A Fighting Chance

by Annalisa Nicole

  “No, I’m an idiot, that’s not it. Look what I mean to say is…”

  “If you aren’t going to take me home, you need to let me out,” she says without any emotion.

  “Chloe, please look at me,” I plead one last time.

  She turns her face to me and there’s just nothing there. No emotion, no sense of any of the Chloe I know and love. I can tell trying to talk to her right now will do neither of us any good. I start the truck and take her home. She gets out of the truck and doesn’t even close the door behind her. I watch her walk into her condo leaving the front door open. She walks out of her heels, drops her purse on the floor and disappears around the corner toward her bedroom. She might as well be the living dead. I get out of my truck, walk to her front door reach around inside, turn the bottom lock and close the door. I call Levi to sit at her house and leave nowhere better than I started.

  Chapter 6

  Chloe

  Max’s reason for breaking up with me was because he thought he was doing me a favor. Well please, by all means, stop doing me favors.

  I haven’t talked to Savvy in a while since the bar burned down. I can’t be in this house. I need to get away. I call her cell and hope she picks up.

  “Chloe, my God it’s good to hear from you,” she says smacking that ever loving gum in between her teeth.

  “Are you busy? Can we meet up somewhere?” I ask.

  “Sure thing, sugar. How about the coffee shop next door to Deuce’s? Well where Deuces used to be, that is,” she says and giggles.

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I say, and hang up the phone. For the first time in a long time, I feel something in my heart other than anger and loneliness.

  Savvy arrives only minutes after I do. She takes one look at me and says, “Oh, babe, what are you doing to yourself?”

  “Can we not talk about me, please? I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to talk about me either, tell me about you. Anything. Just talk. Please.”

  “Well, you don’t have to ask me twice to talk, especially about myself. Alright. Well the bar is going to be rebuilt. Gary got the insurance money and is taking bids for the job. I think Wellington Construction is one of the front runners, too,” she says and clamps her mouth closed. Ugh, the Wellingtons. They seem to have all the good fortune. That will be a nice contract for Adrian though if he gets it.

  We each order coffee as she continues to talk. “I’ve been doing some thinking about going back to school, like you said. I’m not young and I really can’t afford to go full time, but I’m going to do it! I’m going to go back to school. I don’t care if it takes me ten years to get my degree and become an RN. I’m going to do it.”

  “Why do you want to be a nurse?” I ask. Her eyes glaze over and she starts to pick at her coffee cup.

  “I didn’t have it easy growing up. My dad was never around and my mom was real sick. She died when I was ten. After that, I was raised by my Aunt Molly, her sister. She thought of me more as a housekeeper and chef than anything else. I was her personal slave more than her niece. But she sure did love my mother. I’d often catch her staring at me with tears in her eyes, and I knew it was because I was a constant reminder of the pain of her sister’s death. I want to be a hospice nurse. My mother was very ill. She had Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis –ALS- also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease, and she was placed in a hospice care facility to die. Everyone knew it was time. My Aunt couldn’t handle it. She kissed her on the cheek, said she loved her, and then left the room a complete mess. I remember my mother’s nurse like it was yesterday. I remember every word she said, and I remember everything she did for my mother. As my aunt cried hysterically out in the hallway, I stood in the doorway of my mother’s room and listened. She had been in an unresponsive state for days up until the very end. They call it terminal lucidity. It was like she woke up from a long sleep, and she was back to her old self and all better. She knew where she was and what was about to happen. My mother saw me in the doorway and called me to her side. I ran to her bedside and she held me tight with tears streaming down her face. She told me to be a good girl and to listen to Aunt Molly. She kissed me on the forehead, told me she loved me, and said she’ll always be watching over me. Then she told me to go to Aunt Molly out in the hallway and comfort her. I didn’t. I disobeyed. I stood just outside the door and listened until the very end. That nurse held my mother’s hand while she cried. My mother told her she was afraid. The nurse asked her, ‘What are you afraid of?’ My mother said, ‘I’m afraid of dying. Do you think I’m going to die now?’ The nurse answered her by asking, ‘Do you think you’re going to die now? Most of the time when people answer no, then it probably isn’t their time. But if you answer yes, it’s usually time.’”

  I sat across from Savvy and listened in stunned silence, my whole body felt electrified by every word she said. She was only ten and listened as her mother died.

  She continued, “My mother nodded her confirmation that yes, she knew it was her time, and then said, ‘I’m afraid I won’t be able to breathe.’ The nurse smiled ever so warmly at her and said, ‘I have an endless supply of oxygen I can give you, and I have meds for that sitting right over there I can give you at any time. What else?’ she asked. My mother licked her lips and said, ‘I’m afraid it will hurt.’ The nurse answered by shaking her head no and said, ‘I have an arsenal of pain meds and I promise you, it won’t hurt at all.’ It was a few minutes before my mother spoke again. She said, ‘My daughter is too young and my sister isn’t capable, I’m afraid of being alone.’ The nurse smoothed my mother’s hair from her face and said, ‘You won’t be alone. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave your side, I promise.’ From that day on I knew that, right there, is exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to make a difference to be someone special just like that nurse.”

  I think I looked like an idiot with my mouth hanging open and tears threatening to pour down my face. I had never heard something so selfless before. Those are not the words I expected to come out of Savvy’s mouth. My respect for her just shot through the roof, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that her dreams will happen sooner than she expects.

  “What do I have whipped cream on my face or something?” she asks wiping at her chin.

  “No, you don’t. What happened next?” I ask pulling myself together.

  “The nurse kept all her promises. She gave her oxygen and administered pain meds. But it was her promise of not going anywhere that made the biggest impression on me. She sat there and held her hand until her very last breath. She held a grace about her, she was professional, but offered my mother the peace and strength she needed to let go. I watched my mother die. I stood in the doorway and cried as my aunt wailed out in the hallway. I couldn’t understand how the nurse could be so strong. She passed me in the doorway and put her hand on my shoulder and offered me a sympathetic smile. It wasn’t until she turned the corner and thought she was out of ear shot that I heard a very quiet sob. To care so deeply about your job and for strangers. To touch the lives of people who only have a short time left to live would be phenomenal. But what that nurse never realized is she touched my life. As hard and sad as a job as it seems, I want to wake up every morning with a smile and believe in what I do for a living.”

  “Savvy, that’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever heard. I’m proud of you. It takes a special person to be a hospice nurse. I think you’ll be amazing at it.”

  “You do?” she asks with a beaming smile. “That really means a lot to me, especially coming from you, thank you for saying that.”

  Savvy and I finished our coffees and I knew right then just what I was meant to do. I’m still here on this earth because I was meant to make a difference in Savvy’s life. I can make her dreams come true and financially support her schooling so she can go on and make a difference in so many other people’s lives. Not only for her patients, but their family’s that will never forget her kin
dness. Once I do this for her, then maybe I’ll have fulfilled some cosmic duty and my sorry existence can finally be over.

  I contacted one of the best nursing schools in Seattle. I told them I wanted to offer a private scholarship to an individual. When I told them her name, they told me that was funny because that person had just applied to the school this morning. I told them I wanted to offer a full ride anonymous scholarship for whatever she needs.

  I was left with an unrecognizable feeling in my heart, and for the first time in a long time, I was also left with a smile on my face.

  That quickly faded when my cell rang and I saw ‘Ava calling’. I’ve been ignoring all of her calls. I guess it’s time to touch base with her. I have to start my shift in a few minutes, so there’s my excuse to not talk to her long.

  “Hello,” I answer.

  “Gah, my God, Chloe, I didn’t actually expect for you to pick up. I’m glad I caught you! I thought for sure I’d have to leave a message then hunt you down. Look Adrian and Shay are celebrating their adoption, and we’re all getting together at this new restaurant called Jax. I’m not taking no for an answer. If I have to haul your sorry ass there by your hair, I will. I’m picking you up, where are you?”

  “Sorry. I’m just about to start my shift at the hospital. Maybe some other time,” I tell her as I walk into the doctor’s lounge.

  “Nice try. It’s all been arranged. Kyle is going to be there, too. He got you a replacement for your shift today, so meet me downstairs at the entrance. I’m already here and waiting for you. If you’re not down here in five minutes, I’m sending in a search party.”

  I sigh and hang up on her. I can’t afford to be taking days off. I have to work my way back up to where Kyle is. I still have a lot to make up for. Oh, what the hell does it matter anyway? I’ll never be equal with Kyle. I’ll never be good enough for Max. I’m just, never enough. I decide to go out with them. It will satisfy everyone’s need to see me for a while. Then I can go back to everyone just leaving me the hell alone.

  I change out of my scrubs and head downstairs. Ava, true to her word, is parked in an illegal loading zone waiting for me. I get in and don’t say a word to her. She glances at me out of the corner of her eye and smirks.

  We pull up to the new restaurant and make our way inside. Didn’t this used to be a Sushi place?

  All of the Wellington family siblings and their parents are sitting at a large, rectangular table. Kyle eyes me with disappointment as I take my seat. What’s new? I can’t seem to please anyone anymore. My nephew, Noah, is giggling while being bounced on Amelia’s knee. Gosh, he’s gotten so big. When did that happen? He looks just like Kyle.

  Everyone is having an animated conversation. Their lives seem so uncomplicated and easy going. Every single one of them seems to have their good fortune handed to them on a silver platter. They’re not tarnished and tainted by life’s cruel and inhumane sense of punishment that only I seem to have bestowed on me. Asher is on the phone, and the second I look at him, he smirks and darts his eyes away.

  Just as I take a sip of water, the little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. A chill races down the back of my spine. I don’t even need to look. I know this feeling. Max has entered the room. Without even checking it’s true, I stand up and grab my purse. I was willing to play along and appease them by being here, but there’s no way in hell I can stay with Max here too.

  “No, you sit, it’s alright. I’ll leave. You don’t need to go. I’m sorry, I was told you weren’t going to be here,” his voice says just behind me. Every word is like a dagger to my heart. His voice, as much as I hate myself for thinking it, is something that I’ve missed.

  “You’re both here now, there’s no reason you both can’t stay,” Asher says with a smirk.

  All of these people are wasting their time by playing silly games to try and get Max and I back together. It’s not that I can’t or don’t want to give Max a second chance. I physically and mentally cannot. You can’t give nothing to someone. That’s what I am. Nothing.

  I slowly sit back down with a nod. What does it matter if he’s here? I feel his scrutinizing stare. Everyone places their order and goes back to their conversations, spewing about all the good things that happen to them.

  A waitress and a man wearing a chef hat appear with arm loads of food. It doesn’t even smell good. I don’t know who ordered everything, but it smells like vile dog food. I glance up as he begins to speak.

  “My name is Jaxon Landry, and I’d like to personally welcome you all to Jax. I hope you all find your meals enjoyable. After dinner, I’d like to offer you all a complimentary dessert, I hear there is reason to celebrate,” he says looking at each family member in the eye. When he gets to Ava, his pupils dilate and his whole demeanor softens. Great, I’ve seen that look before. These people can’t go anywhere without something good happening to them.

  Ava brushes it off like it was nothing, but not before I saw the glimmer of attraction in her eyes. She shut it down so fast, I’m sure no one else noticed it.

  The Chef served a special cheesecake for dessert, which the family seems to really enjoy. I didn’t eat my dinner, and I just push my dessert around the plate. I can feel Max still staring at me. As the dishes are cleared away, Samuel stands and raises his glass.

  “We have no control over destiny. It has been written in the stars, each and every member of this family. We cannot see each star yet, but we welcome each and every one of them with love and open arms. A family is not limited to the blood that runs through their veins, but by the love that invisibly flows and binds each and every member. May you always shine bright and feel the unquestionable love from each and every member of this family. To family,” he says and wipes a tear from his eye.

  Lies. It’s all miserable lies! The only thing he’s right about is that we don’t have any control over destiny. Some may have won life’s lottery of good fortune, but for those who haven’t, we lead a life of aimless wandering and drifting in the black darkness, just waiting for it all to mercifully end.

  Max

  It’s completely gone. There’s not even the slightest glimmer of light or hope in her eyes. As much as it kills me to see her hurting like this, and it’s obvious she’s given up, I still can’t get over this feeling that surrounds me with this family. Just about every member of this family has been through hell and back, they’ve been through so much and yet they still believe in the power of love and have these outlooks on life that give even me hope.

  Samuels’s speech spoke to my soul. I know he was speaking more about Adrian and Shay adopting Micah and Makayla when he said family is not limited by blood. But it was like he was saying it to me, and he was making sure I knew that I was a part of this family, too.

  I think Chloe has completely tuned me out, and I don’t think anyone else notices her slip out of the restaurant. I excuse myself from the table and follow her outside to a waiting taxi, and then follow it back to her condo. She doesn’t even hear me come into the house. I slam the door behind me and wait for her reaction. Nothing. She wasn’t even startled.

  Without turning around she says, “What do you want, Max? Have you come to kidnap me again? You have absolutely nothing to say that I want to hear. Do me a favor, hah funny choice of words there, and close the door behind you when you leave.”

  She walks over to the window, pulls back the sheer white curtain, and stares out into what seems like nothingness. She places her forehead on the glass and slowly shakes it back and forth. I can’t stand to see her like this. I walk across the room and stand behind her. I question whether or not I should even touch her. My hand hovers over her arm as the hairs stand on end, begging me for my touch. Her mind is telling her no, but her body is crying out to me, begging me for help. Ever so softly I touch the back of her arms. She jumps and picks her head off the window, but doesn’t shrug it away. I run my hand down the back of her arms and bury my nose in the crook of her neck. I feel the goose bumps forming
on her arms and I hear her breathing increase. I know she’s still in this broken shell. I know if I don’t do something now, I risk the possibility of never freeing her from her demons. And I know just what I need to do.

  I spin her around and heft her over my shoulder. She shrieks and kicks and screams all the way out to my truck. I don’t even waste my time with the passenger door this time. I open the driver’s side door, toss her ass in as far as I can, scootch in my seat, start her up, and drive away.

  “Seriously, this again?” she asks smacking her hands on her thigh.

  “Not exactly. I have something else planned for you,” I tell her.

  After about an hour drive toward the mountains and not another word from her, she starts to panic as I head up the mountain.

  “Where are we going? Max this isn’t funny, take me home.”

  I have a small secluded cabin up in the mountains that I use for a safe house. Sometimes I use it to get answers from less complying suspects, but mostly it’s a safe house. It takes about another hour through winding narrow dirt roads to get to the house.

  I pull up in front of the house and shut off the engine. I take a deep breath and grip the steering wheel. Pushing my shoulders back into the seat, I take my chances and look her in the eyes. She looks pissed and scared out of her fucking mind, all at the same time.

  “I wish we could do this a different way, but I’m doing this for you, for your own good.”

  “Oh, you mean you’re doing me more favors? Just like last time? For the love of God, I really wish you’d stop doing me favors,” she says crossing her arms over her chest, looking out the passenger window.

  I get out of the truck and walk around to the passenger side door. I hold open the door for her to get out. She sighs and steps out.

  “Alright, fine, we’re here. What do you want from me? Just say whatever it is you have to say and take me back home,” she demands.

  “No. You had your chance to do it the easy way. Now we do this my way. Let’s go inside.”