Her Best Worst Mistake
Page 17
She didn’t bother trying to talk him out of his gallant gesture after that. The reality was that she desperately needed his assistance, something that became more than evident before they’d even left for the airport. Despite culling her wardrobe down to the bare essentials, it was almost impossible for her to hobble along in her boot and haul her very modest-sized suitcase behind her.
“Relax,” Martin said as he took the suitcase handle from her grasp. “That’s what I’m here for. Think of me as your own personal Tenzing Norgay.”
She thought of him as her own personal savior by the time they’d endured nearly twenty-hours in the air to land at Melbourne airport. He’d wrangled with air hostesses on her behalf, escorted her to the bathroom, let her rest her head on his shoulder while she slept, shared his iPad with her when she grew bored, and generally treated her as though she was the most important, precious person in the world to him. She hadn’t thought it was possible to love him more, but being on the receiving end of his tender, considerate care and thoughtfulness made her wonder how she’d ever survived without him in her life.
At the same time, the closer she got to Australia, the more nervous and anxious she became. She told herself over and over that there was nothing to be worried about—she’d already made the decision not to throw herself on Elizabeth’s mercy until after the wedding—but it didn’t stop her stomach from churning and her heart from racing as she and Martin made their slow, laborious way along the concourse after disembarking from the plane.
“Do you want to sit down for a few minutes?” Martin asked quietly once they’d cleared customs.
She shook her head. She had yet to collect her luggage and she was very aware that Elizabeth would be waiting for her on the other side of the arrival gate.
“I just want to get this over and done with. And once I see her it will all be okay.” She sounded more confident than she felt. She wasn’t sure of any such thing. In fact, a part of her was terrified that the moment Elizabeth looked at her she’d be able to discern her secret guilt.
“I brought you something for luck,” Martin said. “They’ve worked an absolute treat for me ever since I’ve had them.”
She frowned as he pulled something small and black from his coat pocket before leaning across and slipping it into hers.
“What is it?”
He simply cocked an eyebrow mysteriously. She slid her hand into her pocket and encountered the cool slipperiness of silk. It took her a full second to understand that she was feeling her own underwear, the pair she’d gifted him at Bronwyn and Perry’s dinner all those months ago.
A bubble of laughter welled up inside her. Martin’s eyes smiled into hers, his mouth quirking up at the corner. He looked pleased with himself and a little rumpled and so very, very dear to her.
“You carried these across the international date line for just this moment, didn’t you?”
“I figured you might need a secret weapon.”
She slipped her finger into the belt loop of his jeans and dragged him closer. “You’re my secret weapon.”
Someone jostled them from behind and she glanced over her shoulder, realizing that they were partially blocking the walkway.
“Come on. Let’s do this,” Martin said firmly.
She let him sweep her along to the luggage carousel, then she let him usher her through the final quarantine check. Only when they were within sight of the opaque glass doors that led to the waiting area—and Elizabeth—did he come to a halt.
“Call me when you can, okay? I programmed my hotel details into your phone. I’m a few minutes away by taxi if you need me. Any time, day or night. Got it?”
“Yes.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his face very serious. “No matter what, we’ll be all right, Violet. No matter what.”
He wrapped her cold, damp fingers around the grip of her wheeled suitcase and took a step backward. “Any time, day or night,” he repeated.
He stepped to one side to allow other passengers to go past. She stared at him, then glanced toward the glass doors. She took a step, then another. But it felt wrong to be leaving him behind like some dirty secret she needed to hide. It felt wrong on a visceral, primal, undeniable level.
She loved him. He was her future, her heart. She may have mixed, messed up feelings about the fact that he’d once belonged to her friend, but there wasn’t a doubt in her heart that he was the man she would spend the rest of her life with, God willing.
She couldn’t simply abandon him so she could keep up a childish subterfuge that had gone on far, far too long. She couldn’t put Elizabeth’s comfort and happiness ahead of his. She simply couldn’t.
Moving awkwardly, she pivoted on the heel of her boot. He was watching her, his face solemn, and his eyebrows rose toward his hairline in question as she shuffled toward him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, reaching for her hand.
How like him that his first thought was for her, for her happiness and well-being.
“Come with me.”
His hand tightened around hers. “Elizabeth will be waiting for you.”
“I know. Come with me.”
“Violet—”
She didn’t give him a chance to talk her out of it. “I don’t want to lie about you, about us any more. I know it’s crappy timing because of the wedding, but it’s exactly like you said—there will always be something. I don’t want to hide you, Martin. I love you. And if what’s happened between us is a problem for Elizabeth, then so be it.”
She felt as though an enormous weight lifted from her chest as she said the words. As though she’d drawn her own personal line in the sand. She loved Martin. She wasn’t leaving him behind as though she was ashamed of him.
He studied her face for a beat, then he nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
“Then let’s go.”
He took a moment to stack her case on top of his, then they moved toward the exit as one, his arm supporting her all the way. There was a split-second as they reached the doors when her stomach dipped so dramatically she felt sick. Then they slid open and they were facing a chaotic sea of hopeful, expectant faces.
She scanned the crowd, looking for Elizabeth’s blonde hair. She’d seen pictures of Nathan but wasn’t confident she would recognize him easily. Her gaze slid over unfamiliar faces, adrenalin making her pulse race her and palms sweaty.
“Over there,” Martin said, his voice calm and deep.
She followed his sightline past a cluster of people pressed against the barrier to where a tall, tanned couple stood side by side. She found herself looking into Elizabeth’s blue eyes as Elizabeth pressed her fingers to her mouth in an unmistakable gesture of shock. Violet lifted her chin, bracing herself for condemnation as her old friend processed what Martin’s presence at Violet’s side must mean.
The man standing beside Elizabeth said something and Elizabeth shifted her gaze to him. Violet registered for the first time that she’d been holding her breath and she sucked in a big lungful of air. Martin’s hand pressed warmly against her lower back.
“She loves you. Remember that,” he said.
Violet barely had time to nod before Elizabeth started pushing her way through the crowd to get to them. Violet shuffled forward, doing her best to clear the barriers. Then Elizabeth was in front of her, her eyes filled with questions.
“I tried to tell you a dozen times, but I was too scared,” Violet said, the truth bursting out of her. “It just happened, I didn’t mean for it to, but I love him, E. I love him so much...”
She burst into tears, six months worth of confusion and guilt finding its way out through her tear ducts. Martin’s arm came around her shoulders even as Elizabeth stepped forward and took her hand.
“Violet.”
The concern and warmth in her friend’s voice somehow cut through the emotion swelling Violet’s throat. She blinked, dashing the tears away with the back of her hand
. This wasn’t the way she’d wanted to do any of this. She’d wanted to be calm and adult and she’d wanted to give Elizabeth every opportunity to vent her feelings. Instead, she was standing here with a stupid medical boot on her leg and girlish tears rolling down her face.
“Why don’t we find some place more private, get out of the way a little?” a deep voice suggested.
She glanced at Elizabeth’s husband-to-be, taking in his short dark hair and piercing, pale blue eyes. Like Elizabeth, he was tanned, even though it was the middle of the Australian winter. Violet shot Martin a quick, wordless look and he nodded slightly to let her know he was fine with the arrangement. Violet was very aware of Elizabeth registering the small exchange and she fought the urge to rush into explanations again as they made their way to the coffee shop in the far corner of the arrival hall.
Without anyone saying anything, she and Elizabeth gravitated to a table in the far corner while the men retreated to the counter.
They were both silent for a moment after they’d slid into their chairs. Violet fought the urge to fidget, pressing her hands flat against the table.
“I’m sorry. This isn’t the way I wanted to tell you,” she said quietly, forcing herself to meet Elizabeth’s eyes.
What she saw there was predominantly confusion.
“How long...?” Elizabeth asked.
“Nearly six months. Pretty much since he came back from seeing you in Australia. I felt sorry for him and I took him a bottle of schnapps. A sort of peace offering for him to drown his sorrows. He refused to take it, but I left it for him anyway. Then he got drunk and came calling, wanting to know why I’d bought him schnapps and...things got a little crazy.”
Elizabeth frowned. “Why did you buy him schnapps?”
“Because he liked it. Remember that time we tried it after we saw that show at the Criterion...?”
Elizabeth shook her head, still looking mystified.
Violet smiled a small, tight smile. “Even then I noticed things about him, even though I didn’t want to. I guess that was why I always disliked him so much, because he got under my skin. Even when he was yours.”
She looked straight into Elizabeth’s eyes as she said it, wanting to be brave about this one thing, at least. Tentative, she reached out and took Elizabeth’s hand. She waited for her friend to pull away or stiffen, but Elizabeth’s fingers closed around hers in a warm, firm grip. It was salve for Violet’s guilt-ravaged heart. She needed her friend’s forgiveness so badly.
“The last thing I wanted was to betray you or hurt you or let you down, E. Please believe that. When it started, I didn’t think it was real. I thought it was this crazy sex thing, nothing but some weird, aberrant chemistry. But then it kept going, and when I realized that I loved him, I felt as though I’d been lying to you and me for years. But I didn’t know, E, I swear. I never knew until that night he came over and we kissed for the first time.”
“I remember the way you two used to be,” Elizabeth said slowly. “Like angry cats. Maybe I should have known then. All that passion had to come from somewhere, right?”
Her gaze was searching as it scanned Violet’s face.
“You’re allowed to be angry, E,” Violet said. “You’re allowed to call me names or whatever you need to do. If you want me not to be at the wedding, that’s okay, too.”
Violet waited for her friend to respond, her body so stiff and upright in her chair it hurt.
“Does he make you happy?”
“Yes.”
“You look well. So does he.”
“He is.”
Elizabeth hand twisted in hers so that she was the one gripping Violet’s hand.
“Then I’m glad.”
It was such an easy, generous response. So open and forgiving. Way too good to be true.
“You can’t be.”
“Why not, Vi?” Elizabeth asked, head cocked to one side, a small, quizzical smile on her lips.
“Because you went out with him. You slept with him. He was once yours. And I lied to you. I chose sex with him over loyalty to you.”
“Must have been some pretty amazing sex, Vi, because you’re the most loyal person I know.”
There was a light dancing in Elizabeth’s eyes, an invitation for Violet to loosen up. Violet shook her head, unwilling—unable—to accept her friend’s reaction at face value. Elizabeth couldn’t be so accepting, so open minded, so generous. It simply wasn’t possible.
“I might not have wanted to marry him, but Martin is still one of my favorite people in all the world, Vi,” Elizabeth said. “And so are you. Why wouldn’t I be happy for both of you? What sort of a selfish, dog-in-manger bitch would I be if I begrudged both of you that happiness when I have Nathan?”
It was all so different from what Violet had braced herself to endure. No anger, no blame, no accusations. Just acceptance. And trust.
Her gaze found Martin at the counter where he was waiting with Nathan. Their eyes locked across the cafe. She saw his understanding and love and she remembered the things he’d said to her, about her fear of losing her family and how she deserved love and happiness. She remembered how he’d held her after their first fight and told her that no matter what, he would always love her.
She returned her focus to Elizabeth and made a conscious decision. She chose to take her friend at her word. She chose to believe that Elizabeth loved her as much as Violet loved her, and that Elizabeth wanted her happiness as much as Violet wanted Elizabeth’s. She chose to accept that Elizabeth didn’t need to forgive her, because Elizabeth trusted her. And she chose to believe she was worthy of that trust, just as she was worthy of Martin’s love.
Because she wasn’t a natural-born slut. She wasn’t feckless and troubled and attention-seeking. She wasn’t a nuisance, an embarrassment, a liability to be written off at the earliest possible moment.
She was loved. She was valued. She counted.
She took a deep, cleansing breath, then let it out. Then she lifted Elizabeth’s hand to her lips and kissed the back of it tenderly, lovingly.
“Thank you.”
Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, Violet. For so much over the years. For being my courage. For keeping me sane. For helping me find myself.”
Violet wasn’t sure which of them stood first, her or Elizabeth, but suddenly they were both standing, arms wrapped around one another. Violet pressed her cheek against her friend’s and let Elizabeth’s acceptance soak into her bones.
After the exact right amount of time, Elizabeth loosened her embrace and they both took a half-step backward.
“Come on, let’s go home,” Elizabeth said.
“Actually, I think Martin has a car booked.”
Elizabeth’s face fell a little. “You’re not going to stay with us?”
Violet glanced at Martin again. He was talking to Nathan, his focus on the other man. His shirt was wrinkled from hours in the air, his hair rumpled. He looked tired and beautiful and incredibly sexy.
“Unless you have the best sound-proofing known to man, I don’t think that’s a great idea,” she said.
It took Elizabeth a moment to understand. Then her head fell back and she let out a crack of surprised, delighted laughter. Martin and Nathan glanced across at them, twin startled expressions on their faces.
“Well. I can hardly argue with that, can I?” Elizabeth said. “But you’ll have dinner with us tonight, won’t you? Both of you?”
“Yes. Of course.”
Elizabeth gestured for the men to join them. Martin threw Violet a subtly questioning look and she tucked her arm through his and gave him a reassuring smile to let him know she was okay.
Elizabeth looked at him, eyes bright with curiosity. “So, Martin. How are you? Been up to much?”
“Oh, you know. This and that.”
Violet smiled to herself, tickled by his very dry delivery. To think she’d once thought he didn’t have a sense of humor.
The four of them walked o
ut to the car park, parting ways in front of the hire car kiosk.
“I’ll see you tonight,” Elizabeth said. “We’re having prawns. We’re even going to throw them on the barbie.”
She spoke with a terrible approximation of an Australian accent. Nathan slung an arm around her shoulders.
“We really need to work on that, Lizzy,” he said affectionately.
They exchanged a look that was loaded with love and knowledge and heat and acceptance. Violet’s last reservations about her friend’s decision slipped away.
This man loved Elizabeth. Dearly. That could only be a good thing.
Elizabeth drew Violet close for one final hug before nailing Martin with a look.
“Look after my girl, okay?”
Martin raised his eyebrows. ”Your girl?”
“Our girl, then,” Elizabeth said.
Martin reached out and took Violet’s hand. “Don’t worry. I’ve got it covered.”
Violet couldn’t help feeling ridiculously touched that there were two people in the world who loved her enough to feel possessive about her. She gave E one last hug then followed Martin into the rental kiosk. He slid his free hand around her waist as he filled out the requisite forms. She leaned her head on his shoulder and breathed in the smell of his aftershave and let herself feel the simple peace of the moment.
She was free, at last. Free to love Martin with all her heart. Free to be happy, with no reservations.
Martin waited until they were in their hire car before turning to her. “So it went okay?”
“Yes. She said she wants me to be happy. You, too.”
“She doesn’t need to worry about me.”
“I know. That’s my job.”
His gray eyes were very warm as he searched her face. “So you’re all right?”
“Getting there.”
It was going to take a while for all the adrenaline and anxiety to drain from her system. She’d been working herself up to this for nearly six months.