Treading Water (Forgotten Soldier Book 2)

by Jessie G

  “And it does well for him?”

  “Sure, but Julian wouldn’t have settled for less.” They both shared a laugh at that. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he said Julian was an all-in type of guy, and this business took his all. “He built a place that people want to come back to and stand-in family of staff and regulars who love him. The house and property are immaculate, the food crazy good, and the calendar filled with activities—from live music on the patio every night to theme weekends and holiday blowouts. All with Julian as the accommodating host.”

  Shane contemplated that for a long moment before he said, “Sounds like a lot of work. What does he do for himself?”

  That question had been a bone of contention between him and Julian for so long that Sean was relieved to know Shane saw the problem immediately. “He’d tell you what he gets out of it is enough.”

  Their shared look of derision said it all, but Shane still asked, “But you don’t think so?”

  “No.” Sean rolled back until he could stretch for the coffee pot and then topped them both off. “I think my cousin is so focused on filling the void that he has no time left to see what he’s missing.”

  Instead of commiserating, Shane looked down at his coffee cup long enough that Sean realized he was the one holding the pot. “Guess you’re making the coffee tomorrow.”

  It was as close to a one-man standing ovation as Shane was likely to give him, but fucking fuck he could do things on his own! The wonder of it was overwhelming. Everyone from his doctors to his therapists to Shane and Julian had been saying some variation of that nonstop since the accident and Sean kept agreeing as if he believed it. That whole fake it ‘til you make it mentality was good in the short term, but it was these little wins that proved he not only could do this, he was doing it.

  “I’m not an invalid.” Expressing himself had never felt so necessary and cathartic before.

  “Dude,” Shane growled out in warning. “You need to forget that word exists.”

  “I hear ya. I really do. And I know I’m supposed to be focused on getting out of this chair, but there’s comfort in knowing that if I don’t…” Shane immediately began to argue, and a few minutes ago, Sean would have been right there with him, but now he had to wonder if the doctor was right. “Just hear me out before you get mad.”

  Exasperated, Shane flopped back in his chair. “I’m not mad, Sean. I’m…

  “Afraid for me. I know.” Roles reversed, Sean knew he would feel exactly the same way. That was the kind of friendship they had, and so was being able to say the tough shit to one another. “Joe said I should be prepared for anything and it’s the ones who refuse to face their worst-case scenario that suffer the most. Not walking is mine, right?’

  Of course, contrary Shane couldn’t go along with the seriousness of the moment. “Huh? Here I was under the misconception that you were lamenting your limp dick and you’re worried about your legs?”

  “Please! You know you can’t keep a good dick down and mine is damn good.” He grinned at the mock shudder that went through Shane. Someday he’d tell his friend how grateful he was for the familiar bantering, but right now there was something more important he needed to say. “Whether I walk again or not, I’m going to be okay.”

  Okay, wow, that was…empowering? Yeah, that’s exactly what that feeling was and it was one he could quickly become addicted to. Damn Joe for being right. “Correction. I’m going to be better than okay. I’m going to exploit the fuck out of this second chance. You know why?”

  “Because you’re not an invalid?” Shane asked dutifully, tone droll and smile brilliant.

  “Dudes,” Julian grumbled as he came in to glare at them. “What’s with the negative words?”

  It was too funny not to laugh and too easy not to poke fun. “Aww, look, you’re even starting to sound alike.”

  Even their glares looked similar, making him laugh until he had to hold his stomach. Julian broke first and glanced at Shane warily. “Do I want to ask?”

  Shane smirked in his direction and said, “Boy Wonder got himself to the shitter without help. Now he wants to go shopping for a cape and tights.”

  “That’s wonderful!” Julian didn’t quite clap, but he sounded truly excited and Sean wasn’t above preening. “We should celebrate.”

  Before he could agree or rub it in Shane’s face, there was a frantic knock on the sliding glass door that led out to the pool area. The familiarity between the main house and Julian’s sanctuary was well-known to anyone who stayed at the Sandy Feet Inn. He may have a separate office from which to do business now, but Sean couldn’t imagine him turning away anyone. Needless to say, Shane looked none too pleased when Julian opened the door without looking through the blinds first and then the whirlwind that was Esme, the B&B’s brilliant cook, came rushing through.

  Instantly, Sean was transported back to lazy afternoons begging treats and flirting shamelessly. Esme played a starring role in every visit home. Just as pretty as ever, she looked positively breathtaking in a floral sundress and flat strappy sandals. How was it that she never seemed to age like the rest of them? Sean didn’t know, but he was suddenly feeling downright grubby, not to mention…well, not to mention.

  “Mr. Julian, I’m so sorry to knock this early, but…” Hands wringing, eyes darting wildly about the room, she looked the most flustered Sean had ever seen her. “May I please?”

  Julian nodded wordlessly and Sean couldn’t have been more shocked when she came to stand beside his chair. Her lower lip trembled dangerously and before he could even guess at her intentions, she threw her arms around his neck and began sobbing.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay.” He had no clue what she was saying between those great big gasping breaths, but he kept repeating that for both their sakes.

  The storm raged hard and just as abruptly ended when Esme pulled herself away, looked down at him with expression he didn’t dare decipher, and then fled the way she came. Sean’s arms felt strangely empty and he could only watch her retreat in confusion. Her rejections, while always sweetly polite, had been adamant and he honestly didn’t know what to make of this behavior.

  When she disappeared from view, he looked at Julian who was watching him with a fond smile. His cousin didn’t even make him wait. “You were always only visiting, cousin.”

  Sean opened his mouth to ask for clarification, but nothing came out. He didn’t really need his cousin to spell it out. Esme wasn’t the casual type, he’d always known that, and it was easier to pretend their interactions were all fun and games. There was no way for him to change the situation then and damn it all to hell, he was in no position to do anything about it now.

  “You just told me you were going to exploit the fuck out of this second chance you’ve been given,” Shane reminded softly. “Don’t be a fool, man.”

  Mind tripping over the morning’s revelations, Sean just nodded. It wasn’t an agreement so much as an acknowledgement that he’d heard Shane. “I’m going to…uh, shower. Listen for the crash.”

  The snark was his shield and Sean ignored both their dark mutters as he went back to his room. On the plus side, his mind was too filled with a certain dark-haired beauty to be intimidated by a task he hadn’t been able to accomplish on his own in over a month. On the down side…actually, he couldn’t find a down side. Sure, it was an impossible situation.

  That didn’t stop him from smiling like a fool anyway.

  Chapter 15

  Julian

  Having never taken off more than a couple of days at a time, Julian was grateful to those who that kept his place running so well in his absence. But he’d missed the guests, his quirky staff, and the fun they all had together. Antsy to jump back in, he grudgingly agreed that they should take it easy on Sunday—lazing out in the sun, enjoying the B&B’s award-winning food, and listening to the local band that played at the patio bar. It was nice to relax, show off his place to Shane, and see Sean have fun, but Monday couldn’t come fas
t enough.

  When Shane left the following morning to report to base, Julian was out the door right behind him. After helping Esme set up breakfast, he went back to the cottage to check on Sean and was pleased to find him already heading over. Knowing how much he got from interacting with the guests, Julian thought Sean might benefit as well. Of course, Mister Personality stole the show with his endless banter and other than one little collision with the sidebar, it went off without a hitch.

  Mondays were usually a slow day for them, with most of their guests heading home after the long weekend and their extended stay guests heading out to enjoy the island, so Julian took a few minutes to rearrange the common rooms. Given the freedom, he could see Sean becoming an integral part of the inn and Julian wanted to encourage him to come and go at will. Anything but sequester himself in the cottage.

  After that and a quick meeting with the staff to go over the upcoming week’s guest list and activities, they were off to their first doctor’s appointment. Shane hadn’t been sure if he could make it, something that seemed to bum Sean out as much as it did him, and Julian knew they both looked stupidly happy when they spotted him waiting in the lot. Shane looked just as pleased in his more reserved way and that was enough to take the sting out of having to keep a respectable distance.

  Shane hadn’t asked him and Julian knew he wouldn’t, but he also knew his lover wasn’t ready to flaunt their relationship so close to where he worked. The stigma on gays serving in the military hadn’t magically disappeared after DADT and with only a year or so left to his service, there was no need to put that target on his back. Julian didn’t need it as a grand gesture and they already had enough to worry about without adding unnecessary angst.

  The rest of Julian’s day was mostly routine with him pitching in to prepare for incoming guests, finalizing the weekly specials with Esme, and meeting with a new guitarist who was hoping to get on the schedule during the upcoming Fantasy Fest—one of the biggest events on the island. Even though he locked in their entertainment for that more than a year earlier, Julian was conscious of Sean milling about aimlessly and corralled him to hold an impromptu audition. Then Shane showed up just as they were sitting down to dinner and the day ended with him falling asleep listening to the two of them talk about the game.

  Swap around meetings and doctor’s appointments, guest relations and Sean’s mood swings, and the rest of the week went the same way. Julian learned quickly that a busy Sean was a happy Sean, and he was frantic to find things that his cousin could do. The staff was glad to have him around, even if it was just for comic relief, but Sean need to feel like he was contributing and that wasn’t always easy. So far, knock on wood, they were making it work and Julian couldn’t have done it without his team.

  Some nights, Shane made it for dinner and others, he dragged himself in well after they’d gone to bed. There was little time to be alone, which meant their early morning planning sessions took place while they were getting ready for work and venting turned into texting. As for intimacy…if not for Shane holding him while he slept, he’d think they were roommates instead of new lovers.

  A full week in, a houseful of new guests, and an extensive schedule of weekend events on the horizon, Julian was exhausted. Emotional. Needy. It wasn’t a pretty combination and he longed for a quiet corner where he could let some of it go with a really good cry. Unfortunately, time and space where in short supply. Minute by minute, Julian could feel his temper fraying and prayed for the fish monger who put him over the edge.

  “You promised Esme a dozen fresh lobster. She paid you in advance.” Eye twitching, hands shaking, Julian clutched the phone to his ear as he paced the kitchen in the main house. He was on overload and his normal ability to be understanding, not to mention professional, was gone. The poor guy had always come through in the past and twelve missing crustaceans aside, he didn’t deserve to be castigated, but Julian couldn’t stop himself. “Tomorrow is unacceptable. We planned an entire menu around your word. Our guests are expecting lobster tonight!”

  “Mr. Julian.” Esme put a firm hand on his shoulder, halting his pacing. “Can I speak to him before he refuses to do business with us again?”

  “Before he refuses?” Julian gaped at her. Hadn’t she called him into the kitchen because her menu was ruined? There was only one person at fault for that, so why should they care if the guy stopped doing business with them? This was Key West and the seafood market was crazy competitive. All Julian had to do was call his neighbors for a recommendation and this slacker would be out of their lives for good.

  “Let me handle it.” She held out her free hand, wiggling her fingers impatiently. With a grunt of disgust, he barely avoided slapping it against her palm and jerked away. Still, he didn’t go far just in case the asshole was disrespectful to her. It was unlike him to be itching for a fight, but Julian was ready to make an exception.

  Five diplomatic minutes later—where it felt like she was talking them both off the ledge—Esme ended the call and carefully returned the phone to its cradle. When she turned to face him, Julian wanted to crawl into a hole. He’d made a fool of himself and their business, taken over her domain and reamed out one of her vendors…he’d fucked up.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You can’t keep going like this.”

  They spoke at the same time and Julian frowned when he realized she wasn’t angry at him. “What?”

  “You’re drowning, Mr. Julian. We all see it and we’re worried about you.” Hands clasped tight, she didn’t look comfortable having drawn the short straw on confronting him.

  Julian believed he had a good rapport with the people who worked for him and even considered them something akin to family. They respected and liked each other, enjoyed working together and loved the business they were building, which put them miles above his real family while still maintaining an appropriate level of professionalism. Their loyalty and dedication had been proven long before they stepped in when he went to find Sean, but that didn’t mean they were ready to blur the employee/employer line.

  “You’re right, things have been a little overwhelming and I’ve been pushing myself.” Because working was preferable to thinking. “But there’s a lot to do and the next few months are going to be insane between the festival and the holidays.”

  “That’s true, but you also have a whole team willing to help you.” She spoke earnestly, like they were all just waiting for him to hand out more responsibility. “You trusted us when you were up in Jacksonville and you can count on us to keep things going while you help your cousin.”

  “Does he need my help?” Julian scoffed without thinking. “Maybe to get him to the doctors and to reach the stuff Shane puts on the top shelf to piss him off, but beyond that? I stand around waiting to be helpful and he’s zipping circles around me, then he gets mad at me for mothering him.”

  Face scrunched in confusion, she asked, “But isn’t his independence the goal? I mean, he doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who wants to need help for the rest of his life.”

  Julian was dumbfounded by the easy to answer question. Independence was more than a mere goal, it was an integral need for Sean. As for the things Sean wanted, Julian wouldn’t have to look to know help wasn’t anywhere on the list. These things he knew as well as he knew his own name and yet, what had he been doing? Lamenting the progress Sean was making because his own deep-seated desire to be needed wasn’t being fed. What kind of asshole did that make him?

  “And you’re wrong anyway,” Esme continued as if he wasn’t about to totally lose his shit right there against the dishwasher. “From where I’m sitting, it’s obvious he’s putting on a show. All the joking and flirting—it hides a lot, doesn’t it? Unless you’re looking closely, you don’t see the pain and fear, or the way he checks to make sure you’re nearby before he does something. You’re not seeing the relief when Shane comes home or the lost expression he gets when he thinks no one’s watching.”

  Hearing
Esme explain what he should have already known only made him feel worse. “How did I miss all that?”

  Having warmed up to her role as advisor, Esme shrugged and said, “I would imagine the same way you missed the fact that Shane is struggling just as badly as you and Sean are. All that work leaves no time to see what’s happening around you.”

  Which had been the point all along. Some people buried their head in the sand or lived in their bubble, but the only way for him to tune out was by keeping busy. Well, it worked like a charm and now they were all fucked because he couldn’t face…what? Julian wasn’t even sure what he was hiding from. They’d already dealt with the accident and aftermath head on, and had a plan to keep Sean moving in the direction of total freedom. The changes to his home had been seamless and his business hadn’t suffered in his absence, so there was nothing to hide from there.

  The only other notable difference was Shane, but he was such a low maintenance addition that it seemed ridiculous to stress over it. When he was around, he was supportive without being obtrusive, and made no demands on their relationship at all. Having Shane as his lover left him free to take care of his business and his cousin…so, why was stomach suddenly roiling?

  “Wait, did you refer to this as Shane’s home?” Sure, Shane was there every night and Julian had washed their clothes together just that morning, but an armful of dirty skivvies didn’t a move-in make.

  Sweet, concerned Esme smiled all innocent-like and asked, “It’s not?”

  Another seemingly easy question and here he was flopping like a fish. No was the right answer since they hadn’t officially discussed it and he was certain Shane owned more than a couple of weeks’ worth of boxer-briefs. But those clean clothes had found their way into a recently emptied drawer, their toothbrushes were side by side in the holder, and they’d seen each other standing at the toilet. He’d never lived with a lover before, but Julian was pretty sure those were the first three steps to cohabitation.