It took every ounce of will I had left to leave Qeya behind again. Ohre entered the moment I left, his dark gaze passing over me as he spoke quietly with my brother.
I clutched the railing of the platform and took in the other lights of the village, listened to distant laughter and singing. It all felt too foreign and too normal. I didn’t wait for my brother to finish with the miner. Truth be told, I didn’t want him to see me take another hit of the dust I was desperately needing.
I walked past the village as quietly as possible, hugging shadows along the edge of the main pavilion. Thankfully, the other Nuki and members of crew were too busy feasting to notice me this time. In the distance, I heard Min call my name and walked faster until I had left the last lights behind me.
A longer bridge led me to a quiet, forgotten corner of the village. An empty hut in need of repair was exactly what I needed. My eyes adjusted as I stepped into the ruined hut and drank in its musty scents. No one had been here in some time. I wondered briefly if the Var killed them, too.
I sat on the edge of a cot with a hiss as I stretched my aching leg out. For a moment, I shut my eyes and tried to quell the trembling in my hands.
You don’t deserve her, Ohre had said. As I reached into my jacket for one of the Var’s pouches of dust and took a hit, I could only agree.
“Could I bum a sniff?” Adi’s husky voice filled the small space as the chole sang through my veins. My senses heightened so I could see more clearly through the shadows she blended in. Her white smile gleamed like the stars shining through the window.
“Steam wirms!” I cursed and nearly spilled dust on my stained biosuit. Her laughter grated my gears and I fought the urge to cross the space between us and kiss the sound away.
“Sweet Melder but you should have seen your face,” she said.
I tensed as she crawled over me to sit against the wall, so her leg brushed mine. Her green eyes sparkled in the darkness. “Trust you to find the filthiest hovel in this blasted village.” Without invitation, she reached over and plucked the pouch from my hand and took two hits. Her long sigh brushed against my neck as she leaned against my shoulder.
It meant nothing…
“What are you doing here, Adi? I thought you vowed against sleeping off the ground?”
“I have to sleep somewhere, filsh brains.” Adi nudged me with her elbow, right above my patched-up wound. She froze at my exclamation and sat up with a curse. “Sorry, forgot which side your wound be on.” She pushed aside my jacket and pulled open my biosuit with frantic hands.
“Stop, what are you—are you brainless? I’m fine, Adi.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Her fingers brushed over Hanea’s dressings. She kept her head down. Her lashes were long and blue as chole, like the tattoos curling over her forehead and marking her cheeks and neck.
“See, nothing but a scratch.” I sucked in a sharp breath as her fingers touched the skin above my dressing. Memory of what we had done on the forest floor earlier that day blazed brightly.
She leaned in closer and I was unprepared for the vulnerability in her gaze. “I was worried about you.”
A smile tugged at my cheeks. “You were worried.”
Her fingers splayed over the lower of my two hearts. “What? I can’t worry about crew?”
“I was under the impression you thought Captain’s idea of crew a joke.”
She leaned in and her gills flared delicately against her neck as she licked her lips. “Maybe you be my crew. Did you never think of that, Royal?” Her kiss tasted like chole, like the sweetest side of every heaven and hell twisted into perfection.
I trapped her wrist before she could push me further onto the bed and turned away. “This is wrong.”
Adi paused, then vibrated as if holding back her considerable strength, then pulled back completely. “Forgive me, Commander, I forgot all about your perfect princess. Of course, you wouldn’t dare touch a filthy miner when you have her back.”
“Wait!” I snatched Adi by the waist before she could leave the bed; before I could think through my actions. “I only meant—I thought what happened between us meant nothing.”
Adi stared at me, lips parted a moment to catch her breath. “You be an even bigger fool than I thought you capable.” She broke my hold with a hard shove that sent me sprawling on my back. The emptiness she left behind was worse than the agony of her touch.
* * *
The following day when I returned to Qeya’s hut and glimpsed Ohre waiting patiently at her bedside, I turned back the way I had come. Adi didn’t return to visit me.
It’s better this way. Being with Adi reminded me all too well my weaknesses and the fact I wasn’t the Royal I was pretending to be. I didn’t dare ask anyone about her whereabouts after Min’s threat.
I also stashed all my chole packets at the bottom of my pack. I didn’t dig them out, no matter how sick I became. I only kept one pouch in my pocket now, for when the shakes became too painful.
The day after I gave up dust, I found walking to be more painful than the burning had been to my wound. I returned to Qeya’s hut to a similar scene. Watching Ohre and Qeya together was difficult, but something I told myself I should get used to. We didn’t know what kind of life we could possibly carve out on this hostile world, but I meant what I said to my sister. This was our chance to make something better and new. I could give Qeya that.
Walking the long bridges connecting the platforms that made up the village kept me sane, even if Hanea insisted it would be better for me to lay in bed until the poison passed. Too often in the past two days, the darker voices in my head slithered back to the forefront of my mind.
Kill him before she wakes up.
Burn this village to the ground! Burn them all!
I clenched my shaking hands as my sister pricked and scanned my wound and leg. “She’ll waken soon, big brother. Do not look so worried.”
I wasn’t worried about my leg, or the Var or anything except what would happen when she did awake. Would she laugh in my face for kissing her like I had? Would she pity me? What else was I but a half-mad chole addict?
I shivered as the taste of dust on Adi’s lips filled my memory. I fought down the sudden urge to search for her again. If she wasn’t in the village, she must have returned to the forest floor to continue the search.
For Remin, no doubt. The thought put a foul taste in my mouth.
Hanea smiled as she checked her scanner. “Poison is finally working its way out. You have a greater tolerance than I would have guessed. Keep walking like you have been and soon you’ll be able to help the miners search the forest floor.”
I nodded as I stood and glanced again at the leathers my sister wore while fastening the collar of my biosuit. “Why do you wear those skins? You look like a bleeding Var banshee.”
Hanea’s grin widened and she shrugged. “Too much blood on my clothes after the crash. The twins…” I winced as she faltered. “They skinned some razor backs and I helped sew them new clothes. After Ohre brought in the next kill, I decided we shouldn’t waist good material. Also, Arvex loves the way I look in furs.”
I choked at the thought of the boy king’s soft hands on my sister. Arvex may have been my friend, but he wasn’t half the hunan I remembered him capable of being. I had steadfastly avoided him and his endless questions ever since my arrival. The children were easier to talk to, to pretend we were still training together on Datura 3. Arvex had known me better and could see what I tried so desperately to hide. I didn’t want anyone to know who I had become since the crash.
“Tamn,” Hanea’s hand was on my arm, pulling me out of my head. The pity in her voice set my gills on edge. I hated when I lost time like this. It had happened often in the jungle and it shouldn’t happen now.
“Don’t. I’m fine, Hanea.”
“Make sure you wear these wrappings on your legs a few more days at least. I want to make sure you’re fully healed before removing them. Also, for the
love of Orona, please use the stick Min made for you, until you can walk without limping.”
I took the stick I had tossed aside upon entering with a grimace. I hated hobbling about like an invalid.
“Arvex wants you to sit with him and the elders today. He wants to form a plan to scout out the Var village. They have been reluctant but he thinks you might help convince them to help us.”
“Help with what? Hanea we barely made it here with our skins intact. If the miners wish to go cannons blazing into the jungle, let them, but I won’t risk another Royal hair on looking for Captain or bleeding chole, not anymore.” I left before I could acknowledge the hurt in my sister’s eyes. She didn’t understand and I didn’t want her to ask questions. I did want very much to march to market, snatch our boy king by the scruff of his golden neck and throttle sense into him.
I would do my best to avoid the elders and the rest of my people as usual. All I wanted was to look in on Qeya and then walk the abandoned end of the village where I could be in peace.
Where they can’t see you sniff chole, a voice gleefully reminded me.
“Shut your trap,” I growled low, stumbling when I ran headlong into a familiar golden figure.
“Steady, Tamn!” The boy king himself laughed as he reached out to steady me and I kept a tight grip on my walking stick to keep my shaking hands in check. “I was hoping to catch you before you started your rounds.”
I forced the scowl to smooth and attempted to smile. “Aye? What’s floating, fearless leader?” Arvex’s golden skin seemed to burn bright orange for a moment as he leaned back and shoved his hands in his suit jacket. At least our king hadn’t gone native, I was pleased to see.
“To be honest, I could really use your help negotiating with these elders. I want them to show us the Var camp. The miners seem to think there’s a chance the rest of your crew is still alive. Captain is my uncle, as you know but it’s more than wanting to preserve the bloodlines or any filsh waste lines we have said through the stars.” This time he looked me in the eye with a firmness I hadn’t seen before in my oldest friend. “I won’t leave anyone else behind. We are all that’s left. We need to stick together if we’re going to survive and you are better at surviving than anyone I’ve ever known.”
I tensed at his words, watching the purposely easy smile cross his face. Arvex had always been good at getting what he wanted. It was why he was always king in each life. While I kept his throne safe, there had been darker times I remembered. I confess, with the crueler voices in my head still fresh, it was harder for me to trust him.
Go along with his plans and wait for him to make a mistake, then we will destroy him!
“Shut up!” I spat.
Arvex flinched as if I had struck him physically and I realized my slip.
I rubbed my face with a hand and attempted to diffuse the wariness in my friend’s stance. “Sorry, I was just…”
“I know, brother,” Arvex said, clasping a confident hand on my shoulder. “It took us all time to adjust with the crash.”
I stared at him, disbelieving his foolishness in trusting me. It would be so easy. He didn’t know what I had become. Then I noticed the pity in his gold eyes, the same shade as his little sister’s and recoiled from his touch.
Arvex shoved his hand back in his pocket and turned his head, “You have more sense than anyone else in my crew, brother. I would have you help me find a way for us to make a good life here, if you are willing.”
I nodded but didn’t trust myself to speak. I turned away from Arvex and the village center, away from Qeya and took the bridge leading west, past Hanea’s hut and then north. I heard Min from the lookout nest, calling my name, but ignored him.
I made it halfway to the hut I had claimed when my brother came flying in one of those vines. He landed smoothly before me and I almost scolded him for taking to air like a wreen until I saw his face. “Tamn…” he paused for breath, gills flaring as he had obviously run part of the way here, “she’s awake.”
* * *
I stumbled as I placed my walking stick through a gap in the rope bridge and fell flat, cursing through the pain. I got up and ran as fast as I could, hobbling like the broken hunan I was. For the first time in this lifetime, I felt old. I was young, so young I wasn’t much older in terms of star years than my intended. But while my body refused me the speed I needed, my heart came to life at the thought of seeing her again.
She will choose the miner. Why would she want a broken monster like you?
Logic and madness seemed to agree on this matter, still I couldn’t help but rush as quickly as my legs allowed to get to her. I was so focused on finding her, I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings, until a gleam of light on red blazed not twenty paces ahead.
Qeya stood across the bridge from me, surrounded by the children, her smile fading as she saw me. Her mouth moved as her name left like a prayer from mine. I was so bleeding weak without her. I had half expected to see her in the miner’s embrace the next time we met. He was standing not too far away now, watching as she broke free of the children.
“Tamn!” She called out and then she was running. I was numb at the sight of her pushing past Nuki and Royal alike to get to me.
I found the will to move forward then, pushing my stick ahead and commanding my feet to follow.
As she drew nearer, I could see the tears streaming down her face. Suddenly, before I was ready, she was leaping into my arms, her hands slipping around my neck, legs wrapping around my waist.
Physical affection was often shunned among my people. We hid our emotions behind carefully practiced masks. Since the crash, we had fallen apart at the seams to our baser natures. While I had noticed this in the easy way Hanea embraced me, and how my brother and Arvex clasped my arm in reassurance, I was shocked to feel Qeya pressed against me now.
“Qeya!” My voice broke over her name as I dropped my stick to hold her back with all the strength I could muster.
She held my face between her hands and I shivered. “How did you make it out of that death trap?”
“By the edge of my gills,” I whispered, wanting nothing more in that moment than to kiss her. I should have waited, could have if she hadn’t jumped in my arms. Instead I covered her mouth with mine and tasted the tears on her lips. I would take this kiss, this embrace from her to savor for the rest of this life.
“I had a much better reason to live than the others,” I added, after.
She laughed as she kissed me again. Her touch made me feel strong.
Qeya’s eyes were full of love when she released her hold. I set her to the ground with trembling hands. I clenched my fists to hide the urge to pull the dust I kept in my pocket.
The others joined us, our family, I reminded myself.
Qeya didn’t let me go, laughing with the children. They spoke over one another in excitement, sharing their adventures since we found haven. Arvex was speaking nonsense as usual at me, but I watched as Qeya’s smile faded and followed the direction of her gaze.
Ohre had already left.
“You do not deserve her…but neither do I.”
I shouldn’t have pitied him. I didn’t. Instead I tucked Qeya beneath my arm against my side and was secretly pleased Ohre was gone.
She won’t forget him, a voice taunted.
This time I bit down on my tongue to keep from saying anything aloud. I would need to be careful. Or maybe not. Maybe being near her would be enough to heal the broken pieces inside my head as well as the wounds I took for what remained of us.
VIII : Heaven
Time was fluid, as smooth as the waters on Datura. I missed homeworld more than the others, I used to think. While some of the Royals in our crew took to life among the heavens, I always missed the palace and the waters I had made submit to our rule. I missed training legions of warriors and yes, even fighting with miners. They had been our best and worst enemy but they were also hunan enough to present a real challenge.
Since
we crashed on what the natives called Nukvar, every species we encountered became our enemy. Or perhaps we were the enemy. The ship that shot us down above Nukvar’s atmosphere must have seen us as a threat, or at least suspected we were after something they coveted. I knew this instinctively the same way I knew if they discovered our survival, they would return to finish us.
Adi believed they wanted our chole, and if the Var were using the rare mineral to coat their spears, it stood to reason this world was a literal blue dust mine. Only problem was the compound the Var used on their weapons was mixed with some other mystery compound. Those of us that had been wounded in previous fights reacted badly and Adi finally admitted it too risky to go chasing after the Var’s stash. She and Ohre went back to salvage what was left of our ship instead. At least that’s what she told the others. From the way she had eyed me while explaining their plan to Arvex, I knew she was looking for what chole remained on second deck.
“Come with us,” she asked me after pulling me aside from the others. I ignored the looks Arvex and Qeya threw my way, the confusion warring with their innate trust.
I hadn’t been this close to Adi since my first night in the village. Standing so near her now, to keep the others from overhearing, I felt my skin begin to crawl again with familiar sensations, the urge to touch her building with a growing need for dust. It had been days since I took a hit.
Because of Qeya, my father’s voice chose to remind me.
Because of honor, something I was working to rebuild, I hardened the monster inside me enough to calmly reply, “I won’t abandon the children. They aren’t ready. We need to prepare.”
Adi’s teeth clicked together as she clamped her hand down on my arm. “Why do you think I asked you to help us, you filsh-brained Royal? Ohre thinks by his gills not his mind. I need you with me.” She blinked, mouth parting as though she realized how her words sounded and released me.
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