Something to Believe In

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “I promise, Grams,” she murmured, hoping her grandmother could hear her and approved. “I promise.”

  * * *

  LILAH RAN OUT TO THE PATIO and scanned the private beach. Nothing but gorgeous blue skies and clear waters met her gaze. She searched her memory for anything that might provide a clue as to where Pops might’ve gone and at first, she came up with nothing. Frustrated, she thought harder, determined to find something—anything—that might help.

  “Grams...where is he?” she whispered, closing her eyes, praying for a miracle. She opened her eyes and something caught her eye. No...it couldn’t be... She stared harder, the air evaporating from her lungs. She fished her cell phone from her pocket and called Billy.

  “Billy, I need a huge favor, can you bring your boat around to our private beach? I think I see Pops and he’s way out there, too far for me to swim but I can see him and he’s heading for Dead Man’s Breach.”

  “Dat plenty far from de Larimar beach,” Billy said, worried. “Yah sure?”

  “I can see him. Quickly, Billy, I’m afraid he’s going to drown!”

  “I’ll be there in two minutes,” he promised, and then he was gone. Lilah spun on her heel and ran back into the resort, yelling as she went. “I’ve found him! He’s swimming to Dead Man’s Breach!”

  “Dead Man’s Breach?” Lora repeated with horror. “That’s impossible for a man his age! He’s going to drown!”

  “I have Billy going to get him. Do you think he’ll remember Billy? What if he refuses the help? Oh, damn, maybe we should call the authorities and have search and rescue get him instead.”

  “There’s no time.” Heath looked just as fearful. “We’ll just have to hope and pray that he remembers Billy or just plain wants to get out of the water.”

  “Oh, God, this is a nightmare,” Lora said, wringing her hands in an uncharacteristic move. “I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

  That made two of them, Lilah thought as her mouth watered in a warning sign. She wiped the sweat suddenly beading her brow as she swallowed hard. Oh, dear...

  “Are you all right?” Heath asked, noticing her distress. “You don’t look very good.”

  “It’s my nerves, I think,” Lilah answered, her hands shaking as she wiped away the sweat. “I feel...nauseous.”

  “Go eat some crackers or something. We’ll keep an eye out for Pops and Billy,” Lora assured her, gesturing for her to go. “We don’t need you fainting or passing out because you haven’t eaten or something like that.”

  “It’s probably just my medication disagreeing with me,” she said faintly, feeling sicker by the minute but she was determined to stick it out. There was no way she was leaving until she knew Pops was okay.

  It seemed the longest two minutes of their lives but soon, they saw Billy’s charter boat, Jumbie Moon, sailing past their private beach. Heath’s phone buzzed and it was Billy giving them the thumbs-up.

  “Thank God,” he said, hanging up. “Billy has Pops and he’s okay. Exhausted but okay. Seems he did remember Billy—another blessing—and was happy to see a familiar face. I’ll go pick him up at the dock.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Lora said quickly, and they hurried out the door. Lilah smiled with relief but her stomach hadn’t yet received the news that everything was in the clear. She wrapped her arms around her middle and groaned. Her stomach had always been sensitive to her nerves but this was going to another level. Oh, no, she was definitely not feeling better. Not even the thought of fresh papaya made her feel better.

  In fact, she wasn’t sure she was going to make it to the bathroom. A bubble of ickiness propelled her into action and she ran to the bathroom to bury her head in the toilet.

  Somewhere between bouts of ralphing her guts out and groaning she realized something that made everything so much worse than it already was.

  Her period was officially two weeks late.

  And she was barfing her guts out.

  Oh. Shit.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  LILAH STARED AT THE STRIP, uncomprehending. “How is this possible?” she groaned, looking to her sister for answers though she knew Lindy was just as shell-shocked. “I’m on the Pill...I never miss a day. I swear!”

  “No birth control method is one hundred percent,” Lindy murmured with a pained expression. “I can’t believe this...”

  “You? I’m freaking out here!”

  “Okay, first we need to calm down—it’s not good for the baby all this freaking out,” Lindy said, although she still appeared bewildered. “Maybe we read the strip wrong?” The hope in her voice mirrored Lilah’s panic. Lilah knew they hadn’t read the test wrong but she was willing to give it a go. She grabbed the box and read the directions again. After a minute of staring hard at the strip, she shook her head and threw it in the trash. “You’re p-p-pregnant, aren’t you?” Lindy said, barely able to say the words.

  “It would appear so,” Lilah said, tears filling her eyes. “What am I going to do?”

  Lindy cast a look filled with uncertainty, then asked in a timid tone, “Are you going to keep the baby?”

  “That’s a dumb question. Of course I am,” Lilah shot back with irritation. “How could you even ask such a thing?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to assume and you know, that’s like a really personal thing,” Lindy said, clearly out of her element and turning herself inside out in her attempt to be calm, rational and supportive. “Li...this is... Oh, my God, I’m going to be an auntie! I will be the coolest auntie I just know it because I’m a pretty awesome stepmom.”

  “Almost stepmom,” Lilah reminded Lindy. “You’re not married yet.”

  “Hey, I wash that kid’s clothes. I think I qualify.”

  Lilah slumped down onto the sofa and stared at the ceiling, overwhelmed and scared but mostly wishing Justin was there with her instead of hundreds of miles away completely clueless as to how both their lives were going to change.

  “So now what?” Lindy asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “We should tell Lora and Heath.”

  “Yeah, I suppose so. Maybe we should wait given all the excitement with Pops. I don’t know if Lora’s sanity can take another hit.”

  “You might be right but if we wait...she’ll be pissed to be finding out last.”

  Lilah sighed. “Whatever. I guess you’re right. It’s a lose-lose situation no matter how you slice it.”

  “What about the father?” Lindy ventured. “What are you going to tell him?”

  Lilah thought of Justin and her heart ached. Telling him wasn’t high on her list of desirables. What would he say? Would he accuse her of trying to trap him because she knew that his family had money? Ugh. What an abhorrent thought. “I don’t know,” she hedged, still uncomfortable over the very idea that Justin might think something so reprehensible about her. “Maybe I won’t tell him at all.”

  Lindy looked shocked. “You can’t do that. He deserves to know.”

  Lilah focused a speculative look on Lindy. “Really? Says who? Maybe he wouldn’t care or want this baby. Why would I subject a child to his rejection?”

  “But then again, maybe he’ll want to be a part of this child’s life and it’s not your place to deny him that right.”

  Lilah scowled and looked away. “You sound like Lora. What happened to my twin sister? You know, the one who was flippant and nonchalant about most things and certainly didn’t make moral judgments?
”

  “She grew up.”

  “More’s the pity. I need that sister back. I already have a stick-in-the-mud sister,” Lilah muttered.

  “Well, one thing’s for sure, those pregnancy hormones are doing absolutely nothing for your disposition,” Lindy huffed, getting to her feet. “Should we call a family meeting?”

  “God, no. I will tell Lora privately.”

  “Okay. I still think you ought to tell Justin.”

  “What makes you think it’s Justin’s baby?” Lilah said, shrugging. “Maybe it’s someone else’s.”

  “Good try,” Lindy said, not buying her act. “I know you, Li, and one thing you are not is promiscuous.”

  “People change.”

  “Do they?”

  Lilah hoped they did. She wanted to tell Justin about their baby but...she couldn’t push from her mind the information she’d received before he left. He was a player of the worst kind. And honestly, she couldn’t fathom the pain his rejection would cause in her heart if she told him and he pushed her away.

  She’d rather just raise the baby herself. God, when had she turned into such a coward? She squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from oozing out. How could she explain she hadn’t truly gotten pregnant on purpose? She knew how it would appear and she cringed at the thought of defending herself. Why hadn’t he worn a damn condom? Why hadn’t she insisted? Because most times they were both so eager to tear each other’s clothes off that neither had been thinking of anything aside from the moment.

  “Justin doesn’t need a baby in his life right now. His father has big plans for him in the political arena and I’m sure a baby mama wasn’t on the agenda.”

  “What kind of big plans and how do you know that?”

  Lilah glanced away sheepishly, embarrassed that she’d scoured the internet looking for news on Justin and had stumbled on a news article with the senator officially announcing his plans to step down so that his son could take his place on the campaign trail. Justin had looked strong and confident standing there, shaking his father’s hand with that wide, easy grin that she’d come to adore. “I found a news article announcing the plan for Justin to follow his father into politics,” she finally admitted to her sister. “That’s how I know. And nowhere did it mention plans to expand the Cales family anytime soon.”

  “Plans change.”

  She sighed. “Not this kind. I don’t know what to do,” she cried, grinding out the moisture from her eyes. “I’m the exact opposite of what a politician’s wife should be.”

  “Who said anything about marriage? I didn’t say you ought to run out and marry the guy, just let him know that he’s going to be a father. Two separate things,” Lindy said firmly.

  “I know, I’m just saying...” Her voice trailed as she thought of the kind of person Justin would probably marry. Likely some pale-faced respectable girl with a pedigree as polished as his own; not a barefoot island girl with her head in the clouds most times who hadn’t even attended college.

  Embarrassment flooded her as she pictured herself stacked up against all the other women Justin was more suited for and realized with a certainty she was making the right decision. “Well, I don’t have to decide today,” she murmured, although she already had.

  Justin wasn’t ready to be a father.

  She swallowed a lump of fear.

  But was she ready to be a mother?

  She supposed she had eight more months to figure it out.

  * * *

  JUSTIN’S MOOD HADN’T improved in spite of his buddy’s ardent and well-intentioned attempts to lighten his spirits by dragging him from one club to the next.

  They were in their usual spot at Martini, the upscale bar that catered to the rich and elite of Manhattan, but whereas Keenan and Benny were admiring the eye candy with open appreciation, Justin was just ready to go home.

  “What is wrong with you?” Keenan asked when Justin failed to blink twice at the sexy redhead giving him a few sultry stares brimming with invitation. “That woman is practically sending out a smoke signal saying she’s into you. Are you sick or something? Go after it, man! It’s a moral imperative that you nail that tail!”

  Justin looked sharply at Keenan, irritation in his voice as he said, “Not interested in just chasing after nameless women for a meaningless romp in the sack.”

  “Yeah? Since when?” Benny challenged. “Two months ago you’d have been halfway down her dress by now. Suddenly you’re all Mr. Morals and shit? Who do you think you’re kidding? We know you, Cales. You’re as horny as a goat and just as eager to stick it to whoever is willing.”

  Justin couldn’t hide his discomfort at Benny’s derisive comment. Was it true? Had he truly been such a pig? He remembered times when he’d been less than chivalrous. He also remembered times when he’d been downright cruel. Damn, this self-examination wasn’t improving his mood any that was for sure. He drained his beer and reached into his wallet to throw down a few twenties. “I’m out of here,” he announced, much to the surprise of his buddies.

  “Hey, man, what’s going on?” Keenan said, following him to the curb where Justin was hailing a cab. “You’re acting weird. Did you get too much sun while in the tropics?”

  Ordinarily, Keenan always made him laugh but he didn’t find anything funny at the moment. Maybe he was just drowning in self-pity but honestly, his father’s manipulations weren’t first and foremost on his mind. His mind was focused on his last moments with Lilah. He could still see her look of disappointment as her faith in him shattered. He could still hear the echo of her anguished tone as she left him in that room without even allowing him to explain.

  Not that he would’ve been able to explain his behavior.

  But she hadn’t wanted to hear it anyway.

  At night he was overcome with the urge to board a plane to see her one last time, to make her understand that he’d never meant to withhold information, but he’d savored their time together as something pure and magical and sharing all the sordid details of his true life would’ve contaminated everything.

  He wasn’t even sure if she’d care.

  The fear that she’d reject him again kept him from following through with his impulse but it left him feeling out of sorts and angry.

  Which was why he wasn’t in the mood for silly games or nights of chasing tail.

  “Keenan, I’m not good company tonight. I’d just bring everyone down.”

  “It’s your old man, isn’t it?” Keenan said with sympathy. “He’s a right bastard for forcing you into politics. At least my old man isn’t that bad.”

  “Yeah, well, he says he’s doing it for my own good,” Justin said. “Says I was made for this career, even if I don’t realize it just yet.”

  “You think he’s right? You looked the part the other day, that’s for sure. I never thought I’d see the day when Justin Cales wore a politician’s smile for the camera.”

  He agreed. “You and me both but I guess now’s as good a time as any to get on with my life, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. Still, sucks how it came about,” Keenan said with open sympathy. “Listen, politics can’t be all bad. The perks are nice,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “Just make sure all your interns are hot chicks and you’re golden.”

  Justin smiled but there was no true humor in it. He didn’t want hot interns. He wanted Lilah. He stifled a groan and scrubbed his hands over his face, before saying, “I’ll catch you later, bud
dy,” eager to put a cap on the day but Keenan stopped him with a clap on his shoulder.

  “Listen, just go through the motions for now. Put a good face on it and then when the old man kicks it, get out,” Keenan advised in all seriousness.

  Good God, Justin thought with irritation. When had Keenan turned into such a douche?

  Keenan closed Justin’s cab door and then brightened and said, “All right, man, you take it easy. I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can take the boat out?”

  “Maybe,” Justin said in a noncommittal manner. He didn’t want to go spend hours on a boat, either, but he knew Keenan was just trying to be a good friend in the only way he knew how. “Catch you later.”

  Justin gave the cabbie his apartment address. As the familiar sights of the city flashed by him, he thought of how he’d love to show Lilah the city and all its urban glory. He imagined her shy smile and heard her soft sigh when he closed his eyes. God, he missed her.

  How was it possible that he’d fallen so quickly for a woman so wildly unsuited for his lifestyle?

  Lovesick. That’s what he was.

  He’d never imagined such a thing actually existed but he believed it now.

  His brain was mush; his gut twisted.

  But worst of all?

  His heart felt punched to pulp.

  How was he going to survive the knowledge that he’d likely never see Lilah again?

  To his surprise, a tear slid from his eye.

  Ahh hell. This was just great. Now he was blubbering in a taxicab.

  Focus, Cales.

  Lilah was in the past. Get over it. He had bigger problems. He’d already signed on the dotted line; his life was officially a Cales commodity in the political market.

  The only good thing? Likely, he’d be too busy to think of Lilah any longer with the grueling campaign trail his father had already scheduled. He was going to spend the next few months hitting every little pocket town and urban city within the New York sphere in the hopes of gaining votes. It’d definitely keep him preoccupied, to the point of mental and physical exhaustion.