Casual Affair (Slow Seductions)

by Melanie Munton

  Hurt swirled with disbelief in his stomach when she didn’t deny it.

  Something angry flared in her eyes, and she took a step toward him. “I told you from the beginning,” she said, her voice rising. “Feelings don’t enter into sex. We said that’s all it would ever be between us. Sex and nothing more.”

  His hurt turned to anger. “And now you’re wigging out because you feel more than that, don’t you?”

  She remained silent. Just continued to stare at him.

  “Talk to me,” he grated out. “Tell me something real. Not what you think you should say.”

  She turned away and slowly walked to the other side of the room. “I just…need some time apart. I’m not used to…all this. I think it would be good if we had some separation.”

  He fisted his hands at his sides. He wanted to slam one of them straight into the wall. He knew she wasn’t saying what was truly on her mind, and he was about to go mad.

  “I’m guessing that means you don’t want to take the job in London.”

  Instantly, he regretted his impulsive words. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.

  He’d planned to tell her tomorrow night, after the launch, preferably when they were in bed. He wasn’t supposed to just blurt it out in the middle of an argument.

  Shit.

  Too late now.

  She slowly turned back around to face him, her face slack, eyes wide. “What job?”

  Hell. Might as well jump in with both feet.

  “Envision is going to open up five more brick-and-mortar stores over the next year. Three in the States and two in the UK Peter and I have been so impressed with your work that we want Paxton Designs to be the official interior designer of all the stores, thereby extending your contract. Our idea was for you to head up the London division with me, and for Felicity to handle everything in the U.S.”

  Bea was breathing heavier and her face had lost some of its color. “Meaning, I would have to move to London? With you? You and I would be working together for another year…in London?” She sounded almost incredulous.

  He tried to keep his voice calm, but his words came out harsher than intended. “Would that really be so horrible?”

  She didn’t respond. Instead, she took a step back, panic taking over her features.

  Not a chance. He wanted an answer.

  He stalked right after her. “I thought you’d be happy. It’s a lot of money, more than enough to pay off all your loans. A big job to add to your résumé. There’s no question it would be good for Paxton Designs.”

  “We don’t need your charity to pay off our loans, Zane,” she retorted. “We’ve got it covered.”

  He jerked back. “Bloody hell, it’s not charity,” he ground out. “This is a job offer. Based on the merits of your job performance. It’s not like I’m handing you this opportunity just because I’m fucking you. You’ve earned this, Bea.”

  She flinched at the bite in his tone and swallowed thickly. “Did Peter really want us? Or was it all your idea?”

  Zane crossed his arms over his chest, choosing not to answer her question. “This isn’t about the money or the business. This is all about me. Why do you all of a sudden have a problem with spending time with me?” He wouldn’t allow her to avoid this conversation anymore.

  “It would mean a freaking lot of time together, Zane!” she practically yelled, throwing her hands up. “I would have to move to London and basically uproot my life. We would be traveling together, working side by side. For an entire year. Not to mention you would basically be my boss.”

  “Well, now I’m lost. Are you upset that you would be around me so much or that you would have to answer to me?”

  She ran her hands through her hair, her agitation growing. “I don’t know. Both! You’re just…everywhere. All the time. One day my life is carefree, no drama. Just me. And I was fine with that. The next day, you’re there every time I turn around. I wake up to you, I go to bed with you. I’m constantly talking to you during the day, whether it’s on the phone or in person. Even at work, you’re hovering nonstop. I feel like I can’t take a step back and catch my breath, because you’re taking over my entire life.”

  Wow.

  He felt like his heart was in a vise.

  And an icy chill swallowed him whole.

  “Jesus. I didn’t realize I was suffocating you so much. Forgive me for wanting to get to know you better and for actually enjoying the time we spend together. Clearly, that was one-sided.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath, so he turned to leave. Her next words didn’t help much.

  “I just need to feel like I’m in control of my own life. And lately, it feels like it’s been the complete opposite. Like everything is just spinning out of control.”

  “Trust me,” he snapped, turning back to look at her. “I’ve learned exactly how independent you have to be.”

  Her eyes shot open. “I take my independence very seriously, Zane. I’ve worked hard to be self-sufficient, and I’m not going to let anyone come in and take all of that away from me.”

  He shook his head sadly. “I’m not trying to take anything away from you, Bea. Your self-reliance is something I’ve admired since the moment I met you. But what you’re talking about has nothing to do with independence. It has to do with the fact that you’re scared shitless of actually feeling something for another human being. Because that would mean you’d have to let them in, to trust and rely on someone else. And that terrifies the crap out of you.”

  He could see that statement hit her hard, though naturally she wouldn’t admit it.

  “No.” She shook her head vehemently. “You’re wrong. It’s you who has to have control over everything and everyone in your life, including me,” she told him. “I can’t even order us takeout without you grabbing the phone to make sure I called the right place. Or gave them the right address. Or asked for extra sauce. Trust and acceptance goes both ways, Zane.”

  The hold he had on his anger snapped like a twig.

  “I just have to know what’s going on! Why is that so hard for you to understand? It’s not about control. It’s about maintaining a handle on any and every situation, so the mistakes of the past aren’t repeated.”

  She leaned back and shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

  He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled heavily, though his anger didn’t diminish. “I let her die, okay?” His words came out more desperate than he’d intended. “I could have taken her keys away that night, but I didn’t. I let her leave and then she died.”

  Bea’s expression changed, first confused then looking as if she were battling a million different emotions when understanding dawned. “You couldn’t have prevented that, Zane. What happened years ago with your mom was not your fault. But you can’t live your entire life blaming yourself for that and using it as an excuse to control everything and everyone else around you. Especially me.”

  Didn’t she see that he didn’t have it in him to just throw his hands up and let the universe roll the dice on his life and the people in it?

  “So what does this mean?” he demanded. He needed to get out of there, but he wanted answers first. “You don’t want to work for Envision Tech after tomorrow? Or you don’t want to see me anymore? Or both?”

  She rubbed her temples without answering.

  The sense of doom he’d felt earlier finally materialized, enveloping his entire body. Whatever the outcome of the conversation, it wasn’t going to be good. Not for him.

  “I need to think about it,” she said at length. “That’s a big decision, and I would have to talk to Felicity about the contract. Meanwhile, you and I could use some time on our own.”

  His throat constricted. “I’d say your answer is already pretty apparent.”

  “There you go again, trying to force a decision on your terms,” she said, her arms falling to her sides, looking defeated. “You always get so impatient and upset when something d
oesn’t go your way. Well, this is something you can’t control, Zane. So just accept that.”

  He slowly shook his head, hardly believing this was how the night was going to end. “All I can accept is…I believed this whole month was leading up to something that, apparently, was never going to happen. That you are so stuck in your ways you’re not even willing to try to make it work between us. Or maybe you just never felt anything for me in the first place. Either way, you’ve made your point clear enough.”

  “I just need time to think!” she said, her voice high and shrill. “It’s hard to get perspective when you’re always on my case, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do and feel.” She sounded almost desperate, but he wasn’t buying it.

  “In my experience, that kind of knowledge doesn’t need thinking about,” he countered, heading again for the door. “Those feelings are either there or they aren’t.” At the door, he turned back to take one last look at her, feeling paralyzed with betrayal. “And I wasn’t trying to control your life or suffocate you. I just wanted to spend time with you. Because unlike you, it felt like I couldn’t breathe when I wasn’t around you.”

  Then he stalked out.

  Leaving the shards of his broken heart in the hands of a woman who didn’t want it.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The next day was chaos. Organized chaos, but still chaos.

  Plus, Zane hadn’t gotten even a wink of sleep the night before. Needless to say, he was grumpy and exhausted.

  On the professional front, he couldn’t complain. With a huge line of customers waiting outside the store’s doors when it opened, they were already bringing in more revenue than they had initially anticipated. He knew Peter would be doing a happy dance back in London for exceeding their quota on the first day.

  On the personal front, he was a bloody mess. Both Paxton sisters were supposed to be at the launch, but Bea had never shown up. Felicity had offered him a sympathetic smile when she walked through the doors that morning, claiming that Bea had to attend another client meeting but sent her apologies.

  He just bet she did.

  Then he’d seen it.

  Her surprise to him.

  The front window display—the one that had been empty for weeks—was quite possibly the most amazing gift anyone had ever given him.

  The Evolution of Envision.

  She’d called it that, and had apparently been making plans for the display this whole time, and he hadn’t even realized what she was doing. It was a collection of Envision Tech products, from their very first floppy disc to their most recent smartphone. He hadn’t seen most of those pieces in…years. Some not since he was a kid. Even the customers were impressed. There had been huddles of people surrounding it all day.

  How the hell had she done all that?

  He hadn’t believed his eyes when he’d first taken in the sight.

  He had mentioned the idea in passing ages ago, the night they’d gotten ice cream together. The fact that she had obviously listened and taken the next step—something she knew would make him happy—gave him hope.

  Hope for them.

  For him, the gesture had brought clarity to the situation.

  He had actually broken down, feeling guilty about their fight last night, and texted her.

  Zane: Sorry for storming out like that. Can we talk?

  He didn’t want her thinking he was done with them, because he sure as hell wasn’t. But all he got was a single, terse response.

  Bea: I need time and space.

  And not another word. Pathetically, he had even tried to call her. He wanted to thank her for what she did and let her know how much it meant to him. But she didn’t answer.

  He felt physically ill.

  He knew he should respect her wishes and give her the time and space she needed. But he didn’t want to give her enough time to talk herself out of all the reasons to be with him. He could see her doing that, if he left her alone for too long. Leaving important issues like this up in the air made him itch. At the end of the day after the store had finally closed, he approached Felicity, seeking answers, which made him look even more pathetic.

  “What is going on with her?” he asked. “How can I make her talk to me?”

  He needed to see Bea and assure himself that he hadn’t lost her forever.

  “I don’t think anyone is going to make Bea do anything,” Felicity said softly. “She won’t talk to me, either. I’ve never really seen her like this before. It’s better to just leave her be until she’s worked through whatever it is on her own. She doesn’t like to feel crowded.”

  “But what if that ends up being too late?” he asked, frustrated. “She could convince herself of anything if she sets her mind to it. I don’t want to stand idly by while she sinks further into denial. I have to do something.”

  Felicity reached out and rested a hand on his arm. “Look, Zane. I don’t know what’s in my sister’s head right now. But I will tell you that I’ve seen a change in her since she met you. A big one.”

  “Which probably scares her even more.”

  Felicity nodded. “Probably. Bea is the most contrary person I know, which is why you have to let her work this out on her own. She’s lived without relationships most of her life, so it’s going to take a little while for her to get used to…something different.” Her warm expression hit him right in the gut. “But these past few months she’s been, well, happy. I know that much, whether she does or not.”

  He pushed out a breath. “Doesn’t help me much if she doesn’t believe I can keep making her happy.”

  “True. But Bea isn’t stupid. Maybe clueless sometimes, but not stupid. She’ll figure it out, and when she does, she’ll come to you. You just have to be patient.”

  Because he was so good at that.

  “Right,” he said, feeling broken. “I’ll do my best.”

  He spent the rest of the night stewing over his thoughts, torturing himself with the worst-case scenario—Bea never talking to him again—trying to figure out whether or not he could handle that outcome.

  Perhaps perspective was what he needed.

  By late the next morning, he had phoned Peter and Denise, made various arrangements, and fought to block everything else from his mind.

  If Bea wanted space, that’s what he would give her.

  A whole ocean’s worth.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  A week after the store launch, Bea was a frazzled, confused mess. All she had done since her fight with Zane was miss him and allow her regrets to start piling up, one on top of the other.

  First on the list was the fact that she hadn’t seen his reaction to her display. She’d had to hear about it secondhand from Felicity, which made everything worse. After weeks and weeks of tracking down those pieces and spending the entire night before the launch setting it up, she hadn’t even gotten to witness his appreciation with her own eyes.

  The whole situation was turning her into something she’d never thought she would be.

  Lovesick.

  Why did everything have to get so screwed up?

  Between the laid-back nights at his place, their electrified relationship at work, and the unbelievable sex, they’d had an amazing connection. They had actually worked.

  Then he had to go and tell her about London.

  And all she’d been able to think of in that moment was what had happened with Evan. How she had based one of the most important decisions of her life on a relationship that she had thought was going somewhere but clearly hadn’t been.

  Would she be making the same mistake with Zane?

  She hadn’t even known him that long. They had never established themselves as an official couple. And his controlling nature worried her. Deep down, she knew she hadn’t changed who she was for him. She was still the same person. But he had arranged the whole London situation without even talking to her about it.

  What did that mean?

  She wasn’t entirely sure, but she was r
eady to talk to him. To try to have an actual conversation this time without lashing out.

  Yes, she had run away when things started sounding so…permanent.

  And she regretted it. Wished she could take it back.

  She didn’t think she would be a very good girlfriend. But the alternative was being without Zane altogether, and after a week without him, she didn’t know if she was capable of that. She didn’t have all the answers yet—really, she hadn’t given herself the chance to truly examine how she felt about a future with him. But she was at least ready to discuss it. Maybe work on it together. Figure something out that they could both live with.

  He had stopped trying to get a hold of her when she kept rejecting his calls. She couldn’t blame him.

  After a morning of pacing back and forth in her office, she finally worked up the nerve to call him.

  He didn’t answer his phone.

  Hell, she couldn’t blame him for that, either. She deserved his cold shoulder.

  It made her panic, though.

  Maybe her asking for time had made him decide he wanted out. Maybe he’d given up on her, and that was his way of letting her know.

  She wasn’t going to accept any of those things. They couldn’t end things this way. Not when she’d finally come to her senses.

  With her fears mounting, she called his office instead of leaving a message on his cell phone. His receptionist answered.

  “Hi. This is Bea Paxton. Can I please speak to Zane?”

  “I’m sorry, but Mr. Price isn’t here,” the receptionist said. “He’s gone back to London.”

  Bea froze in shock.

  “What? He’s not scheduled to leave for another two weeks.”

  “I’m not sure of the details, but he decided to leave early. He flew out about a week ago.”

  Gone.

  Bea dropped the phone.

  And everything inside of her—her emotions, her heart, her sense of reality—imploded.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Bea’s feet slammed onto the pavement as she pushed her legs harder, faster down the street, her mind fighting to stay clear and her body fighting for oxygen. She had probably added another half mile to her routine every day, forcing her body to accept the punishment. Hoping it would keep her from dwelling on how screwed up her life had become.