The Loneliness of Stars

by Z. M. Wilmot

  ~Instructor Dmitry Radovich Nyetstevik of the RGK Academy, in a speech to graduating students

  I don’t think I loved him. If I had, I’m pretty sure it would have been worse. I mean, at the time, I certainly thought that I did, and the day after his murder was hellish. I didn’t eat anything, and refused to talk to anybody. I just locked myself in our – my – room. My period of solitude lasted at least a day. I never asked anyone how long it really was, but for however long I was out for, I was living in my own personal hell.

  My point is that it could have been worse. I mean, I was out for a day. Since then, I’ve been worse off after ending a relationship, and not via death. I think it was just lust, and deep down somewhere, I knew that. It just took that day to realize it.

  He was still a friend, and I really did like him a lot, even if I didn’t love him, so it still hurt for a while. He was my first, too, so would always be special to me. But after that one day, I was mostly over it. As soon as I had pulled myself together, I went in search of Vincent. He had removed the security on me. I found him on the bridge, in Korzos’ normal place. Korzos had taken up the space better, I thought, but Vincent still did a fine job of it. When he saw me, he smiled.

  “Good to see you up, Jak. Are you okay?” I nodded, and I wasn’t lying.

  His smile grew even more. “Good.” He tilted his head. “Sorry to bring this up, but do you want to move out of your room? It might make things easier for you.”

  I thought about it for a few seconds before nodding. “Yes, I think that would be good. But where would you put me?”

  His grin faded slightly. “We have several room openings. I was thinking of maybe putting you in Valerius’? It’s near the security booth, in case you run into more trouble.” Morbid as it was, taking the room of a murdered man, I couldn’t help but accept. It would be good to get away from Ezekiel’s things.

  “I’ll make the arrangements and have his things moved out. You should be able to move your things there in a few hours. I’ll contact you when it’s ready.” I thanked him.

  “You didn’t miss much while you were… indisposed. I would like you to see your new first mate, however.” He moved aside, revealing the person who had been standing just behind him. Michaela waved at me. I actually smiled. It was good to see her getting such a position. I waved back.

  Vincent smiled. “I thought you would like that. Also, you are no longer on half rations. The crew agrees with me. Consider yourself a full-fledged member of this crew.”

  I think I left my mouth open for several seconds before closing it. The last memories of Ezekiel and the other murders left my mind. Though it was their deaths that propelled me to this “promotion” of sorts, it didn’t bother me at all.

  “Sorry, but you’ll still have to help Joseph, now as his chief assistant. That still needs to be done. However, each day, after you help Joseph prepare each meal, Rafael will come get you for training. If you’re going to be a member of the crew, you’re going to work – no exploring on your own anymore. He’ll tell you how everything works, and teach you self-defense. The work should take your mind off of the… recent past.”

  I appreciated that, though I didn’t really think I needed it. I was already over the deaths, abhorrent as that was – it was probably because of my upbringing. I had seen corpses almost every day, although only rarely had they been close to me.

  I did have one question for him. “Sir?”

  He nodded at me. “Yes? And call me Vincent. I never dealt well with the ‘sir.’”

  I smiled. He would be a much better captain than Korzos – even though he wasn’t nearly as famous. “Who will be head of security now that you’re captain?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Scipio Deredus. My right-hand man. A good question, though. Any more?”

  I thought for a moment, and I realized I did have another one. “If the scientists are dead, how are we going to carry out the goals of the expedition?”

  A shadow briefly crossed Vincent’s face. “I… I’m not entirely sure, but we’re going to try. Fetherkap did have to go through a scientific university, and so learned some about all the sciences. He says he can probably figure out how all of their instruments worked – at least those that still function. He and the engineering team are currently in the lab trying to do just that.”

  I nodded. He waited for moment, probably to see if I had any more questions, then spoke again. “If you think you’re up to it, Joseph probably needs some help. Can you do it?”

  I stood up straighter. I swore to myself that I was going to be useful. “Yes, sir – I mean Vincent. I won’t disappoint you.” I saluted, turned, and walked off, just barely catching his smile at my words.

  “I don’t think you will, Jak. Not at all,” I heard him say as I left the bridge. “Not at all…”

  I was halfway to the galley area when I saw Ivor walking towards me from the end of the corridor I was travelling down. I froze, scared. My newfound confidence flowed out of me like a waterfall. He smiled at me. It was not a nice smile.

  “So, the boy feels safe enough to wander about on his own now, does he?” He stopped centimeters in front of me, looking down on me. “You’d better watch your back. Not everyone here worships you. Or Vincent, for that matter.” He roughly shoved me into the wall and walked past, not bothering to look back. Shaken, I hurried the rest of the way to Joseph’s domain.

  We didn’t mention Ezekiel. When I got there, Joseph threw me an apron, not even looking at me. I had never worn one, but Ezekiel had. I hurriedly tied it, my fingers fumbling. When I was ready, Joseph showed me everything Ezekiel used to do. He told me where all of the various spices and condiments were, and how to interpret his barked commands. I helped him prepare lunch, and while the going was slow, lunch was made.

  When I was done cleaning up the dishes, Rafael was waiting for me, as promised. He grinned as I approached him. “Hey there, stowaway. Ready for the real thing?” I nodded. “Right then. Follow me.” He turned around and marched off through the corridors, forcing me to jog to keep up.

  “You’ve already learned a lot of what you need to know through the engineers. You’ll be doing a lot of maintenance.” I barely managed to stifle a groan. “That and helping Joseph will take up most of your time. However, when you’re not doing either of those things, you’ll be coming up here.” He had stopped in front of an unlabeled door, near where Ezekiel and I had watched the Diplomat explode. I didn’t think too much about that.

  He pressed his hand into the door and pushed forward. The door slid back, then shot up into the ceiling. A narrow set of polished white stairs led upwards. Rafael led me up it, When we reached the top, I found myself standing in a plastiglaz dome, with a floor painted to look like space. Looking down at the floor more carefully, I realized that the image on it was actually changing slightly. Rafael noticed my gaze, and explained. “The floor is receiving signals from cameras on the bottom of the ship and displaying them here, so that we can see what’s below us.”

  Rafael spread out his arms. “This is the observatory. Well, one of two. There’s a less extensive one on the bottom – or what would be the bottom if it mattered, but it’s flat, not dome-shaped. And frankly, it’s less important – although it does house the artificial gravity drives.” He smiled. “There is always at least one person stationed in each one.” For the first time, I noticed one of the crew standing at the far side of the room, staring out into space. I recognized him as Nemhet Ahuja. He didn’t acknowledge our presence.

  “When you are stationed here, you must watch all of the space around you, making sure that no large asteroids or anything are incoming. Our instruments usually do a good job of picking those up and destroying them – that’s security’s job – but sometimes they break down.” He paused. “Actually, they break down a lot. Hence, the observatory. You’re also up here to report anything weird – like explosions on planets or something.” He led me over to one side of it. I noticed faint black markings on
the dome, dividing it into rectangles. He placed both of his hands on one and moved them apart. The window zoomed in.

  “Moving your hands apart magnifies the view.” He moved his hands closer together, and the view went back to normal. “Moving them together moves the view out.” He moved his hands in a circle, and the screen rotated. “Make a circle, and it rotates. Your turn.” He made me try every different movement at least three times before he was satisfied. “You’re a natural,” he told me, smiling. I didn’t think it was that hard.

  He went on in detail about what I was to do while up there during my four-hour shift. If I saw anything interesting (and interesting, it turns out, is defined very specifically), but not dangerous, I was to bring up a menu on the viewscreen rectangle by drumming my fingers on either side of the screen, make a verbal report, and take snapshots. If something dangerous but not urgent was spotted, I was to make contact with a member of security via the menu. If something was both urgent and dangerous, I was to talk directly to Vincent. For most of the time, I was to walk around the dome, slowly, not letting anything distract me, until my shift was over. When he finished outlining my duties, he asked if I had any questions.

  “Is there a way to adjust the view on the floor?”

  Rafael shook his head. “Nope. That would be a pain – you’d have to walk funny the whole time you were up here.” He grinned. “It would keep you awake though – maybe we should implement something like that.” I was sorry I had asked. “But no, that’s the job of the people in the lower observatory. You won’t be assigned to do duty down there, so don’t worry about that. Any more?”

  I shook my head. “Nope.”

  “Alrighty then. Your first shift is at 2000 hours. Lasts until 2400. Got it?” I nodded.

  He smiled. “Good. Enjoy your free time. It’ll be the last substantial amount you’ll get for a while.” I followed him out of the observatory.

  I didn’t get my free time. Vincent summoned me over the intercom and told me that my room was ready. I the next hour or so moving in, and then I had to rush to help Joseph. I thought I did a much better job helping this time. After making dinner and eating, I had an hour or so to kill before my observatory watch. I slept through most of it, and then had to rush to the observatory to make it there on time. I relieved Ahuja from duty. He nodded to me politely, but tiredly, and walked down the stairs.

  Nothing of interest happened during my entire shift, and I somehow managed to stay awake. I was impressed with myself.

  12

  “Strange dreams fill my nights, and clouded thoughts my days. It’s almost as if someone is trying to tell me to go somewhere, with a soothing voice that I cannot resist…”