The Best Mistake of Her Life

by Aimee Carson

The words blindsided her with a force that left her reeling, and comprehension finally forced the confusion from her tone. “Memphis,” she said, losing what little patience she had left. “I’ll be the first to admit I’ve created a big hole that I have to climb out of. But you growing up poor has nothing to do with any of this.”

  He tipped his head in disbelief. “It looks that way from where I’m standing.”

  Her eyebrows shot toward her hairline. “Have you even considered the possibility that your view is part of the problem? Are you that self-conscious about your roots?”

  His tone was nothing but honest. “I am not ashamed of how I grew up.”

  “Maybe not. But you know what I think?” she said, her voice so low it shook from the effort. “I think your pride is preventing you from moving back. You’re hung up about the accident because your name gets paired with a stunt gone wrong. And the mighty Memphis James can’t stand the way that incident tarnishes his name.”

  “Hell, Kate,” Memphis said, his voice loaded with fury. “After making love to me, you left and went back to Dalton. Without having the decency to tell me goodbye. I needed to make the jump that day to burn off my anger at you.”

  Her blood leeched to her feet as the old shame, the one that had threatened to cripple her for so long, came roaring back, worse now for its role in injuring her brother. Out of confusion and fear, she’d yelled at Memphis the day of the accident, blaming him for the incident. But he’d pulled the dangerous stunt because she’d been too much of a coward to face him after what she’d done.

  “I never told you, but your father showed up at my apartment two days after Brian got hurt,” Memphis said. Shock rolled through her, making asking questions impossible as he went on. “Senator Anderson told me in no uncertain terms that I was a screwup and would never amount to anything.”

  Sorrow swamped her, and she blinked back the biting tears, trying to swallow past the horrific feelings lodged in her throat. “Memphis …”

  He didn’t wait for her to find the strength to respond. “I’ve known you for seventeen years,” he went on, his voice gruff with emotion. “And I’ve loved you for most of them.”

  Anger and honesty radiated from his face as the news reverberated in her head, and Kate’s heart puffed up so large she couldn’t move. Until his next words came out wrapped in a prickly bitterness that held no small measure of pain. “Your father might have been the one to call me a nobody,” he said, his voice hard. “But you are the only one who ever made me feel that way.”

  And with that, Memphis turned and walked out.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  TEN minutes later Kate was standing in the exact same spot. Still staring at the door Memphis had exited through. Still trying to recover from his words.

  Memphis loved her. Not only that, he’d loved her for a very long time. And she, in turn, had made him feel like a nobody.

  Her chest burned with every breath, her throat aching from the pressure of tears that were gathering. And the agony threatened to collapse her completely. Almost ten years ago to the day she’d been at the prom with Dalton. And then several months after their graduation, he’d asked her to marry him, and she’d said yes.

  It had been just one step of many in the wrong direction. Problem was, even if every step after the first had been right, she had still been led further and further astray, until she was so lost there was no hope of finding her way back.

  Her life had been built on a false foundation, and the collapse had been inevitable.

  Brian’s voice came from behind. “Where did Memphis go?”

  “He left.” The hopelessness threatened to consume her. She felt like retreating to the massive hole she’d dug herself and crying her eyes out. She turned to face her brother, too defeated to accept the champagne he held in her direction. “Why didn’t you tell me the reason you and Memphis did the jump the day of your accident?” Kate asked.

  “What are you talking about?” Brian said, lowering the champagne flute in his hand.

  She paused briefly. “That you went with Memphis because he was upset.”

  Brian looked surprised. “I knew something was bothering him, but he was pretty close-mouthed about what.” The silence stretched, and Brian’s face slowly morphed into a guarded curiosity, apparently sensing her distress. “What was he upset about?”

  The fisted knot in her chest cinched tighter, and every cell in her body grew heavy. “Me.”

  His brow lowered in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

  The dread grew, her heart pounding irregularly, but Kate knew it was past time to take the plunge. Because Memphis was right, she couldn’t continue to avoid the issues that were growing day by day.

  “I slept with Memphis,” she went on.

  “I’m not stupid, Kate,” he said dryly. “I figured that out the morning your house looked like it had been hit by a small tornado.”

  She closed her eyes. Good God, suffering through the confession once was bad enough. Twice was unbearable.

  “No,” she said, shame piercing her before the words were even out. “I mean, before.”

  Brian’s guarded expression returned, sharper than ever. “Before as in …?”

  It was difficult to speak with such a vigorous heart rate. “As in five years ago.”

  Brian stared at her for several difficult seconds as his face went from total disbelief to dawning comprehension and then landed somewhere between “you’ve got to be kidding” and “who the hell is this woman?”

  It had been difficult enough to confess. It was positively petrifying to go on.

  A scowl filled Brian’s face as he said, “Memphis—”

  “Assumed I was free because …” Her voice faltered. “Because I asked him to make love to me.”

  Brian’s scowl was exchanged for bug-eyed surprise, and after a moment he let out a big bark of laughter that held no humor. “Man,” he said, shaking his head as he set the champagne on a nearby table. “All this time I was trying to warn Memphis away from you, telling him I’d hurt him if he broke your heart.” The irony rang in his voice, and the incredulous look remained. “I was worried it was too soon for you to be getting involved.”

  A flush of shame spread through her gut. That was the problem with lies. One invariably needed another to be sustained, and the resulting domino effect swept you up in a wave that took on a life of its own. “Dalton and I called it quits fifteen months before the divorce was finalized.”

  As the uncomfortable moment stretched, squeezing her chest, Kate stared at her brother. Brian looked as if he’d just been delivered a meal he hadn’t ordered, and was struggling to identify the nasty taste.

  When he finally responded, he crossed his arms. “Is there anything else you’d like to share?” he said, looking at her with a large measure of distrust. “Like, you spy on foreign countries for a living?” The doubt in his face was worse than she’d imagined.

  “Of course not.”

  “There isn’t anything ‘of course’ about it.” He shot her a cutting look and plowed his hand through his hair. “Do you know how worried I’ve been about you? How worried Mom and Dad have been? Right now our parents think your ex left you for another woman.” He dropped his hand and went on. “Jeez, Kate. The whole freakin’ town thinks the same thing.” He stared at her a moment more, his expression breaking her heart. “You say it was shame, but I think you just couldn’t bear to finally be the one to disappoint Mom and Dad.”

  Her heart lurched and a kernel of anger popped, but she kept her voice level. “That isn’t why I didn’t tell them.”

  “Are you sure?” he said, stepping closer, his face infused with a dose of angry skepticism. “Growing up, you were bound and determined to be the ideal daughter.”

  “Brian,” she said, exasperated by the recurring accusation that felt so unfair. “I wasn’t trying to be perfect. I just figured Mom and Dad had enough trouble on their hands dealing with you.”

  His eyebrows s
hot toward the ceiling in disbelief.

  Kate’s voice grew stronger, supported by the truth. “Don’t stand there and pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about. You bent over backward to be the rebel son.”

  “I bent over backward to be me.”

  The years of closeted resentment now freed, her words came pouring out. “All the while giving no thought to how it affected anyone else. How it affected Mom and Dad.” She laid a hand on her chest. “How it affected me,” she went on. “I used to crave one peaceful day without all the yelling. One day. Was that too much to ask?” The memories and the strain and the weariness returned, and she tried to restrain the emotion, but it was impossible to hold back now that the blunt honesty was flowing. “I swear I spent my entire childhood walking on eggshells and trying to run interference between you and Mom and Dad.” Spent from her rant, fatigue settled into her muscles as the weariness consumed her, and Kate’s voice fell. “It was exhausting.”

  Telling the truth was exhausting.

  He hiked a scathing eyebrow. “So you’re blaming all of your mistakes on me?”

  “Absolutely not,” she said firmly. Desperate to make him understand, she reached for his arm. “Brian—”

  “No.” Her brother held up his hands and stepped back, his expression telegraphing just how much he was over this discussion. “Sorry, Kate. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

  And Kate’s heart crumpled completely as she watched the second most important man in her life head out the same exit as the first.

  Several days later Memphis adjusted one of the specialized knee protectors beneath his jeans and waited for the crew at the end of the road to be ready. The sky was blue, the weather was warm and—despite the fact it wasn’t a high fall—he was looking forward to today’s gag. It had been a long time since he’d been tossed from the roof of a car. And considering the hellish roller-coaster ride of the past weeks, hitting the pavement at high speeds should be a piece of cake in comparison. At least the job came with padded clothing to help cushion his fall.

  If only there was a line of gear to protect the heart, then his life would be complete.

  His gaze drifted to the barricades blocking the street for the shoot. A small crowd of spectators had gathered, and he caught himself searching the crowd for Kate. Unsuccessful, he exhaled as his heart took a sharp, painful turn down bumpier roads, one of exasperation mixed with a profound ache.

  It was difficult coming so close to gaining entry into heaven—near enough to knock on the door, even—only to realize he’d never be granted full access. And spending the rest of his life camped on the doorstep held little appeal.

  For the umpteenth time in the past twenty minutes, his eyes drifted back to the gathering crowd, and he let out a curse, swiping his hand through his hair. Frustrated with himself. Frustrated with Kate for disappointing him at the reunion.

  And frustrated that the disturbing hole her absence had created was bigger than ever. Every time Kate came back into his life and left, the part of him she took with her got bigger and bigger. But this time he owned a good bit of the blame for how things had ended.

  When he’d met with Brian yesterday and learned that Kate had finally come clean about everything with her brother—and later with her parents—the news had both encouraged Memphis and left him uncomfortable. After twenty-four hours of deliberation he’d finally realized why dissatisfaction had been the dominant emotion.

  Because what right did he have to point a blaming finger at Kate? She might have been living her life to please her parents, compelled to be the perfect daughter, but Memphis had spent the past five years intent on proving her father wrong. Memphis hadn’t believed her father’s claim that he’d never amount to anything, but he’d still driven himself hard to make sure the world knew that Memphis James wasn’t a nobody. He’d been obsessed with making a name for himself. How pathetic.

  Kate had been wrong to continue lying to her family, but she’d been unerringly right about Memphis’s actions. Yet still he’d lashed out and left.

  And this time you were the one who walked away.

  Memphis pressed his eyes closed and, with a self-deprecating scoff, he shoved the troubling thoughts away and sucked in a slow breath.

  Clearing his mind. Trying to focus.

  It was a relief when the signal for the start of the stunt finally came, and Memphis climbed onto the roof of the car, a second stuntman at the wheel. Memphis hoped like hell the ride was wild enough to get Kate Anderson off his mind … at least for the next few minutes.

  Kate’s heart filled her mouth as Memphis clung to the roof of the car as it raced up the street, the Camaro careening wildly along the way. It was impossible to remember that the actions of the vehicle had been carefully planned in advance, and it was impossible not to come unglued as every sharp turn looked as if it would throw Memphis to the ground. Either the stuntmen were exceptionally good at appearing as if they were out of control, or they were skirting so close to the reality that it came perilously close to truth.

  Kate suspected it was a bit of both.

  The car took a hard turn to the left, tossing Memphis, and he sailed through the air and hit the pavement on his side, rolling for several feet before he came to a stop sprawled on his stomach. When the director called out the end of the shot, there was a round of applause from crew and spectator alike. Kate didn’t join in the celebration until Memphis rolled over and leaped to his feet, as if he’d just tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and not hit the pavement at God only knows what speed. By now the crew recognized her, so slipping past the barrier was easy, until Memphis’s gaze landed on hers.

  His body went still, and her heart nosedived, her nerves absorbing every drop of moisture from her mouth. He looked big and he looked bold and he was so beautiful she couldn’t take her eyes off him. The fact that he didn’t make a move to approach her was far from encouraging, and the wariness in his expression almost made her put the moment off. But it was past time to set things right.

  In truth she was running about five years and one morning-after too late.

  Pushing aside the fear, she approached him on the street, ignoring the crew.

  “Why are you here?” he said, his gaze wary.

  Kate stopped in front of him. “To talk to you.”

  He stared at her for a few more seconds, every one of which was pregnant with possibility, and then he said, “I have to review the shot.” Her heart crumpled a touch, but Memphis simply turned and headed for the video monitor where several men, including the driver, now huddled around the screen.

  Stunned, she watched Memphis’s retreating back until her brain finally recovered enough to tell her body what to do.

  She hurried to catch up, falling into step beside Memphis. “I won’t take long.”

  He didn’t look at her as he kept on walking. “I need to focus, Kate.”

  “I want to talk to you.”

  He went on as if she hadn’t spoken. “And if I have to do this gag again, I’d prefer you weren’t around.”

  Heart pounding just as hard as when he’d taken his crazy fall, she pressed on. “I’m not leaving.”

  “Suit yourself.” He came to a halt and held out his hand, stopping her in midstep. “But right now I’m going to do my job.”

  He pivoted on his heel, and for the second time she watched his retreating back. When he joined the six men at the monitor, she debated what to do next.

  She’d known coming here would be difficult, and right now reason was telling her to be patient enough to wait until he was through. But she was tired of waiting for her life to start, and she’d learned an important lesson from Memphis along the way: if you weren’t taking risks, you weren’t living.

  Decision made, she crossed the final ten feet. As the men watched the stunt on the screen unfold in slow motion, discussing the shot as it rolled along, Kate came to a stop behind Memphis. No one noticed her presence, the swarm of testosterone too engrossed
with the scene on the monitor.

  “I’ll take out an ad in the paper if that’s what you want,” she said, her voice firm despite her skittering heart.

  Six sets of male eyes turned to stare at her, everyone except for Memphis, and her discomfort climbed by several notches.

  Memphis finally turned to face her, too, reluctance stamped on his expression. And since that was as good as she knew she’d get, she went on. “Because I love you, Memphis.”

  One of the men coughed, two looked amused and the remaining three looked at her as if she were a rabid fan gone rogue. Even Memphis appeared a touch uncomfortable.

  Well … too bad.

  “I’ll shout it from the Anderson Tower rooftop if you want,” she went on, focusing on Memphis’s face lest she lose her nerve. “I’ll even start an aerial advertising campaign, plastering the words in the sky if that’s what it takes.”

  Several awkward moments passed, and Kate forced her chin to remain high despite the public scrutiny.

  The driver of the car, a balding, middle-age man, broke the tension-filled silence. “I know just the pilot for the job,” he said, clearly amused. “His name is George Pitka. He’s the best in these parts.”

  “No, he ain’t,” another replied, obviously offended by the driver’s choice. “Everyone knows that Charlie Patton is the better of the two.”

  A surreal moment followed as Memphis held her gaze while the two men began to seriously debate the merits of their choices, until Kate held up her hand.

  “I’ll keep them in mind, gentlemen,” she said, sending them a strained smile. “Thanks.”

  Memphis took a step toward her. “I’m busy, Kate.”

  “You told me you loved me, Memphis. What better time is there?”

  “No time like the present, I always say,” the driver said, the grin of delight spreading widely across his face as he addressed Memphis. “Don’t worry about us, kid. We’re just starting to enjoy ourselves, aren’t we, boys?”

  There was a muttering of amused agreement, which only grew louder when Memphis stepped forward and took her arm, leading her away.