had a hard life. I know your life with your mom was really tough and not knowin’ who your dad is…. Well, I couldn’t imagine. My parents are amazin’, best parents ever. They will love you unconditionally as they have me.” Tears swell in her beautiful eyes and as I lean down to kiss each eyelid, they close, causin’ her tears to fall. I wipe them all away and reach over to get her water. She takes it but is still too weak to hold onto it, so I help her. She drinks quite a bit, and I can only imagine how thirsty she must be. I set it back on the table and take her hand, threadin’ my fingers through hers.
She looks over at the window. “I don’t even know if my mom is still alive. Knowing her, she probably killed herself with drugs. Wouldn’t surprise me.” She pulls our hands over her stomach, and I begin to rub across there with my thumb. She looks up at me, her eyes bright. “I want the kind of life I should have had for our baby. Love, tenderness, caring, and parents who are always there for him. I don’t want him to know what it’s like not to have love, food on the table, or people who won’t give him the time of day. I want only the best for him.”
My smile can’t get any bigger. “Him?” I ask, wishin’ she knew for sure.
Her mouth turns up into a smile. “Just a hunch. Or maybe it’s hope.”
“Why a boy? Why not a little girl? One that looks just like her mama?” I question, really wantin’ to know.
She shrugs her shoulders slightly. “Other than a little Colby running around….” I laugh. “I guess I think maybe he’d be stronger, tougher, not let anything stand in his way.” She scrunches up her face. Cutest thing. “Really sexist of me, huh?”
I squeeze her tight, my hand releasing her fingers and my arm wrapping around her too. “I think we should have a boy first, then a girl. That way he can help protect her when we can’t be around. Like maybe when they get older and start to school. But doesn’t matter to me. If we have a girl first, she will be strong like her mama.”
She leans up and kisses me, hard. Well, as hard as her weakened state will allow. “I think that sounds perfect.” She yawns, laying her head back on my chest. My hand starts rubbin’ her arm as my hand finds hers again.
“Sleep, darlin’. We have all the time in the world now.”
The days are long as she regains her strength, but I don’t mind. I’ve enjoyed holdin’ her, spendin’ time with her. It’s been four days since she came back to me, and tomorrow I get to take her home. She’s learned quickly just how acceptin’ my parents are and they’ve fallen in love with her, just as I knew they would. She hasn’t let me move from her sight, except to take a quick shower, and I even went into the small bathroom for her to take one, so she wouldn’t be alone. She told me earlier tonight that she had a strange sense that he was still alive. I held her close tryin’ to comfort her and let her know it’s all over. Then once she was asleep I started thinkin’ about the fact that Henry’s been by a lot to visit and has seemed uneasy. I need to make it a point to call him and talk to him about that. You’d think with all this behind us he’d be happy.
The next mornin’, Doc came in bright and early. I’m glad ‘cos I’m so anxious to get her home. Mom told me last night that she’s been keepin’ the place clean, so I’m glad for that. I introduce her to Dad, and she seems so shy, but I know they’ll be close in no time. I walk along beside her, holdin’ her hand as she’s wheeled out the front door of the hospital. She’s still pretty weak and movin’ around slowly. I help her get in Dad’s car and buckle her in then run around to the other side and climb in beside her. Her hand finds mine quickly as Dad pulls out to take us home. It feels great to be out. I look over her head out the window as she lays her head on my shoulder, her arm wrapped around me. The sun is bright, shinin’ off the white snow. She closes her eyes, and I put my hand on her head. Knowin’ Sadie and Tina, I’m a little worried about gettin’ there and findin’ a big welcomin’ party, but it’s quiet when we arrive.
Dad parks in the drive in front of the porch and I help get Shiloh inside. The house is quiet when we step in. I help her remove her coat and hang it up in the closet then I put mine there as well. “Can I just get cozy on the couch? I don’t wanna be in a bed for a while,” she asks sweetly.
“Of course, darlin’. You just go sit down and I’ll get you a pillow and blanket. When I come back, I’ll build a fire in the fireplace and get the room warm for you.” I kiss her nose, and she gives me her beautiful smile. I watch until she walks into the living room and sits down, puttin’ her laptop on the coffee table, then I run upstairs, wonderin’ where Mom is. By the time I get her pillow from her bed and a blanket from the hall closet and get back to the living room, Mom’s sitting in the leather chair talkin’ with her. I stand outside the room in the doorway, smilin’ at the scene.
“I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. You are a very strong woman,” Mom says smilin’ at her.
Shiloh lowers her head but looks at Mom. “I had to be, for Sadie and Ditto.”
Mom smiles and tilts her head. “And you. Even though you didn’t know you were carryin’ a baby. Us women know these things. I’m just grateful that you all survived. Colby tells me you’re quite the baker.” I’m glad she changed the subject. I don’t want her to think about that night, what she went through, endured. I want nothin’ but happy thoughts from now on, our life together and bringin’ our baby into the world.
Shiloh opens her mouth to speak but stops when I walk into the room. I put the pillow behind her and spread the blanket out around her, tuckin’ it in underneath her legs. I sit down beside her, and she immediately rests her head on my shoulder, lookin’ up at me. I put my arm around her and we lean back. “I’m just happy to have my girl home.” I kiss her nose again, and she smiles. “Well, I’d like to just stay here but I need to build that fire and then go out and do some chores.”
“Where’s Ditto?” She asks lookin’ around, and I hadn’t even noticed he wasn’t here.
“Oh, dear, we put him outside. Didn’t want him jumpin’ on you as soon as you walked in the door. I’ll get him,” Mom says as she stands. I watch her walk outta the room and then get up to put logs in the fireplace and get a nice fire goin’.
“I think once I get warmed up and see Ditto, I’m gonna go upstairs and sit in my favorite spot. I missed it,” Shiloh says.
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I smile, lookin’ at her from over my shoulder. “Good idea. I’ll come check on you in a bit. Do you need any help?” She shakes her head. The sounds of runnin’ paw sounds loudly through the house, comin’ closer. She laughs as Ditto about knocks her over, his tail waggin’, and his tongue lickin’ as he bounces on the floor in front of her.
“Aww, boy. I missed you too,” she says as she leans down, her arms around him.
I get the fire to start blazin’ then I stand and walk over to them, sittin’ down beside her. I lean down and pet Ditto, who immediately comes to me and starts gettin’ excited all over again. I lean over and kiss Shiloh’s mouth and then we both lean into each other’s foreheads, smilin’. “I’m gonna run into town in the mornin’ and get a bunch of groceries. Need me to get ya anythin’?”
She shakes her head and kisses me again. “Just you. Coming home to me safely.” God, I couldn’t love her anymore.
Shiloh
He kisses me again, pets Ditto, and then I watch him leave the room. I sit and watch the fire thinking about how lucky I am. Feelings stir within me of love, family, and a baby. A baby. I can’t believe I’m going to have a baby. And a family? Other than Mandy and Trevor, who are my family, I’ve never really had one. Not with a mom and dad. I’m beyond happy but still there’s still a strange feeling that resides deep in the pit of my stomach. I can’t figure out what it is. Suddenly, flashes of that night keep entering my mind. I really need to write down what I can remember. But right now, I’m too tired. I guess it’ll take some more time before I will feel like myself again. I decide to lay down on the couch, loving the warmth from the fire. I place the pillow at the end and spread the blanket around me, curling up, and close my eyes.
I pull the latch back, hearing it click. His eyes snap to mine. Quickly, he moves his arm towards me, the loud sound of a blast from his gun reverberates in the room as I hear movement behind me. I squint, pulling the trigger with my index fingers and am thrown backwards, flying in the air and landing hard onto what feels like a body. Immediately, I look up, correct my aim, and fire multiple times. Sadie’s thrown to the side and onto the ground roughly. His eyes widen, the life being sucked from them. I look down and see blood seeping from several wounds all over his body.
