Something to Believe In

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “He wants me to go to New York to have the babies,” she said, wiping her nose on a tissue. “I don’t want to go.”

  Lindy sighed. “I’m sorry to say that you’re going to have to work on compromising with each other. He has a right to his opinions and desires, just like you. And, like Grams used to say, you catch more bees with honey, so stop putting out vinegar.”

  Lilah rolled her eyes although she understood the sentiment. She’d felt attacked and so had gone on the defensive. She supposed she could’ve handled things better. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?” she asked.

  “I think once he holds those babies in his arms, nothing else will matter. Give him a chance to show you he can be the man you thought he was when you first met before you write him out of your life and start a war you never intended to fight. I mean, think about it, Li, you fell in love with him for a reason, right?”

  “Yeah,” she agreed reluctantly. “But what if he hasn’t really changed? I don’t want to get on that roller coaster of wondering if he’s lying to me or sleeping around. Don’t you remember what you said he was like? A playboy. The worst kind. Remember? What if—”

  “Don’t play the what-if game,” Lindy admonished. “No one wins that game. You have to trust your heart and hope for the best. Otherwise, you’re just resigning yourself to living in fear of what may or may not happen.”

  Lilah chuckled bleakly, yet was silently amazed at how wise her twin had become in such a short time frame. “How’d you get so smart?”

  Lindy laughed. “I’m just channeling Grams as much as possible. She was the best woman I knew. I figure if I just did what she would do in any given situation, I couldn’t go wrong. So far, it’s worked out. And considering I’ve jumped into the deep end of the parenting pool with a teenager, I’m still treading water and that’s pretty amazing.”

  “You’re just lucky because Carys is a lot like you and there’s nothing she could do that you haven’t already done,” Lilah quipped.

  “True story.”

  “I wish you were here,” Lilah remarked with a hitch in her voice. “I always feel more secure when you’re around.”

  “Li, you’re going to do just fine. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You don’t need me as your security any longer.”

  Lilah was warmed by her twin’s statement but it didn’t quell the nervous roil of her stomach as she considered everything that lay ahead. “I miss you, still.”

  “And I miss you. But if you end up following Justin to New York, I can fly over and see you and the babies. Gabe has an apartment in the city for when he’s on the east coast on business.”

  The way Lindy casually talked about her going to New York shocked her, as if it weren’t a huge concession on her part to leave the island. “I hate the city,” Lilah said churlishly.

  “You’ve never really been to the city so you can’t actually say that,” Lindy reminded her. “Besides, I have a feeling there are a few things about the city that you will enjoy.”

  “Such as?”

  “Such as being with the man you love.”

  Lilah actually growled and glowered, irritated that Lindy kept trying to remind her that she had hidden feelings for Justin. Fat lot of good those feelings had done for her lately. “Just because you hooked up with a Prince Charming doesn’t mean I’m going to end up with one. I’d rather not set myself up for failure. You didn’t see how he looked at me. It wasn’t nice. Or filled with love.”

  Lindy sighed. “Okay, grouchy pants. See it your way. I have to get going. I have a teenager who likes to sleep in on school days, which means I have to drag her butt out of bed when the alarm goes off and it’s never pretty. Sleep tight, Li, and keep me in the loop.”

  They wrapped up their conversation and Lilah disconnected. A sea of used tissues surrounded her from her cry fest and she was hungry as usual. She discarded the tissues and made her way to the kitchen where she found a bowl of strawberries freshly cut and waiting for her. She smiled. “Bless your crafty heart, Celly,” she murmured, and grabbed the bowl. She didn’t waste time with another smaller bowl or plate; she planned to eat them all.

  She didn’t know how to fix this situation with Justin but she did know how to polish off a flat of strawberries.

  So that’s what she did.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  “WHAT BAD LUCK,” Lora said to Heath as they lay in bed. She tightened her hold across his chest and snuggled deeper against his side. “I feel terrible for Lilah. Why’d Justin have to show up now?”

  “As opposed to when? Would there really be a better time for him to reinsert himself into her life? I look at it as a blessing.”

  “How so?”

  “He can still be there for his kids from the very beginning, which is his right. He’s not really missing out on anything and thus, it’ll be easier for him to forgive Lilah for keeping the knowledge from him.”

  Lora fell silent, digesting Heath’s reasoning. She supposed Heath had a point, but she didn’t know if Lilah needed yet another burden to deal with. “Yeah, but my initial misgivings about him remain. What kind of father is he going to be when he hardly qualified as a good boyfriend?”

  “People change if they are motivated to do so,” Heath said, his voice a reassuring rumble against her ear. “But you have to give him the chance to prove himself. And so does Lilah. I don’t think he’s so mad at Lilah that he’ll hold this against her for the rest of their lives. I think he still cares for her.”

  Lora frowned. “What makes you think that?”

  “I saw it in his eyes the second before he saw her belly and the realization hit that she was pregnant.”

  “What did you see?” Lora asked, intrigued.

  “Love. Pure, wild and uncontainable love.”

  Lora was shocked. “Really? How do you know?”

  “Because I recognized it. It’s how I feel when I look at you and when Gabe looks at Lindy.”

  Lora warmed all over and tears sprang to her eyes. God, how she loved this man. “You know, you’re an amazing individual, Heath Cannon,” she said as her throat closed. “I’m so lucky. I want that for Lilah, too.”

  “Me, too.”

  “So if you saw all this, why’d you want to punch his lights out?”

  She heard the smile in his tone as he said, “Because Lilah is like my little sister and he’d made her cry. I figured, he deserved a punch in the nose at the very least for leaving her behind in the first place.”

  Lora secretly agreed but she felt obligated to point out, “Well, we kind of chased him away.”

  “I don’t consider that a viable excuse. Look how hard you tried to chase me away. I didn’t budge.”

  “No, you didn’t,” Lora recalled with a giddy smile. “And I’m so grateful.”

  “The way I look at it is this—if you want the privilege of calling a Bell yours, you have to earn it. And that’s what Justin has to do right now.”

  Lora was silently struck by how wise Heath was. He’d always had a firm grasp on what made people tick, something she’d paid a lot of money in college tuition to learn and yet still managed to miss the mark at times. “Your glass fusion is really starting to take off,” she said, switching subjects. “Your wedding ring centerpieces are truly beautiful. I hope our kids have your artistic talent,” she said with a sigh. She felt Heath still and she glanced up at him. “What?” she asked, concerned she’d said something wrong.

  “Y
ou said, ‘kids,’” he observed, breaking into a grin.

  “Yeah,” she admitted, almost shyly. “I’ve been thinking a lot about having babies. It’s all Lilah’s fault.”

  “Every time I’ve brought it up you’ve quickly switched the subject or put me off. I didn’t want to pressure you but...I want to start our family. I want to hold our child in my arms. It’s kind of all I think about these days,” he said with a pinch of embarrassment. “I know that’s not very manly, right?”

  His admission sparked a hunger inside her that she didn’t realize was so strong. She rose up and straddled him. His body was warm and strong beneath her and she reveled in the familiar feel of each curve and ridge. This man was her everything. How could she possibly want to hang on to an image from the past when the future was so much sweeter? For too long she’d been trying to preserved the identity of the woman she’d been—corporate shark and ballbuster—but it was distinctly at odds with who she was becoming and it’d been confusing and stressful trying to embrace both identities. She realized in that moment, she no longer needed to be the corporate shark. She cupped his jaw with both hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’m ready for it all, Heath Cannon. I want to be your wife and the mother of your children. I don’t know what I was waiting for but I’m done waiting.”

  Heath rose up and met her mouth with a hungry kiss that devoured her from the inside out. She felt his answer and his joy in the fervent touch of his hands as he roamed her body and demanded an equal and arousing reaction from her. He pulled her panties down and off, tossing them from the bed as he rolled her onto her back, his gaze darkening with desire and love—a heady combination. “Then let’s get on with it, sweetheart,” he said in a husky murmur against her neck that sent shivers dancing across her skin. “By the end of tonight, if there’s not a baby in your belly, it won’t be from lack of trying!”

  She gasped and clutched at him, closing her eyes as sweet bliss followed. Yesss...

  * * *

  JUSTIN TOOK CARE in his presentation that morning, taking time to pick out an outfit he thought Lilah would like, rehearsing what he wanted to say to her so that he didn’t find himself tongue-tied when it mattered most. But the tension in his gut told him that no matter how he prepared, he was going to remain a nervous wreck because there was so much at stake.

  Lilah had tentatively agreed to meet him at their favorite beach, a meeting point he’d purposely selected in the hopes that it might spark tender feelings for him and increase his chances of success, because he’d certainly need any advantage possible.

  He arrived early and when he saw Lilah pull up in the Jeep, he ran to meet her when it seemed she struggled to clear the high lip of the Jeep’s frame. “I got it,” she said, warning him off with a cool look.

  Justin stiffened. “I just want to help.”

  “Well, I didn’t ask for your help.”

  He sighed, not liking the sour beginning to what he hoped would end happily. “Lilah, I’m really not the enemy here. Can we try not to fight?”

  She looked away, somewhat guiltily, and then jerked a nod. Justin held out his hand as a peace offering and he held his breath, waiting to see if she would continue to rebuff him or if she would accept the gesture. To his relief, she slipped her hand into his—however reluctantly. The minute he felt her small hand fit into his, a shiver passed over his body and he was reminded in excruciating detail how it felt to be inside her, to feel her beside him, and he ached for the loss. He shouldn’t have waited so long to come back. He should’ve listened to his instincts and returned that very day and patched things up between them, forced her to listen to his side. Now he didn’t know where to begin but the fact that she was there with him gave him hope.

  “When’d you find out?” he asked as they walked the beach, hand in hand.

  “Two weeks after you’d left. I couldn’t stop throwing up.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, feeling like a toad that he wasn’t there for her. “Are you feeling better now?”

  “Yes,” she said with a short nod as she stared ahead. “Why’d you come back?”

  He drew a tight breath. “No small talk, huh?” he remarked, only partially joking. Already his chest felt as if he couldn’t quite get a deep enough breath and it was going to be a bitch getting the words out yet she wasn’t making it any easier on him. He tried to remember that she was probably just as freaked out as him at the prospect of parenthood, though she’d had considerably longer than him to adjust to the idea. “I’m sorry, Lilah, for leaving like I did. I should’ve stayed and explained everything that was going on.”

  “You didn’t need to explain. It wasn’t my business,” she murmured with a subtle shrug.

  “No, I wanted to explain but it was and still is complicated. I was sent here by my father to get my party days out of my system because he was going to stop my allowance if I didn’t go into politics. I know that sounds shallow and stupid for a grown man to rely on his parents for his livelihood, and trust me in the past few months I’ve realized I was pretty ridiculous, but the thing is, I didn’t know when I came here that I would meet someone like you. I wasn’t looking for love.”

  She stopped and pulled her hand free abruptly to stare at him with wide eyes. “Love?”

  He swallowed. “Yes. It’s taken me this long to realize that I fell in love with you.”

  “Why didn’t you say something then?” she asked, her tone mildly accusatory, as if she didn’t believe him. “You don’t have to say these things just because I’m pregnant and you think that’s what I need to hear.”

  “I’m not saying these things because of either of those reasons,” he said, trying again. “I’m saying them because I mean them. My feelings for you haven’t changed. Not one bit. And in fact, they’re stronger than ever.”

  She blinked and tears filled her eyes. “Do you mean that?”

  “Of course I do,” he said, stepping in front of her and reaching for her hands. “I reacted badly last night and I’m sorry. But I’m not about to walk away from my babies or you again. Please say you’ll forgive me for being an idiot.”

  She opened her mouth, then snapped it shut as she wiped her tears away. “This isn’t fair,” she whispered. “Here I am trying to work up the nerve to tell you that I’m willing to be friends for the sake of the babies and you’re telling me that you love me?”

  His heart stuttered to a painful stop and he stared, unsure he’d understood her correctly. “You want to be friends?”

  “No,” she answered, confusing him. “I can’t be your friend. I don’t know how we can be friends when we’ve never been friends before. I don’t know you, Justin. The guy I thought I knew, he doesn’t really exist. He was a figment of our collective imagination and you’re a stranger to me.”

  Justin’s first reaction was to pull away angrily, but he pushed down the impulse, determined to make this work. He could see her distress, could understand her frustration at his lack of sharing when it would’ve been appropriate and he didn’t want to blow this by allowing his temper to get the best of him. “Lilah, my father is New York Senator Vernon Cales. He’s very connected and our family has been in politics for many generations. It’s in our blood, if you will. I wouldn’t have believed that kind of nonsense until my father forced my hand and sent me on the campaign trail. I never thought I’d say this, but I enjoy what I’m doing. I can really make a difference and for the first time in my life I have a serious purpose. It’s changed me
for the better. The reason I didn’t say anything when you confronted me with my past was because there was nothing I could say in my own defense. I was that guy. I was a jerk. A real asshole who used people and didn’t care about their feelings after I’d gotten what I wanted. And so I just left. But the reality is, the time I had with you was magical and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” He dared to softly touch her belly and she stilled when his hands gently caressed the rounded skin. “And now I know that I was right. It was magical. We created life together. And I could never regret that.”

  Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I didn’t get pregnant on purpose,” she whispered in earnest. “I want you to know that. I—” She stopped. Something in her eyes that looked like fear made him want to hold her tight but he sensed she was holding back and wouldn’t welcome his embrace just yet.

  “I believe you,” he said, trying to soothe her fears but the minute shake of her head caused a knot to form in his stomach. “What’s wrong?”

  Her hands became clammy and she pulled them free. “Justin...I...need time to think about this,” she stammered. “It’s a lot to take in and I need... I just need to talk to my sisters first.”

  Frowning, he bracketed his hips, as his frustration peaked. “Why? Talk to me, Lilah. I’m the one affected by whatever it is you’re holding back. Trust me, I won’t judge if that’s what you’re afraid of. Even if you did get pregnant on purpose, I don’t care. What matters is how we feel about each other. I know you still care for me. I can see it in your eyes.” When she remained stubbornly silent but tears continued to dribble from her eyes, he said a bit sharply, “Come on, Lilah. Let me in. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I didn’t get pregnant on purpose,” she snapped, wiping at her eyes. “That’s all you need to know right now. I can’t talk about this right now. I need time.” She turned and walked back to the Jeep, the deep sand making her trek slow and ungainly but he knew she wouldn’t accept his help.