Shards [Book Three]

by Peter W Prellwitz

  “Then forget it. Listen to me.” With his other hand, he gently turned my face back to him. “I said, listen. Long before I was recruited by TAU, I was a physician. For the next few days, that's all I am. I have no other interest beyond getting you back on your feet. There's no such person as Major Ressler. I'm Doctor Ressler.” He smiled slowly and with such care, I had to smile back.

  “Thank you, doctor. I needed to hear that.” I closed my eyes, feeling the tension draining from me. I felt the gravity field diminish, and cool air brushed my leg.

  “I was also telling the truth when I talked about Cooper's presence being inappropriate. How does that feel?” He pulled gently on a toe.

  “Fine."

  He circled to the side, pulled out a sounder and began going over the break. The gentle warmth the gravity sling normally provided my leg intensified until it was uncomfortable. I winced, but held still. He nodded.

  “Good. Stay motionless. I'd like to extend treatment to three minutes this morning.” He continued to focus on my leg, but carried on the conversation. “Tell me, why did you react like you did to Posen?"

  “I don't know.” I remembered his closeness and made a face. “For some reason, he gives me the willies."

  “Could it be a remainder of your experience from two nights ago?"

  “I don't know that, either. I'm sure I sharded, but I don't recall anything. In the past, there's always been a period when I wasn't in control of my thoughts and actions, but I was at least aware of them. This time, I went to bed after our discussion, and I woke up here, feeling like pounded mullet. It was very disorienting."

  “And scary."

  “Yes,” I answered honestly. “And scary. It's still scary. Is this going to keep happening to me? Doctor, am I becoming a Shard?"

  He said nothing, but kept working on my leg. Three minutes passed, then five. He seemed willing to continue treatment for as long as I could stand it. I was relieved he didn't answer my question. And the pain and itching in my leg helped divert my attention and worries.

  I looked at my leg. Doctor Ressler had told me it had been either kicked or struck with a hard object. There was a clean break at the midpoint of the femur. My right leg was badly bruised as well, but unbroken. My stomach and kidneys had been struck and badly injured. My face and throat had been hit, but not as severely. Overall, the injuries were consistent with a severe beating. I looked over at the covered body on the other side of the room. Had she beaten me? Ressler caught my look.

  “Yes, Abigail, I think Private Hawthorne was responsible. She was a thug, a hired dog for Posen. I've seen her handiwork before, and your injuries are similar to others that have crossed her."

  “But she doesn't look like..."

  “A brute?” He looked back at her. “No, I don't suppose she does. But neither do you look like a hot shot puterverse genius and highly trained dog."

  “I don't feel like one right now. I feel like I have no control over what's going on. I feel like a helpless victim."

  “Don't!” He spoke so sharply that he moved the sounder field off the bone, causing me to yelp. “Sorry. But I mean it: Don't give in to your fears, Abigail. What happened to you was not only not your fault, it was beyond...” He broke off his sentence.

  “It was beyond my control,” I finished for him.

  “All right, you have very good reason to feel helpless. But don't give in to despair, Abigail. Once you do, once you allow despair to dictate your thoughts and actions, then you've started the lonely walk toward becoming a Shard. You must fight it."

  “I can't fight it, Doctor! Not when I'm some soulless pleasure ripe, or a piece of machinery in space, or who knows what else. When I shard, I don't exist!” I was breathing hard, close to tears.

  “But you can fight it when you're Abigail Wyeth! And Abigail Wyeth is worth fighting for.” He shut off the sounder and re-engaged the gravity sling. He came up to me and took my hand, putting his face close to mine.

  “I haven't had a lot of opportunity to get to know you, Abigail.” He flashed me a smile. “It seems like half the time I do see you, you're bleeding and unconscious.” The smile faded. “And I'm sure I sacrificed some of your trust when you found out I was in TAU counterintelligence."

  “Well..."

  “No, let me finish. We haven't had much chance to become friends. And most of what I know about you I've read from dry reports, or reviewed through holoimages. In fact, the only reason I even opened up to you was because I needed to take advantage of your abilities, and to keep some sort of control over you.” I kept my look neutral, and he smiled again briefly. “Thank you for not contradicting me or acting surprised.

  “Despite these drawbacks and artificial barriers, though, I have come to know you, Abigail. And what I see is a vibrant, exciting, happy, lovely young lady, ready to make her mark on the world. Who's already making her mark on the world. I don't want to see that lost. I'll fight for you, Abigail. Will you?"

  I stared up at him in silence. I should have been suspicious of his ulterior motives. I should have been cynical that he wanted me for my puterverse skill, or as an ally in his still vague mission against NATech's infiltration in the 179th. At the least, I should have kept in mind that he was a highly trained TAU agent, and could make his voice sound any way he wanted.

  I wasn't any of those things. Way deep inside me, I knew he was being completely truthful. Woman's intuition? A gut feeling? Desperation? I don't know. I do know that his words struck a hidden place in my heart and smashed it open. All my fears and worries and sadness burst out and engulfed me. Finally, finally, finally, it was time to let the pain go.

  I threw my arms around him and pulled him down to me, sobbing into his shoulder. I suppose I should have said something, but the great Abby Wyeth comebacks and witticisms and rejoinders all took the day off, and I just cried. He held me, as a father holds a daughter, and let me cry. And cry.

  * * * *

  “After I finished my three year residency at Lunar Thirty-one, Diane and I came back to Earth and settled in France in October of 2665. We didn't have much—"

  “In France? But ... but I thought France had been destroyed during the Terran/Martian Wars?"

  “Really? It certainly looked fine to me. Of course, Paris was nearly obliterated. If I remember my history correctly, there was a good-sized rock that hit northwest of the city, creating a hundred-kilometer crater. Why? Are you from there?"

  “No. I—I—just know someone from there.” Really, Abby? Then how come you feel such overwhelming relief? And why did I even ask? I knew France still existed. I had done several raids there with the Third. In fact, only six months ago, we made...

  “Earth to Abigail."

  I started from my wandering. “I'm sorry, Doctor."

  “That's okay.” He took a sip from his coffee cup, which he'd brought back from dinner earlier this evening. If I could take that self-warming cup back to the twenty-first century, I could retire at the age of eighteen, sainted by millions of coffee drinkers.

  “Anyway, we struggled for a little while, always the lot of a young doctor. We had all of one room, over the garage of a nice lady who took a real liking to Diane. My practice was across the common, about a five-minute walk. We didn't have a hov at the time, but it didn't matter. We were a young married couple, in love, full of dreams."

  He took another drink. I didn't need woman's intuition to see the next scene.

  “NATech?” I asked quietly.

  “Who else?” he shrugged. “A squad was chasing a Cue who had just killed one of their people. Probably in self-defense; that area of southern France is pretty tight with NATech. They had cornered him in the garage under our apartment. Apparently he had taken the soldier's gun, because he was able to hold them off for a moment. Diane woke me up when she heard the shots, then went to the window. She grew up in a small town in northern China, where NATech and the Resistance were distant things. She didn't know. I had been up late on a call that night and was
slow to wake up. When I did, she had just pulled the curtain back. I yelled at her to get down."

  He didn't say anything, reliving what happened next in quiet sadness. His eyes stared into the mug, and he remained motionless. I remained still as well. After a moment he smiled sadly and continued.

  “One of soldiers must have caught sight of her, because they threw a riot light on her. She threw her arms up to cover her eyes just as they opened fire. She didn't even scream. At least four of the first dozen hits were fatal.

  “The remainder of the shots ignited the house. It was an old style wooden frame, so the high-energy beams ripped it to shreds and the whole structure was in flames instantly. I wanted to go to her, even though I knew she was dead. I couldn't. The whole side of the house disintegrated. I raced out the door and around to the front. I don't know why, maybe I was hoping they'd kill me, too.

  “They almost did. My suddenly appearing caused them to swing their guns to me. But the Cue ran out from the flames just then, firing and killing one of them. They opened fire, and he disappeared in a wave of light and heat. His scream brought me to my senses and I ran back behind the burning garage.” His voice became bitter with self-recrimination. “They didn't come after me. Killing a citizen during a battle is acceptable. Killing one afterwards is not. Of course, they had one of their recbots there to verify kills for promotion, so they weren't eager to record gunning down an unarmed man running away like a coward."

  “You can't possibly believe that what you did was cowardly, Doctor."

  “I don't now. At the time, I couldn't think of anything except that I'd failed Diane, and that she was dead and I wasn't. You don't know what it's like to be married and so in love, Abigail.” He looked up, flushing. “My apologies. Perhaps you do."

  I shook my head. “No. I've never been married. I was still single when my ripings started. I was in love once, though.” I still was.

  “The emptiness was almost overwhelming. I couldn't continue my practice, of course. Once word was out that NATech had destroyed my home, I was effectively shunned by the pro-NATech community. I didn't care. I closed my practice and returned to Lunar Thirty-one. There I lost myself in my work for several years.

  “Then, about nine years ago, I was recruited by a clinic located in Manila. I didn't know it, but Manila was a pro-Resistance city-state, and the clinic was used mainly by civilians either in the pay of or voluntarily active with the Resistance. Within six months, I became involved with the Resistance. Part of it was because of what NATech had done to Diane and to my life. The main reason was my closeness to my patients and their lives. They knew they couldn't win, fighting NATech. Yet they kept fighting. Why?"

  “Because they knew they could make a difference,” I said quietly. He nodded.

  “Yes. Exactly. They couldn't defeat NATech, but they could perhaps limit NATech's influence. I was swayed by their commitment."

  “How did you end up in TAU counterintelligence?” I asked.

  “That wasn't difficult. Lunar Thirty-one is a primary microsat factory and launch point. They also act as the emergency backup Orbital Schematics bank for the Lunar Five facility. There's a significant civilian population, but all medical staff are required to undergo hours of simulation of combat conditions in case of attack. And a doctor is an excellent prospect for counterintelligence. We're easily inserted into a suspect regiment. We're supposed to have ethics. And we are to an extent outside the unit command structure.” He finished his coffee and stretched.

  “Well, enough story telling for tonight. What say we have another round of treatment for that leg, all right?"

  We were about five minutes into the intense treatment when a thought occurred to me.

  “Do you suppose I could access, Doctor? It would divert my attention from the pain, allowing you to continue a little longer, and I could catch Mike up with what's going on. He might even be able to ‘help’ the Lieutenant with his investigation..."

  “That doesn't sound wise, Abigail.” He sounded doubtful. “There's a big difference between having your attention diverted and being completely detached from treatment. There's always the risk of having something happen in the puterverse that may cause your body to flinch or move suddenly."

  “Um.” I pulled my lip, thinking. “How about you put the gravity sling on my upper leg? That would immobilize it and still allow treatment for my lower leg.” He still looked skeptical, so I switched tactics. “Look, you and I both know nothing's going to come of Posen's investigation. I'm half convinced he authorized my attack. We know that Hawthorne didn't act on her own initiative. So who used her? If I don't find out, no one will."

  “I can have Sergeant Eyer look into it,” he offered without conviction.

  “Jody's a nice person and a solid dog. I count her as a friend, and her heart's in the right place. But she doesn't have the mind or character for this kind of thing. You and I do.” I tapped my left leg, smiling. “And you're busy. Besides, I won't be doing too much, just telling Mike what I want. Not only that, but—"

  “All right!” he gave up with mock exasperation. “You remind me of a terrier I had as a boy. He'd get his teeth into a sock and he'd shake it until it fell apart. Fine. Go ahead and access. But you must allow me to be able to end access if needed. Also, I'd like permission to examine your other internal injuries."

  “Of course, Doctor. I trust you completely. I'll hold the access field to just my head. And I'll arrange for you to terminate my access.” On impulse, I added, “I'll go one better. I'll set it up with Mike to give you unattended full access."

  He stared. “You can do that? Give full access to someone?"

  “Of course I can. I told you, it's my world. You'll only be able to stay on two or three minutes, even with the shielding. But if I shard again, I may need someone who can communicate with Mike. So we both benefit from this. Just be careful."

  “You don't need to tell me. I've already had one too many experiences with unshielded access with you. Thank you, Abigail.” He raised his voice. “Computer! Secure sickbay, TAU level clearance. Internal authorization: SR071C.” There was a slight deadening of sound as the shields went up. He nodded at me and began shifting the gravity sling to my upper leg.

  “Access,” I announced.

  The sickbay flashed out of existence and Groucho and the duck showed up to greet me. The duck was pulling along a coffee table behind him. Despite the seriousness of this trip, I had to laugh.

  “Okay, I give up. Why a coffee table, Groucho?"

  Groucho looked up at me in surprise. “Because I only had one piece of string.” The duck quacked in surprise as well.

  “Huh?” I'd thought this thing up one night after being up all the previous two nights programming. I had been more than a little punchy, and as a consequence I was paying for it a year later. Despite their oddball looks, though, they were performing a valuable function, constantly looking for imaginative users willing to take a chance. I had begun sowing the fields of the future puterverse.

  “Well, if I had had two strings, I'd have brought along the end tables instead. Although the idea of a duck pulling two end tables is ludicrous."

  “Okay,” I said carefully. Now wasn't the time to continue this thread. “Have you seen Mike around?"

  “Yes. He knows you're here and he'll be around shortly, which isn't surprising..."

  “He's not that tall, yeah, yeah. You said that last month. Better work up some new material.” He wandered off, the duck dutifully pulling the coffee table behind him. The sky turned emerald green, and Mike shot across the horizon. I waved and he bolted down toward me. He made to pass through me, but although I would have enjoyed a moment of cyberintamacy with him, I didn't want to upset my body. Instead I held my arms, and he just landed next to me.

  “What's wrong?” he complained. “You're not turning into a prude, are you?"

  “No, I'm not. Just access the last forty hours of the regimental logs and you'll find out why you're not allowed in
tonight."

  He frowned for a moment, then shook his head.

  “I don't get it, Abby. There's nothing unusual. Other than the one fatality, it's routine.” He looked at me. “Was Gina Hawthorne a friend? If so, I'm sorry."

  It was my turn to frown. “You mean there's nothing in the logs about my attack?"

  His eyes flared. “You were attacked? Who's the bastard? I'll fry him in his sleep!"

  “NO YOU WON'T!” I yelled. He jumped back, surprised at my intensity. “You will never attack a flesh in retaliation. You should know better, Mike. Anyway, I think my attacker was Hawthorne. But she's just the muscle. Somebody ordered her to attack me.” I quickly told him what I knew and what my suspicions were. When I finished, the blue flame in his chest was very visible.

  “You're probably right, Abby. It sounds like Posen did order the attack. And you want me to find out why, right?"

  “You got it. While you're at it, see if you can go further up the chain. Posen is an ass and hates me, but I can't see him risking his career over petty vengeance. My guess is he was also acting on orders.” I paused, hesitant to go on, but knowing I had to.

  “There's one more thing, Mike.” He had already begun his scanning routines, but brought his whole attention back to me when he heard the worry in my voice. “I've had three episodes now in the last month. I'm afraid I am crossing the line from sharded Cue over to full fledged Shard."

  “No! It's not true!” His face was working to keep composure. “One was prolonged by Deiley, and the last one may have been induced. You're fine!"

  “No, I'm not, Mike. Don't worry. I intend to fight it. But there are going to be times when I won't be able to access when I want I need your help. I need you to keep tabs on me whenever possible. And I need you to give Ressler access whenever he requests it."

  “No way! This is our world, Abby. Visitors can tag along with you, but no one else is allowed!"

  “This isn't a game, Mike!” I said angrily. “I have got to start opening up our world to others, or we won't be able to execute our plan. Don't you understand? If I die, the world will continue on. But if our plan dies, the world will continue on without change. We've got to reach detonation point, or everything we've done is useless. Now, I want you to give Ressler access at his request. And,” I added pointedly, “I want you to protect him when he's here and give all the assistance you can, short of revealing our final goal."