I've Seen You Naked and Didn't Laugh: A Geeky Love Story

by Eden Butler

  INTERVAL

  Raine: Have you heard from Ellie? She hasn’t been home for a couple of days.

  Will: No. Haven’t seen her. Is there some sort of pixie haircut convention? If there is then she probably wasn’t allowed to invite you. Because, you know, of you having no pixie cut.

  Raine: A simple no would have sufficed.

  Will: Ah, yes, but that would have been pointlessly boring and I try to never be pointless or boring.

  ***

  Will: Why was Dane Ripley hanging out with you last weekend? I thought you were sick.

  Raine: I was. I had a toothache. Dane offered to help get rid of it.

  Will: I go away for three measly weeks and you take up with Australian riff raff.

  Raine: Yes, but he is lovely-looking riff raff.

  Will: He doesn’t have my hair.

  Raine: No one does, friend.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Seven Years Ago

  Los Angeles

  “You ungrateful, disrespectful whoreface!” Ellie dodged me by maneuvering around the sofa, using J.J. as a shield because she was a coward who’d rather someone bigger and stronger than her fight her battles.

  “Oh, Rainey,” she taunted, stumbling back when J.J. pulled her off his lapel. Still, she continued, with a thick laugh tone that made my hands tremble in rage. “Do you speak to your mama with that mouth? Does Mrs. Quinn know what an asshole you are?”

  “I’m the asshole?” This time Ellie didn’t move, but J.J. blocked me, muttering something about cops and arrests in my ear as I tried to get at Ellie. “Me? I’m not the one lying to casting agents to land roles, you stupid bitch.”

  “No? You’re the one stealing roles right from under your best friend’s nose.”

  “I didn’t know you auditioned, dammit! How many times do I have to explain that to you, you psycho?”

  “Careful, careful,” Ellie said, waggling her long, hooker nail finger at me.

  “Don’t you dare threaten me.” J.J. gave up trying to hold me back, but kept close. “I cannot believe you would do this to me.”

  “You can’t? Jesus, Raine, pay attention once in a while. While you were busy kissing Jo and Cooper’s ass and riding J.J. and Will’s coattails, I was out there pounding the pavement and hustling hard to get auditions. Just because you were too stupid to realize that you need to do the same thing, don’t get mad at me.”

  J.J. retreated from Ellie, his face moving through expressions that told me clearly he was as disgusted with my former friend as I was. And when she tried explaining herself with a catty, “I did what I had to do to get the role I wanted,” that expression hardened.

  Like me, J.J. had discovered Ellie’s lie when Hillary, my agent, left a screaming rant on my voicemail. “Two p.m., Raine. I said two and Millie Avery waited for you with the producers for an hour.” When I called Hillary back, she wouldn’t hear my explanation. “You can talk all you want about missing messages, but the truth is Millie has blacklisted you. Not even Cooper can get you a job now. I just can’t help you anymore.”

  Ellie hadn’t bothered denying it when I confronted her about my messages. As a matter of fact, she'd seemed proud. If J.J. hadn’t been there, my Texas would have come out in full force. Ellie was damn lucky.

  Still, some small part of my brain couldn’t believe she’d not only lie about Hillary leaving a message that the audition time had been changed, but that she’d also slipped right into my audition. She’d planned this for months, I knew that now. She planned it and wasn’t ashamed to admit it. “Did what you had to do? You lied to me. You told me my agent called to change the time. You told Millie Avery that I’d decided not to audition.”

  “Dog eat dog, Quinn.” It was her low, bitter laugh that set me off.

  “You unbelievable bitch!” A Quinn annoyed isn’t a pretty sight. A Quinn betrayed was something horrible to see altogether, a fact J.J. must have picked up on because when I jumped right at Ellie, he held me back, struggling to get my arms down as I slashed at her.

  “Rainey, no. Don’t touch her.”

  “Get off me.” He was taller, stronger than me, and still J.J.’s arms shook as I tried breaking free from his hold. “I swear to God, J.J. let me go.”

  “Go ahead, J.J., let her come at me,” Ellie laughed, lifting both hands in a mock invitation. “I’ll sue you both for assault.”

  “You crazy bitch,” J.J. answered, pushing me behind me so he could scream at Ellie. “My lawyers would eat you alive.”

  J.J. may have started out on AURA, a show that had a large following if not any semblance of longevity, but he’d really landed on his feet since the cancellation. Despite his short-lived start, J.J. was doing well for himself, a fact Ellie knew well. J.J. liked to drink and brag about his cars and labels.

  But Ellie wouldn’t get close enough to warrant J.J. dialing up his lawyer. At least, I didn’t think she could. J.J. wouldn’t let me get close enough to see more than the stubble on his chin. And then the front door flew open and Will came charging into the room. He stopped short when he caught sight of the three of us—Ellie laughing at me and a smug, taunting expression on her face and J.J. with his manicured nails digging into my wrist to keep me still.

  But Ellie, being the drama queen she was, tried immediately to garner some semblance of sympathy from my best friend. “Will, you need to handle your friend. She’s lost her mind.”

  “Raine…” he said, brushing Ellie off as she moved towards him, and he rushed to me as J.J. released his grip on my wrist.

  “Do you know what’s she’s done?" I shrieked. “I’m ruined!” He let me grip his arm, holding my shoulders because I couldn’t make the tremor in my arms stop. “My agent dropped me because she thought I purposefully flaked on this audition. With Millie Avery, who knows everybody! That bitch…”

  “Sweetie,” Will started, squeezing my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll fix it. I promise. We’ll get this sorted out and you’ll move on.” He didn’t ask a dozen questions. Will didn’t bother with the details. He just stood next to me and told me everything would be okay like he always did.

  “That’s right, Raine, settle in on those coattails while they last.” Ellie had lost the smug smirk and seemed incapable of moving her gaze from Will’s touch on my arm and his face. There was a look that shifted between them, something odd, something cold, that made my stomach lurch.

  “You need to leave,” Will told her, stepping away from me long enough to open the front door.

  “I live here,” Ellie told him, folding her arms.

  “Not anymore you don’t.”

  That look passed between them again and it was like I wasn’t even there anymore, like some great struggle was taking place between the two of them. I was so caught up on what was happening that I didn’t even realize J.J. was standing next to me until he slipped his hand in mine.

  “You were so intent on getting ahead,” Will continued, his voice strangely even, “And now it seems you’ve landed the role you’ve been waiting for.” He pulled out his wallet and dug out a handful of bills, big ones. Ellie’s cheeks were burning but her eyes were boring directly into Will’s, even as she reached out and took the cash from him. A moment passed, and again, it felt surreal, like something was happening that I had no part of. Their eyes were still locked, but Will broke the silence. “Take that and go find someplace else to live. You can come get your stuff later.” Will moved back to the door, opening it wide. “Now, get out.”

  Ellie considered him for a moment, taking her time to slip the cash into her back pocket before she ambled toward him, picking up her purse before moving to stand in front of him. She pursed her lips in a perfect moue, and then licked them in an exaggerated seductive motion. “You let me know, Will, when you get bored of her. Trust me, you will, and when you do, and you’re angling for a new bestie, you can look me up.” Will leaned back to avoid her soft tap against his face. “I’ll be happy to play surrogate for you. I know you�
�d like that.” Then she turned around and sashayed out of the apartment we had shared for three years without a backward glance.

  It would have been funny if Ellie hadn’t just destroyed my career, but she had. She’d singlehandedly orchestrated something cruel and vindictive and I had been blinded by loyalty; had made myself an easy target.

  Will shut the door and I slumped onto the sofa, finding my breath weighty and my head pounding. I felt an anxiety attack approaching and slumped forward, keeping my head between my knees as J.J. sat next to me, his hand making comforting circles on my back, and Will sat on the coffee table opposite me. “What am I gonna do?” I sat up, patting my face dry to look at Will. “Seriously? I have no agent and Millie has blacklisted me.”

  “She’d never…” Will said, frowning when I nodded.

  “Hillary told me she had. She doesn’t make threats lightly, Will, you know that. I’ve had three auditions cancelled since this happened yesterday. I honestly didn’t think Ellie would have the guts to show up here, but it was almost like she was spoiling for a fight. Where were you?”

  “Sweetie, I just got in.” He took his shirt sleeve and wiped my face. “J.J. texted me to tell me what happened. I was on that shoot in Nevada.”

  I’d known that. He’d texted me the night before about how hot Reno was. But the manic calls from Hillary, the quick trajectory of rumors and gossip that spread through town had distracted me from everything. Now, I was just glad he was back to be there for me. “Will. What am I gonna do?”

  “Audition.” He didn’t miss a beat and tipped my chin with a knuckle. Like always, Will had my back when I couldn’t. “Pound the pavement and forget about Dixon’s stupid fey movie and your asshole ex-best friend who stole the part from you.” He made is sound so simple, so easy. Will thought I was strong. He thought I could brush anything that came at me off my shoulder. But this one, this betrayal went deep. Ellie had been my oldest friend. We’d promised to tackle the world together. Turned out, she wanted it all for herself.

  That deep betrayal wormed itself up my body, likely moving into my features as Will and J.J. watched me. That had to be what made Will tug on my arm pull my face up. “We got you, Rainey. I promise.”

  “Bitch, of course we do.” J.J.’s gentle elbow nudge went right into my side as he leaned close. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll land on your feet. You always do.”

  The weight of it all, the bone-deep hurt made me feel weary and I slumped back against the sofa, still holding onto my shock. “I should have left her ass in Waco.”

  “Maybe, but then we wouldn’t have gotten the chance to drink on her credit card,” J.J. said, a slow grin pulling up his mouth.

  “What?”

  “Girl, please. You think I was holding her back to protect her?” He fished something out of his pocket, then waved Ellie’s Visa in front of my face. “If Bitchy McBitcherson wants to stab you in the back to land a gig that will make her a mint, then she won’t mind a couple grand in drinks on her statement.”

  “Scotch?” Will asked.

  “Rum,” J.J. answered.

  “No,” I said, drying my face. “Tonight we drink Patron.” I took the card out of J.J.’s hand. “And so does everyone at the Cabaret.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  PRESENT

  There were favors…

  “Cut! Rainey…no….”

  “Take a second, honey. She looks like she needs a break”

  And then there were impossible favors.

  “That’s five, everyone. Let’s regroup.”

  The wooded area around the old Chevy was still. Dusk had settled and the cool snap of the Southern California fall had given us a reprieve from the hot summer that refused to loosen its tight grip. Now, finally, there was a break from the heat. But the shiver moving along my body and soaking into my skin had less to do with the weather and more to do with the icy reaction working between me and Will.

  “Rainey, what the hell was that?” Cooper lowered his voice, tugging me from the Chevy as I clung to the busted passenger door. There was rust along the mirror and on the outside of the handle that settled against Coop’s brown skin when he rested his palm against the closed door. “You keep pulling away. You gotta stop that, shoushou.”

  “I know it.” I squeezed my eyes tight, disgusted with myself, disappointed that I’d put that frown on Cooper’s face. “I know it,” I repeated.

  The first day of filming had not gone smoothly. Will and I hardly spoke at all. It was my fault, I knew, but I’d felt so stupid and awkward around him, still irritated by his crazy ex comment the night before. It showed on film and made Cooper start and restart the scene several times. The crew was tired and Will, I could tell, let my distance and silence get to him. He’d refused to talk to me between takes and when he reached for me this last time, I flubbed my line just to put air back into my lungs.

  That hadn’t gone over well with Cooper.

  “This isn’t going to work, is it?” I wasn’t sure if Coop meant for me to answer or not, and when he scrubbed his fingers through his cropped hair, I got that maybe he didn’t. There came a low mutter of Creole words I couldn’t quite make out and then my friend leaned against the truck next to me, biting his lip as though he wasn’t quite sure how to phrase what he’d say next. Finally, when he’d let the silence build up between us, when the cast emptied the area and left us alone, he glanced at me, eyes softening as though he saw something in my own frown, my clear disappointment that took away his irritation.

  “Hell, Pinkie, do you want to bail? I mean, if this...” he moved his chin, shooting a look across the outdoor set, just behind the camera where Will sat next to Jo and Andy Martin. They weren’t speaking, kept flashing their attention at Andy, at whatever joke he made, but neither Will nor Jo seemed to be in the mood to laugh. “If this thing between you two isn’t going to improve and doing this part with him, especially this scene, is too much, I won’t push. We’ll get Niki to do it.”

  “Coop, why did you pick Will? Why not Dane or Andy? Why would you set me up in this role if you knew…”

  “Knew what?” I didn’t buy the slow lift of his eyebrow or how Cooper tried and failed to repress his smirk. The man was God awful at lying.

  One flash of my gaze and I saw Cooper’s faint blush and the quick way he avoided my stare. “You little liar.”

  “To be fair,” he started, inching closer as though he didn’t want to be overheard. “It was J.J. who spilled the beans. That day we all got shitty after AURA was cancelled? You know what a terrible gossip he was. He couldn’t keep it to himself what he swore he saw happening between you that night.”

  We’d gone on for hours drinking and plotting our next career move. I doubted Coop remembered everything he told us he planned, but ideas for the Tristan and Isolde project was something he’d first started bouncing off of us that night. It was only now when Cooper mentioned that night that I remembered how interested J.J. had been about it. He’d said he had great ideas for the lead. I thought that meant he had called dibs on it, but now I realized he was thinking of something far different.

  Still, despite what had been lost that day, Will and I had been no different than any other time we were together with our friends. He was upset and I was consoling. It was what we did. Always.

  “It was a rough day and we were all lit off our asses.”

  “I’d have to be comatose not to see how you two are together, my little Muggle.”

  “Coop…”

  “I’m not asking for details. My lovely wife reminded me that what’s happening between the two of you is none of my damn business.” Cooper leaned against the truck, stretching his arm over the hood, blocking out my face from anyone looking at us. “I just really want you to do this project and do it right. We can make it great and my God, Rainey, this was supposed to be a fun shoot. Every time Will moves toward you, you go all stiff and rigid.”

  “We’ve never done anything like this…you know, on camera. In f
ront of a crowd.” When Cooper blinked quickly, likely filling in details with assumptions he garnered from my explanation, I hurried to explain myself. “We’ve never done anything like this at all. Audience or not.”

  I swear there was the slightest hint of disappointment in Coop’s expression then, as though he hoped I’d given something away that would keep him smiling. But I’d done no such thing. He and J.J. may have figured out how I felt about my best friend, but there wasn’t a soul on the planet that I’d tell about what had happened between us. Not even Will.

  If Coop was disappointed, he let the emotion pass and looked over at JoJo, taking a second to work out whatever it was that had kept him thinking before he gave me his attention again. “Listen, love, you say the word. If you can’t do this, Niki can handle it. She knows all the lines anyway and you can play the best friend. Is that what you want?”

  Cooper had never been pushy. Even when shoots on Clockwork had gone on too long, with the scripts we got during sweeps or the scenes during the end of season cliffhangers requiring everything in us to deliver a great finish, even then Coop was fair and patient. He’d given me my start. He and Jo had made me part of their family. I couldn’t disappoint them and as though he teased me from the grave, I knew backing away from the role would irritate J.J. beyond the speaking. I couldn’t chicken out. I couldn’t disappoint my friends.

  “No,” I finally told Coop, pushing off from the truck to stand at his side. Across the set JoJo played on her phone and I caught Will’s gaze, hoping he saw in my expression the game face I tried to wear like a Mardi Gras mask. But there was no gold and purple or green to disguise me from Will. He glanced back at me, holding my gaze until I dropped the hard set of my mouth, offering him one single nod. I knew the second he returned it that he agreed with me. We’d be professionals. We’d do this right, for J.J. For Coop. “No,” I repeated, moving toward the truck handle to swing open the door. “I got this, no problem.”