“Oh, my! They’re beautiful!” Forgetting the cool wall that had been standing between them for days, she grinned at Russ, then quickly sank to her knees near the babies. “Are they okay?”
“They check out fine. And you can see for yourself that the mother is already up and ready to nurse them. That’s where you come in.”
“Me? But if she’s fine—”
“She’s fine,” he interrupted. “But she won’t have enough milk for both of them. I want the smaller one on the mother. The larger one will have to be bottle fed. I could have Laramie give the job to one of the cowboys, but I thought you might want to do it.”
Laurel turned a pleading gaze on him. “Oh, Russ, are you sure it has to be this way? It will be awful to tear the twins apart. And the bigger one needs her mother just as much as the smaller one does.”
For the first time in days, the angles of his face softened with understanding. “I’m sorry, Laurel. I wish we could keep them all together, too. But both calves deserve the best of care. And we don’t want to compromise the mother’s health, either.”
Laurel looked back at the twins. Both calves were attempting to rise to their knees, but were still a bit too wobbly to make it all the way up on all fours. “They’re girls,” Laurel said, her voice dropping to a ragged whisper. “Sisters shouldn’t have to be separated, Russ. Let me bottle feed both of them. Please!”
Suddenly he squatted down beside her, and as his hand settled warmly on her shoulder, Laurel closed her eyes against an onslaught of emotions.
“Laurel, you’ve worked with me for a long time—you know I wouldn’t be doing this unless it was absolutely necessary. The small one has a much better chance to survive on its mother’s nutrients. Sometimes it just has to be this way. Can you handle this job? I’ll understand if you can’t.”
Opening her eyes, she turned her head to look at him and the gentleness in his brown gaze made her heart beat with heavy regret.
Don’t waste your life trying to avoid all the obstacles thrown at you. Be fearless and jump straight over them.
Oh, God, she prayed. Why couldn’t she find the courage to reach for everything she wanted? Why couldn’t she meet her fears head-on?
Blinking at the moisture in her eyes, she said, “I can do it.”
“Good.” He touched his fingertips to her cheek. “And by the way, I’ve missed you, Laurel.”
Pain spread through the middle of her chest. “I’ve not gone anywhere,” she pointed out.
“Oh, yes you have. You’ve gone far, far away from me,” he murmured. “When are you going to come back?”
Everything inside her was aching to throw her arms around his neck and bury her face against his neck. But common sense told her that once she touched him, she’d be lost. And she couldn’t allow that to happen. No matter how much she wanted it.
“Russ—I—why can’t you forget? That’s what we both need to do.”
His hand gently cupped her jaw. “I can’t do that, Laurel. Not any more than you can.”
The temptation to give in to him was so intense it frightened her, and in an effort to put some space between them, she quickly jumped to her feet.
“We need to— I have to—”
“Hey, Russ.”
The ranch hand’s voice cut through Laurel’s tangled words and she looked around with relief to see Guy, a tall, young cowboy with dark hair and a bright yellow bandanna tied around his neck, approaching the stall.
Russ straightened to his full height. “What is it, Guy?”
“Sorry for interrupting, doc. Guess this is turning out to be a busy day. We need you over in the foaling barn. Laramie’s best cutting mare is having some trouble.”
“Tell him I’ll be right there,” Russ instructed.
The cowboy turned on his heel and hurried away. Ross glanced regretfully at Laurel.
She quickly turned to business. “I’ll go find a place to put the calf. And don’t worry, I’ll take the best care of her.”
“I never worry about your care of an animal, Laurel. But you and me—we can’t go on like this.”
“You’re right. We can’t.”
His gaze searched her face for long moments and Laurel was beginning to think he was going to say more on the subject, but he gave his head a rueful shake and muttered, “I gotta go.”
Laurel watched him leave the stall before she turned back to the tiny twins. While she and Russ had been talking, the bigger calf had managed to get to her feet and wobble over to the mother.
As Laurel watched the baby search for the comfort of her mother’s milk, tears streamed down her face.
How was she going to take this precious baby away from its mother and sister? The same way she was going to end her relationship with Russ. By convincing herself it was the only way they could all survive.
Sniffing back her tears, she walked over and gathered the calf in her arms.
“Come on, baby girl. It’s going to be just you and me now.”
Chapter Twelve
Russ had never been a fan of dinner parties. During his marriage to Brooke, he’d been forced to attend events that were all about money and social appearances, neither of which he cared about. But he’d escorted his wife because he’d wanted to support her so-called climb up the corporate ladder.
But that unfortunate part of his life was over, and tonight was different. Tonight he was among friends and folks with the same interests he held. And Laurel would be attending. That had been reason enough for him to pull on a white shirt with his blue jeans and tighten a bolo tie around his neck.
Now as he shared a cocktail with Laramie, Maccoy and the Cantrell men, Russ found himself watching the doorway leading into the family room and wondering when she was finally going to appear.
For the past two and a half weeks, he’d had to fight with himself to keep from saying to hell with it all. If she wanted an affair, he’d give her one. That would be better than having nothing between them but a wall of frost. But what he wanted from Laurel was far more than physical. And if he gave in to her now, he might never win her over to the idea of marriage.
When Laurel did finally appear, Russ found himself practically gawking at her like a teenager. She was wearing a deep purple dress of some clingy sort of fabric that accentuated her curves and stopped just above her knees. A pair of black strappy high heels gave her legs a sleek, dancer’s look, making it impossible to keep his gaze from sliding up and down the smooth arc of her calves.
Russ hadn’t even known the woman owned such shoes, much less a dress that looked so downright sexy. Her hair was pinned atop her head in graceful loops and emerald-colored earrings sparkled at her earlobes. If she was trying to make him cave to her way of thinking, she was damned near to succeeding, he thought helplessly.
For the next few minutes, while everyone chatted and finished their drinks, Laurel remained on the opposite side of the room, where she’d taken a seat next to Alexa and Abe, the eighty-five-year-old patriarch of the Cantrell family. But once dinner was announced and everyone filed into the dining room, Russ was pleasantly surprised to discover that Laurel had been seated by him.
Once they were settled in their chairs, he tilted his head toward hers and spoke in a voice for her ears only. “Looks like someone decided we should be together.”
Darting him a glance, she said, “I’m sure it was Alexa. She happens to believe we make a perfect pair.”
“Smart woman. And beautiful, too. Almost as beautiful as you.”
She turned her head and with her brows arched, she looked straight at him. “I clean up well, but I can’t compare to Alexa.”
“When you stop underselling yourself, Laurel, then you’re going to realize that the two of us do belong together.”
He could see an array of conflicting emotions flicker in her eyes, but what, if any, remark she might have said was suddenly interrupted as Abe asked the guests to lower their heads while he prayed a blessing over the meal.
&nbs
p; For the next hour, Russ kept any personal remarks he had for Laurel to himself. Instead, he joined in the general discussion around the table about the ranching business and what the coming spring was going to hold in store for the Chaparral. Laramie was never much of a talker, but Quint and Abe made up for any slack in the conversation. Russ wasn’t surprised to see that Alexa, and Quint’s wife, Maura, were both highly informed on the subject of raising cattle and horses. Both women had come from ranching families. What did surprise him tonight, however, was the fact that Reena was sitting at the table as a guest, rather than simply working as the cook. Not only that, she was seated at Abe’s side and the older man had been casting plenty of flirtatious looks at her.
Maybe by the time Russ reached Abe’s age, he’d be an expert on how to handle a stubborn woman like Laurel, he thought wistfully. But he doubted it. Age had nothing to do with love. It knew no age or color, or boundary. It either existed or it didn’t. And he desperately hoped that whatever was in Laurel’s heart would take root and grow until it was too big for her to ignore.
Long after the meal was over, Russ was in the family room, about to say good-night to his friends, when Alexa came up to him and pulled him away from the group of men.
“Sorry to interrupt,” she spoke in a low voice, “but I’m worried about Laurel. And I wondered if you might go look for her.”
“What do you mean? I thought all you women went to the kitchen to help Reena.”
Alexa shook her head. “That’s all been taken care of. Laurel grabbed her coat and told me she needed to go to the barn. I tried to talk her out of it, but I couldn’t get anywhere with her. And now she’s been out there for ages! I’m worried about her. She’s not acting like herself at all.”
That damned calf, Russ thought. He thrust his coffee cup and dessert plate at Abe’s granddaughter. “I’d appreciate it if you’d take care of these for me. I’ll get my coat and go find her.”
“Sure. And thanks, Russ.”
Although March was almost here and spring would soon be coming, the nights here in the mountains were still frigid. As Russ crossed the ranch yard, his breath came out in big white puffs, and the snow-patched ground crunched beneath his boots.
Inside the big barn, he walked to the far end, where Laurel had housed the twin calf she was bottle feeding and, as expected, found her there. Apparently, it didn’t matter that she was wearing a dress or high heels; she was kneeling over the animal and stroking its side.
“Laurel, what are you doing out here?”
Upon hearing his voice, her head jerked around, and he could see by her look of surprise that she’d not heard him walk up, much less expected him to follow her to the barn.
“I’m making sure that Josie is okay. I gave her a bit more milk. And I was afraid she might get cold tonight so I turned the heat lamp on her.”
So she’d already named the calf, he thought with misgivings. She knew better than that. He’d warned her not to name any animal that would eventually be leaving her care. It was easy enough to develop attachments even without names. Along with that, she’d already made a deep bed of warm straw for the animal, and nature had given it a heavy enough coat to handle the cold. But he wasn’t going to start preaching to her tonight. Not when she looked so beautiful kneeling there in her dress and heels, with the heat lamp giving her hair a fiery-bronze sheen.
“I’m more worried about you getting cold,” he said. “You’re not exactly dressed for barn work.”
“I’ll be fine.” She turned back to the calf and stroked its ears. “Josie already trusts me. She thinks I’m her mother now.”
He stepped into the stall. “And you’re a very good one, Laurel. But you needn’t worry so about her. She’s taken to the goat milk and is coming along nicely.”
He stretched a hand down to her. “Come on, let’s go back to the house. Alexa is worried about you.”
Frowning, Laurel took his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. “I told Alexa exactly what I was going to do. She simply sent you out here to play matchmaker. Which was ridiculous, considering we’re always working together.”
His hand tight around hers, he pulled her close against him. “Maybe she thinks we need some time together when we’re not working.”
Her lips trembled as her gaze made a hurried scan of his face. “I don’t know what to think about you or us anymore, Russ. You haven’t taken me to bed and—”
“I’m not going to, either,” he said flatly.
“I should have guessed it wouldn’t take you long to tire of me. Maybe if I was sexy like Alexa I could change your mind.”
“Hellfire, Laurel, if you were any sexier it would kill me! And for your information, I’m aching to take you to bed. But without commitment from you—well, it would feel good. But it wouldn’t feel right. Can you understand that?”
She placed her hands on his chest, and Russ couldn’t decide whether she wanted to keep space between them or was inviting him closer.
“I understand that you want far more from me than I can give, Russ. That’s why I’ve got to go away from here and find another job and forget I ever knew you!”
“I am not about to let you go anywhere!” he said with an angry growl.
Before he could stop himself, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and bent her head back over his arm. But as soon as his lips swooped over hers, his anger vanished and he could feel nothing but desire and a desperate need to show her his love.
When her arms slipped around his neck and her mouth opened beneath his, triumph swept through him. Oh, yes, she wanted him. He could taste it on her lips, feel it in the way her body pressed into his. But that wasn’t all he wanted. It wasn’t nearly enough. And he couldn’t settle for less.
Lifting his head, he stared down at her. “You don’t want to leave this job any more than you want to leave me,” he said.
Tears pooled in her eyes, and then with a choked sob, she jerked out of his arms.
“Please thank the Cantrells for their hospitality. I’m going home!”
Russ didn’t try to stop her. Instead he watched her race out of the barn as though she were being chased by a herd of demons.
* * *
“Lauralee, I’ve seen dead people that looked better than you,” Maccoy said as he watched her pour a cup full of coffee.
As she stirred in a heavy dollop of cream, she cut her glance over to the older man. The afternoon had finally gotten quiet and he was now sitting at one of the desks, his chair tilted and his boots crossed on one corner.
“I missed my spa appointment this week,” she said drolly.
“Okay, smarty, maybe a trip to the spa can put some color in your face. You’re whiter than the sheet on my bunk.”
“I’m fine, Maccoy, really. Just tired.” In fact, she’d been exhausted ever since the dinner party a little more than a week ago. Stress, that’s all it was, she’d been telling herself. Thoughts of Russ had been tearing her apart until she could hardly sleep, and eating was something she had to force herself to do.
The older man sighed. “Well, Russ thought we’d all get a little break from the hectic work pace when we moved out here to the ranch. But we’ve danged sure been busy. ’Course there’s been some unusual situations that caused it, too. Like the bull gettin’ through the fence to those heifers and causing all the early calves to drop. And then the sick cows. Russ is still workin’ to figure out that problem.”
Moving over to where he sat, she eased her hip against the corner of the desk. “Are you sorry we left the clinic?” she asked frankly.
“Hell no! Are you?”
Laurel didn’t have to ponder on Maccoy’s question. After all, how could she be sorry when she loved these mountains and livestock, her cozy little house in the woods and the camaraderie of the ranch hands. Even her pets loved their home in the woods, especially the dogs. As for her feelings for Russ, she couldn’t blame this place for making her fall in love with the man, much less fall into h
is bed. Alexa had been right. She’d loved Russ for years. She’d just not wanted to admit it to him or herself.
“No. I’m not sorry.”
“That’s all you have to say about it?”
She shot him a puzzled frown. “What else am I supposed to say? I’m not sorry we’re here. Period.”
The older man let out a heavy sigh. “Damned, but you’re a hard one to read. Maybe if you looked happy once in a while, I’d believe you, but—” He stopped, his eyes suddenly narrowed. “I’ve been expecting to see an engagement ring on your hand. What’s happened?”
Totally stunned, Laurel straightened away from the desk. “An engagement ring?” She practically shouted the question. “Who— Why—”
He motioned with his hand for her to calm down and lower her voice. “Why are you gettin’ all wild about a simple question? Russ told me he asked you to marry him. He told me you turned him down, but I figured you were smart enough to change your answer. Don’t you think it’s past time that you wised up?”
Her jaw tight, she tried to hold on to her temper. “Maccoy, I love you—but shut up! You don’t know anything about what I should do.”
“I might be old but that doesn’t make me dumb. There’s not one single reason you shouldn’t marry the man!”
She arched a skeptical brow at him. “And you’re an expert on the subject? A man who’s never been married in his life?”
He jerked his boots off the desk and they hit the tiled floor with a loud plop. “Yeah, that’s right! I was a fool and missed my chances. No wife. No kids. Nothing to be remembered by. Russ don’t want that for himself and neither do you.”
Her lips pressed to a grim line, Laurel walked over and tossed the remainder of her coffee in a trash basket. “I need to go give Josie her bottle,” she muttered, then hurried out of the office before Maccoy could say more on the subject.
Damned old man, Laurel thought, as she entered the treatment room. What did he know about it anyway?
From what he’d said, Maccoy had allowed his chance to have a wife and family to slip away. Now he was alone and regretting it. Is that how she wanted it to be for her when, or if, she reached her seventies? A lonely old maid with no one to share the golden years of her life?
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