Forever & an Engine (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Gabe they’re so beautiful.’

  ‘O shit you’re not going to start crying again are you?’ he asked, looking horrified. I nodded my head and covered my eyes with my hands. I felt the bed sag and his arms go around me.

  ‘They’re happy tears,’ I snuffled.

  ‘Happy tears? Are you sure? Because they haven’t been happy tears all week Mia. I seem to keep making you cry.’

  ‘Yes I’m sure,’ I nodded.

  ‘Why happy tears?’

  ‘Because you love me,’ I replied with a big sniff.

  ‘I loved you last week and there were no happy tears then.’

  ‘I wasn’t all exhausted, drained and emotional then,’ I said rubbing my eyes.

  ‘Well Miss exhausted, drained and emotional, let’s get you, under the duvet and warm and I’ll go and get that treat for you.’

  ‘You’d better go, you’re going to be late for class if you stay with me any longer.’

  ‘I’m not going in Mia.’

  ‘Gabe, you can’t afford to get behind too,’ I ran my hand up his chest.

  ‘I’ll catch up. I’m not going,’ he said firmly.

  ‘Gabe please,’ I pleaded.

  ‘Mia, I can’t go.’

  ‘But I want you to Gabe.’ I felt him stiffen up and he suddenly stood and ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. ‘Gabe?’

  ‘Christ you just don’t fucking get it do you?’ he yelled, shooting me an annoyed look and taking me by surprise.

  ‘Get what?’

  ‘I’m terrified that if I leave you alone you’ll change your mind Mia,’ he snapped. ‘Or have you forgotten a few hours ago you tried to finish with me?’

  ‘No I haven’t forgotten Gabe, you think I could forget that?’ I asked quietly as I looked up at him, he was seething.

  ‘I don’t fucking know do I Mia? You’re up one bloody minute, down the next. I don’t know if it’s the op, the drugs or if it’s really you talking.’

  ‘Gabe not again, please,’ I sighed.

  ‘You broke me this morning Mia,’ he roared, his eyes burning with anger. ‘You fucking broke me and now you’re telling me you don’t want me around?’

  ‘Gabe I…’

  ‘You know it would’ve made me feel a whole lot better if you’d just begged me to stay with you, but that would be just too much for Miss bloody independent wouldn’t it?’ he snapped. ‘Maybe we should have stuck to your no strings rule, because right now this one sided relationship’s making me feel shit.’

  I watched open mouthed as he turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him, the pictures on the wall rattling from the vibrations. I lay back on the pillows and put my arm over my eyes. I couldn’t take much more of this, was this bloody day ever going to end? I gritted my teeth and pushed myself to the edge of the bed and ungracefully stood up. I went to the bathroom to wash my face and stood staring at myself in the mirror then shook my head to bring me out of my thoughts. My toiletries bag was already on my side of the sinks and I grabbed a tampon, it was bad enough I felt like shit, I wasn’t spending another minute with this bloody thing between my legs.

  I discarded the towel and winced as I leaned forwards and inserted the tampon. I raked my hair through with my fingers and looked out of the window. I could see the pool, but there was no sign of him in it. I replayed the argument from the hospital over and over in my mind. I’d made it clear I loved him, it wasn’t a one sided relationship. Considering I only ever wanted sex no strings I was proud of myself for having put myself out there, committing and opening up to him, so how could he say that? By trying to end it I was just trying to be fair to him, it wasn’t what I wanted. I suddenly realised why he was so scared, it was just like the time we’d had the argument when he thought I was pregnant and I’d walked away. His parting words to his mum were angry ones, he needed to be a hundred percent sure that we were doing ok before he left my side.

  I went in search of him, trying his study first, then very slowly went down the stairs one at a time, gripping the bannister tightly. I opened the door to the kitchen, to find him at the island with a bottle of JD and a full glass in front of him. His arms were folded on the counter and he was lying face down on them. I stood watching him and wondered if this was what normal relationships were like. Full of lust and passion one minute, then fighting and angry words the next. I padded up to him and ran my hand down his back making him jump and he sat up and looked at me shocked.

  ‘Mia what the hell are you doing down here?’ he snapped.

  ‘Please don’t be angry with me. Miss bloody independent wanted to find her amazing boyfriend to ask if he’d please come to bed with her and hold her while she slept. She misses him and doesn’t want him to go anywhere for the rest of the day or night.’

  ‘Really?’ he asked with a heavy sigh and a hand through his hair.

  ‘Yes really, she needs him and misses him terribly,’ I nodded and his face softened.

  ‘What does she miss?’ he asked as he swivelled on his bar stool to face me.

  ‘The way he smells so divine it makes her stomach turn inside out, the way his hard body softens when it curls protectively around her, making her feel safe, like nothing in the world could ever hurt her. The way he looks at her like she’s the only girl he’s ever set eyes on.’

  ‘What else,’ he asked as he reached out and swept my hair behind my shoulder and tucked a loose strand behind my ear.

  ‘The way his touch sends electricity through her body, how he gets angry when he can’t find a way to express his emotions, or she hurts him. The way her stomach flips every time he says the words I love you or she looks at him. She’d list a whole other load of reasons, but that would get him very turned on and even more frustrated. She just misses him and wants him to come to bed with her. He looks tired, upset and exhausted and he’s drinking, which is most unlike him and she’s worried about him.’ I reached up and touched his face. ‘And I love him.’ I moved in between his legs and clasped his hair and I watched him start to melt.

  ‘Really? You still do?’ he whispered.

  ‘Always Gabe. I love you,’ I nodded and kissed him on one corner of his mouth and then the other. ‘It’s not one sided, I promise. I just need time to open up with all this emotional stuff, but I love you,’ I whispered as I peppered kisses along his bottom and top lip and I heard him softly moan as he put his hands on my hips. ‘I’m so in love you Gabriel Austin.’ I sank my tongue into his mouth and slowly and gently worked my way around it until his tongue responded and we kissed softly for a while until I pulled my head away. ‘Come to bed with me, please Gabe,’ I begged and he looked at me and finally smiled.

  ‘On one condition.’

  ‘Name it,’ I whispered as I wiped the remains of some tears clinging to his long lashes.

  ‘You drink the mars milk that’s sitting in the fridge waiting for you.’

  ‘You got me mars milk?’

  ‘I remembered you liked it.’

  ‘Have you ever tried it?’

  ‘No,’ he said with a shake of his head. I grabbed the bottle from the fridge, opened the cap and returned to stand by him. He watched as I glugged on it and pulled his head back, leaned in to kiss him and transferred it from my mouth to his and waited for him to swallow before kissing him again and releasing him.

  ‘Good?’ I asked with my head on the side.

  ‘Fed like that I could love anything Mia,’ he said with another smile. I held out my hand.

  ‘Step away from the JD please and come to bed with me. I’m not going anywhere without you.’ He stood up and turned to pick up the hot water bottle he’d already made for me and handed it to me before taking my hand. I led the way to the stairs, not sure I could manage going up them all in my condition. ‘Would you do your thing?’ I asked as I smiled up at him.

  ‘What thing?’

  ‘Carrying a damsel in distress, I also love when you do that.’

  ‘Of course I will.�
� He gently picked me up in his arms and I nuzzled his chest as he carried me up and closed the door before standing me at the edge of the bed and pulling back the duvet. I carefully lowered myself in and lay on my back and watched him close the shutters and throw off his t-shirt and ditch his jeans as he walked around and climbed in beside me, with his boxers on.

  ‘Boxers? Still scared of a hot todger?’ I giggled.

  ‘You bloody bet I am.’

  ‘Will you hold me?’

  ‘It won’t hurt?’

  ‘Not as much as you not holding me,’ I said sincerely as I maintained eye contact, to let him see I really meant it. He smiled a smile that reached the corners of his eyes and carefully draped a leg between mine and put one arm up between my breasts and stroked my jaw as he kissed my shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry if I hurt you,’ I whispered.

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘I love you and I really hate fighting with you.’

  ‘Me too baby.’

  ‘I hate bloody crying as well.’

  ‘You’re doing well it’s been almost an hour,’ he said as he planted a kiss on my temple. I laughed and moved my head and kissed his fingers and looked back down at him. ‘Come on, sleep for me now baby.’

  ‘You sleep too Gabe.’

  As I drifted off I felt his lips kiss my shoulder again was sure I heard a faint whisper. ‘Don’t ever leave me.’

  I woke up to feel his lips on my neck. How could something so simple turn my body to liquid.

  ‘Wake up Mia.’

  ‘Hmmm. I’m awake, that’s so nice.’

  ‘You love having your neck kissed,’ he murmured, as he continued to work his way up and down it.

  ‘I do, but I love having anywhere kissed by you. You’re the best kisser I’ve ever had.’

  ‘You’re the best everything I’ve ever had baby. It’s six thirty, I thought you might like to get up and have a walk while I cook something for dinner.’

  ‘I’d rather stay here in bed with you.’

  ‘So would I Mia, but I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I’m starving. As I can’t have you, then I need food and if you’re going to heal quickly you need to eat too.’

  ‘Ok, but I’m doing it under protest. You’ve missed swimming practice for me as well?’

  ‘Yes.’ I heard the tone of his voice change and felt his body tense, he was waiting for me to get cross.

  ‘Thanks Gabe, that was really sweet of you.’

  ‘O so I’m sweet now am I?’ I felt him shift and the outline of his erection on my hip.

  ‘Amongst other things.’

  ‘What other things?’

  ‘Kind, considerate, respectful, loving, very good looking, amazingly ripped and incredibly sexy. You also have a fabulously big cock which you use very effectively.’

  ‘You know all the right things to say to a guy.’ He kissed my cheek and I felt the draught as he lifted the duvet and got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I pushed myself up and looked at my stomach again. The stitches seemed to be holding, no more blood. I scooted over to his side of the bed and sat on the edge my feet on the floor and waited for him to come out. I inhaled sharply when he did, he was still just in his tight black jersey boxers, which barely contained him. I stared at that sexy dip and his taut stomach, his abs were so defined and his body expanded to his broad firm chest and toned shoulders and arms, I could look at him all day. I tucked my hair behind my ears and licked my lips and he caught me looking and smiled.

  ‘You’ve got your turned on face on,’ he grinned.

  ‘I have a turned on face?’

  ‘Yes. Your pupils expand really wide and the blue in your irises shines. You part your lips and lightly lick them and they swell a little and go pinker. You flush and tuck you hair behind your ears.’

  ‘Really? I’d no idea,’ I said shaking my head. He walked over to me and ran his hands through my hair as he looked down at me.

  ‘It’s the face you gave me that first day in English, right before you fainted. The same face that’s up on my wall.’ He nodded in the direction of the canvas of me above his television.

  ‘I looked at you like that in English that day?’

  ‘Yes. You’ve no idea how happy that made me, to know that you reacted physically to me, the way I did to you.’

  ‘And I see that you’ve a turned on face and other parts too,’ I said as I ran my index finger up his thigh and over the large bulge in his boxers. He hissed in through his teeth and swayed slightly. I reached up and put my fingers into the waistband and tugged him to stand closer and he looked down at me with fire in his eyes.

  ‘Mia.’ He whispered it as a warning, but I could hear the undercurrent of frustrated desperation in his voice. I slowly peeled his boxers down to the top of his thighs and watched as he sprung free. I smiled, yet another part of him that I loved. I gently wrapped my palm and fingers around him and looked up to see him close his eyes and sigh. I also loved it when I was in control, when he needed me sexually as much as I needed him. I carefully started to stroke him up and down, squeezing and releasing as he started to moan, his fingers reaching out and tangling in my hair.

  I lifted my other hand and gently ran my fingers down the side of his stomach, he didn’t have one ounce of fat on his body, he was perfection personified. I continued downwards and ran them over his balls, lifting them and pulled them towards me. I carefully put one in my mouth as my hand continued to move. He let out a low guttural growl, which sent shivers down my spine. God I wanted him so badly, I could feel I was turned on, I was throbbing and my nipples had hardened and the lust inside was making my muscles contract.

  ‘Ahhhh Mia.’ His fingers started to grip my hair tightly and I stopped sucking and slowly ran my tongue over his wet tip, followed by my thumb which I sucked as I looked up at him. ‘God you’ve no idea how hot that is to watch,’ he groaned.

  I enveloped him with my mouth, closed my eyes and let my lips, tongue and cheeks work on him as I rose and fell, in time with my hand below. His hands palmed the sides of my head as he began to rock his hips in time with my rhythm.

  ‘Look at me baby, please look up at me.’ I opened them and looked up at him through my lashes and he looked down at me his eyes dark and lustful. ‘Damn it’s so hot seeing my cock in your mouth.’ He started to groan with every thrust and I could hear his breathing was laboured. I reached around, grabbing his bottom and pulled him closer. He grunted as he slid further back into my throat. I saw his torso tense and his eyes glaze over, he was ready. ‘O god Mia … I’m coming, Mia I’m coming. O god baby don’t stop, don’t …’ I braced myself, the first load always took me by surprise, even though I knew it was coming, it was so forceful and thick. I felt his hands grasping my head firmly, making sure I didn’t back off. ‘Fuck,’ he sighed. It made me jerk as it hit the back of my throat multiple times. I wondered if it was ever going to stop as I kept swallowing while he groaned. I felt him stop twitching and the grip on my head relaxed as his fingers started to caress my scalp. ‘O god baby.’

  I slowly eased him out and licked his tip and kissed it quickly and looked up to see him starting at me with awe and wonder on his face. I loved that it was so easy to please him. He pulled his boxers back up and suddenly dropped to his knees in front of me, leaned over and lay his head on my lap, his forearms up my hips, palms and fingers clasping my bottom. I stroked his soft hair and ran my thumb over his forehead.

  ‘Gabe, are you ok?’ I whispered. He nodded silently, he suddenly seemed solemn and sombre. ‘Gabe, what’s wrong?’

  ‘I just keep hearing your voice saying you wanted to end things and it makes me go cold.’

  ‘I don’t want to leave you Gabe, I’m just so worried about hurting you by not giving you what you want.’

  ‘You’re what I want Mia, a part of me dies when I’m not with you because I love you so much.’ He turned his head burying it in my thighs, kissing them as I caressed the back of his head and neck and I felt his fingers dig tightl
y into my bottom.

  ‘Gabe,’ I sighed and gently tugged on his head until he sat back on his heels and searched my eyes. ‘I’m here. I’ve not gone anywhere because I love you, I need you too, so much,’ I whispered. He lifted himself up on his knees and clasped my face with his hands.

  ‘Kiss me,’ he said hoarsely, his voice full of emotion. I nodded and parted my legs so he could move closer, his hips caressing the inside of my thighs as he put an arm around my waist. He ran his other hand around to the back of my head and held me firmly in place as he moved towards me. I felt my pulse quicken as I watched his lips, they were so damn sexy. I don’t know why, but it felt as if we were going to kiss for the first time, I felt lighted headed and dizzy and as his perfect lips finally met mine fireworks exploded around me.

  ‘O god,’ I groaned as he continued. I closed my eyes and melted. It felt as if we’d been kissing for hours when he finally pulled away leaving me breathless, I was floating in space, no gravity. He smiled, that smile. O shit it was happening again. I could see his lips moving, but couldn’t hear his words. I tried to focus my eyes on him, but he was hazy. As the light faded a wave of nausea rode over me and I flopped backwards onto the bed and closed my eyes and took some deep breaths.

  ‘Lie still, I’m going to get you some orange juice, get your sugar levels up. Don’t move.’ I heard him running down the stairs and the sound of muffled voices and I closed my eyes again, I felt so weak. I felt the bed sag and opened my eyes as he slid an arm under my shoulders and gently lifted me up, supporting me and held a glass to my lips. My hands were shaking as I grasped it and drank. ‘Slowly baby,’ he whispered as he rubbed his nose along my cheek. I finished the glass and he lay me back down. I took a few deep breaths and looked up at him leaning over me.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘What just happened Mia?’

  ‘You kissed me.’

  ‘I did this?’ he said surprised.

  ‘It was a good kiss, an amazing kiss,’ I smiled with a nod to confirm it.

  ‘It was. I knew I was good, but that good?’