by Barbara Lohr
Alex settled his shoulders and went back to his pizza. “Sure. So, have you had time to practice your golf?”
“Mom, down.” Bo began to scramble from his booster seat. Alex set him on his feet.
“I'll be ready for the outing.” Apprehension pinched her chest. She’d asked Jillian to critique her golf swing out in back of the bakery. The driving range was too far away. “And I’ve been making follow-up calls from connections at the Chamber event. I have some lunches scheduled.”
Stomach full, Bo let her settle him into the stroller. After they got rid of their trash, they ambled back into the main rotunda.
“Just remember, guys like David Holt at the Chamber shindig? You want to stay away from them.”
That sounded more like an order, not a suggestion. “Guess I’d like to make that call myself.”
Alex took a deep breath. Watching his chest expand, she remembered how it felt to rest her head there. So comforting. The breath tightened in her chest, and she looked away.
Bo nodded off. Head flung back and one small hand curled against a cheek, he looked so innocent. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Babies grew up so fast.
Pulling out three tickets, Alex threw her a crooked grin. “The day’s not over. I picked up tickets for the chocolate exhibit.”
“But Bo’s asleep.”
His smile turned wicked. “Everyone needs a little chocolate, especially adults.” Still steering the stroller, he clasped her hand. Warmth ribboned up her arm and unfurled in her stomach until heat pooled between her legs. As they entered the display area, she began to fan her face with her free hand.
Once you know the way, your body wants to go there.
“Is this the kind of exhibit your parents took you to when you were growing up?” she asked as they made their way through the historical displays.
His smile twisted. “Don't I just wish? Nope, my parents were all about abandoned forts and battlefields. Trust me, we never explored the history of chocolate.” His chuckle held a rebel edge. “My folks would find this a total waste of time.”
“That’s kind of sad.”
“I want a lot more than that for Bo,” he said slowly, as if this had just occurred to him. “What good is success if you don’t have a little fun?”
He glanced at her with a grin, but at the mention of the future, Vanessa’s spirits tanked. How many times had her father described houses that never materialized and fun family trips that never happened? After the divorce, Grandpa Joe and Grandma Lottie somehow scraped up the money and spirited them away to Florida so they wouldn’t dwell on the empty chair in front of the TV.
What did she face now with Alex? Years of alternating holidays? A Christmas when she wouldn't be with Bo because he'd be with his other family? Lunch congealed into a sickening lump in her stomach.
At the end of the chocolate exhibit, the traffic pattern brought them to the gift shop. With Bo still asleep in the stroller, Alex scrutinized the display of chocolates on sale.
“But we don't need any candy.” Her protest wasn’t convincing. Dark chocolate was her weakness.
Alex gave her a long look. Unwelcome goose bumps bloomed. “What did we learn today?”
A frisson of heat rippled through her stomach. One of the displays pointed out that chocolate could be an aphrodisiac. The two of them sure didn’t need that.
Move away from the hot dad. Standing in front of the counter, they were so close she could feel his breath. They probably looked like a couple about ready to go home, put their little boy to bed and then make love. Every cell in her body turned liquid at the thought.
Right now, Alex was wielding a handful of chocolate like a weapon. “Life is what you make it.”
Easy for him to say. Or was it? A feeling of lost boyhood regained had echoed throughout the day. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. Sometimes she longed for her orderly LBA life. Life Before Alex has been planned and heavily fortified to withstand disappointment. Right now if felt more like she was hanging on to the safety bar of a wild roller coaster.
He paid for the chocolate, and they moved back onto the concourse. After handing her one of the bars, he tore open a packet, broke off a square, and popped it into his mouth. The corners of his mouth tipped upward in a saucy grin.
“Take a bite?” Alex’s smile widened as he cracked off a chunk and handed it to her.
The rich taste of dark chocolate held a surprising edge. “Bacon?”
“Like it?”
“Love it.”
Alex beamed. For just a second, she jumped into the moment with him. When he glanced down at Bo, her heart tumbled just looking at the two of them.
“That woman was nothing, you know.’
Her eyes ripped up to his.
“Rhonda was a woman I’d dated before, well, before the TV shoot. You saw her at the gala.”
“And it’s over?”
“Of course it is.”
She nodded, relieved that she didn’t have to ask the question. Alex looked so uncomfortable. This had to be the truth. Her father had always lied with such smooth skill, or so Mom had said. Practice makes perfect. Jillian would be so happy. Oh, Vanessa wanted a few more facts but not now. Alex seemed to realize that.
In silence, they trekked through the exit. Alex led the way to the parking lot. Pizza boy was still asleep in the stroller. With every step, more control felt ripped away from her life. Part of her wanted to snatch back her role of single mother, the only one who really cared, the only one to make decisions.
But did she really need to be the sole decision maker? Bo was Alex’s son in so many respects. How would arguing benefit Bo? The asphalt reflected the heat. Vanessa was burning up, fried by her overactive imagination. The cool lake breeze didn’t help much.
“Thanks for today,” she said when they reached her car. “Bo had a great time. So did I.”
Fatigue immobilized her as they stared out on the traffic roaring down Lake Shore Drive. Sometimes life went too fast. Looking down at Bo still asleep in the stroller, she sighed. She should buckle him into his carseat and leave.
“Penny for your thoughts.” Alex hovered.
“Not really worth a penny,” she quipped. So hard to meet his eyes, like looking into the sun. This glimpse of another life left her teetering on the edge. Could she risk it? Risk plummeting into a past where she trusted a man, hoping he wouldn’t let her down? Risk exposing her little boy to disappointment?
Maybe she didn’t have a choice. They’d have to work out a joint custody arrangement.
She almost didn't notice when he took her in his arms. “You're over analyzing, Vanessa. Please don't,” he whispered.
Indecision held her rigid.
“Oh, hell,” he muttered.
Her angsting dissolved in the heat of his kiss. When Alex nudged her lips open, he tasted of chocolate and desire. Oh, God, this felt so good. Too good. She jerked back—lips bruised, heart pounding, her body wanting more.
Cupping her elbows, Alex gave her a little shake. “Hey, what’s going on?”
Vanessa wet her still-plump lips. “Today was wonderful, Alex. Bo had a great time, so did I. But little boys are a twenty-four seven operation. Being a parent means getting up at night when his cough won’t let him sleep. Canceling business appointments when he comes down with the flu. We can probably set up some sort of visitation schedule.”
“Visitation schedule?” He reared back. “What are you talking about? This is a full-time job for two people.”
She blinked, arms braced on his chest. “Right. So we can share it with a schedule.”
“Schedule? Hell, we should get married.” His face tightened and flushed.
“What?” She shoved away. “Why?”
“We should get married.” With that matter-of-fact tone, he might've been suggesting that they have dinner.
She could hardly breathe. “Are you crazy?”
“The next logical step.”
“You think
one apology does it?” Blood pulsing in her face, she clicked her keys and yanked open the back door. “We’ve really only known each other a few weeks.”
Marriage without love. An emptiness she never could imagine for herself. Bo was starting to wake up, and his eyes rounded at the angry voices.
Alex pursed his lips together, like she was a stubborn child. “Think about it. It will be the best thing for all of us.”
What choice did she have? She started to hyperventilate just thinking about it. Alex probably had high-priced lawyers at his beck and call. If she refused a meaningless marriage, could he sue for permanent custody?
She needed time, and he wasn’t giving it to her.
She also needed love.
“I'll think about it.” Her stomach did sickening cartwheels as she buckled Bo into the carseat while he fussed.
“Don't take too long.”
His warning echoed in her mind all the way home.
Chapter 17
Too bad the golf outing wasn’t rained out. Instead, the day dawned blazingly sunny. Even Bo woke up with a sleepy smile. Vanessa sprinkled Cheerios on his tray and sliced a banana. She’d been up since four, and the scent of chocolate cakes curled up the stairway. In the bakery below, Grandpa and Jillian were busy. Burying herself at home that day felt like a good idea. Safe. This golf outing might be dangerous territory. Almost a week had passed since the trip to the museum. She hadn’t given Alex an answer.
His parking lot proposal left her angry and frightened. Alex had the muscle to make things happen, and he would. That much he'd made clear. The heavy-handed approach surprised her.
She needed time.
She also needed his love.
That wasn’t happening.
Vanessa didn’t know if she wanted to risk being another Rhonda, a woman who called on Sunday nights when she was feeling lonely after Alex moved on.
But then, from everything he’d said, maybe his family background was as dysfunctional as hers. Love might not factor into the marriage equation for Alex. Children did.
Marrying a man who didn't love her felt like selling out. She didn’t know if she could do it. The look on Bo's face when he was with Alex stayed imprinted on her mind. When they got home after the Field Museum trip, Bo bubbled with stories for Grandpa and Jillian. They’d been delighted and curious.
On the drive to the course, she’d practiced responses in case Alex pressed her for an answer today. She was “considering his offer” and needed more time to “adequately assess the options.”
The businesslike words eased the tight feeling in her chest. When she reached the course, she pulled into the circular drive. The staff took her bag and she parked. Not even nine o’clock and the heat clung like damp gauze. Looking around, she didn’t recognize anyone. The welcome packets were alphabetized in neat columns on the registration table inside the clubhouse. She noted her cart number and went back outside, heading for the lineup.
To help her face the day, she’d splurged on a new outfit. The little white golf skirt set off her long legs, and the hot pink polo shirt projected a sassy confidence she didn't feel. Even her nails flashed bright pink today, along with the edging of her little white anklets and her visor.
Was her mouth dry from the heat or sheer nervousness? Along the way, she grabbed an Arnold Palmer from the refreshment table. She was sipping the tart lemonade and iced tea drink when Jack approached. “Hey, Vanessa. Don’t you look great today.”
“Thanks. I could say the same for you.”
Grabbing an icy drink, he turned to head out, eyes lingering on her pink-edged socks. “See you soon. I think we’re playing together.”
Relief filtered through her. Maybe she wouldn’t have to share a cart with Alex. She knew he’d press her for an answer. The sun beat down, and she adjusted her visor as she strolled to the waiting line-up of carts.
She wasn’t sure about Jack. That day in his office when he’d shared the heart-breaking story of his impending divorce, she’d really sympathized with the guy. Thought he was a devoted father whose family was about to be torn apart. Now, she just didn’t know.
Could be she was just a really bad judge of men.
After finding cart number thirty-two, she tucked her cup into the drink holder. Apparently, Jack was wrong. Alex’s name was posted above hers on the front of the cart. The cart next to them had Jack’s name along with Kate’s. Good, she’d be glad to see Alex’s sister again. Had Alex told Kate about their situation?
Hearing his laugh, she turned. Her heart pinched to see him chatting up a perky young volunteer. Her mother had spent a lot of time at the front window when dinner time came around. Would that be her life too if she agreed to marry him.
Could she trust him? Looking over, Alex caught her eye. With a wave, he moved away from the table.
Jillian’s voice in her head, Vanessa slid into the cart. She’d picked up bad habits. Might be time for a change. A day outside would relax her. The last few days had been filled with an unsettling angsting. Even Grandpa had given her a worried look when she only ate half of the chicken salad Christine had brought over for dinner last night.
When she considered marriage to Alex, she spun into free fall. Chemistry. They had it in spades. Hadn't she read that physical chemistry lasted only two years with nothing else to hold a marriage together? Her heart clutched whenever she thought of Bo one day being viewed as the lynchpin of an unwelcome marriage.
Her back teeth ached from grinding them in her sleep.
“Great day, isn't it?” Strolling toward the cart, Alex threw her a killer smile. In his peach polo and khaki shorts, he looked cool and sophisticated. Then he stopped in his tracks. Eye widening, he nudged back his visor. “Whoa, nice outfit.”
“Thank you.” Pulling on her golf glove, she shelved her problems. After all, this was a perfect day.
Some good-natured betting peppered the air. All of the foursomes would drive to their individual hole for a shotgun start. Jack was poring over the scorecard when Kate arrived. She sent Vanessa a broad smile. “Be careful of my brother's backswing. He’s been known to lose a club or two.”
“You should talk,” Alex shot back. “Jack will probably spend most of the day in the rough, looking for your ball.”
The four of them laughed, and Vanessa’s throat eased. Usually, she spent all her free time with Bo. Adult time felt good.
Mic in hand, Michael Morgan gave the group instructions. Kate looked at him with adoring eyes. “Let's all have a great day,” was his final directive to the golfers.
“Ready?” Alex swung onto the bench seat.
“As ready as I’m ever going to be.”
When he glanced down at her anklets, a smile tilted his lips. Heat swirled in the close confines of the cart. “Pink is definitely your color.”
Pleased, she ducked her head, the long ponytail sweeping her neck. “Bo is still talking about our trip to the Field Museum,” she told him as they pulled up to their starting point on the sixth hole.
“I had fun. In a lot of ways.” When he glanced over, a question lightened his brown eyes to caramel.
Pulling up behind them, Jack nudged their cart. “Hey,” she heard Kate say. “You want to give them whiplash?”
But Vanessa wasn’t thinking about her neck. Her skin prickled from Alex’s attention. The connection between them crackled. Made it hard to keep her mind on the game.
The first two holes loosened them up. As the morning progressed, her confidence grew due to decent drives and strategic chips that landed her on the green. What a coup when the foursome sometimes ended up playing her ball.
“Hey, girl. Not bad,” Kate commented when Vanessa chipped a difficult shot over a bunker, right up next to the hole. The guys both had ended up in the sand. Didn’t get much better than this. Both Jack and Alex would have to hit up and out of those hot pits.
“Thanks, Kate.”
Alex was a natural athlete. His broad shoulders held a lot of power, and
with each drive, he sent his ball winging from the tee in a long arc. Jack wasn’t that lucky, and it rattled him that they never ended up playing his shot. His business cool was melting. As the day wore on, he began opening the small cooler more frequently.
“Having a good time?” Brushing a tendril from her cheek, Alex gazed over.
“Yep, sure am.” Sipping her lemonade, she felt heady. They were parked in their cart while Jack hunted for his ball in the rough. Kate was helping him. Pushing back his visor, Alex swung one arm around her shoulders. For just one second, Vanessa tried to imagine they were married. She squirmed on the warm seat.
“What is it?” Leaning over, he tried to kiss her.
“What if people are watching?” Pushing back a bit, Vanessa looked around. Kate was still up ahead, helping Jack. Poking the tall weeds with a club, she looked frustrated.
“They’re busy. It’s just us.” There was a soft question in his voice when she turned to face him. He was waiting.
But she couldn't give him the one word he wanted. Instead she pressed toward him for a kiss that quickly turned heated. Slouching lower, he pulled her close, one hand on her thigh. Thank goodness they were deep in the shadows of a giant oak. If only she didn't feel as if she were selling out.
“Getting cozy, are we?” At the sound Jack's voice, Vanessa jerked back. She hadn’t even heard the cart pull up.
Alex wasn’t ruffled as he turned. “Just waiting for you to find your ball.”
Kate sat silent, but Jack’s face turned deep red. Alex put their cart in gear, and Vanessa straightened her skirt.
At the next hole, she ran into trouble when her shot landed in a bunker. The sun kept climbing higher, and heat baked the course. The breeze had died. Even the leaves on the trees seemed to droop. The crickets had stopped singing. To make matters worse, the mosquitoes were out in full force.
Lemonade gone, she took a sip from her water bottle.
“Warm?” Alex asked.
“Steaming.” She swooped her ponytail from her neck, and his eyes followed.
“Me too.”
She met his gaze. “Ah, I’m talking about the weather.”
