Naomi's Hope

by Jan Drexler

  “When are we going to the Yoders’?”

  “After breakfast. I talked to Annalise yesterday, and she said to come and spend the whole day. The children can play while we visit.” Mamm set the heavy hamper on the floor near the door. “Jacob and Josef have set up a bed of sorts on the front porch so that Christian can join us. She asked if your daed could read some Scripture, and that we would sing a hymn or two together. Christian would like that.”

  “He’ll feel like he’s part of things instead of being shut away in a sick room. Does that mean he’s feeling stronger?” Naomi laid a fork at each place.

  “Perhaps. We can only hope.”

  Mamm opened the oven door and took out the big pan full of corn cake that she had put in last night to bake overnight in the slow oven, leaving the pan of chicken stew until they took it to their neighbors for the noon meal. Then she stood back, surveying the table.

  “All we need to do is pour the coffee, and then breakfast will be ready. Go call the men.”

  Naomi grabbed her shawl from the hook by the door and ran out into the morning air. Chores took much less time on Sunday mornings, since only the necessary tasks were done. Davey had gathered the eggs and had put the basket into the root cellar to keep cool, and then had gone into the barn to watch Henry and Daed feed the horses. She stopped at the barn door when she saw Cap kneeling on the barn floor next to her son, his arm around the boy’s shoulders and Davey’s arm flung around his neck, their heads close together as they watched the horses. If she didn’t know better, she would think that Cap and Davey were the ones who belonged together. A long-forgotten coolness seeped into her mind, as if a wall of ice had risen between her and the scene before her. She was on the outside looking in again.

  Arresting that thought, Naomi shook herself. Cap and Davey could be friends without her. If she was married, her son and husband would have things that they did without her. Cap and Davey were no different.

  Still, watching them, the jealous pang only grew stronger. Davey was spending too much time with his friend. Naomi bit her lip as she thought of what that could mean for Davey’s future—hunting and fishing trips, Cap teaching Davey to hitch up a team, clearing the land. All sorts of dangerous things where a boy like Davey could get hurt, or worse. Folks died in farming accidents every year.

  And what would happen when Cap married again? He wouldn’t shut Davey out of his life just because he had a new family. He might even entice Davey to come live with him and his wife as their family grew.

  Leaving her alone.

  Just then, Davey turned and saw her.

  “Memmi!” He left Cap kneeling on the dirt floor and ran to her. “Cap has been telling me all about the horse he had when he was a boy. It was little, and he could ride it.”

  Cap dusted the dirt off his knees and walked over to join them. His smile was infectious as he tousled the boy’s hair.

  “It was a pony.” His eyes didn’t leave her face, even when Davey grabbed his hand in both of his and swung it back and forth. “My daed thought a pony cart would be a good way to teach my sisters and me to drive while we were still young.”

  “Can we get a pony?” Davey didn’t let go of Cap’s hand, but grabbed Naomi’s with his other one. “I’d take care of it, I would.”

  “Hush, Davey, don’t beg.” Naomi felt her cheeks heating under Cap’s gaze. “Tell Grossdatti and Henry that breakfast is ready.”

  “A pony would be good for him,” Cap said as he walked back toward the house with her. “I need to look for a new team, and I could find a pony for Davey at the same time, if you want me to.”

  Naomi thought of the few coins in her purse, but the cost wasn’t the only impediment. A pony could be dangerous, and her boy could get hurt. “Davey doesn’t need a pony, and I wish you wouldn’t mention it to him again. He becomes discontented so easily, and I don’t want there to be something else he wants but will never have.”

  Cap stopped walking and pulled her toward him with a hand cupping her elbow. “If it’s the cost you’re worried about, I will pay for it. I have money from the sale of my farm in Ohio, so it is no hardship. I can get the pony when I go back there to buy my new team.”

  “He doesn’t know how to ride or take care of a horse. He’s too young.”

  “Davey is seven years old. When I was his age, I was doing a full share of the chores, including taking care of the horses.”

  Naomi took a step toward the house, but Cap’s hand was still holding her arm. “No one has time to teach him.”

  “I have time. I’ll teach him.”

  His eyes narrowed as she faced him, and she felt her chin set. “He’s my son, and I don’t think he’s ready to learn yet.”

  Cap took a step closer, towering over her. “You mean you don’t want him to learn yet. He’s a bright, active boy, but he is bored. You need to give him good, solid work to do or he’ll continue to get into trouble like he did when he tried to go fishing by himself.”

  “You think it’s my fault that he got lost?” A knot tightened in Naomi’s stomach.

  “As much as it was mine. In a way, we both had a part in it.”

  She pulled her arm out of his grasp and headed toward the house. Cap jogged to catch up with her.

  “Don’t walk away from me, Naomi. I want to talk about this.”

  She whirled to face him. “Why? He’s my son, not yours. Why do you care so much?”

  Cap stepped back as if she had slapped him in the face. “I care because . . .” He paused, taking a deep breath. “My son would be his age now.” He looked at her, his eyes wet. “I look at him and think of what I lost.”

  Naomi pushed at her stomach, willing the knot to loosen. “But he isn’t your son.” She kept her voice quiet, even. “He’s my responsibility, and I need to take care of him myself.”

  “You won’t let me help you?”

  She straightened her shoulders. “Not when you want to go against my wishes.”

  His face grew red above his dark beard. “All right, then. He’s your responsibility. But I hope you realize what you’re doing to him with your coddling.”

  “Of course I know what I’m doing. And I’m not coddling him, I’m protecting him. Keeping him safe.”

  “No matter what you call it, the results are the same.”

  He walked past her toward the road and the Yoder farm as Naomi’s heart pounded in her ears. She was right. She knew she was right. Cap just didn’t know how frightening it was to raise a boy, and how easy it was to lose him.

  Christian tried to rest. Annalise had just taken care of his most private needs, bathing him and settling him back in his bed with fresh linens and nightclothes. He was tired. So tired.

  He lifted his right hand. That was the only movement Annalise knew he was capable of. He hadn’t shown her the progress he had seen in his left hand. Yesterday, when she finished bathing him, she had left that hand resting on his chest. Without even thinking, he had moved it back down to the bed. He had moved his right foot too, shifting it under the covers. There was progress toward his recovery, but he didn’t want to get Annalise’s hopes up. He should be getting stronger, and yet the weakness continued. He felt like a newborn kitten. Helpless.

  Death didn’t frighten him. He had faced it many times over the last two weeks. He could feel the presence of God in the bedroom with him, and the presence felt strongest when he was at his weakest points. More than once, he had tried to turn his head to catch a glimpse of the One who was there in spirit. Today the presence felt far away.

  Voices sounded from the road outside. Visitors coming. Gathering for a Sunday visit, Annalise had said.

  “Daed?”

  Christian hadn’t heard Jacob open the bedroom door. Two men walked into the room and into his line of sight. Jacob and Josef. He smiled, and blinked his eyes twice.

  Josef leaned closer. “The Schrocks are here, and Mamm thought you might like to come sit on the porch. Do you feel strong enough?”

&nb
sp; Ne, he didn’t feel strong enough, but he wouldn’t lose this opportunity for a Sunday visit. He blinked his eyes twice.

  “We’ve set up a couch out there,” Jacob said. “We’ll take the blankets and pillows from here to make it comfortable for you.”

  Jacob lifted him in his arms as easily as he would a newborn calf, while Josef gathered the bedding into a roll. Jacob followed Josef out to the porch.

  Christian closed his eyes against the bright sunshine and took a breath of the fresh air. Ach, how he had missed these simple things!

  Even with his eyes closed, he could tell when Annalise pushed past Jacob to fuss with the bedding.

  “Denki, Josef. Now fluff the pillows before you lay them out again. And save these two back to put under his head.”

  Christian smiled at the sound of her voice. He opened his eyes again as Jacob laid him on the makeshift bed. Annalise stuck a pillow behind his back.

  He smiled at her. “Denki.”

  “Christian,” Annalise said as she lowered herself to sit beside him. “You spoke.”

  One word. Christian moved his jaw, blinked his eyes, tried to push the word out again, but it wouldn’t come.

  She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Don’t work so hard. One word is a miracle.” She brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Rest now. We won’t gather on the porch until dinnertime. The boys will do the chores first, and you can sleep.”

  Christian blinked twice and let his eyes fall closed. A breeze washed over his face, clearing his head of the worry and tension of the past weeks. The voices faded as he went to sleep.

  The slow, soft singing of a hymn from the Ausbund woke him.

  Gnadig bist du, o herr und gut . . .

  Merciful are you, O Lord, and good,

  We find your burden sweet.

  Your will on earth is done,

  Where you lead your children.

  Christian knew the hymn well. As the next verse began, he joined the singing, his voice harsh from disuse. Annalise grasped his right hand as they sang together, tears spilling down her cheeks.

  As the hymn drew to a close, Eli Schrock cleared his throat. “Brother Christian, it is good to hear you sing with us again. We have missed you.”

  Christian searched for the words to answer his friend, but they wouldn’t come.

  “You men keep on while Naomi and I finish getting dinner ready,” Lydia said. She patted Christian’s foot as she passed by his bed and smiled at him. “Singing is good for the soul, isn’t it?”

  Eli started the next song in the Ausbund and Christian sang without conscious thought of the words. By the time they finished, Lydia and Naomi were ready to pass plates full of food around to the folks gathered on the porch. But Christian’s headache had returned and he blinked “ne” to the plate offered him. He relaxed back into his pillows and let his eyes close.

  Singing was good. It seemed that his voice was coming back, little by little. Could he hope that the rest of his body might recover also?

  He didn’t open his eyes when Hannah leaned across the bed to talk to Annalise, but his mind tried to piece together the meaning of her words.

  “Shem Fischer is here, Mamm. We’ve all finished eating, but should we offer him a plate?”

  “Ja, for sure.” Annalise stood up, taking her warm hand from its place grasping Christian’s fingers.

  He opened his eyes and she leaned down. “I’ll be back. I only want to be sure Shem gets some dinner.”

  Shem Fischer. Christian cast about in his mind. Ja, Shem Fischer. The new minister from Canada. Something played at the edge of his memory. He didn’t like Shem, but why?

  “Good afternoon,” Shem said as he stepped onto the porch. The narrow space was crowded with the family and neighbors sitting where they could. “I see Brother Christian is still with us.”

  Christian looked toward the woods. Now he remembered. The man managed to rub him the wrong way every time he spoke.

  “I thought you would spend the Sabbath in Clinton Township now that you’re living there,” Jacob said.

  “The talk all week has been about Christian and his illness. I volunteered to visit today and report back to the Clinton Township people.” Shem peered around Jacob’s shoulders to get a look at the bed, as if Christian was on display for the curious.

  Elias Hertzler stood next to Jacob, blocking Shem’s view. “We’re glad that Christian was able to join us today as we gather to enjoy Christian fellowship with our neighbors. You’re welcome to join us.”

  Christian closed his eyes again. His head pounded.

  “Do you folks gather together every non-church Sunday?” A chair creaked as Shem sat down.

  Elias sat down in another chair. “When the weather permits.”

  “You folks all came from the same part of Pennsylvania?”

  Christian’s memory went back to the night, years ago, when Eli Schrock and Yost Bontrager visited their home in the Conestoga Valley. They had all been neighbors at one time, along with the Hertzlers. Shem was right—the four families had been together in Lancaster County long ago. They were as close as brothers.

  “Ja, for sure,” Elias said. “Christian’s were neighbors with us along the Conestoga. Eli’s and Yost’s had moved on to Somerset County. We all traveled here together.”

  “So you three families remain close.”

  “Yost Bontrager’s family also.”

  “But Yost settled in Clinton Township.” Shem paused. “Was there a falling out between your families?”

  Christian opened his eyes again, wanting to protest. Shem Fischer was driving a wedge of contention between the ends of the district as if he was splitting a log in two.

  All the men had taken their seats and Christian had a clear view of Shem and Elias. His old friend’s face was growing red as he faced the young man sitting opposite him.

  “What makes you think that?”

  Shem shrugged. “It’s clear that Clinton Township is where the more change-minded of the district have settled. Yost settled there instead of here. There must be a reason.”

  “The reason was because that’s where Yost found the land he wanted to buy. We are still in the same church district. We worship together, we work together. Not only Yost, but the rest of the settlers in Clinton Township.”

  Shem nodded. “That’s what you say, but I’ve heard talk among the Amish men over there. They don’t like the way things are done over here in LaGrange County.”

  Christian closed his eyes. Eli and Elias must see what this man was doing, sowing seeds of doubt with every word. He lifted his hand, opened his mouth, but no words came out. He grabbed Eli’s sleeve and got his friend’s attention.

  “What is it, Christian? Do you want to say something?”

  Christian’s head blazed with pain as he searched for the words.

  “Don’t . . . listen . . .” He fell back on his pillows.

  Eli patted his shoulder. “Christian is right. We won’t listen to hearsay and gossip. If the folks in Clinton Township have concerns, they need to talk to us about them.”

  Shem smiled slightly. “I understand. I’ll tell them what you said.”

  Christian clenched his good hand into a fist. Shem Fischer understood exactly what he was doing. The only question was why. What could anyone gain by driving the two ends of the church district apart?

  Naomi listened to the men’s conversation as she washed dishes in the kitchen with Hannah and Mattie. Shem’s words had changed the day from a worshipful morning of hymn singing and fellowship to an afternoon of worry.

  “Is there really a division between the two parts of the district, the way Shem says?” Mattie kept her voice low, to keep from being heard by the group on the porch.

  “I know the folks from Ohio are a bit different than we are,” Hannah said. “But not where it counts. We have unity in our church, in spite of what Preacher Shem says.” She dried the last dish and gathered up the damp towels. “What do you think, Naomi?”

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nbsp; “The distance is a problem, and the marshy land between here and Elkhart County keeps folks from settling in between the two parts of the community. But until Johanna and Andrew moved to Iowa last summer, they were still as close to his folks as ever in spite of that.”

  Hannah nodded. “I still miss Johanna. I wonder if one of us would ever travel to Iowa for a visit?”

  “You mean you wonder if Josef will ever want to travel that distance to take you to visit her.” Mattie grinned at Naomi.

  “Ach, we won’t be traveling like that anytime soon.” Hannah laid her hand on her stomach with a light gesture. “Not with little ones to care for.”

  Naomi exchanged looks with Mattie. Could Hannah be expecting again? But even so, Mattie could trust her sister to keep her own secret awhile longer.

  Mattie took the damp towels to hang on the back porch while Hannah and Naomi went out to the front porch to join the others. The children had tired of their games and had come to join the group on the porch. Davey sat on the porch step next to Cap, his blond head leaning on Cap’s arm.

  Shem leaned his chair back on two legs, still dominating the conversation.

  “I saw an interesting sight on the way here,” he said. “I was passing by your place, Eli, and there was an old Indian there.”

  “Was it the same man who brought Davey back to us?”

  “I don’t know. It could be. They all look the same, don’t they?”

  “I’ll go and see, Daed.” Henry stepped off the porch and toward the road.

  Davey sat up. “It has to be Crow Flies. Can I go with Henry?”

  Before Naomi answered, Cap shook his head. “You don’t need to go looking for trouble. If it is Crow Flies, Henry will bring him back here.”

  The men at the other end of the porch, near Christian’s bed, started discussing their spring planting.

  Lydia turned to Annalise. “How is your garden doing?”

  “Not too badly. Mattie planted the rest of the seeds with Margli’s help. The boys are supposed to spend an hour every morning getting the weeds out, and even though they’ve missed a couple days to help with other chores, they’re keeping ahead of them.”