The Campus Jock: A College Bad Boy Romance

by Serena Silver

  “Julie!” He yelled to the empty house. There was no response. He tried again. And again. On his last attempt, he was too choked with tears to get any real sound out.

  It was like mourning his wife all over again. Except this time, she had purposely abandoned him. That was even harder to take. He drained the rest of the whiskey and went back to the liquor cabinet. Pickings were slim, so he grabbed a beer from the fridge. He stumbled back to the couch and laid down. He left the TV on because the voices made him feel less alone. He closed his eyes with the hope that sleep would give him a temporary release from his torment.

  After what felt like an eternity, he realized that sleep wasn’t coming for him. He remembered this had happened in the weeks following the accident as well. He downed the rest of his beer and, swaying, got to his feet. He reached for the photo on the coffee table. On the first attempt, he knocked his empty beer bottle onto the floor. It bounced around and caused a racket, but didn’t break. He bent to pick it up but stumbled and fell to the floor. His forehead caught the corner of the coffee table on the way down.

  “Shit.”

  He lay on the floor for a minute, holding his head. Things just kept getting worse for him. He propped himself up to his knees and slapped his hand onto the table to pick up the photo. He was successful this time and used the table to steady himself as he got to his feet. He felt a little chill and realized he was naked. He looked down and saw his bath towel on the floor next to his feet. He had lost it during his fall. Retrieving it felt like a task too monumental for his current state, so he left it where it was.

  Armed with his photo, he got himself upstairs to his bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. A thin line of blood was seeping from a pretty good-sized bruise on his forehead. He reached to wipe it off, but his clumsy hand only succeeded in smearing the blood down the side of his face.

  He reached for the sleeping pills that his doctor had prescribed him from the medicine cabinet. His hand knocked a shelf of the medicine cabinet off of its brackets, and most everything in the cabinet clattered to the floor. He looked down at the mess below him. He sat down on the floor and sorted through the bottles and knick-knacks until he found what he was looking for. It felt light. He shook the bottle and heard only a few pills rattling around in the bottom. He poured them into his palm. There were six or so left.

  “Okay,” he said aloud. He grabbed the sink and pulled himself up. He slammed the pills into his mouth and drank from the sink to swallow them. He picked the photo up from the counter where he had dropped it and went to lay in his bed. He was careful to avoid the glass on the floor, but was having trouble controlling his footfalls, so he ended up getting a bit lodged in the ball of his foot. He sat on the bed and reached for his foot. It was bleeding pretty good, but he couldn’t feel any pain. He pried the glass out.

  Finally, he lay down. He propped the photo up against the lamp on his nightstand so he could look at it as he lay in bed. He closed his eyes. Heavy sleep came to him within a few minutes.

  Chapter Five: A New Beginning

  Juliana’s eyes flickered open, and she found herself awake in her bed. She noticed it was darker than usual. She glanced toward the windows. There was usually a bit of light peeking through the edges of the curtains in the morning, but the room was completely dark. She looked over at the clock on the nightstand to see the time and instead saw Ben lying next to her. She smiled. It was good to see him here. She hadn’t been able to reach him properly in quite some time, despite her best efforts.

  She had only caught glimpses of him over the past few weeks and had to do everything she could think of to get his attention. She had succeeded in throwing some objects in his presence and pulling the blankets off of him, but not much else. Ben’s response in these moments was fleeting; he would react to the object for a moment but was always unable to see her. Most frustratingly, he was unable to see what she really wanted to show him. Every chance she got she tried to direct him towards the note she had written on the back of their wedding photo.

  Ever since her grandmother’s visit, she was on borrowed time. Reaching Ben could no longer be the long-term endeavor she was pursuing over the past year. She had to be efficient and effective.

  On her last attempt, she had gotten close. She knocked over the photo right in front of him. He heard the sound and looked at it, seemingly interested for a moment, and left it where it lay. Juliana reached out to grab him but was unable to. She tried to right the photo, but the scene dissolved before her. She was worried she wouldn’t get another chance.

  Realizing she had to act quickly now, she looked for the photo on which she had written the note she so desperately wanted him to find. It had been removed from its frame and was propped up on the lamp on the nightstand. She reached over Ben to pick up the photo, putting a hand on his chest to steady herself. As she did so, she noticed that his breathing seemed labored. Thinking it was the pressure she was applying to his chest, she immediately lifted her weight off of him. She looked down and saw a smear of blood on his face. She pulled a tissue from the box on the nightstand and dabbed his face with it. The dried blood stayed in place. Something wasn’t right. She shook him a bit. She was able to move his shoulders and could even prop him up on a pillow, but he didn’t wake. She looked frantically at the scene around her. There were broken glass and blood on the floor and on the sheets. She got out of bed. She had to do something.

  She went into the bathroom to wet a washcloth. She saw the mess on the floor that Ben had made when he spilled the contents of the medicine cabinet. She looked around for anything that could help her and saw the empty bottle of sleeping pills lying on the ground. For a moment, she thought he had just taken one and was in a deep sleep. Then she remembered the blood. She wet a washcloth in cold water and ran back into the bedroom. Careful to avoid the glass on the floor, she climbed onto the bed and straddled Ben. She touched the washcloth to his face and shook him again.

  “Ben, sweetie, please,” she said, squeezing water from the cloth onto his forehead.

  He didn’t respond. His breathing was getting slower and starting to sound very shallow. She gently slapped his cheeks a few times but was still unable to get any type of response from him. She wound up and hit him as hard as she could. His cheek turned red from the impact, but he was still sleeping.

  She had to do something. She had to call for help. But how? She hadn’t tried to contact the outside world since her death, so she had no idea if it would work if she tried. But she had to try. She looked for his cell phone. It wasn’t on the nightstand. She threw the sheets off the bed and couldn’t find it in the bed, either. She checked the bathroom, quickly sorting through the mess of the floor. It wasn’t there either. She ran down to see if she could find it in the living room. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she saw a bottle of whiskey on the coffee table.

  “No, Ben,” she cried, rushing over to see how much of it was left. She picked the bottle up and held it at eye level, where she saw just a few drops circling the bottom. There was an empty beer bottle on the floor beside the table as well. Finally, she saw his cell phone next to the where the bottle of whiskey had been on the table. She reached for it, but it slipped through her fingers.

  “No, not now,” she begged as she clawed at the table trying to pick up the phone. She didn’t seem to be disappearing, and neither did her surroundings, but she couldn’t get a hold of the phone. She couldn’t press any buttons to dial for help, either. How could she help Ben if she wasn’t able to contact anyone outside of the house? What could she do?

  Juliana sank into the couch and drew her knees into her chest. She closed her eyes and tried to think. She couldn’t wake him herself, and she couldn’t call for help. She certainly couldn’t leave the house. She thought about flickering the lights to signal someone in the neighborhood, but it was the middle of the night. The odds that anyone would be awake and looking out their windows to see that were slim.

  Suddenly, a thought cr
ept into her mind. She tried to push it away, but it kept coming to her. The fact that she had even been able to conjure it made her feel overwhelmingly guilty. She did her best not to acknowledge it, but she couldn’t help it. What if this weren’t such a bad thing? If he did end up passing… they would be together. She wouldn’t have to worry about her time running out anymore. She wouldn’t have to sit in this house and hope for fleeting moments with him. If Ben were to die, they could move on to the afterlife together. They would be able to spend eternity together…

  Juliana’s chest felt heavy. It burned with sadness at the thought of Ben dying, and even more so at the thought of sitting on this couch while she allowed him to die. He was her husband, and even if it meant they couldn’t be together, she wanted him to have a chance at full, happy, and long life.

  Her torment was interrupted by Ben’s phone. It started vibrating on the table. The caller ID said Larissa. Larissa, that was the name that Ben had called her. This must be his girlfriend. Juliana felt a fleeting pang of jealousy. She watched the phone ring for a moment. She felt odd interfering. Luckily, she snapped to her senses. It didn’t matter who was calling right now, she had to talk to someone. She reached for the phone. If she could just press one button, she could pick it up. She had no idea if Larissa would be able to hear her on the other end, but she had to try.

  She reached for the answer button, but once again, cruelly, the phone slipped through her hands. She watched it until it stopped ringing.

  Juliana curled up in a ball on the couch. She was out of options. She didn’t know what to do. There wasn’t anything left to do. If Ben was going to die, she wanted to be with him. She wanted to be the one to welcome him to the afterlife.

  She stood up and started upstairs but was interrupted by the doorbell. She paused a moment and wondered who it could possibly be at this time of night. Then she quickly realized it didn’t matter.

  She raced to the door and unlocked it. She threw it open and saw a woman standing on the other side.

  “Larissa? Come in, please, quickly, I need your help,” she moved aside and waved her in.

  “He’s upstairs, he’s not breathing well, and honestly, I’m scared.”

  Juliana started running towards the staircase but didn’t hear anything happening behind her. She turned to see Larissa still in the doorway. She wasn’t able to hear a single thing she was saying.

  “Ben?” Larissa called as she slowly stepping into the house and looked around.

  “Ben, are you okay?”

  Juliana turned around. At that moment, she heard genuine concern in Larissa’s voice. Juliana knew that they had stopped seeing each other recently. She knew that she had been the reason. She also knew that Larissa was crushed, and yet, she still cared. She cared enough to wake up in the middle of the night worried about her ex-boyfriend. When he hadn’t answered the phone, she came over to check on him. Larissa had been so hurt when he blew her off, but she had put aside her pride and feelings to do what she knew was best for Ben. Juliana allowed herself a tiny smile. A feeling of warmth spread through her body. For the first time in a long time, she felt at peace. At that moment, she knew that Ben would be okay without her. Maybe her grandmother was right. Maybe it was time for her to move on.

  Juliana felt herself getting warmer and somehow as if the two sensations were connected, stronger. She looked down and saw her hands glowing a bit. She knew it was strange, but for some reason, she wasn’t scared. She was focused. This felt right. She knew what she had to do.

  “Larissa,” she tried again. This time, Larissa’s head whipped in her direction.

  All the color drained from Larissa’s face. She put a hand to her chest and took a step back.

  “Oh god, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize he had someone here, I…” she backed up a bit and headed toward the door.

  “No, Larissa, wait, do you know who I am?”

  Larissa took a step closer and looked at Juliana again. Her jaw fell. She squinted her eyes and tilted her head sideways as if looking from a different angle would clear everything up. She still didn’t say anything. She took a step forward and touched Juliana’s face.

  “Oh,” Juliana said, pulling away a bit.

  “Sorry, I… I can’t believe you’re here. How are you here?”

  “Long story. Listen, Ben needs your help. He’s upstairs. He drank a bottle of whiskey and took some sleeping pills. I’m not sure how many but he’s not in good shape. Do you have your phone? Can you call 911?”

  Juliana surprised herself with her calmness. She had never been so sure of herself and her actions. She felt more confident now than she had in ages.

  “What?” Larissa ran upstairs, and Juliana followed. She watched as Larissa screamed and shook Ben’s shoulders. She saw the anguish in her eyes. She reminded her again to call 911.

  Juliana sat on the edge of the bed as Larissa dialed the phone with a shaky hand. She rested a reassuring hand on Ben’s leg. She watched his chest carefully, and although it was struggling, it continued to rise and fall.

  Juliana heard a man clear his throat behind her. She turned to see someone she recognized well but had never met.

  “You’re Ben’s dad,” she said.

  “Guilty,” he replied with a familiar smile, “but you can call me Chris.”

  “You look just like him,” she smiled.

  “No, he looks like me. I was around first,” Chris shot her a smile just like Ben would. He walked around the bed and stood behind Larissa, who was sitting beside Ben on the bed and stroking his chest. She was on the phone with the paramedics, speaking frantically. Chris over her head at his son.

  Juliana moved next to him. She smiled thinking about the family reunion happening now and the circumstances that led to it. If anything good were to come from a bad situation, this was it.

  “So if you’re here, that means…” she trailed off. She had waited to be back with Ben for over a year, but now… now she wasn’t sure what she wanted, especially if Ben had to die for them to be together.

  “I’m afraid so,” Chris started, “although…” he trailed off, squinting his eyes at Ben.

  “Yeah,” Juliana said, “I’m not so sure either.”

  Ben’s eyes flicked open. He shot up to a sitting position, but Larissa’s hand stayed where it was as if it were still resting on his chest as he was laying down. His eyes widened as he saw her reaching through his chest. He tried to pull her arm out but couldn’t get a hold of it. He turned around and saw his body behind him, still prone on the bed. He yelled in panic.

  “Ben,” Chris got his attention, “it’s okay, calm down.”

  “Dad?” Ben was shocked. He saw Juliana, too.

  “Julie,” Ben’s eyes softened for a moment and then widened in horror.

  “Wait you two are… am I… am I dead?”

  Juliana looked at Chris for the answer. Chris put a hand on his son’s shoulder.

  “It’s good to see you, son,” he said slowly, “it’s been a while.”

  Ben calmed down a bit and looked at his dad.

  “Remember your mom’s sister Lauren?”

  “Aunt Lauren? Of course. Why?”

  “She always tells that story about her car accident, and how her Grandpa came to her and asked her if she wanted to live or die, and we all thought she was full of shit?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well turns out, she was on to something. That’s what happens. And that’s what’s happening now, I think. I was sent down here to see you, and see if you wanted to come with me or to stay where you are.”

  “The decision is mine?” Ben asked in disbelief.

  “Yeah, all that science we have now, and it’s up to the individual, just as it’s always been.”

  Suddenly, Larissa shot out of the bed and yelled in the direction of the stairs.

  “He’s up here! We’re upstairs!”

  A group of first responders stomped up the stairs and burst into the bedroom. One of them guided
Larissa into the hallway as the others threw the sheets off of Ben’s body and started hooking it up to their portable machines.

  “Oh, come on,” Chris said, “you couldn’t put on pants?”

  The tension of the moment was broken a bit. Juliana laughed, and Ben cracked a smile.

  “Well I didn’t know I’d have an audience,” he said.

  “Anyway, that’s the gist of it. In your situation, you get to decide. You can come or go. Not everyone gets a moment like this when it’s their time, so use it wisely. Think it over.”

  Ben turned to the paramedics, who were attempting to pull his body onto a stretcher.

  “Exactly how long is this moment?” he asked.

  “I’ll slow it down a bit,” Chris responded. With a snap of his fingers, the scene before them froze and they were left in silence. Ben’s eyes met Juliana’s. Chris glanced quickly at both of them.

  “I’ll wait for you in the hall,” Chris said, “give me a shout when you’ve decided.”

  Chris left the room and shut the door behind him. The room that had been so noisy and chaotic moments ago was now quiet and calm.

  Ben looked at Juliana, who was sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached a hand out and touched her knee.

  “We could be together,” he said quietly.

  Juliana smiled softly. She knew him so well. Although he was trying to be courageous, she heard a hesitation in his voice. She looked into his eyes. She knew he was torn. She could tell that he did genuinely want to be with her, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to trade his life for that chance. And she wasn’t sure she wanted him to.

  Juliana felt a wave of sadness wash over her. When she first saw Ben on the verge of death, she knew she wanted him to live. Now, sitting in front of him and seeing his tortured eyes made the decision even more clear, but it still broke her heart. She had to let go of the moment that she had waited so long for. She had to let go of a reunion with her husband. She knew that, as much as she wanted him to, she couldn’t allow him to come with her.