The Secret Lives of the Amir Sisters

by Nadiya Hussain

‘I don’t know. Maybe they thought that despite the fact that you always stuck up for him, you knew it’d be a bad idea.’

  Of course it would’ve been a bad idea! My husband and Jay? The former too trusting and the latter … well. I thought about all these lies I’d been told and then about Fatti. My lies might’ve stretched over a year, but the lies Fatti was told stretched her entire life. How must she be feeling now?

  ‘Far,’ said Bubblee. ‘What did you mean when you said that thing about not being able to have a baby?’

  I couldn’t really remember half the things that came flying out of my mouth. Then it began to come back to me – yes, I’d declared in front of my entire family, for the first time, that I couldn’t have a baby. I told Bubblee what the doctors had told Mustafa and I last year.

  ‘Oh, Far,’ she whispered, putting her arm around me. ‘Why didn’t you say something? My silly, stoical sister.’

  My tears were making another appearance.

  ‘You’d have thought it was just another hindrance in my life, anyway,’ I replied. But without malice or anger. Just fact. That’s who Bubblee is.

  ‘All I want is for you to be happy,’ she said.

  I was, though. I really thought I was as happy as I could be, without being a mother, but now it felt like even the idea of happiness was impossible.

  ‘It’s just hard, you know,’ she said.

  ‘What?’

  She paused. ‘I want all these great things for you. For you to be out there and, I don’t know … just out there. Living this amazing life.’

  ‘I’m not like you, Bubs. I don’t have all these grand ideas about life and art and things. It’s always been the simple things: a home, a family. Being there for Mum and Dad.’

  ‘I guess you’re a better person than me,’ she replied. ‘Me and my errant ways.’

  I put my hand on her leg and gave a laugh. ‘You make us more interesting, at least.’

  She looked at me, but it was hard to tell what she was thinking.

  ‘We’ll fix this,’ she said. ‘I don’t how but we’ll get Fatti back and sort all of this out. I promise.’

  It wasn’t me being negative, but I couldn’t see how it was possible. Still, I didn’t want to be the one to curb Bubblee’s optimism – positive thinking didn’t exactly come naturally to her, and so I simply nodded. In that moment I might not have had much else, but at least I had my twin sister.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Mae

  ‘You didn’t think.’

  Mum was all over me, wagging her finger at me while I sat and looked at the ground. Jeez, Farah completely lost it in there. I’ve never seen anything like it – what with her being the ‘together’ one. I felt bad for her, but not as bad as I felt right now, with Mum towering over me and Dad standing next to her as she shook her head.

  ‘Give me this phone,’ she said, putting her hand out.

  My head shot up.

  ‘Come on, give it to me.’

  ‘But I …’

  So, my reflex is to say ‘But I never did anything,’ except this time maybe I did. Not that I meant to. It was all an accident, obviously. And why was I being punished for it now? I took the phone from my back pocket and gave it to Mum.

  ‘No more videoing. See your sister in there?’ she added, pointing down the corridor. ‘All because of this phone.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘—Listen to your amma, Mae,’ said Dad.

  ‘What trial Allah is putting us through,’ said Mum.

  At least they didn’t see me roll my eyes.

  ‘Mae – just because you’re the youngest, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to think about things.’

  Which was rich, considering the fact that my parents had spent the past thirty years lying to Fatti. I’m only sixteen.

  ‘What’s your excuse?’ I mumbled.

  Mum leaned in. ‘Hmm? See,’ she said, looking at my dad. ‘No respect for anything because she’s been given everything.’

  ‘Mae,’ said Dad, taking the seat next to me. ‘You must know how much all this has hurt your sister.’

  I looked at him. ‘And what about how you’ve hurt Fatti?’

  Dad looked up at Mum, who’d not taken her eyes off me, as she added: ‘No phone, you come straight home after school—’

  ‘—But—’

  ‘—You don’t see your friends on the weekend.’

  ‘Maybe—’

  ‘—No,’ said Mum, not letting Dad finish. ‘Until she begins to think about what her actions mean, she will do as I tell her.’

  All I did was tell the truth. It’s not like I wanted Jay to tell me what happened – I was only trying to sort stuff out, and this is the thanks I get. How was I supposed to know that the stupid local paper would somehow find out about my blog and print a story about it? It’s mental. I stayed sitting there as Mum and Dad went back into Mustafa’s room. Responsibility? I didn’t see anyone else going on about what Mum and Dad did, or what Farah’s husband did, or what Jay did. Talk about hypocrisy. A few minutes later Bubblee came out.

  ‘She all right?’ I asked.

  Bubblee stood over me, just like Dad. ‘God, Mae. What a mess. On top of which, thanks to you the whole town knows what’s happened.’ She shook her head at me. ‘You just have to say what you’re feeling, don’t you?’

  ‘Oh my God,’ I exclaimed. ‘It was an accident. And you say stuff all the time.’

  ‘I say it to people’s face. I don’t go online and broadcast it to the world. Honestly, social media will be the demise of our society.’ She looked up and down the corridor as if searching for something to do – some way to start fixing all these messes. ‘Have you heard from Fatti?’

  I crossed my arms and fixed my stare on the meningitis poster in front of me.

  ‘Mae?’

  ‘No. Dad’s taken my phone, hasn’t he? And why would she even want to call us? Now at last she has an excuse to get rid of us. Who can blame her?’

  ‘You’re being a brat.’

  ‘And you’re being a cow.’

  She paused. ‘One day, Mae, maybe you’ll see that not everything is about you.’

  Since when? Nothing is ever about me.

  ‘Anyway, come on. I’m taking you to school. You’ve missed enough days.’

  But I was too angry to move.

  ‘Mae. Get up. I don’t have time for this. Our sister’s missing and another one’s about to lose everything.’

  Our sister? As if she cared about Fatti more than I did. As if she had any idea about who she was or the things she felt. What a joke.

  ‘Whatever,’ I said as we made our way out of the hospital so I could finally be in school; a place where at least I wasn’t ignored.

  *

  It’s not like paranoia was ever my thing. Fatti was insecure enough for all of us. Who cared what people thought or said? But when I walked down the school corridor, the break-time bell having just rung, I swear everyone’s eyes were on me; people covering their mouth to whisper things, staring then turning away as soon as I looked at them.

  ‘Oi, Amir,’ someone called out.

  I turned around to see Anabelle at the end of the corridor, her skirt hitched up to her arse.

  ‘Your family not in jail yet?’ she said.

  She sauntered up towards me, her bestie by her side, chewing gum, looking like a skank. That’s what happens when you live on e-numbers. Eat a salad now and again, for God’s sake.

  ‘You’ve got to be real thick to end up giving your family secret away in the newspaper – got too big for your plimsolls, didn’t you, Miss I-have-five-thousand-YouTube-subscribers.’

  ‘Don’t come too close,’ I said. ‘Your breath stinks.’

  ‘Says curry-breath.’

  Up close I could see her freckles, the pock-mark next to her nose, her green eyes wild with what I’d call too much sugar.

  ‘Original,’ I said.

  It wasn’t, but it still made my face flush because ev
eryone was watching, their lips curled into a smile. I’d spent most of my school life being mediocre – not too popular but not exactly worthy of being picked on – despite the fact that I’m one of about seven brown people in the school – but it didn’t seem that way any more with this pack of wolves. Annabelle stepped towards me and it was all I could do not to take a step back, when a teacher came walking down.

  ‘What’s happening here then? Ah, Mae.’ Mrs Brown looked at me with a tight smile, her wrinkles etched in her skin. ‘Good to see you back in school. Annabelle, will you please pull your skirt down and wear your tie straight.’

  Everyone dispersed as Mrs Brown looked down at me with her withered face.

  ‘Now, how’s your brother-in-law?’ she asked.

  ‘Still a human log,’ I said, which might’ve sounded mean, but it’s not as if she really cared.

  ‘Mae – I really wish you wouldn’t sound so irreverent all the time.’

  But what were the options, eh, Mrs Brown? Sit there and cry like my sisters, Farah and Fatti? Or be a rage-against-the-world machine, like Bubblee? You’d have thought that at least my teachers would appreciate me putting my energies towards being creative. Turns out they’re as bad as my family.

  ‘I realise you must be going through a very difficult time right now,’ she continued. ‘But if you need to talk about anything, or tell me about any …’ Her eyes flicked towards a crowd of girls I could hear behind me. ‘… unsavoury behaviour, then you should know you can come to my office. Okay?’

  She peered at me over her black-rimmed glasses.

  ‘Yeah. Thanks, Miss.’

  Maybe she did care. Maybe hanging around with Bubblee too much has worn off on me.

  ‘It’s yes, dear. And not to worry. Now, off you go to class. Off you all go to class,’ she added to the people behind me.

  By the end of school, it was clear that everyone thought my family was some kind of blight on Wyvernage.

  ‘All right, Kelly?’ I said to my friend of three years in science, who then moved her stuff and sat with Anabelle and her cronies.

  I guess it was my first lesson in wolf-pack mentality. What a waste of a human being, I thought, tears stinging my eyes. Is this how Fatti felt? Isolated from everyone? Even though no-one gave her a reason to feel that way, you can’t help feelings, can you? That’s the point. All I heard the entire lesson was snickering with eyes darting towards me, no-one taking the seat next to me.

  Lunch wasn’t much better. I sat with a bunch of people from media studies and suddenly someone had to use the bathroom or had detention or whatever. I shook my head at how unoriginal people were. And yet, I looked at my quinoa salad and wanted to cry because it was like I had no-one. No friends, no family – not any that were speaking to me, anyway – and no Fatti.

  ‘What idiots.’ Sarah came and put her tray down, taking the seat opposite me. She looked over at Annabelle and her minions. ‘In ten years she’s going to be stacking shelves for a living.’

  I looked at Sarah, her blonde hair in a high pony as she picked up her sandwich.

  ‘It’s my penance,’ I said, feeling so grateful I could’ve leaned over and hugged her. ‘Serves me right for thinking it was a good idea to pour out my feelings on social media.’

  ‘Are you joking?’ she said. ‘It’s the most exciting thing to happen around here in decades. We should all be buying you drinks. Except you don’t drink.’

  ‘Do you have any idea what it does to your liver?’

  ‘All right, Amir?’ Sanjay came and sat next to me. ‘Don’t think I like you or anything. My mum said I have to be nice to you because she’s friends with your sister.’

  ‘I’m utterly grateful,’ I said, bowing my head towards him.

  ‘There, there, Babba,’ he replied, putting on an Indian accent as he patted my head. ‘Good girl.’

  I noticed Sarah blush as he smiled at her. Great, that’s all I needed, Romeo and bloody Juliet.

  Still, it was mental how everything outside these school gates had changed but everything inside was just the same. Students really do live in their own little bubble. I wondered where Fatti was. I get her being annoyed and all, but didn’t she know that we’d be worried? Didn’t she miss me, at least?

  ‘Your brother sounds a bit wild,’ said Anne, who’d come scampering to our table and sat next to Sarah. ‘Is he single?’ she asked, her eyes widening.

  I took a sip of my smoothie. ‘He’s a waste,’ I replied.

  My whole family was actually, but it was too depressing to tell everyone that.

  ‘Still,’ she said, leaning over the table, ‘that was a good blog.’

  ‘It was all right, you know,’ added Sanjay, loosening his tie. ‘I read the whole thing without falling asleep.’

  Sarah laughed as I mumbled a thanks.

  ‘I mean,’ Anne added, ‘I was like, Mae should be a writer.’

  ‘She takes cool videos,’ replied Sarah. ‘She doesn’t sit at her laptop writing stories.’

  ‘Yeah, but imagine if she did both,’ said Anne.

  It was almost as if I wasn’t there.

  ‘You get these two arts and you stick them together,’ she added, clamping her hands together.

  ‘Oh, yeah? How’d that work then, genius?’ replied Sarah.

  ‘I don’t know. She’s the one with all that creative stuff going on.’

  Anne might be a little dim sometimes but at least she’s nice. She made me smile, anyway.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Anne exclaimed as Sarah had to lean back. ‘You could get famous and we’d be like your groupies.’

  Sarah started laughing. ‘Sanjay could be our minion.’

  ‘I’ve got better things to do with my life, thanks,’ he said.

  ‘What do you mean?’ said Sarah. ‘You can roll out the red carpet wherever we go. Prostrate before us, like the humble servant you are.’

  ‘I’m leaving this table,’ he said, about to take his tray before Sarah stopped him.

  ‘Please take your leave first, lowly one,’ she said.

  Sarah and Anne laughed as I glimpsed Anabelle scowling at our table.

  ‘Stop it!’ Anne said, holding on to her legs. ‘I’ll wet myself.’

  ‘My mum seriously owes me,’ he added, shaking his head.

  The idea of Anne wetting herself made me and Sarah laugh. For a moment, looking at Sarah, Anne and Sanjay, I forgot there was anything wrong, then I remembered Fatti and the thought entered my head: when was the last time I laughed like this with all of my sisters?

  *

  As I watched the clock on the classroom wall tick I wasn’t sure what was worse – staying in school or being home. I looked out for Sarah, Anne or Sanjay as everyone flooded out of the school gates but couldn’t see any of them.

  ‘Yeah, with any luck he’ll be put in jail for taking money from his own family,’ I heard Anabelle’s raised voice as she pushed past me down the road away from the school. What a waster. I ignored it because it’s not like anything intelligent ever came out of her mouth. She was into riling people and getting riled isn’t really my thing; like I’ve said before, I leave excessive emotions to the rest of my family. When her pack laughed at her remark, it might’ve been useful if I had my phone – just to pretend to have something else to concentrate on.

  ‘It’s a disgrace, really,’ she continued. ‘But not exactly surprising when you think about where they come from.’

  I bit my tongue, told myself to cool down and not get worked up over words from a loser. I wanted to push ahead – I could walk faster than any of them, but their crowd was too big and I’d have bumped shoulders with someone, for sure. It’s not like hyenas need an excuse to attack.

  ‘People who use their family dramas to get more followers are beyond disgusting,’ she added, looking back at me. ‘I mean, talk about desperate. A bit like her fat sister.’

  She could’ve called me all the names under the sun and I’d ha
ve just rolled my eyes, but those words; mentioning my sister. Something boiled inside me that didn’t bother to check with my brain or logic. I lunged at Annabelle from behind, gripping her around her neck, pulling her back as we both fell to the floor.

  ‘You take that back,’ I shouted, pulling at her hair. ‘You take that back!’

  ‘Oh my God, fight!’ someone called out.

  ‘Get off!’ she exclaimed, pushing at my chest to try and knock me back.

  The more she wrestled, the angrier I got, and it turns out I’m a lot stronger than I look. Fat sister? Fat sister? I pulled her hair again, and some of it ripped out.

  ‘My hair! The stupid cow’s gone and torn out my hair,’ she cried, grabbing her head as I sat on top of her, her locks in my hand.

  Before I could throw her hair back and hit her, I felt someone grab me from around the waist and pull me up.

  ‘That stupid cow! Call a teacher,’ she cried.

  I kicked my legs in the air as I was turned around and dragged through the crowds, away from the fight scene.

  ‘Stop kicking,’ said a voice that was only now beginning to compute. People were still staring at me, but maybe because it looked like I was being kidnapped.

  ‘What the …?’ I looked back and it was Malik. ‘What are you doing here?’ I said, practically shouting still.

  Malik let go of me as he looked around. He smiled at a few students who’d probably missed the fight because they didn’t look like wild, excitable dogs.

  ‘Calm down, little Mae,’ he said, putting up his hands. ‘Come on, let’s walk.’

  I was too angry to argue but angry enough to stomp with him, especially since he called me little Mae. I mean, if that’s not going to get your goat, what is? We walked in silence for about ten minutes. I wanted to go back and punch Annabelle in the face. I wanted to rip all of her hair out. She can say what she likes about me, but my sister? I was still thinking of ways I could get my revenge on her when we got to the park. Malik made me take a seat on a bench before sitting down next to me. My breathing was still coming in short gasps as I felt the adrenaline pumping through me. If Annabelle were in front of me now, I’d lunge at her again.

  ‘Here,’ he said, ‘have some water.’