Stardoc

by S. L. Viehl

  That thought haunted me, up until the moment the ceremony began. The Torins assembled in a special area reserved for such rituals. I’d met some of the crew, but to see them gathered together like this made my eyes sting. So many of the males resembled Kao. It was as if he was reincarnated, over and over.

  HouseClan Torin dressed in their family colors, robes of a thousand shades of blue and green. With their black hair and sapphire skins, they reminded me of a twilight sky over a Terran sea.

  I was brought to a dias on which the special receptacle was prepared for launching. Kao’s coffin was sleek and dark. A towering circle of Kao’s brothers and sisters, Xonea among them, surrounded me. They began to weave an intricate dance around the dias as they bound the outer panels with strand after strand of silvery threads.

  I stared at the pattern, saw more wings taking shape. I lifted my hand, touched the now-fading mark on my throat. I had to let him go now. Had to.

  The rest of the Jorenians chanted a low, continuous series of prayers. Their melodic voices harmonized into a throbbing, rejoiceful song. It tore at me to hear them. No one wept. They were really happy about this, I thought. Happy for Kao, whom I had killed.

  At last his siblings were finished, the receptacle adorned with an intricate web of glittering light. One by one the voices died away. Silence enveloped the dias. Together Xonea and his brothers and sisters bowed to me, then stepped down to join the others looking up at me.

  Now I stood alone. The woman he Chose. His executioner. How could I be both? How could I even stand here and do this? I recalled the ancient words from the disc Xonea had given me. HouseClan Torin had honored Kao’s body. It was up to me to honor his soul. And here I was, ready to fall to pieces.

  Stop thinking about yourself and honor Kao, you twit, I thought viciously. You can fall to pieces after the ceremony.

  That anger made my voice steady and strong. “From your Chosen, your heart, can only come what is bright and beautiful and honorable.” I looked at the rapt faces around me. Felt their unity as a family. Not one glimmer of anger, hatred, or even mild dislike in their expressions. Only happiness.

  I went on. “You and I will never lose each other. We have blended our souls. Kao Torin, I send you into the embrace of the first life. I send you with joy, smiles, and my honor forever. The new path awaits you.”

  Yes, and I had sent him along that path very effectively. But if I hadn’t, the pathogen would have. There was no other way I could have kept him alive. Kao would have been dead long before we discovered the truth about the Core.

  It wasn’t fair. Tears streaked down my cheeks and nose as I placed my hand upon the receptacle. That wasn’t in the ceremony, but I didn’t care. I would carry the burden of Kao Torin’s death with me for the rest of my life, but for now, I had to come to terms with it. If not for myself, for him.

  In a voice now thick with pain, I spoke the last words of the ritual. “Blessed be your journey, Kao Torin. Your House rejoices. Your Chosen will follow.”

  Xonea helped me down from the dias, and the receptacle was lowered into a discharge shaft. One interior wall retracted to reveal a huge view screen, and I watched with the rest of HouseClan Torin as Kao’s body was ejected from the Sunlace. The sleek shape dwindled as it sped away, pulled by the magnetic fields of the twin suns. Embraced by the stars. It was gone. I covered my face with my hands.

  Kao was gone.

  I heard the voice of the Speaker, who closed the ceremony with Kao’s own last words. My hands fell from my eyes. No. I stared, and still could not believe what I was seeing.

  Duncan Reever stood there, dressed completely in black.

  “I speak for the son of this House, Kao Torin. His words were given to me, to be brought to those he honored. I bring them with joy.”

  Xonea’s hand touched my arm. I flinched, then stepped away from him. Reever? Kao had spoken his last wishes to Duncan Reever?

  Heat rose up my neck, flooded my face. He didn’t wear one of the vocollar devices, I noted. He apparently didn’t have to. He probably spoke flawless Jorenian, along with ten million other dialects. I didn’t even know how to say “I honor you” in Kao’s own language.

  “I would be with you for journeys ahead, my family. That is not my path. Go forward, remember I am in your hearts. Know our House lives in each of you. Walk within beauty.” Reever turned slightly until our eyes met. “Honored Chosen.”

  I bit my tongue sharply. The outraged shriek never left my lips.

  “How you have struggled for me. Endured as I have endured. I must leave you. You, who have been all things to me, friend, companion, and Chosen.”

  How dare Reever look at me like that? I could have killed him.

  “Do not grieve for me, my Chosen. I honor you above all. A path exists into eternity where we will be reunited. We will travel together again. Never forget that.” His eyes flickered. “I dwell within you.”

  The shock of seeing Reever combined with my overwrought emotions, and I swayed. Xonea pulled me into the curve of his arm. I didn’t fight the support.

  Reever faced the assembly once more. “I charge the HouseClan Torin with my last request: protect and honor the one I Chose. Only death prevented our bond. I give her into your keeping. Honor her as you have honored me. Farewell and safe journey. I embrace the stars.”

  The ceremony was over. The family divided, some to return to their duties, others to celebrate in smaller groups. Xonea led me away from the chamber and escorted me to my quarters. I went along without protest.

  Outside the door panel, Xonea bowed. “You have honored our HouseClan, Healer.” He made a gesture that encompassed his heart and head. “HouseClan Torin would honor you. If you will accept, our House is yours.”

  I knew what he was offering. And I wanted it. “I accept, with gratitude.” I made the traditional answer.

  He smiled with delight, bowed, and touched his brow to the back of my hand. “ClanSister Cherijo. Welcome to our House.”

  I had been declared non-sentient, rescued, watched my lover die, been reunited with friends, offered a new life, celebrated my lover’s death, heard his last words.

  Now I had been adopted.

  Xonea was quick to spread the word to the rest of the crew. They in turn did their best to make me feel part of the extended Jorenian family at once. I was addressed as “Healer Cherijo Torin,” or “ClanSister,” or “Clan-Cousin” and so on, depending on who spoke to me. I compensated by answering to pretty much anything called in my general direction.

  Xonea had given me more than a new last name. I was considered as much a member of the HouseClan as if I had been born to it. That made the honor of the HouseClan, and its preservation, my responsibility. I wasn’t sure I deserved any of it, but I wanted to be a part of these people. Judging from his last words, it was what Kao had wanted, too.

  The day after seeing Duncan Reever at the ceremony, I asked Xonea about him and how he came to be Kao’s Speaker. I couldn’t help myself. I learned Reever had been with Kao while I’d appeared that last time before the Council. Kao had sent specifically for Reever, given him his last words. Reever had even assisted HouseClan Torin in removing Kao from the FreeClinic ward and transporting him to the Sunlace. He had been on board as long as I had. I felt slightly ashamed of myself. I’d believed Reever had abandoned me, and the whole time he had been honoring Kao’s last request.

  Negotiations between League forces and the Jorenians were beginning to break down. Insult was added to the strain when a group of mercenaries tried to storm the ship by force.

  Tonetka casually mentioned it during rounds, and I stared at her, completely aghast.

  “Five of them tried to ram through the portside docking couplings,” she said, and chuckled. “They quickly discovered what happens when a League vessel encounters Jorenian alloys.”

  The captain of the Sunlace was generous enough to rescue the would-be intruders before their small ship imploded. Pnor Torin’s generosity only went s
o far, however. The mercenaries were sent back to K-2, with a warning that any further attacks would be taken much more seriously.

  More cruisers joined those currently surrounding K-2 and the Sunlace. Once repairs to the stardrive were completed, Captain Pnor decided it was time to leave orbit before someone started firing. The order to prepare for dimensional transition was signaled throughout the ship.

  I was in the Medical Section with Tonetka when the word came. We prepped the patients and secured ourselves in the launch pods provided for that area. The Senior Healer patted my hand as I snapped on my restraint harness.

  “The jump between this dimension and the next is jarring, especially the first time. Do not fight it, relax and allow yourself to be passive.”

  I hadn’t enjoyed knowing that on the Bestshot my cellular structure was being altered. Now that my cells were about to be altered and thrown into another dimension, well, I was more than a little tense.

  Relax, don’t fight it, I thought. Be passive. Right.

  The Sunlace’s powerful stardrive throbbed into life, and for a moment I thought I felt the impact of something smashing into the outer hull just beyond Medical. What was—

  Reality twisted.

  Colors and shapes ran together in a confusing blur. My body was being sucked in, folded and tangled by the whirling blend. Tonetka’s advice rang in my ear. I tried not to resist the effect. Something was wrong, I thought. I was being wrenched apart, my flesh stretching, nerves screaming. Tonetka had never said anything about pain. I blacked out for what seemed like eternity.

  Reality righted itself. Tonetka was speaking to me, saying my name, over and over.

  “How long did that take?” I said as Tonetka released me from my harness. I collapsed into her arms, and she exclaimed something my vocollar wouldn’t translate. Jorenians didn’t use expletives often, but when they did, there was little parallel in any language.

  “Hold on to me.” She lifted me in her arms like a child. “Look at me, Cherijo. Keep your eyes open. Good.”

  Tonetka placed me on an exam table. I was barely aware of the scanner she passed over me. Vaguely I heard her barking out orders. Someone must be hurt. She only sounded like that when—

  A crushing weight descended on my chest. I was paralyzed, unable to breathe. My eyes felt as though they would burst from my skull. My ears were filled with millions of bees. I opened my mouth to scream, but there was no air. No air at all. Then my heart stopped beating.

  “By the Mother,” Tonetka said. “She’s—”

  I blacked out once more. The pain dimmed. I opened my eyes a century later, to a tangled procession of images. Wide white eyes. Scanner grids. Blue hands. Optic lights.

  A syrinpress nuzzled my throat. Must be serious, I thought. My mind felt groggy, drugged. Direct jugular . . . injection . . . for what? I fought to clear the haze from my head. Discovered the pain that was waiting behind it.

  Gravity crashed down and squeezed the breath from my lungs. Not again, I wanted to whimper, but I couldn’t get a breath. My heart slammed against the stony cage of my ribs. Voices jabbered around me in a disconnected frenzy.

  “Nerve cells firing—”

  “—toxic level—”

  “Get the one who—”

  “—er, she’s arrest—”

  My heart stopped beating again. I was going to die. I was ready. The pain was so vast, so unmanageable that I couldn’t grasp it anymore. Time to embrace some stars. That was a nice way to think about it. Would Kao really be waiting there for me?

  Beyond the pain something else moved into competition for my attention. I glimpsed a glittering light, and thinking it was Kao, I tried to move through the pain toward it.

  Come to me.

  It was warm and kind, that voice. It wanted me. I certainly wanted to get to it. I considered the layers of pain almost clinically now. Such a large, looming wall of torment. I had no more time for that sort of thing. Some unfamiliar part of my mind told me I could move between the pain. I found the path easily.

  The light grew dazzling, and I was flooded with a serenity I hadn’t felt since I’d made love with Kao. Only he could have come for me, given me this blessed relief. I opened my arms to the light. Here I am. Over here.

  Cherijo. At last.

  The pain was behind me, wasn’t it? Why was I feeling it now? Slowly I recognized the light, the voice, the one who called to me. I was wrong, it wasn’t Kao. Kao was dead.

  It was Reever.

  The whole thing was really absurd, in a macabre sense. On one side, unbearable pain, extended suffering, and death. Opposite that was Reever, linked with my mind, coaxing me from that unpleasant but necessary release.

  Fought too long. My thoughts were lackluster, comical. Can’t decide which is worse.

  Come to me, Cherijo, Reever demanded harshly. A moment later, with more persuasion, Come back to me.

  You won’t ever leave me alone, will you? I thought, feeling sorry for myself. I can’t get away from you. Not even to die. You’re always in my head.

  Reever made a rough sound that made no sense. You can’t die like this, he told me. He was coming to me now, forcing himself further into my thoughts.

  Oh, yes I can. I drew back.

  He halted. I will not let you go alone.

  I won’t let you come with me, I told him wearily. I don’t want you to die, Duncan.

  Then, come to me, Cherijo. Just come to me.

  I didn’t trust him. I didn’t even like him. He was a reminder of what I had lost, and what I would never have. Yet still I went to him, and lost myself in that strange white light.

  At last I opened eyes that felt glued together, and found myself flat on my back in the critical-care berth. My body was hooked up to every piece of equipment known to Jorenian Healers.

  Above me Tonetka’s eyes crinkled with pleasure. “Greetings to the living.”

  “Tonetka—Healer Torin,” I swallowed against the horrible rasp of my voice and tried again. “Give me my chart.”

  The Jorenian woman shook her head. “Once you have stopped trying to frighten the rest of the journeys I possess out of me, I might let you have a glance at it.” Her hands moved over my head and chest as she scanned me. I tried to get up and assess the damage for myself. The best I could do was a weak twitch. “Be still.”

  “What happened?”

  The Senior Healer was muttering to herself. “No residual brain damage, and thank the Mother, minimal damage to the mitral valve.”

  “Do I want to know what happened?”

  “Probably not, but I suspect you’ll give me no peace until I tell you. You died twice on my table, Healer Torin.” Tonetka made it sound like a personal insult. “I will thank you not to try that a third time.”

  “Cause?”

  “A brain episode I still can’t fathom, which began in the middle of flight transition. I barely got you out of the harness before you went into shock. Once I’d stabilized you—I thought I had stabilized you, I should say—you suffered massive cardiac arrest. Twice. Every God of Luck in existence has smiled upon you since then.”

  “There is no such thing as a God of Luck,” I managed to say before I fell into a healing sleep. As I entered the darkness again, I thought I felt a gentle hand touch my face, then the cool drops of someone’s tears.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Begin Again

  Kao had never told me that Jorenians were overly protective. I found out the hard way.

  I spent a week flat on my back. When I tried to get up, Tonetka made threats. A few times she actually began to strap me in restraints.

  “If you embrace the stars while I’m treating you, the HouseClan may stuff me in your receptacle,” the Senior Healer said. “Now, rest.”

  “Give me my chart, and I’ll read it while I rest.” Said chart was being kept far out of my reach.

  “Healers make the worst patients,” she said, sidestepping my request. Again.

  In the meantime, Tonetk
a ran every test she could think of on me. I suspected she made up a few of her own, too. I was probed and scraped and prodded to the point of screaming hysterics.

  “That’s enough!” I said after a week of the same routine. “I won’t have any blood left soon!”

  The Senior Healer made a peculiar sound with her lips that was the least musical of Jorenian expressions. I laughed in spite of myself.

  “Who is in charge of your case, Cherijo?” She checked the scanner she’d passed over me, nodded to herself, then frowned at me. “Don’t argue with your Healer.”

  “I may do more than argue if you don’t let me out of here soon,” I said.

  The only bright point was the fact that I had scores of visitors. During my convalescence, I think nearly every member of HouseClan Torin tried to personally visit me. At last the Senior Healer ordered everyone on board to stay out of her department unless they needed treatment. She backed it up with a threat to put me in suspension sleep until we reached Joren.

  “Out—out—out,” she said when she found Dhreen and Xonea at my bedside—again. “By the Mother, you’d think she was ready to be bound and praised.”

  “I’m ready now,” I said, impatient with my confinement and needing a good fight.

  “Not anymore,” Tonetka said, “but do not tempt me.”

  Dhreen started to make a comment about how quickly I was infecting the Jorenians with my particular language idioms. He decided to leave rather quickly when the Senior Healer picked up a syrinpress and waved it under his nose.

  Xonea chuckled and managed to beg a moment alone with me before Tonetka threw him out, as well. She granted it with a grudging look and muttered something about containment fields as she left us for her office.

  “How are you, Cherijo?”

  I shrugged and sat back against the head support. “As well as can be expected. Bored, mostly. I need something to do.” I eyed him. “Why?”

  He put his large hand over mine. “Need you ask?” He gazed over his shoulder and leaned close. “Your company is missed. Dhreen would win every credit I possess.”

  “Stop playing whump-ball with him.”