Madman’s Army

by Robert Adams

  Lifetime horseman and veteran cavalryman that he was, Brother Kahnstantinos still was startled when, after galloping the full circuit of the pasture twice, Milo sent him sailing over the four-foot rail fence, out into the woods, then back over it again for yet a third circuit of the pasture at a hard gallop, maintaining his seat effortlessly and doing it all, incredibly, without a bridle and reins.

  When he had brought the big horse over the fence a third time, Milo slid from off him and said, "He's all you attested and more, my lord monk. I'll take him into my service. This mule is now yours; he's five years old and healthy and he's as docile as any good mule ever was or will be. He's double-broke—can be used for either draught or for riding or, as you can see here, for packing loads—he now bears two fifty-keeloh bags of grain, one twenty-keeloh bag of dried beans, one of shelled maize and a small cask of brandy for Father Mithos. I realize that in total this still is a dirt-cheap price for so fine a horse as this one, but there will be more yet to come to you, believe me, my friend."

  Walking over to the stallion, the tall monk once more took and embraced and petted his head, mur­muring, "May God bless and keep you, old friend. I will miss your companionship sorely. But it were bet­ter that you be among warriors than among monks."

  Chapter III

  Captain-of-squadron Vahrohnos Bralos of Yohyül­tönpolis, the officer chosen to lead the twenty-four lances sent east to meet and guide on to Mehseepolis the High Lord and his contingent, soon had proven himself to be a man after Thoheeks Sitheeros' heart. He was accompanied by a young lieutenant, one Pülos of Aptahpolis, when he made his call upon the Thoheeks of Iron Mountain. When all three gentlemen were seated and served and the slaves had departed the room, when all of the ritual courtesies had been ob­served, the captain got down to business.

  "My lord Thoheeks, Sub-strahteegos Thoheeks Tomos Gonsalos has seen fit to afford me the impressive honor of leading two dozen of my lances to meet and escort the High Lord Milos Morai of Kehnooryos Ehlahs, of Karaleenos, of the Pirate Isles and of some barbarian principalities the names of which I cannot seem to get my tongue around. It is my understanding that the Lord of Iron Mountain is to accompany my unit with a number of his servants and bodyguards. I must know just how many men and beasts will be in his party that I may make arrangements for providing proper provender for all and may organize my order of march. It also would help me to know the numbers and sizes of wheeled transport my lord presumes to take along."

  Sitheeros shrugged. "It was my understanding, Cap­tain, that this was to be a fast-moving column on the eastern leg, at least; therefore, I meant to keep my baggage to a minimum—no carts or wagons at all, only a dozen pack-mules and most of them merely to bear grain for them and the horses. I'm an old cam­paigner, Captain, I've probably spent more years in a saddle on the march than your lieutenant has years of life. Including the two muleskinners, I'll have nine servants and eight of my armed retainers, Tenzee bar­barians. My remuda will run about twenty head of horses and a few extra mules."

  The captain exchanged a glance with his subordinate and sighed, then said in a less formal tone, "My lord has just made my day. Over the course of the last couple of years, my troops have been right often called upon to give escort to not a few of my lord's peers of Council, some of whom have proven . . . ahh, difficult to properly escort, owning precious little knowledge of or respect for the military aspects of such a mission. But I now can see that travel with my lord will be not only a signal honor but a pleasure, as well."

  With an added note of warmth in his voice, Sitheeros admonished, "You two lads drink your wine, it's a good vintage from one of my own vineyards—a moun­tain vineyard, mind you, none of this water-weak and all but tasteless lowland stuff. Drink that down and I'll have a real treat fetched up here."

  To the servant who answered his pull on a bellrope, he said, "Go tell Tailos that I said to tap the third cask on the left, the one with the elephant burnt into the wood above the bunghole, then you bring me a large decanter and clean goblets. Have a tray of sweetmeats and fried nuts and crisp breads brought, as well."

  "If it please my lord," said the captain, hurriedly, before the serving-man had left the chamber, "the lieutenant and I cannot stay for long, I have duties in the camp ..."

  Sitheeros grinned and nodded. "Which, judging by my own warring-years with armies, can be done just as well in your absence by your sergeants, Captain Vahrohnos Bralos. So keep your place and drink your wine, my boy.

  "Tell me, aren't you the officer who fell into posses­sion of enough loot to buy both a squadron-command and your presently held land and title, then managed to get himself almost hanged by order of our late lamented Grand Strahteegos Thoheeks Pahvlos?"

  The captain nodded. "I am that man, my lord."

  "I would love to hear just how you were able to acquire such a treasure, my boy, in a land that had been so thoroughly plundered as had this one over the years. You need not tell me unless you want to, you understand. Yes, I'm curious about it, but I'm not ordering the tale out of you," said Sitheeros.

  "But, of course, my lord," the captain replied. "First, though, does my lord recall aught concerning one Thoheeks-designate Hahkmukos, some years back?"

  Sitheeros wrinkled his brows for a moment, then snapped his fingers with a sharp crack. "Why, cer­tainly, the sly bastard who was Zastros' quartermaster on that debacle up in Karaleenos. Yes, I do remember him. But he never was confirmed to that title, was he? I seem to recall that he ended being declared outlaw."

  "Just so, my lord," said Captain Bralos. "On-the-spot investigation by Thoheeks Grahvos and the other senior officers disclosed that not only had this Hahkmukos greatly exaggerated his relationship to the direct line of descent of the former thoheeks, but he had entirely neglected to mention that he had left the thoheekseeahn of his birth under a cloud of suspicion of parricide.

  "I then was a lieutenant of the staff guards—third son of a komees, with no patrimony save a decent sword, some armor and clothing and gear, a couple of good horses and damn-all else, the bulk of my fluid capital having gone toward the purchase of a lieuten­ancy of foot-guards. On the day of the truce and conference, my section had been assigned by the guards captain to serve as security for the pavilion of Thoheeks Grahvos. When now-Thoheeks Klaios and his gentle­men were brought to the pavilion and had had their say, Thoheeks Grahvos sent me to summon Thoheeks-designate Hahkmukos to face his accuser and give answer to the grave charges leveled against him.

  "But this Hahkmukos, who was within his tent, pleasuring himself with a slave-boy catamite, refused the summons, would not even see or speak with me himself. This report naturally angered the senior offi­cers and I was sent back with a squad and orders to shed blood if that was the only way I could bring the thoheeks-designate back to the pavilion with me.

  "So we went back with leveled spears and bared steel and I had to kill the captain of Hahkmukos' merce­nary guards at the onset of it all, but with him cough­ing up his life's blood in the mire, his men just melted away from the environs of that tent and I entered with a bloody sword and 'persuaded' Hahkmukos to dis­miss his young slave and don enough clothing to re­turn with me to the pavilion.

  "Once there, this Hahkmukos was so rash as to seize a sword and attempt to violate a sacred truce by fleshing it in the other claimant, now-Thoheeks Klaios. It was at that juncture that the senior officers there present decided that the choice should be left to the Lord God, that, while Lord Klaios' panoply was being fetched to him from the city, I should take Hahkmukos back to his tent and assist him in arming for a deathmatch to decide who would be confirmed thoheeks.

  "In the drizzling, misty rain, we tramped back to Hahkmukos' encampment, and while he used his pot, I went looking for a brace of his mercenaries to be his arming-men and seconds for the fight, but not a one was there to be found, other than the dead captain, whose corpse had been stripped of everything of value. The troop tents had been struck and the picket lines were empty.
Therefore, while I was assisting Hahkmukos to accouter himself for battle, I sent two of my spearmen off to borrow a brace of saddled horses.

  "My lord, that man's armor was undoubtedly the finest that it ever has been my privilege to handle—all Pitzburk, prince-grade and king-grade, nothing less, and decorated and inletted beyond all dreams. His sword, dirk and daggers were a matched set—splen­did! But as soon as he had hung his axe from the pommel of one of the horses, both of which beasts were mine—they being the easiest for the spearmen to quickly get at—he begged me give him a leg up, citing the length of time it had been since he essayed mount­ing in armor.

  "However, no sooner was he in the saddle than he kicked me full in the face and reined about and left the camp, headed northwest. One of my men threw a spear at him but it fell a bit short, worse luck.

  Then they both thought it best to see to me, to get my face out of the mud before I smothered, swooning as I was, just then.

  "When I had recovered enough of my senses to walk with assistance, I reported back to the pavilion, feeling like a fool and a failure, but Thoheeks Grahvos seemed actually pleased by Hahkmukos' demonstrated cowardice, though he did send a squad of Horseclanners out later to track him and, hopefully, apprehend him. Magnanimously, he awarded me—in recompense, he said, for my suffering and the loss of one of my horses— Hahkmukos' fine tent and all that the decamping mer­cenaries and servants had left of his camp effects."

  Sitheeros grinned and nodded. "And just how much did Grahvos' largesse amount to, Captain?"

  Bralos shrugged. "Not all that much at once, my lord. Two new, sturdy wagons; I kept the best and traded the other one for the mules to draw the one I kept. Sub-chief Captain Vawn took but one look at the flashy, overdecorated saddle and horse-gear that Hahkmukos had left behind and offered me the price of a decent horse for it, and I took him up on it. I considered selling the spare helmet and such bits and pieces of armor as were left, but I ended by adding them to my own sparse panoply; the sword I left with your bodyguards was, in fact, his everyday sword—it's Pitzburk-made, too, but only a duke-grade.

  "Although he had begun to run somewhat to fat, Hahkmukos had been about of a size with me, so I just had his chests all repacked and placed in the wagon, intending to have a tailor at the base camp do such alterations as were necessary. Then I had the tent struck and reerected in the guards camp and contrib­uted most of the victuals and wines to the guard offi­cers' mess. And that was that until the army was returned to the base-camp, down below-walls, save that Thoheeks Klaios made me the offer of a vahro­hnoseeahn for a most attractive price . . . could I but raise that much money; I rendered him the thanks I knew due him, but realized that, barring some miracle, I would never even see that much silver or gold at one time did I live a century.

  "We had been back for a month or so and then, of a night when I chanced to not have duties, I opened Hahkmukos' chests and began to sort out the clothing, linens, blankets and boots. The largest of those chests was a massive thing, more than a load for four strong men when fully packed, banded and cornered and edged and reinforced with strips and studs of iron and brass, full of inner drawers and compartments. I had already found several small purses of silver in one of the drawers and so was exploring them all in hopes of finding a bit more . . . and I did, my lord, I did.

  "The chest was sitting on one end, gaped open, and I had gone into all save one of the drawers. That one opened a fraction of a finger-breadth on only one side, then seemed to jam solidly, and I was unable to either close it back or open it, so I searched about for a blade of a sufficient degree of thinness to get into the opening and try to pry it open. Finally locating a slender dagger, I worked its blade into the opening and began to gingerly twist it. At last, the troublesome drawer came out . . . empty of all save three folded scarves of silk.

  "But then I noted something odd, my lord. That drawer was exactly alike to the others save in a single respect: it was only about half as long. Exploration with fingers and dagger-point revealed that the recess from which the drawer had just come was no whit different from the other recesses above it—all of them being lined with high-quality cedarwood—save only that it was not so deep as were they.

  "It was then that I recalled, my lord, certain details of the flight of the wretched Hahkmukos, of how when I entered his tent to help him to arm, a drawer had stood open and empty from the outer side of one of the smaller chests and of how when once that drawer had been shut, I had never again figured out how to reopen it or even fathomed just where it was located.

  "Thinking again on this arcane matter, I went around to the other side, the outer side of the chest, moving the lamp so as to give me better light. There was no visible handle or mechanism, of course, but I squatted there and began to push and pull at each and every stud and band on that lid. At great length, when I was become frustrated to the point of murder and mad­ness, a brass stud sank in smoothly under a fingertip and I heard a faint click from someplace within the lid. Keeping that stud depressed, I pushed again at every one of its mates I could reach, and when an iron one sank inward, a drawer opened slightly out of the lid's outer face.

  "I knew from the moment that I lifted the first soft velvet purselet out of the hideaway drawer that it was far too light to hold either silver or gold. When I opened the drawstrings and shook the contents out into my palm, I thought that surely my heart would cease its beating at the beauty of the large purple amethysts that rolled out."

  Sitheeros hissed softly between his teeth. "They all were bags of amethysts, then, Captain?"

  The officer shook his head. "No, my lord, there was one more of the amethysts, two of sapphires, and one each of blue-white diamonds, yellow diamonds, ru­bies, emeralds, topazes, aquamarines, garnets, opals, and a larger bag containing an assortment of fine pearls."

  Before the captain could say more, the servants arrived with the wine and edibles, and the gentlemen kept silent until the servers were departed.

  After the wine had been savored and extensively praised, Sitheeros asked, "So, Captain, there you sat with handfuls of precious gems; so what did you do then?"

  The officer smiled. "After thinking it through, I went to Sub-strahteegos Thoheeks Tomos Gonsalos—I don't think that he ever sleeps, my lord, so late can he be found at work in his headquarters on almost any night—and spread the bags of gems before him and told him the tale, then asked what I should do.

  "He heard me out, examined the contents of the bags, then told me to pour us both a stoup of Karaleenos brandy."

  "Lieutenant Bralos," Tomos said, "in addition to being a brave man and a conscientious man, you have just proven yourself to be an exceptionally honest man. Let me tell you, not many men would've brought this king's ransom in gems and asked me the honor­able disposition of it, not one bit of it. But you did, miracle of miracles, you did. You are henceforth proven in my eyes, you are just the sort of officer that this army needs, hell, you're the sort of man of which no land ever has enough."

  Gonsalos took a lens from a box on his desk and used it to peer closely at one of the blue-white dia­monds. "Look at this, young man. This particular stone and not a few of the others are old, very old, old beyond reckoning, for no stonesmith has ever again learned of just how the ancients cut their stones and made so many tiny smooth places upon them."

  Seated stiffly upon the edge of a camp stool, Lieu­tenant Bralos said hesitantly, "My lord, I had thought . . . Hahkmukos was, after all, the chief quartermaster for High King Zastros in Karaleenos; perhaps these stones were looted from out that land . . . ?"

  Gonsalos just shook his head. "Oh, no, the land through which Zastros and his doomed army passed had been emptied and cleared out long before the army's first mounted scout waded his horse across the Ahrbahkootchee River. No, these beauties did not come from out my homeland.

  "So, what do you mean to do with your new wealth, my boy, keep them or sell them? There is an assort­ment of lands and titles just now up for sale t
o men of good breeding and proven character, you know, most of the parcels coming complete with hereditary titles, more or less battered holds and more or less occupied towns or even walled cities."

  "But who . . . where can I sell such a treasure and be certain that I'm not being cheated, that I'm getting a fair price, my lord Sub-strahteegos?" Bralos asked helplessly, adding, "My lord must see, my late sire was a komees, yes, but far from wealthy in aught save lands and children, so my knowledge of gems and gem-sellers is very scant."

  "Hmmm," mused Gonsalos. "Let me think of it for a moment, my good Bralos." Seemingly absently, he went back through the contents of the twelve smaller bags, lifting out a stone here and another there. When what looked to be a pool of fire lay winking in the lamp-fire upon his desktop, he replaced the bulk of the stones in their purselets and asked,

  "Bralos, you mentioned that you had found silver in one of those drawers. Coin? Of what approximate value?"

  "A hundred and sixty thrahkmehee, my lord, mostly of King Hyamos, though appearing new-minted still," replied the lieutenant.

  Gonsalos grinned. "Nearly a full year's pay for a lieutenant of foot-guards, eh? But still and all, it's a less than inconsequential piffle compared to these gems and their value. Even so, it should be enough to hold you for a few months." His grin widened. "With care­ful budgeting, of course.

  "Now, as you may know, my first cousin is Zenos XII, once king and now prince of Karaleenos. I'm going to send this sample lot of the gems to him. He has always had a fondness for stones of the cut of the ancients and he still owns an impressive collection of them, despite all the turbulence of the past years. I am certain that he will buy some of these samples, and I intend to ask that he obtain the best possible prices for the remainder . . . carefully hinting that there are more where these came from.