Slut

by Jettie Woodruff

  I heard the beer can tap before I heard him. Paxton had something going on inside him that permeated around him. I could feel how anxious he was.

  “Let’s hear it, Gabriella. Tell me how much I scared you. You fucking knew it. You knew exactly what you were doing, and don’t say you didn’t.”

  I blinked my eyes a couple times, trying to decipher his words. “What?”

  Paxton took a step toward me, pinning me between him and the ocean. “You knew what fueled me. You picked that shit up almost immediately. Don’t play with me.”

  “Maybe I did, but you know what? I don’t remember it, so you can’t use that against me.” I took the beer from his hand and chugged it, remembering right quick why I didn’t drink beer. “Blah, that’s nasty. Where’s my drink?”

  “You know what, Gabriella? You think you’re the innocent one, the victim.”

  I wasn’t about to have that. Not after I’d learned how he pimped me out to my drunk neighbor. “Stop, Paxton. This isn’t getting us anywhere. Let’s talk about something else for a while.”

  “What, Gabriella? What can we talk about that will fix any of this? How the hell did we get so dysfunctional?”

  “I’m not sure I had anything to do with that.”

  “See, that’s what I mean. You think you’re a victim, and you’re not. You were never a victim. I took care of you; I gave you everything you wanted.”

  “I can’t argue that stuff right now, Pax. I don’t remember it. Why can’t you understand that?”

  Paxton dropped his head back to the sky and moaned in frustration. “Talk about something else.”

  Because I was unprepared for a rebuttal, I said the first thing that came to mind. “I don’t think we should give Vander my room, I mean, you can still close it off and make a window seat, but Rowan’s the oldest. Don’t you think you should give her first dibs?”

  Paxton frowned as I watched his exasperated expression turn to confusion. “I was only trying to avoid the bathroom situation. Wouldn’t it be better for the girls to keep sharing a bathroom?”

  “I grew up pissing alongside the road somewhere. I think he’ll be okay. Rowan should get my room.”

  I think both our walls dropped at the same time. I took a step toward him at the exact same time he walked to me. We swapped the same smile, sharing the craziness together. I fell into his arms as they enveloped me with a comfort that I didn’t understand.

  Paxton kissed me as I looked up, and confided in me his silly concerns. “What if you don’t like him?”

  “I will.”

  “What if the girls don’t like him?”

  “They will.”

  “What if I don’t like him?”

  “I’ll kick you in the nuts.”

  Paxton smiled a half a grin and I smiled back, happy that we’d moved past that one for a minute. Jesus. Whiplash central over here.

  “Tell me what happened next, Paxton,” I requested in a quiet tone.

  “Let’s make love first.”

  I chuckled, letting him take my hand and lead me to his bed. I would have followed the man to the fiery gates of hell, and he knew it. I don’t even know how to describe that night. Surreal. Paxton was so tender with me, no foreplay at all, nothing but pure sex. Raw and emotional.

  “You didn’t do this when I fucked you before,” he whispered to my neck with a thrust of his hips, diving right into that spot.

  I moaned, arching my back when he filled me. “Do what?”

  “This, this sensual thing you do now when you’re below me. It drives me almost as mad as that day on the beach, when you were afraid of me.”

  I whimpered again, hearing the lustful cries with my own ears. “You knew it, that I was afraid of you?” I was seconds away from an orgasm and Paxton wanted to talk about our homework from Nick. Now…

  “Yes, I knew it. I fed off of it. You did something that Tatiana never did.”

  The fight to be in two places at once messed with my mind. I wanted to hear every word he said, just not at that moment. “Hmm, right there, baby. What do you mean?”

  “Like this?” he questioned as his hips swerved into mine, creating contact to my pulsating nub.

  Yup, like that.

  I no longer cared about anything. My past with Paxton didn’t matter. The way our bodies pulled this magical charge from both of us, creating this magnificent tension between us, that’s what mattered. Orgasms with Paxton were a whole body experience. It started in my head; endorphins rushing throughout my body, and then came the tingling sensation in my skin, prickly needles, piercing my entire body. Our mouths frantically worked each other over in heated passion while our bodies came together, causing incredible cosmic chaos.

  “Roll me over,” I said through a gasp and a moan.

  Paxton moved to his knees while twisting my hips in his direction. I moved from below him and pushed him away when he tried to move in behind me.

  “No, not like that. I want on top.”

  “I hate that.”

  “No you don’t. Lay down,” I ordered as our lips met again. I took his manhood from his hand and stroked while our lips once again collided. We made out in that upright position, both on our knees, for what seemed like forever. Paxton fingered me with one hand while the other one sent loud cracks, echoing throughout the room, to my ass.

  I’m not really sure what that was, but it was incredible. Maybe the sound of his hand coming in to contact with my ass, the sounds of our mouths devouring each other, the audible wetness between my legs, or maybe the scent of sex in the air. The combination caused explosive, euphoric passion to ignite between us.

  Just when I was right there, on the edge of no return, I returned. Ugh. Paxton pressed me backward with his lips sucking hard on my right nipple. My feet folded behind me as my back arched. “I got you off like this once,” he explained as his hand ran down my chest, my stomach, and to my overzealous, pulsating button. His thumb circled it while a middle finger shoved in and out of me. “It was after that night that you refused to let me touch you back here. I was mad at you for making me look like an ass in front of Brant and Lane.”

  Paxton was crazy. His voice was dark, yet soft, erotic whispers.

  My feet were folded behind me and I was in an awkward backbend position. Seconds away from coming, and he wanted to walk down memory lane. I didn’t stop him only because I didn’t care. One thing was on my mind, and it wasn’t the past that I didn’t remember. Therefore I didn’t respond with words, only whimpers, begging for release.

  My breath caught as I felt a finger penetrate both entrances, all the way in. The slamming of my eyelids was involuntary, but only for a second. I opened them right to his. Pine green eyes stared deep into my soul, somehow relaxing my body. It didn’t really hurt, and it wasn’t really uncomfortable, but I wasn’t sure I liked it.

  “You know what I think now, baby?”

  No answer. I didn’t have one in me. I didn’t know what I thought, let alone what he thought. My senses were all over the place, hard wired to maximum capacity. Even my erect nipples were on high alert. I moaned, twisting them myself at the same time I felt both fingers sliding easily in and out of me, but I didn’t answer.

  “I think you really do like this. I think you forbid it back then because you were embarrassed. Your body convulsed just like it is now,” he explained with sexy, raspy words.

  I felt exactly what he described. At first it was just a tremble, and then he picked up speed, shoving in and out of me while three fingers worked magic. The tips of his fingers on one hand worked over my swollen nub, quick rapid circles. I think a middle finger and maybe his thumb took care of the rest.

  “I couldn’t touch you back here because you were afraid of this, right? That’s all it was? All this time I thought you really didn’t like it, and it was this. I know you can’t remember, but I do. I fucked your ass just like this, one finger in your pussy, and four fingers right here. Just like this.”

  “Aaah, ye
s, Pax. Right there, oohh don’t stop, baby.”

  Everything around me exploded, not just me. Everything. “Just like this. You squirted clear up my arm, just like this.”

  My body collapsed, sinking into the mattress while my eyes remained closed, and I rode out every single wave.

  “Jesus, Gabriella,” Paxton exclaimed.

  “You do know I was probably only seventeen the first time you stuck your finger in my ass, right? I probably did flip out,” I said as my body calmed, still trembling with after effects and heavy breaths.

  Paxton pulled my hands, lifting me upright with him. “You didn’t flip out, you ran away, screaming at me how much you hated it, and how I violated you without your permission. You were very upset, enough so that I didn’t cross that line again. See, I’m not as bad as you think I am. I’ve got a soft spot, and I didn’t want to cause you that kind of discomfort if it upset you that much. You were a liar then, too. You fucking loved it. It scared you, didn’t it?”

  “You’re an idiot, and you’re an idiot. Let me ride you.”

  “No, lay down. I’ll do the riding.”

  “You can do the work. I’ll just sit there,” I said while manipulating my way to the top. I got an uncooperative look, but he didn’t stop me when I pushed him back. I moved to his lips and kissed him, long and passionate.

  Paxton easily slid into me, eyes instantly closing with a soft grunt. “Be still, just sit there,” he warned as he pulled my hair, bringing my lips to his, and crushing hard. He held onto my hips when I sat up, keeping himself buried in me. His hips swayed as he gently rocked me over his shaft, deeply, back and forth, eyes held by a trance that I couldn’t deny.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  “Stop,” I said right back, using the same dramatic tone. This wasn’t about that, and I didn’t want him to make it that. I was still mad at him and I had every right to be.

  Paxton left it at that, focused on the action going on between our legs, and brought us both to the top. Maybe sex wasn’t supposed to be in our homework, but regardless, I think we both needed it. Paxton rolled me over, and finished with slow moving strokes, in and out.

  “You were like a flower I’d never seen before,” he quietly spoke.

  “I was broken.”

  “I didn’t know that. You never told me that.”

  I hummed a little, feeling the impending build of another orgasm. “Why not?”

  Paxton thrust deep into me when he replied. “I guess I didn’t want to hear about it. You were safer that way.”

  “You mean you were safer that way,” I countered, hips pressing into his.

  “Maybe. I liked you being afraid of me. I liked you doing everything I told you to do.”

  “But why did I do it. That’s the part I don’t get.”

  Paxton blew out a puff of air and kissed my nose. “Right? Maybe because you’re not really the Gabriella I married.”

  “Shut up, that’s not why. It’s the loss of memory. Mi says my mind reverted back to when I was my own person, when I was like my mom, setting my own rules.”

  “Mi’s crazy though.”

  That came out of nowhere. Paxton shoved hard into my hips and released inside of me. His body stiffened above me and soft satisfying moans sang like birds in my ears. I loved it when he made that sound. I was almost there, too, ready for the third one, but not quite.

  I tried to squirm away, needing to run all of a sudden, but Paxton held me down. “But I don’t want to be her, Paxton. You can’t have all the control.”

  Paxton didn’t say anything for a few moments. He pressed hard into me, rubbing his pelvic bone right over my clit. Our eyes stayed locked while I bit down on my bottom lip, and rode it out, an orgasm completely out of the blue. My blue, not his. Paxton knew exactly what he was doing. He watched my face while bringing me to a bliss I didn’t know was there.

  “You think so?” He smirked.

  I assured him that I was okay with him controlling my multiple orgasms. No complaints there. “You can control that.”

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “We’re supposed to be discussing how we felt when we first met, not having sex,” I reminded him.

  Paxton rolled over and covered his eyes with his arm. “You were nothing like Tatiana, and that’s what I loved about you. The way you shrank inside yourself when I looked at you did crazy things to me. I’m not lying when I say I loved fucking with you. It was so different with you.”

  “But you were married with a baby.”

  “I didn’t plan on marrying you.”

  “Oh right, you were only playing with me, charging me rent for staying in your unoccupied cottage.”

  “You can’t get mad at me for answering your questions. You want me to lie about it?”

  I blew out a noticeable breath of air and tossed the blanket over his crotch while covering myself. “No, tell me the truth. I’ve heard enough lies for a lifetime.”

  Paxton tossed the covers back off and turned to me, propped to one elbow. “How many have you told, Gabriella?”

  “Yeah, good point,” I said as I took in air, agreeing with the truth. “Cover yourself up.”

  “No, why?”

  “Because, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you and I keep looking at it.”

  Paxton smiled and dropped back to his back. “You can look at it. I like it when you look at it.”

  “You’re a pervert.”

  “If you only knew.”

  “Tell me. Where was your wife while you were here, playing house with me?”

  “Oh, we never played house, sweetie. You didn’t stay in my bed.”

  “You don’t have to be a dick about it. I don’t have to stay in it now either.”

  “Not being a dick, just telling you the truth. I came here first because of my business. After I sold off all these lots, I started bidding jobs. The one for Carter Bank and Trust Company was too big to pass up. The plan was for me to come here and get the house ready. She wouldn’t stay here because of the mess and chaos. I had to use the bathroom in the garage for a week. There was no way Tatiana would have done that.”

  “Then what?” I questioned as I slid closer to him, taking comfort in his warmth.

  He raised his arm for me, but then moved me. “Wait, what did you do with my stone?”

  “It’s out on the deck with mine. Answer my question.”

  “Wait, I have to go get it.”

  I frowned when I watched his naked ass walk away, out to the balcony to fetch a stupid rock.

  Paxton smiled when he placed them on the stand, still connected by magnetic force. “They can sleep together tonight.”

  Of course that sent more questions in my mind. Was I willing to forget about everything and move forward with him? In our own room? Could I do that?

  “What next, Paxton?” I questioned while chastising myself for the overload. One at a time, Gabby. One at a time.

  “Tatiana was too busy with her own life to take care of a family. She never wanted it. That’s the only reason she married me, because she was pregnant. She didn’t want me or Rowan. She wanted her few years of fame.”

  “Fame?”

  “She cheered for the Longhorns in college, but then she got pregnant with Rowan and quit. I thought she was finished with all that. I thought I could make this house what she wanted, and make it a home for her.”

  Great, a cheerleader. Like I didn’t already feel ugly when he talked about her.

  “I was here busting my ass, trying to get it ready for her and Rowan, and—”

  “And playing with me, right, Paxton? You kept me on a leash from day one, didn’t you?”

  I felt his lips touch my head before he continued. “Yes, but I always knew I would send you away as soon as I moved her here.”

  That did little for my self-esteem. Once again he made me feel second best. “She wouldn’t come?”

  “I have a feeling we’re going to hear about this fr
om your own perspective. Wouldn’t you rather wait?”

  My fingers laced with his as I turned my body into his chest. “I’d rather hear your side first. At least it gives you a chance to redeem yourself before I hate you again.”

  “I don’t know that I would have done it any different, Gabriella. I loved the way we worked together.”

  “We didn’t work together, Paxton. You told me what to do and I did it.”

  “Exactly, but you were damn good at it. You didn’t do everything because I told you to, Gabriella. I never told you to concoct some Sunday reading group with the neighbor kids. That was all you. I never told you to make cupcakes for the entire ball team. I never told you to spend your allowance on Christmas presents for other kids.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “That’s because you got amnesia,” Paxton teased with another kiss to my head, lowering the passionate decimals in his tone. “It was some dumb thing last Christmas. You and the girls spent every Saturday for an entire month over at the community center, wrapping gifts for a toy drive.”

  “That’s not a bad thing, Paxton, but you’re still the one that made me run around like a chicken with its head cut off, running here and there. I didn’t know whether I was coming or I was going. That was crazy.”

  “Do you know why I did that, Gabriella? Why I kept you so busy?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to cheat on me like Tatiana did. I thought if I kept you busy with the girls you wouldn’t have time.”

  I frowned his way but didn’t look up to him. “She never came here, did she?”

  “No, not to live. She never intended to.”

  “But, Rowan? She just gave her up just like that? I can’t imagine doing that.” I couldn’t either. No way. It almost killed me to be away from them for three days. How could she just walk away like that? I didn’t get it.

  “It’s not what you think. You think I kept her from seeing her, which was true in the beginning. I told her when she came here with the news of her new career that she wasn’t taking Rowan.”

  “What career?”

  “While I was here busting my ass, trying to get this house to her living standards, she was training to be a Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleader. She was never going to settle down here.”