“I’ve been busy… but a good busy. Things are great at the studio. We have almost all of our classes filled, and some of them even have a waiting list.”
“That’s fantastic. I knew things would take off for you. I would never wish something bad to happen, but the upside to your injury is that it brought you home—where you belong.”
If only Mom knew the reality—that Izzy wasn’t sure it was an accident after all. She’d been dancing for way too long, and knew how her shoes felt wrapped around her feet. And how the stage felt beneath her feet with every move she performed. Something hadn’t been right that day, but she’d second-guessed herself. Add that to the debris on the floor and you had a recipe for disaster. Or at least for an accident. “I don’t know if I’d agree with that, but I will admit that I’m happy. Happier than I thought I’d be after facing the end of what I’d worked for my entire life.”
“Maybe that’s because this is actually what you were working toward. You always said your dream was dancing in a company, but that dream always had a deadline. Being a teacher, sharing your love of dance with your students, can last you a lifetime.”
Maybe Mom was right. Izzy had a hard time picturing her life in New York anymore—the fourteen to sixteen-hour days, starving herself to meet that blasted weigh-in chart that constantly told her she was ten pounds too heavy, and Erik’s incessant insults.
And then there was Tanner. She’d cringed when he wanted the light on, when he insisted on seeing her. The years of starving herself and abusing her body with the workouts and the hours on pointe had wreaked havoc. Erik had always insisted on making love with the lights off, using that as another chance to put her down. But not Tanner. The desire in his eyes had deepened when he’d trailed his gaze down her body, even as she’d squirmed under the intensity. The admiration in his eyes gave her the confidence to let him see her.
She’d been conditioned to hide. But Tanner hadn’t seen her the way she did, and maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to see herself the way Tanner saw her. Because she felt beautiful when he looked at her.
Mom stirred the pot on the stove one last time and then turned off the burner. The grapes would have to sit before being poured into jars. “Honey, is there something you want to talk about? I know we’ve been distant in the past few years. It was hard when you lived in New York. But you’re here now and I want us to be close again. Like we used to be.”
Izzy sighed. She couldn’t ask for a more perfect opening. But how did she tell her mother that the man she loved had been unfaithful? God knows how many times.
“What is it? You look troubled.”
“I am, Mom. I just… I don’t know how to tell you this.”
Mom led Izzy to the table and deposited her in the same chair she’d occupied every night for dinner growing up. She’d known all along that her parents’ marriage wasn’t perfect. Hell, the fact that her dad was an alcoholic was the worst kept secret in Cedar Hill. But there had been a lot of good times, too. When Dad had a good day at work and had only drunk one beer before dinner, he would be happy and engaged, complimenting Mom’s cooking and asking questions about what all of them had been doing.
She tried to remind herself of the good times when the ugly memories fought for a more prominent place.
“You know you can tell me anything and I’ll still love you.”
“This isn’t about me, Mom. It’s about Dad.”
Mom sat up straighter and the muscle in her jaw twitched. Dad had been gone for three years, but some days it felt like it had been longer. His drinking had been at its worst at the end, and he had withdrawn from the family, Mom especially. “What is it?”
“Did you know that we, well, the four of us, met with Mr. Flemming a few months back?”
Mom looked down at her hands, her fingers clenched in front of her. “He told me he was meeting with you kids. But he didn’t tell me what it was about.”
Dammit, Dad. Why in the hell did he do this to Mom? Izzy drew in a deep breath and let it out. “Mr. Flemming, he, uh, he told us. God, this is so hard. Mom, he told us that Dad had an affair.” The last few words came out quickly as Izzy tried to rip off the bandage with one stroke.
Mom’s shoulders relaxed and her features softened. “That’s all? You think I didn’t know that?”
Izzy’s jaw dropped. When she’d rehearsed how she would tell Mom about Dad, she’d envisioned any number of responses. That was not one of them. “How did you know?”
“When your father wasn’t drinking, he was a loving and attentive husband. We had a lot of good times. I know it’s hard to remember those in the midst of all the bad. Your Dad was sober for a while when you were little, and we talked a lot. He told me about his affairs.”
“Affairs? He had more than one?” Sure, Izzy suspected that her dad had been unfaithful for most of her childhood, but hearing her mother confirm it was another thing. Why in the hell had Mom put up with that? To Izzy, her mom had always been strong, but to see her admit that she’d put up with a man cheating on her, over and over… Why hadn’t she left? Why hadn’t she taken them away from him before the verbal abuse changed who Izzy was?
“I’m sorry that you have to hear all this. I know you loved your father, even though he was hard on you. Regardless of everything else, he loved you very much, and pushing you the way he did was how he showed his love. He was very proud of everything you accomplished, and he’d be proud of what you’re doing now.”
Her heart lurched. She didn’t realize how much she’d needed to hear that. Even while she’d been laid up in pain from surgery, she’d struggled to find a way to return to the stage. Because she thought that was what Dad would have wanted her to do.
Mom covered Izzy’s hands with her own. “But that can’t be all that has you upset, is it?”
“There’s something else. Mr. Flemming told us that Dad had another child. A daughter.” She held her breath as she studied Mom’s reaction. But Mom didn’t appear shocked or upset. “You knew that, too?”
“Not right away. Your Dad kept her a secret for a long time.”
“What can you tell me about her?”
“Not much. She grew up with her mother and her mother’s husband and, as far as I know, was never told that he wasn’t her real father. Dad signed away his parental rights to her when she was a baby so she could be adopted by her father. It was the best decision for everyone. Your dad thought about her a lot. There were times that he would be watching you girls dance or play, and he’d get this look in his eye. He was imagining his other daughter, wondering what she was doing, what she looked like. But he didn’t love you guys any less because of that.”
“I know.” But did she? Every emotion imaginable had been running through Izzy’s mind since Mr. Flemming had told them about Rachel. And Izzy had to admit that she’d questioned her father’s feelings for her in light of this information. She couldn’t imagine how this news impacted Rachel. “She wants to meet us.”
“Oh.” The tension returned to Mom’s features. “I guess that was inevitable. Your Dad left instructions for Mr. Flemming if she came asking. What are you kids thinking?”
“Well, Justin is pissed off at Dad, Alexis is upset and wants to act like nothing has changed, and Serena wants to meet her.”
“And what about you, honey? How do you feel about all this?”
Wasn’t that the question of the hour? “I don’t know, Mom. I just don’t know. On one hand, I’m pissed like Justin. I have trouble remembering the good times with Dad because the ugly, drunken ones push them out. But this girl is asking about us, and she’s a part of Dad. It’s not her fault he was an asshole. I think the least we can do is meet her.”
“There’s my middle child, always the diplomat.”
“Well, I had to be, didn’t I?”
Mom sighed and a look of resignation crossed her face. “I guess you’re right. I know that it was tough for you guys growing up. I wish I could take a lot of things back and do them
differently.”
At least there was that. It was easy to be angry that Mom never left. Izzy couldn’t imagine having four kids and an alcoholic for a husband, but that was all on Dad. “None of this is your fault.”
“I know that. But I hate that you kids were raised in that environment. I could make excuses for it, but honestly, I was weak. It was easier for me to put up with your father’s drinking than it was to take you kids and leave. I told myself that as long as he wasn’t hitting anyone we could deal with the rest. And I was wrong.”
Izzy pondered that for a minute. How different would her life have been had Mom left? Would she have made it to New York and danced with the company if she hadn’t had Dad behind her, pushing her to succeed? She’d like to think she would have, but she’d never know.
A thought struck her so hard she nearly fell out of the chair. Had she put up with Erik’s antics for so long because that was what she’d seen her mother do for all of those years? Dad had never been abusive to Mom, at least not in front of Izzy, but he made his disdain for Mom and their entire family evident, especially after his fifth or sixth drink. Had she become conditioned to being treated that way?
“Damn him,” she whispered under her breath.
“You have to know that he loved you, no matter what.”
“He had a hell of a way of showing it. He taught me, every day, that it was okay for him to treat you the way he did. And you know what? For a long time, I allowed Erik to behave the same way. Why? Because I didn’t know any better. Well, I know now and no one is ever going to disregard my feelings like that again.” Tears pooled in her eyes and she blinked them back.
Mom’s arms came around her, and all strength to hold off the tears was gone. They ran freely down her cheeks as she mourned the childhood she wished she’d had, and the relationship she wished she hadn’t. She mourned the father who’d loved her one minute and hated her the next. In that moment, she resolved to do everything she could to be happy with the life she was building for herself here in Cedar Hill.
She cried what she hoped would be the final tears over her father. And Erik. And the loss of her dream and the finding of a new one. She nudged Mom away and swiped under her eyes. “Sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. Sometimes we all need a good cry. I just hate that you were so worried about telling me something that I already knew. Your father always hoped that your sister would find her way to you kids someday. I guess that day has come.”
“We’re going to meet her.”
“I’m glad. I think once you do, and you see that she’s happy and has had a good life, we can put that part of your childhood aside and focus on the future.”
“I hope so.”
“So, tell me more about that man you had over this past weekend?”
Izzy’s eyes widened and then she laughed. Mom had never been known for beating around the bush. Izzy already had very little privacy with her siblings barging in at all hours of the day or night. She shouldn’t have expected to be able to keep Tanner from Mom. And she didn’t want to. She could use her mother’s advice right about now. “His name is Tanner.”
“How long have you been seeing him?”
“A few weeks, I guess.” That was a hard question to answer. Their connection had been intense from the moment they met. It was as though she’d known him a lot longer than the time they’d spent together. Maybe that was how relationships worked when you were older. “He’s the father of one of my students.”
“And that concerns you?”
“A little. I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with Hayley. Tanner told me that she struggled to form attachments to women, something to do with her mother abandoning her. But she latched onto me easily. And I’d hate to ruin that relationship because of one with her father.”
“Who’s to say you’d ruin it? Maybe you’d strengthen it. You could become the mother figure in that girl’s life. Do you see yourself with Tanner long-term?”
Izzy pondered that thought. When she’d met Tanner, she was focused on starting the studio and nothing else. That had changed. She wasn’t sure when. He’d chipped away at her defenses and dug into her soul.
She loved how Tanner would focus on her. When they went to dinner, he listened to her as she shared her hopes and dreams, and discussed some of his own. Whenever she’d gone out with Erik, he’d been more concerned about how she looked on his arm, and how people noticed him. Yet Tanner couldn’t care less what other people thought.
“You don’t need to respond—the answer’s written all over your face.”
She slapped her hands onto her cheeks. “It is?”
Mom chuckled. “Oh, yeah. Just tread carefully because, like you said, there’s more than you and Tanner to consider. Everything you do affects that little girl. And you know full well the impact of a parent on a child’s life.”
Wasn’t that the truth? “I do, and that’s why we’re trying to go slow.”
“I’m so thrilled for you. You deserve to be happy, and if Tanner is the one who put that huge smile on your face, then he’s a welcome addition in your life.” Mom stood. “How about we have dinner next Sunday afternoon? You can invite Tanner and Hayley over. I’d like to meet them.”
“That sounds good. I’ll check and make sure Tanner can come and I’ll let you know.”
Mom wrapped her arms around Izzy. “I’m so glad you came home where you belong. And that you’re happy—truly happy.”
Izzy had been focused on her dreams and goals for so long—dancing in New York, rehabbing after her injury, opening her studio—that she had almost forgotten how to be happy. Mom was right, she was happy. And Izzy had her studio and Tanner to thank for that.
Chapter Eighteen
Tanner’s cell phone vibrated somewhere on his mess of a desk. He dug through the papers, knocking some to the floor as he searched for the device. He finally found it face down in the middle of a stack of evaluation reports. He flipped it over and read a text from Izzy. “Mom wants to have you and Hayley over for dinner on Sunday afternoon. Can you come?”
“Hayley and I would love to have dinner with your mother. Will you be there?” He loved toying with Izzy and could just picture her eyes as she read his response.
“I haven’t decided yet.”
Okay, so she gave as good as she got.
“What can I do to influence that decision?” A list of deliciously wicked ideas flashed through his mind, how he could lick every inch of her body until she agreed to whatever he asked of her.
Three dots flashed on his screen. Maybe she had an equally intriguing list of things running through her head. It was about time they compared notes. Finally, her response flashed on the screen. “I don’t know. Maybe if you’re really good, I’ll join you guys :).”
There was his sassy girl. Wait a minute, when had he started referring to her as his? Probably about the time he’d realized he was falling in love with her. He raked his hand through his hair. He could no longer treat this like a casual relationship. Izzy had had dinner with Mary and Hayley, and he was going to join her mom. It was time to have a sit-down with Hayley and lay it all on the table.
In the meantime, this not seeing Izzy during the week was going to have to change. Her work schedule didn’t really afford them time in the evenings to spend together, and his meant that daytime hours were difficult. He’d love nothing more than to curl up on the couch with her after dinner and talk about their days.
Time to do something about that.
He checked his watch. Just after noon. Izzy was probably alone in the studio. He hopped out of his chair and rushed out the door, yelling down the hall at Monica, “I’m heading out for lunch. Be back in an hour.”
The drive to Izzy’s studio only took a few minutes. It wasn’t like Cedar Hill was all that large. Three or four main streets made up the center of town. Tanner probably could have walked just as quickly as he’d driven, minus the time to find a parking spot. But he was here now, pulli
ng his SUV up behind Izzy’s Mini Cooper on the street in front of her studio.
The sound of deep, intense music rumbled through him when he opened the door. He quickly scanned the lobby but didn’t see Izzy. She must be in her office. He was on his way back when he passed one of the studios, the door open and the lights on. And in the middle of the floor was Izzy, throwing herself in the air and kicking her legs out like he’d seen dancers do on the stage. When she landed, she spun around, her arms moving around her as she danced around the room.
He leaned against the doorframe and watched as she told a story with her body, the fluidity of her arms and legs perfectly scripted. Every curve and muscle of her body was on display in a black leotard and pink tights. Her hair pinned on the top of her head accentuated the long neck that he’d nuzzled just a few days ago. He couldn’t believe he was here, watching Izzy do something she loved. That much was evident by the emotion evoked by the music combined with the movements that she executed beautifully. Warmth built deep inside him and realization swept through him. He wasn’t falling in love with Izzy—he was completely gone on her.
He let that thought sink in as Izzy continued to whirl around the floor, faster and more frantic as the music crescendoed, climaxing with Izzy spinning so quickly, her leg kicking in and out, that he could barely make out more than the blur that she had become. As the music ended with flourish, so did Izzy, her foot on the floor in front of her and her arms at her sides, her chest heaving.
It was only then that she noticed him standing at the door. Her eyes brightened and a smile split her face. “I didn’t see you there.”
He stepped into the room. “It’s no wonder. That was, uh, I’m not sure I have the words.”
“Good. That means I have you feeling and not thinking. That’s the point of dance—at least to me. To give the audience an emotional experience that has them questioning things long after the curtain closes.”
She’d done just the opposite for him. Instead of questioning his feelings for Izzy, seeing her like this, her entire being vulnerable as she poured herself into her dance, solidified how he’d felt for her all along. But there was no way she was ready to hear that, so he bit back the words that wanted to sneak out.
Chasing Dreams_A Small Town Single Dad Romance Page 16
