Something to Believe In

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “Is complicated and there’s no room for a plus one, I get it,” Justin finished for her, a bit irritated that he couldn’t just let it go. “Trust me, there’s no room in my life, either. But, we’re pretty good together. We definitely click sexually, why not see where this could go? Just for fun?”

  Lilah’s gaze sobered. “And what happens if one gets more attached than the other? Someone is going to get hurt.”

  Ah, he thought with sudden understanding. She was afraid of getting hurt. Someone must’ve hurt her in the past. He’d show her that he wasn’t that guy. He softly knuckled her cheek and said, “I would never hurt you, gorgeous. I swear it.”

  She surprised him with a low chuckle. “I know that. I was talking about you.”

  Justin stared. She was afraid he was going to be hurt? That he was going to get too attached? Ha. But as a quick denial bubbled to the surface, he realized, hot damn, she could see right through him. If he didn’t know better he’d say he was falling for Lilah in record time. Even if he was blind, she obviously was not. He pulled away and chuckled darkly. “Right. Okay. It’s all good.” A sigh rattled out of his chest and a scowl threatened even though he tried his best to smother it under a flippant smile. “I just thought it’d be cool to get to know each other. But I’m good with just screwing around if that’s your thing. Trust me, I’m more than good with that.”

  And he was lying through his ever-loving teeth.

  Hopefully, she couldn’t tell that, too.

  “So, where’s that place to eat? I’m starved.”

  * * *

  LILAH FELT THE MOOD CHANGE as if it were a physical thing and guilt nagged at her. Wasn’t it better to be honest? Well, you’re not exactly being totally honest, now are you? A snarky voice countered to her exasperated self. No, she supposed she wasn’t. But she’d rather preserve the illusion that she was pushing him away for superficial reasons rather than because she was reluctant to share her dirty little secret. She could only imagine how that adoring light in his eyes would dim if she were to tell him what she’d done only a few short months ago. She heard Dr. Veronica’s voice in her head, advising her to abstain from any deep romantic attachments while still healing emotionally and her resolve strengthened by a grim notch. This was better...no attachments. He would leave St. John with great memories and she’d go on with her life, healing and growing.

  It was the sensible, responsible thing to do. Dr. Veronica would approve.

  So, why did Lilah feel a lead weight in her chest?

  Did she feel this way organically? Or was it a product of her depression? She worried her lip without thought but Justin caught the telling motion.

  “Why are you pushing me away? Something’s wrong. I can feel it. I know we haven’t known each other long but...whatever it is, you can tell me. You can trust me.”

  Trust me.

  The words hung heavy and obtrusive between them, an elephant in a crowded room.

  I’m not supposed to date.

  I tried to kill myself.

  She opened her mouth but the words died in her throat. She couldn’t tell him that. He was a stranger and as a stranger wasn’t burdened by the knowledge of her recent past. To him, she was simply a normal, perhaps slightly enigmatic, girl.

  And she wanted to keep it that way.

  Lilah sent a blinding smile his way, concealing the odd pang in her heart at shutting him out, and said, “You see things that aren’t there. And this conversation is way too serious for such a wonderful day. Let’s keep it light, okay?” She didn’t wait for him to agree and simply popped from the Jeep toward the restaurant. “You coming? Best johnnycakes around St. John. I promise you’ll love it. Come on, slowpoke.” She cast one last look Justin’s way and saw him exiting the car, a perplexed expression lingering behind the easy smile she was beginning to suspect was his defense, just as walking away was hers.

  CHAPTER NINE

  BY THE TIME LILAH AND JUSTIN had suffered through a painfully awkward and tense lunch and a quiet drive back to Larimar, Lilah was more than ready to escape to her room, but as Justin left her with a flip goodbye Lora waylaid her in the foyer.

  Lilah tried not to let her gaze follow Justin as he disappeared from the main lobby but it was as if her eyes were locked on target and wouldn’t let go until he was out of sight. When she reluctantly dragged her stare back to Lora, it was then she realized Lora was hardly ever behind the reception desk. “What are you doing? Where’s Celly?” she asked.

  Lora’s jaw tensed in a subtle manner as she answered. “Celly has quit, which is probably for the best. She wasn’t a very good fit here at Larimar and I’ve been trying to find someone to replace her for quite a while.”

  Lilah’s eyes bugged and she shook her head as if Lora’s statement didn’t make sense, because frankly, it didn’t. “Celly wouldn’t quit,” she stated flatly. “What did you do? Did you fire her?”

  “Of course not,” Lora shot back. “Don’t put this one on me. She quit of her own accord. Just ask Heath.”

  “I will,” Lilah said, her ears becoming hot as something close to anger and panic coalesced into a toxic mess inside her. “What happened?”

  Lora didn’t look as if she were interested in answering questions and thus, simply shrugged. “I tidied her desk and she overreacted. Now—” she drew a deep breath and squared her shoulders “—we need to talk about other things. Such as who were you with? You know how I feel about dating the patrons. It sets a bad example. I know it worked out for Lindy but let’s not make a habit of using Larimar’s guests for a dating pool. Okay?”

  Lilah stared at her sister, freshly irritated that she could so easily sweep under the rug that she’d somehow gotten rid of Celly and then chastise her for going out with a patron. Of the two, in Lilah’s mind, Lora had committed the bigger sin. “Celly cannot be replaced,” Lilah said in a low voice, nearly trembling with anger. “And I don’t need you telling me who I can and can’t date.”

  “Lilah, I’m not trying to be bossy,” Lora said. “I’m just trying to look out for everyone’s best interests. And as far as Celly goes...she made her choice.”

  “You did something to make her leave,” Lilah said. “I need to talk to her.”

  At that Lora slammed the papers she’d been shuffling onto the desk with more force than necessary. “Why does everyone assume I’m the bad guy in this? Celly was an employee. Not a member of this family. I don’t know why everyone feels the need to rush to her defense but I get thrown under the bus.”

  “Because she is family!” Lilah practically shouted, shocking Lora. “She helps take care of Pops, she cooks all our favorite meals, and she helps Larimar run smoothly when it should be falling down around our damn ears! How is it that you’re the only one who doesn’t see how everyone loves her!” Lora blinked and the corners of her mouth turned down but she otherwise remained silent, the stubborn woman. Lilah threw her hands up and did an about-face. “I need to talk to Celly. Maybe salvage this mess before it’s too late and we lose someone else in this family.”

  Lilah climbed back into the Jeep and wiped away the tears that had begun to leak down her face. Damn you, Lora.

  And damn you, too, Justin.

  Perhaps it wasn’t fair to throw Justin into the blame category but it felt good to vent her anger over how their afternoon had ended. She’d been on a glorious high until he’d started pushing, wanting more than she was offering.

  And now Celly was go
ne? The world had tipped upside down in a space of five hours.

  Since when did guys want to get all lovey-dovey? What guy wouldn’t love the chance to simply let things remain superficial? Sure, she was stereotyping but the reason stereotypes existed was because there was a certain amount of truth to them.

  Maybe she should’ve just accepted his offer to go to Rush Tide. Where was the harm? It wasn’t as if she was afraid of falling in love with him. She knew it was a vacation thing for him and that was okay with her. So why’d she shut him down so quickly?

  Was she afraid of becoming attached?

  Don’t be silly and start focusing on what’s truly important—getting Celly back. A transient patron who just so happens to make her stomach do strange things was not the priority.

  Besides, as much as she hated to admit it, Lora was right. Dating the patrons was probably a bad idea, even if it had worked out really well for Lindy.

  Speaking of... Lilah put the Jeep in gear and pulled out onto the road. She couldn’t wait for Lindy to get here. She needed some twin time in the worst way.

  * * *

  LILAH CHECKED THE ADDRESS and pulled into the overgrown driveway to park in front of a tiny house that appeared as though a stiff wind might tear it down. Lilah blinked at the poor conditions and her ire at Lora bloomed fresh. “Celly?” she called out, exiting the Jeep and walking toward the front door. The jungle foliage crept and intruded on the small yard until it was difficult to discern where the yard started and stopped. She frowned, wondering why Celly didn’t ask Heath to do some clearing for her. He’d gladly do it if he knew Celly needed it. Lilah made a mental note to ask him herself.

  She knocked on the weathered front door and waited. It was several minutes before the door opened a crack and Celly peered out from behind the door. Her eyes registered surprise until a frown quickly formed. “What are yah doing here?” she queried.

  “Celly, I just found out about what happened at Larimar. Or, actually, I don’t really know what happened but whatever it was, I hope we can make it better because we need you.”

  “Bah, yah don’t need an old woman like me. Lora made that perfectly clear,” Celly said.

  “Can I come in for a minute?” Lilah asked, perplexed by the way Celly was acting. Celly hesitated but finally relented. “All yah Bells de same. Stubborn and nosy,” she muttered, opening the door and walking away.

  Lilah followed Celly into the musty house, her nose tingling at the mildly damp smell, and wondered how Celly lived in these conditions but she kept any comment to herself for fear of offending the older woman.

  Lilah took a seat on an aged sofa while Celly settled herself into an equally old and threadbare chair. “What happened?” Lilah asked, getting right to the point. When Celly remained stubbornly silent, Lilah pressed gently. “Listen, I know Lora can be as prickly as a sea urchin sometimes but she’s just under a lot of pressure. I’m sure she didn’t mean whatever she said to offend you.”

  Celly harrumphed and looked away. “Dat woman is worse than sea urchin.”

  Lilah sighed. “Celly, I’m sorry that she’s difficult to get to know but she’s trying to make everything work and sometimes she gets so focused on the problems, she forgets about the people. But her intentions are good. You know that, right?”

  Celly shrugged but Lilah sensed she was gaining some ground. “Please come back. I’m sure Lora is sorry.”

  Celly pinned Lilah with a sharp look. “If she so sorry, why are yah here saying it instead of her?”

  Lilah squirmed a little. Good point. “Deep down Lora is sorry, but she’s stubborn...like you. Give her time. She’ll come around.”

  “No.”

  “Celly,” Lilah implored, unable to believe how obstinate the older woman was being. “Come on...please?”

  At that Celly’s hard gaze softened a little and she said, “Lilah girl, yah good soul. Yah spend yah time and energy caring for everyone but yahself. It’s time for yah to worry about yah own pretty skin. Lora is a big girl. If she so sorry...she can find me. Until then...I stay here.”

  Lilah couldn’t help but cast a dubious glance around the dilapidated home and Celly stiffened. “Keep yah eyes in yah head. Nothing wrong with my home. I’ve lived here since I was a chile and my parents lived here before dat.”

  “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry, Celly,” Lilah said, immediately chastised for being so transparently appalled at her living conditions. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sure it’s a great place, but it seems that it’s fallen...apart.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry. Why haven’t you asked Heath to come and help you out with some of these repairs? You know he would.”

  Celly lifted her birdlike chin. “I don’t need charity. I work for whatever goes into my pocket.”

  “Of course, Celly. It’s not charity when you help out family.” She reached over and grasped Celly’s hand. “And you are family. Just as much as Heath is, you know that, right?”

  Celly blinked away the sudden shine in her eyes and murmured, “Yah a sweet chile, girl. But not everyone feels as yah do. That’s just the way of tings as dey are.”

  Lilah stifled a sigh. Celly needed to hear the words from Lora, not her. And likely, Lora would rather eat a Japanese pufferfish than apologize. Lilah rose. “Celly, your job is waiting for you. I promise. Come back when you’re ready.” She walked to the door, then turned. “Also, I’m sending Heath over to do some repairs. And don’t even think about saying no because I won’t listen.” She sent a quick look around the small house, then muttered, “And neither will Heath so don’t waste your breath.”

  “Stubborn Bell,” Celly called out after her, and Lilah smiled. Yeah, she supposed that was accurate.

  CHAPTER TEN

  LORA DRAGGED HERSELF TO BED, her head throbbing. The day had been a trying one to say the least. She changed out of her clothes, slipped into something that flowed loosely around her body and slid into the bed beside Heath, grateful for the day’s end.

  She and Heath were still at odds but he reached over and started rubbing her shoulders when he saw the tension in her body. “Everything all right?” he asked.

  “No,” she admitted wearily. “Pops kept asking for Celly and when he couldn’t understand why she wasn’t around, he became more confused. It was awful.”

  Heath’s sigh said volumes. She looked at him sharply. “She quit. I didn’t fire her,” she said defensively.

  Heath’s mouth tightened but he remained silent and continued to rub her shoulders. His touch soothed the knotted muscles but did nothing for the turmoil in her head. Celly was the one who had overreacted. Not her. So she’d tidied her desk a little...was that really cause to freak out and quit? A small, nagging voice reminded her that she hadn’t been welcoming to Celly from the minute they’d met. But surely, they’d gotten over that small bump since then? “Everyone treats me the same as before even though I’ve changed. Why doesn’t anyone see that?”

  “Sometimes you’re stubborn, that’s all. What you need to do is go to Celly and simply apologize. That’s all she wants.”

  Lora frowned, irritated. “Why should I apologize? I didn’t do anything worth apologizing for.”

  “How about going to her and clearing the air? You know, I think you felt threatened by Celly, like somehow she was going to replace Grams, but you know that’s not true. She’s a part of Larimar and we need her. And, honestly, she needs us, too. She doesn’t have any family left on the island, and
she’s embraced the Bells in her own way. What more could you want in a loyal employee other than someone who truly cares about the place and people they work for?”

  Damn, she hated when Heath was right and she was wrong. She sighed and turned to him, wrapping her arms around his solid torso and burying her nose against his skin. “I know she’s not going to replace Grams. But I get prickly when I’m around her. I don’t know why.”

  “It’s because you hate change,” Heath said, a smile in his voice. “But change isn’t all bad.”

  “Says who?” she groused, internally processing his point. He was right; she hated change. But to be fair, change in her life had rarely come without painful consequences. She preferred order and stability to the chaos of new adventures or new people. “The damage is done. I doubt she’ll come back even if I begged, which I won’t do, anyway. It’s a moot point. I just need to find someone to fill her spot.”

  “Lora...” Heath’s disappointment weighed heavy in his voice and she lifted to meet his gaze. “You’re making it ten times worse than it needs to be. You two need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. That’s all. And then things will improve between you. I can almost guarantee it.”

  She scowled. “You don’t know that and I don’t feel like sacrificing my dignity to beg someone to work for me.”

  “How about begging someone who cares about this family to return because we all miss her?”

  Lora groaned and pulled away from Heath. “I’m tired and my head is ready to explode,” she said, turning on her side and communicating that she didn’t want to talk about it any longer. She hated being on the opposite side of everyone, but it particularly hurt when Heath wasn’t on her side. Tears tingled behind her eyes and she squeezed them shut to block the moisture from escaping.