Behind in the Count: A Portland Pioneers Novel

by Micah K. Chaplin

  Her parents came to visit again, clearly eager for another Pioneers game. Zella met them at the gates mid-afternoon to let them in before game time. The three of them walked around the ballpark, catching up while it was still fairly quiet.

  “Any chance I can have another go in the batting cages?” Arnold asked.

  Zella laughed. It was fun to see this playful side of her father, who had seemed so melancholy in recent years.

  “We can go down there and see if it’s available. If the players aren’t using it, it’s probably fair game,” she said.

  When they got downstairs, there was no one around. Thanks to Derek, Zella knew how to set up the pitching machine in the cages, so she loaded it up for her father. After he was done, each of the women took a turn as well, with Zella going last. She didn’t connect with very many of the pitches, and the ones she did just dribbled away a few feet.

  “I’ll have to tell your boyfriend to work with you on your swing.”

  Zella turned around and found Reid Benjamin watching them.

  “Hey Reid,” she said. “We’ll get out of your way.”

  “Oh, you’re not in the way,” Reid said. “How’s it going, Zella?”

  “Pretty good,” Zella said. “Did you get to meet my parents last time they were here?”

  “I don’t think so, but I’ve definitely heard about them from Derek,” Reid said.

  He turned and extended his hand to Arnold and Cheryl, greeting each of them with a handshake while Zella provided introductions. She smiled as Arnold began complimenting Reid on his comeback season.

  “Now … what were you saying about Zella’s boyfriend?” Arnold asked.

  Zella’s smile fell, and Reid looked at her questioningly.

  “Surely you told them about you and Derek,” he said.

  “I was going to, but it hadn’t come up yet,” Zella said.

  “Sorry for stealing your thunder,” Reid said, and then he turned to her parents. “Derek was into her for a while, and I’m just glad he finally got the nerve to do something about it. For the last month, he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Even with everything going on, Zella has been a nice constant for him.”

  Zella blushed at Reid’s words, but her parents’ silence made her uneasy. She bit her lip and looked at them, trying to read their reactions.

  “Well, Derek was very kind to us on our last visit,” Cheryl said.

  “It’s too bad he’s not back with us yet,” Reid said. “Otherwise he’d be starting tonight.”

  When her parents had confirmed their trip, Zella had hoped Derek would be back. She had wanted to tell them about her relationship with Derek present, so they could see them together.

  “Yeah, too bad,” Arnold said.

  There was an icy tone in his voice and Zella didn’t like it. To avoid any further discomfort, she ushered her parents away from the batting cages, insisting Reid needed to work in the cages. She hoped Reid hadn’t picked up on her father’s mood, but he gave her an apologetic smile as they turned to go.

  The tension between Zella and her parents lingered for the rest of the afternoon, over dinner, and during the game. But at no point did any of them bring up the subject of Derek. She had a text from him when she got home from the game, but she didn’t respond until her parents were in bed. Derek seemed unaware of the awkward announcement of their relationship by Reid, so she decided not to bring it up. It was late, so their conversation was brief anyway.

  The Hansens went to breakfast the next morning, and her father’s silence finally drove Zella into action. Or at least words.

  “So … you haven’t said anything about Derek and me,” she said.

  “I already said what I needed to say,” Arnold said.

  “When?” Zella asked.

  “Last time we were here, I let you know how I felt about you getting involved with him,” Arnold said.

  “And you assured us nothing was going on,” Cheryl said.

  “There wasn’t. It happened after that,” Zella said. “You guys thought he was nice last time you were here. I don’t understand the problem.”

  “He does seem nice, but Zella … with his past … you’re only going to get hurt,” Cheryl said.

  “Have you read up on him at all?” Arnold asked.

  “I don’t need to,” Zella said. “I prefer to get to know him as he is now and not judge him for his past.”

  “That’s a huge mistake,” Arnold said. “He has assault charges on his record.”

  “I’m sure that was a long time ago,” Zella said. “Derek is not violent. He would never hurt me.”

  “Maybe not intentionally, but addiction makes people do things they wouldn’t do otherwise,” Cheryl said.

  “He’s not an addict. Not anymore,” Zella said. “He’s better.”

  “Addicts never get better, Zella,” Arnold said. “And you can’t say he’s better when he relapsed less than a year ago.”

  “He did not,” Zella said.

  “I read all about it,” Arnold protested. “He and Reid Benjamin were seen drinking in a hotel bar.”

  “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet, Dad,” Zella said. “I’m telling you, Derek’s better.”

  “We thought your brother was better too, remember? But we were wrong,” Arnold said. “You were right there. You saw the transformation. He looked like he was getting his life in order. And boom, he was gone.”

  “Derek isn’t Aric,” Zella said, a little unnerved by the sudden realization that their names rhymed. “Addicts aren’t all the same.”

  “Maybe not, but there’s still a risk,” Cheryl said.

  “There’s a risk in any relationship, but I trust Derek. That’s what love is about,” Zella said.

  “Oh, surely you don’t think this is love,” Arnold said.

  “Actually, I do … or at least it could be,” Zella said.

  “I just can’t believe you’d do this to us,” Arnold said.

  “Do what?” Zella asked.

  “Lie to us and get involved with someone like him,” Arnold said.

  “I didn’t lie to you, and you should be happy I’m with someone like Derek,” Zella said. “He’s a complete gentleman and he makes me happy. You should see us together before you decide.”

  “I’m not interested in ever seeing that,” Arnold said.

  There was a harsh finality in his tone that set Zella even more on edge.

  “What are you saying, Dad?” Zella asked.

  “I’m saying you are never to bring him to our house,” Arnold said. “And until you end this silliness, you might as well not talk to us either.”

  “You can’t be serious,” Zella said. “Mom ….”

  She looked at Cheryl, hoping to find some sense of an ally.

  “Your father told you how he felt about this,” Cheryl said. “And I’m afraid I agree with him. I know what you’re facing, and I can’t watch you go through it. Not after Aric. I just can’t.”

  “So you’re disowning me over this?” Zella asked.

  “Not disowning. Just distancing,” Cheryl said.

  “Break up with Derek and everything can go back to normal,” Arnold said.

  “And if I don’t?” Zella asked.

  “I’ve already made that part clear,” Arnold said.

  “I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Zella said.

  Trembling with anger and hurt, she stood from the table as tears welled up in her eyes. She could no longer sit there with them. She put some money on the table for her food and left without another word. What more was there to say?

  As she drove home, she had to fight the tears. But once she was in her apartment, she let them flow. They were accompanied by heavy sobs, and she discarded her plans to go to the ballpark for the afternoon game. She was in no mood to be around people, especially in a place that would only remind her of Derek.

  All week, Zella waited for her parents to call, say they’d changed their minds and
apologize. She was sure her parents would come around with time, miss her, and agree to accept her relationship with Derek, even if cautiously. But that call never came.

  By Friday, six full days after the explosive breakfast, she phoned her parents’ house. Right away, her mother asked if she was still with Derek, and when Zella said “yes,” her mother actually hung up. Zella tried to call them several times over the weekend, but they didn’t pick up once.

  Zella still talked to Derek every night but decided to keep him in the dark about the argument with her parents. She was still certain it would blow over sooner rather than later. Besides, for the first time since he left Portland, there was joy in his voice. He told her he was coming back on Tuesday to make his first start. She was excited for him, and she definitely wasn’t going to ruin that.

  Because of travel and his pre-game rituals, Zella’s first glimpse of Derek was when he took the mound that evening. She sat next to Kate Marks, feeling nervous for him, but it turned out she didn’t need to be. Derek’s pre-injury spring success returned. It was almost as if he picked right up where he’d left off, striking out nine and allowing just one Red Sox run in seven innings. Zella smiled, watching him high five all his teammates as he entered the dugout. Then he turned and looked directly at her. Her heart should have burst from the expression on his face, but instead she just felt torn. She did her best to return his smile and gave him a thumbs-up gesture. She hoped he didn’t see the conflicted emotions in her eyes.

  She went downstairs after the game, eager to see him despite the war going on inside her. The press spent a lot of time with Derek, but he came to find her as soon as he was free. He wasted no time pulling her in for a kiss, momentarily erasing her parents’ harsh words.

  “Do you want to come over for a little while?” he asked. “Or is it too late?”

  “I can come for a little while,” she said. “But promise you’ll let me go home at midnight.”

  “I promise to try,” Derek said. “But if you really don’t want to leave, I won’t make you.”

  She smiled. “OK. Go get cleaned up. I’ll meet you at your place.”

  An hour later, they were curled up together on his couch. Zella rested her head on his chest while they watched baseball highlights. Neither of them said a word, choosing to do most of their communicating through touches and kisses. When she stood to leave at midnight, he didn’t try to stop her, although his goodnight kisses nearly did. She appreciated that he wasn’t pressing for more, though he seemed to be letting her know he was open to it. Before the argument with her parents, she’d been ready to stay the night with him. But now, there was just too much on her mind. And heart.

  Zella tried calling her parents again the next night. Her father picked up and again immediately asked if she was still with Derek.

  “I am,” Zella said. “Dad, I understand why you’re scared. I do. But if you would just give Derek a chance, I think you’d see he’s different …”

  “I’m not interested in giving him a chance,” Arnold said. “And you shouldn’t be either.”

  “So are you still coming next weekend for my birthday?” she asked.

  “Not if you’re still with him,” Arnold said.

  Zella hung up and cried again. Two weeks and her parents still hadn’t budged. Clearly, they weren’t going to. If they were willing to skip celebrating her birthday for the first time in her life, they were serious about their stance. Zella began to picture an extended future of this and it was too painful. She knew what she had to do.

  Chapter Ten

  His first start back with the Pioneers had been fantastic.

  His post-game time with Zella had been perfect.

  His attorney had laid out some strong talking points for the upcoming hearing.

  Derek was pretty sure he’d never felt better about life than he did at the moment.

  Saturday morning, he went over to Zella’s for brunch and a movie before it was time for him to go to the ballpark. There was something off about her from the moment he walked in, though she was definitely trying to put on a happy face.

  “Your birthday is next weekend, right?” he asked. “I was hoping I could take you to dinner Wednesday after our day game. I know it’s a day early, but I have to leave Thursday for Oklahoma, and then I’m meeting up with the team in Kansas City.”

  “I can’t on Wednesday,” she said. “I picked up an extra class at the gym.”

  “Then maybe after I get back,” he said. “We can celebrate your birthday and hopefully good news from my hearing.”

  “Maybe,” she said.

  Her non-committal answer and the lack of enthusiasm in her voice made Derek uncomfortable.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked. “I’m sorry I can’t take you out on your actual birthday, but …”

  “No, I completely understand,” she said. “It’s not that.”

  “Then what is it?” he asked. “You seem … different today.”

  Zella took a deep breath, which only unnerved him more. He slid forward in his chair.

  “My parents found out about our relationship,” she said.

  “I didn’t know it was a secret,” he said.

  “It wasn’t, but … they’re not happy about it,” she said.

  “Why not? I thought they liked me,” he said.

  “They like you … but as a player on their favorite team,” she said. “Not as their daughter’s boyfriend?”

  “Why not?” he asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No … I mean, at least not while we’ve been together,” she said.

  “Then what is it?” he asked.

  “It’s your past,” she said.

  “What about it?” he asked.

  “My brother, Aric, was an addict,” she said quickly, almost as though she was spitting it out. “He mixed drugs with some booze and died. I don’t think he meant to, but … he’s still gone.”

  Derek blinked. That could have been him. There’d been plenty of nights he chased pills with brandy. He’d blacked out after a few of those nights, but he’d woken up every time. He’d always been aware of the risks and knew he was fortunate his addiction didn’t end his life, but hearing the story about Zella’s brother really drove home the truth. He was in shock, but he could see Zella’s emotions bordered on something more painful. He reached over and took her hand, much like she had done for him in the doctor’s office. He gave it a squeeze and waited, listening while she told him about Aric.

  She and her brother had always been close. Sure, they’d argued, but he always had her back and she had his. Growing up, they’d enjoyed playful banter about their favorite Mariners players. His was Ken Griffey Jr. because he thought home runs were supreme. He teased her for preferring pitchers.

  “I should have noticed the change sooner. He became more withdrawn. His skin looked different and his eyes didn’t shine the same,” she said. “When I finally did notice, I suggested rehab. He said he didn’t have a problem and he could kick the habit anytime he wanted.”

  Derek cringed internally, remembering all the times he’d said the same thing to Keely.

  “I kept on him about rehab and he finally agreed to try quitting on his own. I think, to prove me wrong,” she said. “He was good for three months and he was turning back into the brother I remembered. Then, one night, my parents called to tell me … they found him in his room.”

  Derek squeezed her hand as she seemed to be choking back emotions.

  “I’ll always wonder if I could have done more for him,” she said. “I mean, I was away at college. I should have been there. I should have spent more time with him. I should have taken time off from college to be with him. Maybe I could have helped him.”

  “Zella,” he said, interrupting her for the first time.

  “Maybe if I’d shown him I loved him more, he would have chosen us over the drugs,” she said.

  “It’s not like that,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s not an eit
her or. It’s not about loving the drugs over your family. Trust me on that.”

  “So why did he leave us?” she asked.

  “I didn’t know him, so I can’t say for sure,” he said. “But I feel like I can say with certainty that he didn’t mean to leave you.”

  “Why did he take more drugs then? He was supposed to be better,” she said.

  Derek sighed, wishing he could say the right thing.

  “Again, I can’t speak for him, but I can tell you about my experience. Maybe that will help,” he said. “I loved my family, Keely, and Brynn, but there was this pain that went above that. It wasn’t related to my surgery either. I mean, at first there was that, which is why I took the painkillers. But then they weren’t strong enough, and the pain was more than just my arm. It was everywhere. The pills and the alcohol were the only things that helped.”

  “So what helped you quit?” she asked.

  “I hit rock bottom. I lost everything,” he said.

  He told her the story about his relapse after Brynn’s birth. He’d told it several times in the past few years – he never wanted to hide it, as he believed owning his past was important in his recovery. But telling Zella felt different. There was something in the way she was looking at him and listening.

  “Sure, Mike helped me, but I had to want it,” Derek said. “I had to want to get better. It wasn’t easy either. I put them through hell. I know people look at my story and think I got better overnight, but I didn’t. Withdrawal was more painful than I can describe to anyone. And I know I’m still not completely cured.”

  It was honest even if it wasn’t helping his case in this discussion.

  “But you’re better, right?” she asked.

  “A lot better, yes, but there are still temptations and they will always be there,” he said. “I can’t go out with the other guys. I didn’t get to do the champagne celebration when we made the postseason. They seem like little things to anyone else, but when you’re part of a team ….”